It's not that Tony isn't trying. Because believe him when he says he is.
He's just not particularly good at trying.
His alcohol stashes are nearing nothing, though he's been forced to keep all of his empty bottles. The last thing he wants is for Steve to find them all in a garbage bag or something. He needs to buy new ones, but they already have a joint bank account and Steve would see the purchases on their bank statements.
Which means, firstly he needs to take out a bunch of cash from their bank accounts, have a good reason as to why, and then wait until both of them are out of the house so he can get rid of his old bottles and replace them with new ones.
A lot of effort that he doesn't really have while he's forcing himself to be sober.
Peter hasn't really noticed, obliviously happy and content like always. He's a whole five-years-old, so it's not surprising that he doesn't understand Tony's current struggles. All he really cares about are dinosaurs and schoolwork and when they do their science nights.
The only thing Tony doesn't want to scratch out in his drunken hazes are the memories of Peter. His pride and joy. The light of his life.
He remembers when Peter was a little baby who would babble and grin toothlessly and squeal in excitement at everything he saw.
He remembers when Peter used to be the clingiest baby in the world, never wanting to be out of his dad's sight.
He remembers all of Peter's firsts. First time he rolled over, first time he sat up, first time he smiles, first time he laughed, his first word, his first steps, his first day of school. He remembers it all.
He doesn't want to forget.
What he wants to forget is everything else. His childhood, Mary's death, his financial struggles, Carol's absence, his parents' death, Rhodey's absence now too.
Too bad he doesn't get to choose.
*
"Daddy?" Peter murmurs, big brown eyes watching in confused worry. "Why are you sleeping on the floor?"
He scuffs his little shoes on the floor, backpack slung over his shoulder already.
Fuck.
Steve had a shift early that morning, so Tony promised he'd take over full morning duties to get Peter ready for school. It would've been fine if Tony hadn't taken advantage of Steve's early bedtime and drank himself to blacking out in his garage.
"Peter, baby, Daddy just needed to lie down. I'll make you something for breakfast-"
"The bus is going to be here soon," Peter says, shoulders slumped, and doe eyes filled with his childish innocence.
Tony sits up, pressing a hand over his eyes as the world spins precariously.
"I'm so sorry, baby. I forgot-"
"You always forget," Peter says, obviously trying not to sound too disappointed but his pout gives it away. "You forgot it was your turn to make dinner yesterday and you forgot it was science night last night and you forgot you promised you'd read that story about dinosaurs and you forgot it was your turn to get me ready for school today."
Tony's barely able to hold back the curses that threaten to fall from his open mouth. He rests his pounding head in his palms for a moment, letting himself take a few steadying breaths.
"I promise I'll make it up to you-"
Peter smiles sadly. The exact same expression he's seen Carol do hundreds of times towards him.
"I don't want your promises," Peter mumbles, scuffing his old sneakers on the ground again. His fingers twist into the hem of his Little Mermaid t-shirt. He's not a little kid anymore and Tony needs to stop pretending he is.
Tony grabs Peter's little hand, shame and guilt creeping up around him like a safety blanket. He's so used to the feelings; it doesn't even matter to him anymore. It should. It doesn't.
"I'm so sorry, Bambi. What can I do to make it up to you? Anything at all," Tony begs, looking up at Peter in desperation.
Peter ponders this idea for a moment before he lights up in a mischievous grin. "Dinner and bedtime story tonight, obviously. Science, too. And... Ice cream after school."
"Sounds good, Petey. I'll pick you up after your classes out front, okay? And we'll go get ice cream together. I love you, okay?"
"Love you too, Daddy," Peter murmurs. "Just don't sleep on the floor anymore. It's cold and looks uncomfy."
"Okay, baby. I'll stop sleeping on the floor. Now, let's go. You've got a bus to catch."
*
"You look tense," Steve points out. They're in the car on the way to pick up Peter for ice cream. Tony's just hoping that Peter won't mention anything to Steve who will no doubt piece everything together.
