"Do you know what I hate more than lying?" Professor Swanson said in a menacing tone. Except that he probably thinks it's just his normal voice, but it sounded really threatening to me.
He was staring at me with his piercing eyes, sitting behind his desk, his hands forming a triangle with his pointer fingers and thumbs pressed together. Mark and I were sitting in front of him. My feet were tapping uncontrollably on the floor and I was running out of nails to bite. Mark was just slouching in his chair looking unaffected.
We had been summoned by email to come to his office this morning. I had no idea what this was about but the tone that he was using told me that we were in big trouble.
"Cheating." He said that one word with obvious disgust and it dropped heavily on me. I wasn't guilty of anything, but my eyes averted to the sawed-off shotgun that was mounted on his desk. Staring at a barrel of a gun was less daunting as staring into my professor's eyes.
I was so confused right now. Why does he think we cheated?
"I don't understand, Professor. I've never cheated in my entire life." I said weakly, remembering the Halloween candies I had stolen from my neighbor when she wasn't looking, back when we were seven. Technically, that doesn't count. And I know I've never done anything like that in his class but the way he looked at me, made me question if I had indeed cheated on something, somehow.
Professor Swanson placed two papers on his desk, side by side. I saw one with my name on it and another one was Mark's. "Then please explain to me how your answers are identical to each other's."
I looked over to Mark. He was still slouched but now he was pale and wouldn't meet my eyes. I was sure that my answers were my own. And Mark had been sitting way at the back so he wouldn't have copied from my paper. The only explanation I could think of was that he had used my study notes to answer the essay questions. And those were the exact words I used too because I've memorized my study notes. I highly doubt that Mark would have memorized them. Which means he had the notes with him during the test.
I can't believe he didn't even bother paraphrasing what I'd wrote on there. My brain was jumping around trying to think of how to explain this without throwing Mark under the bus. But I came up blank. And it didn't look like he would confess anytime soon.
"Both of you will get a failing grade on this course. I will be submitting an incident report to the dean regarding this situation. If one of you is innocent in this, speak now before the end of the day."
I couldn't speak. I was numb all over my body and I felt the blood drain from my head. One failed course would mean the end of my scholarship.
"I can't fail this course, sir." I was half in tears and my voice was all choked up.
"Then I suggest you tell me what happened."
"I--" I looked over to Mark for help. He was looking at the floor and I wanted to strangle him. Was he really going to leave me hanging here? Oh my, God... What the fuck do I do?
"This meeting is over." Professor Swanson announced with finality. He looked pointedly at the door, silently telling us to get out. Mark shot up from his chair and left the room quicker than I could react. I chased after him.
"Mark, wait!" I yelled across the hall. He stopped and slowly faced me. "What the fuck, Mark. I'm going to lose my scholarship! Get back in there and tell him the truth!" I had tears in my eyes, I was so angry at him.
"Leslie, I'm sorry. I can't confess. It would go on my record that I purposely cheated."
"Something would still go on your record. Mine too and I had nothing to do with this. Are you really that selfish?"
"Look, if you're involved, Swanson's gonna make it less of a big deal than he would if it were just me. I'm really sorry about this, Leslie. But I have so much shit on my record right now and cheating would get me expelled. I'll help you figure out the scholarship thing, okay. Please, I can't have it on my record that I cheated." He stepped closer to me and tried to wipe the tears off my face, but by instinct I stepped back, out of his reach.
"Don't touch me." I whispered. I can't believe this. I wanted to drag him by the ears back to Professor Swanson's office and slap a confession out of him. But I also didn't want him to get kicked out of school.
"I'm sorry, Leslie. I really am." Mark said sounding sincere. He turned slowly and started walking away.
Oh my, God. My life was over.
**********************************
I had been crying for hours now. I couldn't even make it back to my dorm, so I just found a quiet corner and was sitting crossed legged with my back leaning on the wall. I was glad that there weren't a lot of foot traffic in the staff building today. But that was practically the only thing I was glad about. Everything else was just dark and gloomy. Bleak and dead. I couldn't come up with more adjectives to describe how fucked up the situation was.
I have never in my life been accused of cheating. This was a whole new level of low for me. I wanted to clear my name so badly, but I was torn with what Mark had told me about him being kicked out. He was an asshole for sure. But I could never forgive myself for not helping him out in whatever shitty hole he dug himself into.
I cried harder every time I thought about calling my mom and telling her what happened. She was so proud of me when I got into this prestigious university. I was imagining the disappointment in her eyes. Her only daughter had failed her.
"Leslie?"
No. No. No. No. No. No. Oh, God, no. Please let it be anyone but Ben. I didn't want him to see me like this. It would just be another reason for him to regret that he even thought of going out with me.
But I knew it was him. I know the sound of his voice. And I know how my name rolls off his tongue when he says it.
