Episode 17:
"Joke 'yan?" Kunot-noong tanong ko kay Rosendale. Sobrang random kasi ng pagkakasabi niya, para talagang pinagti-trip-an niya ako. Knowing her, she can be very unpredictable, spitting ideas that were confusing.
"Stupid."
Inirapan ko siya sa naging sagot. Siraulo talaga 'tong babaeng 'to. I was asking her nang maayos tapos tatawagin akong─damn. She's a hopeless case! Ang sarap saktan!
"Birthday mo talaga?" I decided to let the comment slide.
"I don't want to repeat myself twice."
"Kung sinasagot mo na lang kasi." Tumayo na ako at nag-unat. Wala na, tuluyan nang nawala ang antok ko. This woman. I was sure I'll get sleepy later, good thing there's no class today. Babawi na lang ako. "Oo o hindi lang."
"Oo."
"See?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. I saw the right side of her lips curved a grin for some reason na sa tingin ko kawirduhan niya lang din. Hindi ko na lang pinansin. "Ang daling sumagot, 'di ba?"
"Whatever." she deadpanned. I sighed. Napaka-moody talagang kausap. Ang hirap mag-adjust.
"Happy birthday." I greeted her. Naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng pisngi. What the fuck's wrong with me? I just greeted her, that's all, why was I feeling so dumb? Nakakahawang Rosendale. Damn it.
"Hm?"
Muli na naman akong napairap. Hindi ko siya kinibo at dumiretso na lang sa banyo para maghilamos. Gising na gising na rin naman ang diwa ko, eh 'di, mag-aayos na lang. I didn't know what I will going to do today pero bahala na. Birthday naman niya, baka may gusto siyang puntahan. Maybe I can treat her for a while.
When I got out from the bathroom, nakita kong nakahiga lang siya sa kama ko, at yakap din ang unan ko. She was acting like she owned the place, kapal ng apog. She stared at me, her face mirrored no emotion. I didn't know if she's happy or she's just treating this day as an ordinary event. Bumangon siya, yakap pa rin ang unan.
I took my time staring at her. Kung bakit, hindi ko rin alam. Her hair looked like a mess, but she's still beautiful. How can she do that? Deep inside she's just as fragile as a glass and yet she still managed to look like she can own anything. Despite her reputation, she can actually tower over anyone else and make them feel her superiority even without the effort. I felt that before, I think I can still feel it even today.
I remembered our first encounter. I was both annoyed and scared, somehow. The way she stood by me that time. Siya yung klase ng taong gugustuhin mong iwasan and yet, you'll get more intrigued. I never wanted to associate myself with her but with the things happening around, given this setup, I just find myself, here, unable to turn my back. She's breaking every expectations, both good and bad.
Rosendale looked at me like she already stopped caring about her surroundings. Minsan naiisip ko na mas magandang hindi ko nakikita ang mata niya. Whenever she was looking at me straight like what she's doing right now, yung direkta talaga, hindi natatakpan ng bangs, pakiramdam ko hinahalukay niya ang kaloob-looban ko. She looked like she knew every fiber of my being. Malalim kumbaga, nangingilala.
Rosendale, surprisingly, was my childhood friend. But I apparently have no recollections of the said friendship. It made me wonder, ano kaya siya noong panahon na iyon? What happened? I can't remember her, it's probably just a short life event to me. Like, you make friends then will forget it afterwards because you didn't see each other again. Kilala niya ako and yet she treated me like a stranger up until that fated day. Siguro, posible talagang meant na magkita kami at magkakilala ulit, hindi man maganda ang simula.
I saw her lips curving. It's like she's trying to suppress a smile. Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip ng kung anu-ano, may pakiramdam akong ang tagal kong nakatunganga sa kanya. Napatikhim ako at hinagod ang buhok. Naisip ko, what if anyone else will see this side of her, ano kayang magiging opinion nila sa babaeng ito? Will she be loved by everyone? Kahit sino yata, mahahalina niya. Kung hindi lang sira ang tuktok. "Hihilata ka na lang diyan?"
"Sleep with me." she told me instead. This woman. I didn't know if I should consider myself lucky na sa akin siya ganito o isiping cursed ako. She's definitely stubborn.
Umiling ako. "Birthday mo, 'di ba? Saan mo gustong pumunta?"
"Here." She muttered low. Narinig ko pa rin naman, kumunot na lang ang noo ko. "On your bed."
"Bukod sa kama ko."
"Sa'yo."
"Excuse me?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay sa narinig.
"You're excused."
Nakakailang irap na yata ako sa sobrang ganda niya kausap. Malapit ko na siyang sapakin. But since it's her birthday maybe I can prolong my patience a little longer─which I think I always do for her. Bwisit. Hindi ko alam kailan ako naging ganito kabait, lalong hindi ko maalala kung ilang beses ko na itong natanong sa sarili ko.
"Kinakausap kita ng maayos, Rosendale." I told her in a calm voice. I was trying not to yell at her, sure akong aawayin ko na talaga siya. Baka palayasin ko lang siya sa kwarto ko.
"Do you really want to know?" she asked.
"Magtatanong ba ako kung ayaw kong malaman?"
"Bitching again, are we?" she responsed in a mocking tone.
I grinned menacingly. Nakakapikon talaga kausap. "Want me to point out your suicidal tendencies?"
"I believe I know very much on that part." She answered, her voice sounded like she was amused.
"Naiinis ako sa'yo." Lahat na lang may sagot siya. Kung hindi nananahimik, binabara naman ako. Dapat pala talaga binuhusan ko na siya ng alcohol kanina.
