~Achilles~
Xander fell asleep almost as soon as we laid down on the couch. His head was propped up on a pillow on my lap. For some reason that's the position we often found ourselves in when we were relaxing. I'd always been a bit insecure about the width of my muscular thighs, but Xander said he liked lying on them and his hair was always so soft. I filed my hands through the kinky strands, finding the band Xander had used to secure his hair and removing it. His hair expanded outwards, going every which way. I definitely needed to read up on black hair, but it just seemed so complicated.
I traced my fingers through his scalp letting the full weight of the day settle in. For the first time I noticed Xander had a few strands of hair that weren't black and upon closer examination I noticed he had brown highlights.
I inhaled, breathing the scent of Xander in. He still smelled like vanilla and I wondered if it was him or the candles he seemed to like to burn. Closing my eyes, I continued running my fingers through Xander's hair. The moment was bittersweet, sweet because Xander was calm and safe in my arms and bitter because there was so much I had missed. Looking back on our relationship there had always been these strange holes, like the first time Xander had told me about Corey and called himself damaged goods, the way he seemed almost afraid of therapists, and lately, the way he'd started to blame himself for my family's bigotry.
I hadn't been sure where it was coming from but when I googled C-PTSD, his issues started making sense. The guilt, shame, and the lack of self worth. Another part of me worried about the other symptoms I hadn't seen, that he may or may not have. Did he have suicidal thoughts? Was he fixated on Corey? Did he idolize his abuser or hate him? I couldn't help but wonder if our relationship was just a reminder of his and Corey's and how things had gone so wrong there.
Beneath that, and within me was a rage so dark and deep it was alive, pulsing with its own sick, vindictive heartbeat. My mate was hurting because of another man. One who was alive and well after having treated Xander like complete shit. The human and inhuman part of me wanted to make him hurt just as badly, tear into him, make him bleed, make him hurt.
I didn't know how I was going to be able to deal with knowing the name of Xander's abuser, knowing the scent of his blood and not being able to do anything about it. Not when it was eating into him like this.
I rubbed a thumb across the scar tissue on the back of Xander's neck, trying to calm down. That was still ridiculously hot to me, like the wolf and human side of me were in consensus that it was the next best thing since sliced bread. The scar wasn't very large but the lower part of the back of Xander's neck was slightly uneven and raised in a colour that was a bit darker than his own skin. Like a palm sized birthmark. Whenever I touched the back of his neck, Xander always had an odd reaction. Even now, he made a noise almost like a moan.
I watched him wake up, enjoying the way his eyes opened and those green orbs looked happy to see me. He stared up at me for a few seconds before saying anything. Xander's voice sounded more raspy than usual, "Are you joining a new pack?"
I started tracing the features of his face, smoothing out Xander's eyebrows and then following his hairline. His face softened as I did. "Probably, to be honest. I've been asking my mom about packs that accept people more like us. There's one not too far from Asheborne, called Twilit Grove, the Grove for short. They've got their pack meeting and run tomorrow. I wanted to check it out."
Xander sat up on the couch, rubbing his eyes in a very childlike manner. "Wow," He said. "That'll be a big change."
I put my hand on his knee, "You taught me change is good."
Xander laughed, "You can be so sentimental, Achilles. Do you want me to come with you?"
"Well, we're kind of a package deal now, right?" I kissed him softly then, tilting his head towards mine and sucking on his lower lip because I knew how much that turned him on.
Xander made an appreciative noise at the back of his throat, spreading his hand over my pec. He stopped kissing me to lean his head against my shoulder. Xander's voice was light and happy, "I guess we are kind of a package deal."
#
Visiting the Grove had been eye opening. especially since I'd never been to a different pack before. It was similar to the Asheborne pack being just outside the city but instead of a campground it was on some kind of organic farm. A few members were farmers and the alpha herself was actually a farmer. Sandra was a stocky woman with penetrative eyes and four children. It turned out she was also a lesbian.
Women being alphas was supposedly rare but I really began to wonder. Being an alpha was kind of innate and kind of not. There were those who were born alphas always more domineering as children, not always on purpose and not in obvious ways. The thing about alphas was that they sought control as much as others wanted to give it to them. It was in the way they moved, acted and breathed. It couldn't be defined and yet it was perfectly understood.
This pack was very different from my own. The dining hall was a large and seemed to be a renovate barn with a massive skylight going down the centre that showed the full moon. The tables and chairs were wooden with the aisle wide and full of mingling people.
There was a lot of diversity in the dining hall, many different accents as well and some other languages.There also seemed to be a noticeably queer population. God, would I even fit in with them? The small clusters I saw seemed to be more culturally gay than me. Was that even a thing? I wasn't into the arts or fashion or camp. What even was camp? I liked camping but that was apparently a very different thing.
