When I left, I promised myself,
I'll never be that me again.
.\.|./.
Ryan Falls
"He left three months ago and hasn't come back since."
I put the coffee mug down on the table in front of her, watching her wring her hands together. She's nervous, I can tell, but I don't know what's bothering her more, the fact that we just made out like hungry animals or the fact that now she feels obliged to tell me about her complicated relationship.
I think it has something to do with both.
"It's okay, Crystal," I say, trying to remain neutral.
I have a lot of things to say about her abusive boyfriend, but she needs to see them on her own, not with me beating them down her throat.
"He's gone now," I say. "He's not coming back."
"But what if he does?" she asks, a hint of fear in her voice. "What if he comes back and finds out about ..."
"Us?" I finish.
Crystal seems unsure. "You and me," she mumbles.
"That does make us, you know," I add with a smile, reaching out to touch her cheek.
Crystal hesitates, her shoulders stiffening.
"What if he comes back?" she says, unnoticeably trying to move out of my reach.
I still notice.
"Don't worry," I reassure her. "I won't let him hurt you. I promise."
Crystal finally looks at me, her green-blue eyes uncertain. She's doubtful of me, and I don't blame her. As much as I would like her to trust me, I know it's not easy for her to open up.
One, I'm pretty creepy around her. It's only because I like annoying her, but she doesn't know that.
Two, she knows I have secrets. It's not that I don't want her to know, but how do I tell her?
And three, she's been in an abusive relationship for God-knows-how-long and it makes sense for her to be so scared.
Abuse does that to you.
I know, because it paralyzed me with fear.
Every time the man looked at me.
Every time he smiled.
Every time I got his text on my phone, ordering me to his house.
I would have picked death over him any day. But life has a way of staying, and I was a coward too afraid to run. Finally plucking up the courage to leave was the best decision I ever made.
"He can't hurt you," I say to Crystal, but also to myself. "Never again."
She relaxes a fraction, lowering her gaze to her lap. She stares unseeingly at her hands, and I tuck her hair back towards her loose braid, watching them swing back onto her face.
I can't help but smile, something about this girl just pulling at my heartstrings. I don't know what it is about her, but maybe her selflessness won me over. She had no money, I could tell, but she never forgot to bring me a meal. She was scared of Olivia and Jeremy, and yet she never let that stop her from helping me. She was unsure of everything, even herself, and still found it in her to come ask me if I needed something.
Like I said, kindness is the most beautiful thing on a human being.
"Why do you like me, Ryan?" she asks all of a sudden.
Typical girl question.
I smile. "What makes you think I do?" I tease, wanting to see her scowl.
She doesn't scowl, frowning thoughtfully.
"Hey?" I lean closer so that she looks up at me. "You're beautiful, smart, kind ... why would I not like you?"
She seems taken aback, staring into my eyes in disbelief. "But you're ... you're perfect," she finally says.
I lean back and smile even when I don't feel like it. Her words bring back too many painful memories, memories I have been trying so long to run from. Somehow, they always find their way back to me.
"Perfection, my love," I say with dramatic effect to hide the painful truth behind my words, "is merely an illusion."
Without giving her a chance to respond, I get to my feet, stretching and walking towards the kitchen.
"You want to try my master-chef cooking?" I call back to ask her.
Crystal doesn't answer, and I busy myself in the kitchen, my mind two thousand miles away, back in the basement of my neighbor's house in LA.
'You're perfect, Ryan,' he would always say when he was done what he wanted to do. 'The other boys can't take half of what you ...' And he would laugh, ruffling my hair so that I wanted to cut his hand off. 'No wonder I like you best.'
I hated being called perfect after that, no matter who said it. Everyone, my friends, strangers, people who saw me a single time, they called me perfect. And I wanted to be anything but that, becoming someone I wasn't, just so I could look like the mess I felt. No one understood.
And hearing it from Crystal ... just makes me realize we can never run from our past.
"I tried your recipe," I say, placing the bowl of pasta in front of Crystal. "I don't think it'll be great but ... at least it's edible."
Crystal smiles slightly, pouring some into her plate.
"You know what we need to do now?" I ask, watching her take a mouthful before looking up at me. "We need to pull you out of his dependence."
She gives me a questioning look, swallowing down the food in her mouth.
"What do you mean?" she asks.
"He's got you physically, emotionally, socially, and even financially dependent, Crystal," I point out. "You can't tell me you haven't realized that yet."
She doesn't speak, poking the fork into the food on her plate.
"I know," she mumbles.
"We need to find you a job," I say.
Crystal rolls her eyes. "I've tried, Ryan," she says with a sigh. "Nobody wants to hire me. I sent out my resume everywhere but there hasn't been a response at all. The few interviews I got called to, they said they'd let me know. Nobody called back."
"Well, you didn't give me your resume, did you?" I raise my eyebrows.
Crystal gives me the annoyed look I have learned to love.
"I didn't even think you had a job of your own," she says, a hint of mockery in her tone.
"I worked at Kobuk before you broke my leg actually," I tease back.
"But that means you lost it then." Crystal blushes. "You don't have work now, do you? I mean, I've never seen you go out or anyone come here. You're not some secret Mafia Lord, are you? Or some underground organ trafficker?"
Even though I know she's only teasing, I can't help but laugh.
"And the thought online stripper didn't cross your mind?" I suggest, still laughing. "You don't think I'm sexy enough?"
Crystal's eyes widen, and she suddenly looks like she would rather get up and out of my house before I can stop her. Instead of scaring her off, I try to suppress my laughter.
"No, Crystal," I tell her. "I'm a freelancer."
Her forehead crunches in confusion, and she keeps her gaze on me.
"So you're a writer?" she asks.
"Not really." I scratch my head. "But if editing student papers and newspaper articles make me writer, sure. I mean, I'd call myself a waiter at Kobuk but I lost that job when you ran me over, remember? Now, I'm forced to stay indoors like a hermit and weave pretty sentences."
I flash a smile that earns me an eye roll, Crystal clearly not recalling the first encounter we had. I don't blame her; she hadn't really been in the mindset to focus on anything except her abusive boyfriend making a scene and walking out. Now that I think about it, I'm sure she never even looked up at me that day.
"So ..." she begins. "You think I could be one too?"
"We can try." I shrug. "Otherwise, you can always be my chef. I'll pay you enough, trust me. Because at this rate --" I wave a hand at my terrible pasta. "-- I won't live much longer."
Crystal finally laughs, putting down her fork.
"Thank God you said it," she says. "I didn't know how to tell you I hate it."
"Hey!" I pretend to be offended. "It's not ... that bad."
"It tastes like raw flour, Ryan,." Crystal shakes her head. She laughs, nudging my shoulder before making her way over to my kitchen.
I watch her knot her hair up as she enters my kitchen and begins opening the cabinets. My face begins to hurt from smiling too much, but I can't help it.
The real Crystal does that to me. She makes me smile like I never have, act like the most childish version of myself, and dream of a future I hope we can have one day. She does that to me.
And I'd let her do it over and over again.
.\.|./.
A/N: Sorry, guys, I know this chapter is shorter than most. But I have a new scene after this and it got so long I split it in two chapters. Plat-twist coming up? You ready? ;)
What do you think it could be? I think this one is pretty easy to guess, so take your shot. The ones who guess right get a shoutout in the next chapter. <3
Who noticed my typo right here? Plat-twist? What the fuck is a plat-twist? Guess, now it's a thing! :D I'm officially the queen of typos instead of the queen of plot-twists.