Haven
The incidents had upset Zephaniah, anyone could tell. Because, although he never talked much, he was even more quiet now after the slight choking and rolling gum balls.
We had decided to take a walk with his dog, Cooper, to refresh our minds after all the studying we had done. Zephaniah was walking around a bit disheartened, his head hung low, mumbling quiet things to either himself or his dog- I didn't know.
His cheeks were still flushed pink, and I could tell he still felt rather uncomfortable, which made me sad as, obviously, the things that just happened didn't make me think negatively of him. It only made me like him a tad bit more.
"Hey," I said, trying to gain his attention. "I call it the ten seconds rule. You can still eat it if it's been lying on the floor for under those ten seconds." I joked, trying to enlighten the mood.
Zephaniah gave me a short, disheartened smile and continued to stare at his dog, his lips parted slightly. "Did you count for them all?"
"It's okay, Zephaniah. I didn't mind. It was funny." I tried again, feeling sad about the fact that he had warmed up slightly to me- though, this situation had made him take a few steps back again.
"You're- you're not mad?" He questioned quietly, not once looking at me as he kept his eyes trained onto Cooper, fiddling with his leash.
I frowned a little, unsure about his question. "No, of course not. Why would I be?"
Zephaniah shrugged, clearly hesitating as his lips parted, but closed again after a while, his eyebrows furrowing.
"You can tell, it's okay." I encouraged him, secretly observing his expression. "I'm listening." Bending forward to pet his dog, I hadn't realised my backpack had been open the whole time- the Amsterdam and autism book falling out.
Zephaniah's eyes lingered on the autism one, and as he suddenly looked up with a skeptical expression on his face, he swallowed, looking away. "It does not define me," his voice sounded defending, which confirmed everything.
"What doesn't?" I asked softly, quickly stuffing the books back inside, making sure my backpack was zipped up properly this time.
Zephaniah glanced at me again, a soft sigh leaving his parted lips. "Autism,"
I couldn't help but smile a little, though, hid it. Things were clearer now, things had an explanation, which made me understand Zephaniah better. "It doesn't, indeed. Why would it define you?" I asked. Zephaniah looked surprised with my answer, I didn't understand why.
He shrugged again, looking up at the sky instead. "People getting sick of my behavior, but- but it's not like I can help it?" He licked his lips, his eyes following a few lost clouds, "I'm trying, always try so hard, okay."
"For what?" I wondered, the two of us suddenly standing still.
Zephaniah glanced at me, his fingers moving into the wooden fence he was leaning against, plucking some of the wood off. "Normality," he whispered, his eyes observing his own fingers.
"You don't have to, you know?" I furrowed my own eyebrows, feeling sad that he thought that way. Though, he sounded wise, he knew what he was talking about and it made me want to dig into his deepest thoughts and mind so badly.
"I do," he answered, somewhat, sadly.
"Why?" I asked again, craving for the explanation of his mindset.
"People will not- will not accept you, haven't you seen, Haven." He mumbled, pulling his grey beanie further over his face, covering his slightly red ears from the breeze that had hit them.
I reached for Cooper's head with my hand again, softly stroking it. "Genuine people will, Zephaniah. You shouldn't concern yourself about society, because you'll never be good enough in their eyes, no matter what you're struggling with."
Zephaniah dragged himself up, his legs hanging loosely as he sat upon the wooden fence, a small smile playing on his lips as Cooper stood on his two back paws, the two in the front resting on Zephaniah's lap.
He'd never answered that, so I figured he didn't want to talk about it. Dragging myself upon the wooden fence as well, I sat down beside him, staring at Cooper's big, brown and friendly eyes.
We sat there in silence for a while, my eyes lingering on Zephaniah so now and then. His tongue was rolling over his bottom lip slowly, his face thoughtful as he stared at the immense tree near us, the rustling leaves spreading calmness.
"Where'd you usually take him?" I pointed at Cooper, waiting for Zephaniah's reaction as he looked startled from my sudden question, probably because he had been lost in his thoughts for a while.