"Ironically mutual, Echo." Ngumisi siya na lalo ko lang ikinaasar. Rosendale stood up and walked closer to me. Hinawakan niya ako sa kaliwang braso para hilahin palapit sa kanya. Her hands snaked on my waist. I was about to complain but she shut me up using her lips. Ilang segundo lang iyon pero para akong naliyo. "Addicting. I think a kiss will do for a birthday gift."
Hindi ko pinahalatang naapektuhan ako. I glared at her instead, ignoring my heart. Ang bilis ng tibok, hindi nakakatuwa. Ang weird. Lumapit lang naman siya, ano bang bago ro'n?
"Matinong birthday gift sana. And who told you na bibigyan kita ng gift?"
"A kiss is easier, you just have to offer your lips and I shall devour it, hmm, with care?" she chuckled on the last thing she said. Hindi ko alam kung kulay balat pa ba ang pisngi ko, o kamatis na. Damn this woman.
"Tigilan mo nga ako." Pinilit kong huwag pansinin yung sinabi niya. "Matinong sagot, okay?"
"Remember the last time I told you na may sasabihin ako, pero hindi ko tinuloy." Hinila niya ako pabalik sa kama para maupo. Mukha siyang ewan na itinutupi ang kumot ko. Inayos niya maging ang unan. "I'll say it now, Miss Gender Bender."
"Ano ba iyon?" Ayoko man pero hindi ko mapigilang mapalunok.
Hinawi niya ang bangs, para bang gusto niya talagang tingnan ako ng mata sa mata. Her brown eyes were penetrating me. "Is it okay to ask you as a gift?"
"What the hell?" Para akong natanga sa tanong niya. "Naka-drugs ka ba?"
Nagtaas siya ng kilay, halatang nairita sa naging reaction ko. "Who needs drugs when I always feel like losing my mind?"
"Nasisiraan ka ng ulo, ano?" tanong ko pa. Umirap siya at mahinang nagmura. Sobrang hina, pero sure akong nagmura siya based sa paggalaw ng labi niya. I took a deep breath. I tried to compose myself as much as I can. I tried stopping my racing heartbeat but to no avail though, which was fucking frustrating on my part. "Ano bang sasabihin mo? Baka gusto mong umayos-ayos."
"Echo, sometimes I think you're really annoying. You spit nonsense things. I want to choke you until you get to think straight, to get that bitchiness out, but most of the time I find myself wanting to shut you up with my kiss instead." Natigilan ako lalo nang ayusin niya ang buhok ko, like it's an automatic impulse from her. Inipit niya ang ilang hibla ng buhok sa gilid ng tainga ko. Dumausdos ang daliri niya hanggang sa collarbone ko. "I think you're different."
Hindi ako sumagot. Tinapik ko ang kamay niya palayo pero hindi man lang siya nag-react do'n. I think I know now kung saan ang bagsak ng usapang ito. Hindi ko alam, parang gusto ko siyang pigilan.
"Kung tatanungin mo ako kung anong gusto ko, wala naman akong gusto. Not unless you practice necromancy, if you know what I mean." She chuckled at her own joke, kahit hindi naman nakakatawa. "I will only ask to have you. If we're talking about material things, hindi ako interesado. If you're talking about places, I only find comfort in your room aside from mine. Other than that, I may tell you I fancy cemeteries and morgue." Kinuha niya ang kamay ko para hawakan. "I'm not asking you to reciprocate anything. Just stay, that's enough. Stay, and stay away from everybody that you may harbor unnecessary feelings with."
"Binabakuran mo ako?" tanong ko na hindi ko na napigilan. Ganoon ang pinaparating niya sa mga sinabi. "You're simply saying that you like me, tama ba ako, Rosendale?"
Hindi ko alam kung saan ko ba nahugot itong lakas ng loob ko para sumagut-sagot. Deep inside, I think I was even close to panic. I was hearing it right, it's hard to deny. She was trying to say something─something I wasn't even ready to face. This was annoying. If that stupid cupid really do exist, gusto ko lang sabihin na mamatay na sana siya. Sa lahat ng papanain, itong baliw na babaeng ito pa.
"Sort of." She clicked her tongue. "If you will ask me if I'm a lesbian, hindi ko alam. I just know that there's this craving─"
"Your libido, stupid."
"Whatever you call it." she answered nonchalantly. "I feel something for you, I like you, then that's it. I will only ask for you to stay and don't get feelings, kung hindi rin naman para sa akin. I like you that way, anyway. Naive about things."
"Hindi ako naive." angal ko. Ginawa pa akong inosenteng bata nito.
"You are." she kept on saying. "If you already seen hell, baka maniwala pa akong hindi."
"Bahala ka diyan." Tatayo na sana ako pero hinila niya lang ulit ako paupo. Tiningnan ko siya nang masama at ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang bigla niyang hawakan ang dibdib ko. "What the fuck─"
"It's making noise." she cut off my protest. Naitulak ko siya at nasampal pero baliwalang ibinalik niya lang ang titig sa akin.
"Bastos!" I muttered harshly through gritted teeth.
"You already saw mine, kinapa ko lang yung sa'yo." sabi niya. Pati reason, baluktot! "Your heart was beating fast. You looked annoyed at me but I had an effect on you, Echo, I see."
"Fuck you!"
"Some other time." she said. Akala mo talaga nagbibiro lang ako kung makasagot siya. "Pero pwede rin, birthday─"
"You're warped, woman."
Nabubuwisit ako sa kanya. If everything she said was a confession to her then I won't consider it as one!
_____