"What happened?" He was sitting next to me now, on the floor, looking at me with so much concern that I burst out sobbing again. I felt his arms wrap around me and I cried in his chest, just like I did before. For the second time in my short college life, I had stained Ben's shirt with my pathetic tears.
I tried to tell him everything that had happened in a coherent way and I think in between sobs and hiccups and deep breaths he understood what I was saying.
He cupped my face and wiped the tears off with his thumbs. "Look at me, Leslie." He said with intensity. "You will not lose your scholarship. Do you hear me. I won't let that happen."
Hearing him say those words with so much confidence calmed me a little, but I still had my doubts. "There's nothing that can be done about it!" I cried for a few more minutes. Ben just sat silently, his hand rubbing my back and occasionally patting my head. I cried until my tears ran out.
Ben sensing my sobs were lessening, said, "Come on. Let's get you back to your dorm." He handed me his handkerchief and I blew my nose in it. This was the second hanky that I have that's his. They were monogrammed with the letters BW, that I hadn't noticed before. I took his hand and he helped me up. We stood face to face for a few seconds. Staring into each other's eyes. My hands in his. This was like those scenes in TV shows where the guy would lean down and make out with the leading lady. And my heart jumped into my throat because I was getting choked up for a different reason now.
"I promise, Leslie, everything will be alright." Ben gave me the softest smile. I may have melted right then and there because my knees were weak, and I just wanted to take his face and kiss him. Instead, I returned the smile and we walked back together to the direction of my dorm. My hand tightly intertwined with his.
*********************************
Ben ordered take out and we ate lunch in my room. He kept telling me not to worry and he would help ensure that I would not lose my scholarship, but how he was going to achieve that was still a question. I do know that he was distracting me from my problem by talking to me about his hobbies. Our conversation floated around the absurd plot to his novel that he wanted to write someday. We laughed over the weird plot lines involving alien robots.
He left when April and Ann showed up. He'd texted an SOS to them and they came as soon as they could. I didn't even know that he'd done that. I smiled at him and mouthed 'thank you', and he smiled back before he awkwardly left the room.
I told Ann and April everything that had happened. Ann wanted to go find Mark and beat the confession out of him. April wanted to put a curse on him that would make him vomit razor blades. That one earned a raised eyebrow from me. I hoped April was joking.
They encouraged me to go to my other classes for the day. And try to get through it. I managed to do that, but once I got back in my room and I was alone with my thoughts, I immediately start crying again. I cursed my tear ducts which were always ready to spill tears any time my emotions surfaced. I kept imagining my permanent record and how clean it was until that report gets submitted. Scenes popped in my head where I'd have to pack my stuff when they kick me out of school. And that I'd have to say goodbye to all my friends. And say goodbye to Ben.
This was not how I imagined my college life would be. I hadn't even made it halfway through and I was about to get kicked out. I was supposed to graduate with honors, that was the goal. Now, I'd have to find another college that would even take me in, with my tarnished reputation.
*********************************
I was so drained of energy that I didn't even notice when I had fallen asleep. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 9 am. I didn't have any classes this morning, thank God. But none of that mattered anymore if I was going to get expelled anyway. I bit the inside of my mouth to keep from crying. I was going to try not to cry today.
I searched for my phone to check my email. I was so sure that I would get a letter from the sponsors of my scholarship, telling me that I failed as a human being and that if I could just start packing my bags and leave the school right now. But there was nothing. Not even from the dean telling me that an incident report was submitted about me.
Did Professor Swanson forget to submit it? He's not the type to forget stuff. Does it take more than a day to get the alert emails? Not knowing was making me panic. I was now coming up with a hundred theories, when the door to our room burst open and Andy and April came tumbling in.
"Leslie, oh, my God, you won't believe what happened last night." Andy said, breathless.
"What? What happened?" I asked, fear creeping up on me, wondering what the news was about.
"Ben and Mark got into a fist fight!" Andy gave me a shocked look like it was the first time he heard of the news. April was smiling from ear to ear.
"They were fighting about you, Leslie." April said, her eyes wide like she couldn't believe it.
"What?" This was the most confusing story ever.
"Yeah, April and I were hanging out in the Math building. Heavily making out. And then we saw Ben storming up the stairs and he like, yelled Mark's name from across the building."
"We didn't even notice Mark was there. If I had seen him, I would have had Andy beat him up." April interjected.
"And then Mark's like, 'what do you want, Ice Town?' And Ben's like, 'you need to tell Swanson that you cheated'. And then Ben looked like his veins were gonna pop out when he said, 'you need to clear Leslie's name'. And Mark was like, 'No fucking way, nerd. That's between me and Leslie. And what I do with her is none of your business'. And then you could see Ben turn red all over his face before he threw a punch at Mark, but sadly he missed Mark's head by like a mile." Andy said, shaking his head in disappointment.