Zephaniah, clearly, needed some time to process my words, his eyes blinking a little faster, though, he answered. "Oh, uh, just a small walk." he answered, not giving away too much details about it.
I jumped off the fence, wiping my hands on my jeans, "Show me the small walk." I suggested, smiling at him.
Zephaniah rubbed his left eye, the skin around it reddening slightly. "Haven," he hesitated, his voice sounding melancholic.
"Yeah?" I couldn't help but frown sadly at the sound of it, wondering what was going on.
"You don't have to- to like me, you know? It is fine, okay." He mumbled quietly, his eyes roaming all over the ground, a frown forming on his face.
Standing in front of him, I stared right at him, even when he didn't make eye contact with me. "Zeph," I said, the name slipping out of my mouth before I could think twice about it. "I like you, yeah? You're a nice guy. Let's just forget things and enjoy the rest of the day, okay?"
Zephaniah suddenly looked right into my eyes, the greenness reminding me of the fresh leaves of the rustling tree that had just begun to bloom, the slight glossiness in them representing the drops on the leaves in the early morning dew.
It was a colour I hadn't ever seen before, not this strange, in a beautiful way, to say at least. Green eyes hadn't ever given me much thought, though, these eyes had changed it all.
"Okay," he whispered, slipping off the fence as well, wiping the back of his trousers with his free hand. "But, uhm-"
"Zephaniah," I said again, stopping him as he wanted to continue walking. "Do you see those birds over there? What do you feel when you see them?" I said, using the concentration trick. I wasn't sure if it would be fair, but I didn't want him to overthink.
"Liberty." He answered quietly, his eyes trained onto them now, completely distracting him from his first thoughts, which made me smile at him.
"Me too." I said, sometimes longing for the freedom they had- the freedom they had in every different aspect.
Suddenly, three loud sneezes were heard and when I turned my face, Zephaniah's eyes were squinted, his nose scrunched up as he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket.
I chuckled, the sight of it making me smile. "Yes!" Raising my hand into the air, I did a happy dance, cheering. "Good weather tomorrow. Perhaps, sunny with a few lost clouds."
Zephaniah furrowed his eyebrows, looking at me in confusion. "What?"
"My dad used to say when you sneeze three times, the weather would be good the next day," I shrugged, laughing quietly.
Zephaniah stayed quiet for a while, nodding. Eventually, he parted his lips, glancing at me, "But- but why?"
"Honestly, I've got no idea." I answered truthfully, playing with a loose strand of hair as we continued to walk, looking around.
"Oh," he said quietly, staying silent. After a while he added, "I cannot find a connection between sneezing three times and good weather other than the allergies some people have."
I looked up in surprise, my eyes roaming over his face for a while. "Ah! That's a good one. I quite like that explanation."
Zephaniah suddenly chuckled, his gaze on me for a good five seconds, which was probably the longest he had looked at me. His teeth had showed, his tongue rolling over his upper lip after that to hide his smile.
It made my heart flutter for a split second, though, I couldn't fully understand why.
"Are you, uhm.." he hesitated, clearly fighting his own thoughts in order to speak up. I gave him space, I gave him time. "Uhm, allergic?"
I wondered who had caused his insecurity, as I couldn't quite believe it would only be his mild autism. It made me sad, as I knew Zephaniah would be so much more than the 'quiet guy with his struggles', he deserved more than that.
"No! I'm not, as far as I know, at least. Never got stung by a bee or wasp so can't exclude that yet, but, yeah. No." I answered, looking at him. "Are you?"
Zephaniah shook his head, gulping. "I got stung by- by a wasp in my ear," he frowned, pointing at the exact spot in his left ear.
"No way, really?" My eyes widened, "that must've hurt a lot. How could they suck it out?"
"What?" Zephaniah frowned in confusion, slowly shaking his head. "I was ten, I cried so hard," he chuckled carefully, glancing at me. "Dad stuffed cotton, uhm, wool with vinegar into my ear."