"I haven't been the greatest dad in the world," Tony replies with a soft sigh. "My father used to do this all the time. He'd be a total dick to me and then take me out for ice cream or get me a present. As a kid, I thought it made everything okay if he gave me presents after hurting me. Because at least he was trying, right? At some point, he stopped bothering to give gifts."
"You're nothing like your dad, love," Steve mumbles, reaching across the middle to put his free hand on Tony's leg with a quick smile. "You're a good dad. You've just been preoccupied recently. You're handling everything way better than I thought you would."
Tony wants to spill everything. His bad drinking habits and how ugly he feels on the inside. He wants to open his mouth and let everything fall out in the form of word-vomit.
Instead he says, "I just don't want Peter to take the repercussions of my mistakes."
"He's the happiest kid I've ever met. He'll be just fine. Especially after we take him out for ice cream. I heard you promised him a lot more than that too."
"Anything for my kid," Tony agrees. Except that's apparently a lie, proven by the last few months of bad habits. Apparently, alcohol falls above Peter in his list of priorities.
Peter's grinning and happy as ever as he hops into the backseat of their beaten-up car, already rambling about his fantastic day.
He has a new favourite dinosaur, Miss Cat has officially bumped him up to Grade four maths, even though he can do higher than that as a kindergartener, Peter and Ned got to watch Bill Nye at recess instead of playing outside, and the lunch lady gave Peter an extra cookie at lunch.
Steve pulls up outside the ice cream parlour, waiting for Tony to help Peter out of the car before holding open the door for both of them.
Peter chooses bubble gum and birthday cake for his double scoop ice cream cone. Steve gets strawberry and vanilla. Tony gets cookie dough and chocolate chip.
Tony takes Peter's free hand, the one that isn't carrying his cone, as they start walking down the long street. They're just outside the city where they can see the skyscrapers far off in the horizon, lifting above the trees easily, but there's no people bustling down the sidewalks and the air is clean.
Steve loosely tosses his arm around Tony's shoulder, being careful not to squish Peter between them as they all eat their ice cream happily.
Tony's all but forgotten about his plans to buy more alcohol, no tingling desperation in his veins, no tension in his shoulders with his need to take the edge off. It's just peace and warmth and happiness for the first time in a long time.
They reach the pier.
It's not very big, just a little dock that leads into a large pond. It wouldn't even be counted as a river, it's so small.
But they sit at the edge and Peter peels his shoes and socks off, reaching his little legs down as far as they'll go so he can touch the water with his toes.
The only time people really come here is in the spring, when it rains, and the pond fills higher than ever. It's almost summer already, so the water's back to normal level.
"I love you," Steve says, out of the blue. His eyes are facing the horizon where the sunset has turned the sky a multitude of shades of pinks and oranges. He's got a lazy smile on his face, sun kissed skin radiating in the light. He turns his head a little to look at Tony, grinning brighter when their eyes meet. "I really, really do."
"I love you too," Tony replies, heart swelling with the simplicity of the situation. They're a real family despite missing Carol and Rhodey. The three of them make a pretty good family.
Peter giggles, eyes bright with his joy as he finishes off his ice cream and leans properly down to dip his feet in the water.
"Don't slip, Bambi. I don't want a wet kid in my car," Tony says, grabbing Peter by the back of the t-shirt when his hand slips and he almost falls from the dock. He tugs his kid backwards until he's smooshed properly between the two adults.
"Hold on. I'll be right back," Steve says suddenly, hands twisting nervously in his shirt. He smiles reassuringly at Tony's worried gaze and races back up the dock.
"Mister Steve is acting weird," Peter murmurs knowingly. He leans heavily against Tony, suddenly looking really tired. "Are you still going to make dinner and do science with me tonight?"
"A promise is a promise, buddy," Tony replies, kissing the crown of Peter's head a few times. "I'm going to do better. I promise. I know you don't want my promises, but I do promise. I'll do better. Daddy's just been a little stressed lately."