"Your boyfriend needs to take punching lessons, Leslie." April added dryly.
I was still too shocked to say anything at this point and Andy continued with his story.
"So, then Mark counter punched him, and it landed straight at Ben's face and it knocked him down to the ground." Andy mimicked a punch for emphasis.
My hands instinctively cover my mouth in disbelief. Oh, my God. I hope Ben is Ok.
"That's when Andy stepped in to help Ben and I jumped on Mark's back and grappled his neck."
"And then Ben got up and was like, 'if you don't clear Leslie's name from this, I'm going to make sure that you not only get expelled but that your expulsion will follow you to every school that you try to get into. Think about how that will turn out for you, Mark.' And you could tell Ben was serious, and he sounded really angry when he added, 'and I never want to see you near Leslie again'. Ben looked really scary, I've never seen him like that, Leslie."
I couldn't believe how Andy memorized the lines word for word. But more importantly, I couldn't believe Ben had done that.
And right on cue, I heard my phone alerting me that I had just received an email. I rushed to unlock my phone and tapped on the inbox. It was a letter from Professor Swanson.
Dear Leslie,
Mark Brendanawicz has confessed to cheating all on his own.
You are cleared from all the charges and I will not be submitting any report under your name.
Good day,
Ron Swanson
I felt like a ton of weight had lifted from my shoulders. Tears poured out of my eyes again and I showed April and Andy the email. They were both cheering about it, Andy running around wildly in the room. I smiled so wide; my cheeks started to hurt.
I can't believe it. Ben had saved me from losing my scholarship.
"Oh my, God, I need to go see if Ben's Okay." I blurted out. I hurried to put on my shoes and left the two behind as I rushed to get to Ben's apartment.
*********************************
I was out of breath running up the stairs until I was in front of Ben's door. I hesitated for a few seconds, my heartbeat pumping in my ears, before I knocked.
"Go away." I heard Ben's muffled voice from inside.
"It's me, Leslie." I said out loud. I heard a shuffle and the door swung open. Ben had a plastic bag of something frozen pressed over his right eye.
"Are those frozen calzones?" I asked in surprise when I realized what they were. Ben side stepped to let me in, and I followed him to the couch near his bed. He plopped down on it and I sat next to him.
"Yes, I happen to like calzones and always have a frozen bag in the fridge for emergencies."
"Let me see your eye." I reached out and slowly lifted the bag away from his face. The skin below his eye was swollen red. "Oh my, God, Ben. Does it hurt?" I was still holding on to his hand that had the frozen calzone. My hand was starting to feel numb, so I let it fall to my lap and he placed the bag over his eye again.
"Not yet."
"I can't believe you did that." My voice came out low and quiet. "Thank you, for getting Mark to confess."
"It was nothing. I shouldn't have tried to punch him."
"Seriously, Ben. I owe you everything." I looked into his eyes and I desperately wondered if he still had feelings for me. Because right now, I was feeling a lot of feelings for him.
He wouldn't have gone through all this trouble if he didn't, right?
His hand reached out to my face and tucked a strand of loose blonde curl behind my ear, his knuckles caressed and lingered on my cheek as he did this, "I would do anything for--"
Ben's sentence was cut short by a loud bang as the door to his room burst open. We both jumped up at the loud noise. Chris Traeger scanned the room and found us on the couch.
"Ben Wyatt!" Chris pointed to Ben. "Your fight with Mark has spread all over campus. Hi, Leslie Knope." Chris said excitedly, all in one breath.
"Chris, I didn't know you were back." I said, shocked to see Chris. I hadn't heard from him since he'd broken up with Ann. He looked really tan.
"I just got back yesterday, and I have a lot of catching up to do with Ben." Ben stared at Chris with his good eye. Ben looked annoyed and I was too. There was no denying that we were having some major sparks moment right before Chris burst our bubble.
"Yeah, I should be going." I said, I wasn't comfortable with Chris yet. I was reminded that he broke Ann's heart and I might end up doing something stupid if I stayed longer.
"See you around, Leslie." Chris said cheerfully. I wanted to punch the smile from his face. Did he really think I'd be nice to him after what he did to Ann?
I got out of the apartment in a flash and dialed Ann's number. I needed to warn her that Chris was back. She had to be prepared in case she bumped into him.
I didn't know what to make of this. I wanted to spend more time with Ben, but I also wanted to stay away from Chris. And Chris was Ben's Ann. They were inseparable. I didn't know if I could start something with Ben, knowing that I'd have to hang out with Chris. Ann would feel betrayed. I could never betray my best friend. Not in a million years. But I also could not help feeling my heart break a million pieces realizing that Ben and I were never going to happen.
Dear universe, why do you hate me?