"Oh! That helps too, I've read that somewhere. Well, at least you know you're not allergic to that either." I shrugged, smiling at him.
Zephaniah nodded quietly, a shy expression appearing on his face as he slowed his pace and waved at an elder woman that was already hysterically waving at him. "Hi," he whispered, his gaze falling onto his dog after he continued to walk further, his steps fastening again.
"Who was that?" I asked curiously, enjoying the slight warmth that the sun brought out while reappearing from behind a cloud.
He slightly narrowed his eyes, glancing at me. "I do not know. We always wave, though."
"That's sweet. Have you ever talked to her?" I wondered, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my brown and warm corduroy coat as the breeze was still rather chilly, despite the warmth of the sun.
"No," Zephaniah said quietly, his eyebrows starting to furrow as he kept his eyes trained onto the ground, them roaming all over. Cooper whined, and stopped Zephaniah, pressing his snout to his hands to distract him.
I wondered why Cooper did it, but I didn't want to ask, feeling as if I had asked him too much already. Though, curiosity took over when I thought about the old lady again. "Why not?"
"Don't know what to say. Is weird, don't you think?" Zephaniah mumbled, his eyes finding mine for a split second.
I shook my head, my eyes squinting as I looked up at the bright sky, "No, I don't think so. Maybe she's lonely. She surely seems like she likes contact, you know what I mean?"
Zephaniah was silent for a while, his eyes roaming all over the area we were walking through. He breathed through his slightly parted lips, his tongue licking the corners of his mouth in concentration at times. "Because, uhm, because she waves at me?"
"Yeah! She looks very happy when you wave back. Maybe you should try stopping by once, and if she really doesn't want it- she will tell you. That's okay too, you know? Sometimes you have to try things without thinking too much about it," I said slowly, knowing overthinking could make you doubt things so much and so long- that things could be too late.
Besides that, if you'd never try, how'd you ever know?
"Okay," Zephaniah answered after a while, his voice barely above a whisper. I decided to stay silent after that too, noticing his slightly tired eyes. I knew I could be rather chatty without noticing it, so maybe I had to take it easy now as I had realised Zephaniah needed more time to process things.
It must tire him out, I thought by myself, feeling for him. So, as we continued to walk in silence, I sometimes glanced at him, wondering if he was enjoying the walk as much as I did.
Suddenly, the left corner of Zephaniah's mouth curled up oh, so lightly as he stood still, his eyes trained onto four lambs that ran around the grassland. Standing still beside him, I watched them in awe, the newborn animals never failing to make me smile.
"This is my favourite thing about spring, newborn animals and blooming flowers." I mumbled, looking up at Zephaniah as he briefly looked down at me, a tiny smile playing on his lips.
"I agree," he whispered, his smile widening when one of the lambs tripped over its own mother, that was lazily chewing and lying down. Eventually, the lambs started to run even faster, jumping and twirling around as they played.
The four paws went into the air as they jumped, them coming down with a soft thud but loud bleating again. It made Zephaniah laugh, but he tried to stop himself by biting his upper lip. His lightly squinted eyes gave more away, though, and it made me smile, deeply.
A soft snort left his mouth, and his cheeks heated up at that- his green eyes finding mine for a split second. "Sorry," he whispered, looking away.
"You don't have to say sorry for laughing," I playfully bumped his shoulder, confusion appearing on his face for a split second.
He glanced at me again, and he couldn't hold it anymore. Soft but melodic laughter left his parted lips, his hand clutching his stomach as the lambs went even crazier, the bleating and jumping interrupting the peaceful rustling leaves and chirping birds.
Though, his laughter was the only sound that I heard at that very moment.
~~~
Moreee Zaven. Do you like them together?
Do you think Zephaniah will be able to handle Haven's chattiness eventually?
Also, I didn't really know what information I had to put today. So if you have any questions about Zephaniah, his behaviour, his autism, don't hesitate to ask.
I normally don't ask this but if you liked it I won't stop you to vote and comment 😇