I'd seen Xander with his flamboyant friends before and he seemed to be able to just turn on the flamboyance at will. One second he'd be normal and the next second he'd be 'spill the tea' this 'the shade of it all' that, 'And I oop—' ing different things. I didn't even know what spilling tea was. Was it like spilling milk?
I'd avoided anything even close to gay for such a long time I wasn't very aware of anything queer. I needed to educate myself on queer history but it seemed so vast and systematically hidden I wasn't even sure where to start.
Presently, the alpha had greeted us like we were there every month, unsurprised we were mates and accepting it. That level of animosity I'd felt in my own —no, my former pack, was gone. Xander seemed to already be having a good time as well, making friends with another gay couple, going into depth on a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.
Altogether, it was nice, and I could imagine being there for the long term. Part of me missed my family being present but the other part was happy to be somewhere where I could just be myself. There were guys like the ones from my pack who just liked to talk about sports, the latest video games and comics. It was the kind of crowd I tended to gravitate towards.
Two guys were talking about Detroit:Become Human and I eavesdropped a bit before joining in on their conversation.
One man had a thick almost messy beard with an equally messy thatch of dark hair peeking out beneath his baseball cap. He was almost chubby with a thick waist that could be some kind of hidden muscle or maybe flab. He wore a dark red and black flannel, and worn jeans. He was also pale with dark eyes and sipping on a beer.
His friend was tall, slender ,and dressed like he'd just come from a day at the office, with blond hair in a sleek topknot and his clothing speaking to being well tailored. He was eating some crackers.
The man with the beard had an unmissable southern twang. "I might could finish the game this weekend. They done got so many damned choices, I don't know which to choose, sometimes. Conner's my fave though."
"Really, Reggie? I quite prefer Kara. I do wish they hadn't made her such a victim, though. Seeing her thrashed about left me gutted." And the tall guy had a british accent. Wow, okay.
I must have eavesdropped for too long because they both stopped talking and gave me an assessing glance. Reggie spoke first, "Why, you look 'bout as apprehensive as a turtle with no shell. You new here?"
I blinked, nodding quickly, "Yeah, but I've lived in Huntington my whole life. Just, uh, trying out a new pack."
The tall guy brushed my shoulder, "Good on you, mate. I'm Daniel and this unrefined brute here is Reggie. We've been here, perhaps, four years now? It's terribly nice, very open minded and Reggie can swear like a truck driver, no one seems to mind. The last pack we were at would've preferred Reggie be like other wolves." His light teasing didn't seem to bother Reggie at all.
Reggie laughed, a big deep sound, "You know we didn't get kicked out of our old pack because I fucking cuss."
Daniel smiled, the corners of his eyes softening, "You're as bad as a sailor."
"Wait," I interrupted, "You guys are from the same former pack?"
Reggie shifted, "Well, I'm from Georgia and Daniel's from across the pond. But I eloped at my old back and those folks reckoned that wasn't the kinda thing that aligned with their supposed southern values."
"That's super strict." I said quietly, "I heard Southern packs were more conservative but that's crazy."
"Well, I'm still happier with the one I married than being at my old place." Reggie's accent thickened as his voice softened.
I wondered what kind of woman would end up with Reggie, he seemed kind of rough around the edges. "Is she around here somewhere?"
But, it was Daniel who spoke next, a smile in his voice, "I'm standing here, but last I checked I wasn't a she."
I looked between them, stuttering, "Oh, s—shit, sorry. I'm— God, yikes. Congrats? I mean, you guys are together? Okay. Okay."
Reggie's loud laughter was attracting a few looks, "Damn, boy. Back in Georgia we called that the look of a whore in church."
I had to be honest, "I've never met—"
Daniel, winked, still teasing, "I'm sure you have and haven't noticed."
The conversation moved to other things like other video games and sports before I started to mingle with other people. Not to mention, Reggie had had a lot to drink and he was starting to call Daniel, his little crumpet. They were kind of adorably weird.
The hall was filled with surprises like that and one small group just played dungeons and dragons the entire time. Everyone seemed in sync and comfortable with each other.
Xander and I spent as much time together as we did apart, and I got to know some people as well as the alpha. It was just so easy to be there that by the time everything was winding down I couldn't believe the time had passed so quickly.
Xander seemed happy on the drive home, gesturing with his hands excitedly, "That place even had vegan options! Vegan! And there were so many gays. At least a quarter of the people we met were queer. I didn't realize wolves could be non-uptight. No offence to your old pack. And the children here actually looked happy. Not like children of the corn. One kid told me they liked my hair. God, I hope our kids like my hair."
"Wait, What—"
But, Xander didn't even seem to notice. "You know, maybe I should bring you to a hearth meeting. Vamps can be kind of stuffy and all our meetings can be condensed to an email but the food is to die for. Last month they had truffles and caviar. Not together obviously."
"Obviously." I echoed sarcastically.
"Not so many children, though. Also," Xander slipped into a voice that was overtly casual, "I'll go to my appointment on my own tomorrow. It'll be after my classes and you've got work. So, I'd prefer to be by myself."
"You're sure?" I said carefully.
Xander nodded, curls bouncing slowly.
The conversation turned to work, the fact I was potentially up for a promotion, how I'd told a few of my coworkers I was seeing a guy. Almost five months with Xander meant we weren't casually dating. As if anything between us had ever been casual. I even had a little picture on my desk of the two of us, with my arm across his shoulder and our cheeks squished together. It had been from our date at the botanical gardens. Xander always talked about the importance of preserving memories, and I liked that particular picture of us together. There were others of that day at the park, some candids of me, selfies Xander had taken and even some videos.
Being out was more and less complicated than I thought it would be. Less complicated in the little ways like being with Xander and complicated in the way of how everyone else saw us.
"How do you feel about being out?" He eventually asked once we were at his place and snuggling on the bed. We spent so much more time at Xander's place together, I felt like my apartment was collecting dust.
Xander was talking but it was hard to focus on what he was saying when he wasn't wearing a shirt. In fact, we were each only wearing underwear to bed. I'd thought we were going to do something other than talk, but Xander only seemed interested in talking.
I leaned on my side, facing him. "I feel fine, I think. But, you know, Xander, it's not too late." I moved closer to him on the bed, stroking his stomach slowly, leaving the suggestion there. God, his skin was so soft.
Xander let me touch him, as I slowly moved my hands lower. His tone was playful, "It's not too late for what?"
I flushed, "You know. And it's a special full moon tonight, it makes me feel very..." I searched for the words, feeling my canines drop on their own but wanting to touch Xander more. Being a wolf could be so overwhelming when I just wanted to follow instinct.
He smiled wider, "I know what? C'mon Achilles, we've done this so many times now. You can just say you want to have sex. It's natural and I know you're not shy. And what's special about today, that Sandra lady was talking about a wolf full moon."
"You can be so...Crass" I said, "And she's an alpha not some lady. It means the pull of the moon is stronger tonight, it's larger and so the part of me that's wolf is also...Stronger." I closed my eyes, moving into Xander's space and nosing along his collar before licking the line of his throat and circling his mating mark with my tongue as well. He really was mine.
"Fuck, Achilles." Xander's voice had gone raspy and low.
"Yeah," I said, "I want to." Xander scrambled upwards on the bed, and I seated him in my lap, where he hooked his thighs around my waist kissing my throat. This seemed to be our favourite make out position and I was a fab because it lined us up nicely and Xander always smelled so good. I turned my head until Xander got the hint I wanted to him to kiss me. This was good, this was so incredibly good I didn't know how I'd lived my whole life without Xander. He was mine but I was also his. And I would show him that every day if I could.
#
"It's almost Valentine's day." I said to Xander, afterwards. He was perched on the edge of the bed, one leg lingering over the side and his other leg drawn up against his chest. His eyes were closed as he drank a blood packet, not at all concerned with his nudity.
He opened his eyes at what I said, removing his lips from the seal on the packet, "About three weeks right?"
"Let's do something." I said, moving up on the bed to sit beside Xander, taking one hand and moving it along his chest, liking the feel of it. I'd never seen him shave or wax but he was always so smooth. I felt like Xander used a bit of magic to keep his body so youthful but it never felt right to ask.
"If we're doing something I'm expecting to be pampered, Achilles." Xander's voice was low, lips still red from blood as he licked them quickly. His eyes were dilated, watching me.
"I can do that." I said, playing with his necklace.
"I'm talking chocolate covered strawberries, good wine, rose petals on the bed, the works." Xander was watching my mouth, and then my neck. He raised his hand to my neck, fingering the vein there. "Some blood would be nice. I told you I was high maintenance."
I rolled my eyes, humoured more than anything, "Yes, Xander you seem to always remind me of that."
I kissed him silent, before he could reply, appreciating the way he was sucking on my bottom lip. The kiss got heavy quickly as Xander moved his lips down to my throat, fangs grazing before he struck and took blood from me.
Xander taking blood from me had become more and more pleasurable over time. I wasn't sure if I was developing some kind of kink or if I was just getting used to it. But, the pain turned good so fast and the way it hurt was almost as good as a kiss.
Xander only ever drank for a few seconds but it always made me feel a bit light headed afterwards and a bit high. I wasn't sure if it was the blood loss or Xander but I was hooked.
I moaned, loving the feel of Xander's lips on my skin, feeling him turn into me and seat himself on my lap. His bare skin was hot against mine, as he hooked his legs around my waist, he licked my broken skin to seal the cut and leaned his head against my shoulder, "I'll give you an amazing Valentine's day, too."
#
Overall thoughts?
We're reaching the endgame, folks. Anything you especially want to see before we reach the end?
Next chapter will be Valentines themed (yay)!
Posts may be a bit sporadic from now on but expect chapters on Thursdays.