"Why?" Peter asks, pulling away to look at Tony properly. He tilts his head to the side and bites his bottom lip, looking more like a puppy than ever.
"Do you remember when my dad came to visit? He was kind of scary and mean to you?" Tony says gently. "Well my dad is gone now. I'm never going to see him again and the last time I did, I was really angry with him. I'm just sad that I never got to say I'm sorry."
"That's okay, Daddy, I'm sure he forgives you. You'd forgive me, wouldn't you?" Peter asks, wide eyes staring at Tony with an insane amount of trust and understanding.
"I would. I don't think I've ever been angry with you, buddy, but if I was, I'd forgive you," Tony replies. "You're so smart, you know that?"
"Everyone tells me that. So are you," Peter says, relaxing back against Tony's chest as though he's just solved every one of Tony's problems. Maybe he has. "Miss Cat says that she's going to see if I can go to a smart school after I graduate kindergarten. She wants to set up a meeting with you."
"Of course, she does," Tony sighs. "I'll call her tonight about it. We'll see, buddy. I just don't want you to lose Ned."
"Me neither," Peter agrees, yawning widely. "You're sure you'll do science with me tonight?"
The lack of faith sends a pang of hurt to Tony's heart.
"Yeah. We'll keep working through all of science. This weekend we'll work extra hard and you can help me some of my projects in the garage. Maybe we can go to the park too."
He can hear Steve's footsteps coming up behind him and he takes a deep breath, basking in the warmth of Peter against his chest and in the sun setting over the forest across the pond, sunlight bouncing across the water, and the soft parental adoration that's filling his chest before he turns his head to greet his boyfriend.
Only to find Steve on one knee.
"I know it's soon," Steve says, eyes wide with obvious nerves. He has a ring clutched between his fingers, holding it out towards Tony. "I know it's soon. We've only knows each other for like... Six months or something and I haven't even had time to plan this speech, but I love you, Tony. I love you so fu- fricking much that I don't remember a life without you by my side. I love you and I love this little family you've created and that you've let me be apart of it."
He takes a deep shaky breath in, baby blue eyes watering as he struggles to keep the shake out of his voice. Peter moves away from Tony to go back to the water, somehow understanding that this is a private moment.
"I love that I get to wake up beside you every morning and your messy bedhead and your cuddles and your cooking. I love how smart you are and how selfless you are. I love how much you care about the little things and I love how much effort you put into every single thing you do. I didn't have a lot after I graduated University. I lived by myself, went to work, came home, and didn't do much else. But then you were at the grocery store and I pretended I needed to know where the soup was just so I could talk to you because oh my god you're so beautiful- I just... I took you out for coffee and you were so sweet and kind and-"
Steve cuts himself off, drawing in another shaky breath. He's making it up as he goes, unsure of where his words are really getting him, but Tony's grinning from ear to ear, eyes filled with unshed tears.
"I just love you so much. And I want this to be forever between us. I want to be able to call you mine for the rest of my life. I'm prepared to go through thick and thin, to put up with how you make us get pineapple on pizza sometimes because you like it better. And your weird sleeping habits and that you're a blanket hog and that you hate cleaning. I just- I want this to be forever, Tony Stark. Because I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before."
Tony sits totally frozen for a good few moments, letting the words wash over him.
"Will you marry me?" Steve asks, voice strong and confident as he reaches out his free hand to take Tony's in his.
The words get stuck in his throat for too long, forgetting which way's up and which way the sky is. Forgetting everything around him except for Steve's watery blue eyes and choppy blond hair and strong shoulders and the ring in his hand.
He's nodding quickly before he even realizes he's doing it and then the words are flooding the someone turned on the faucet of his lungs.
"Oh my god, Steve, yes. Yes! Yes, yes, yes. Holy shi-shoot. That's- that's- oh my god. Oh my god, Steve," he rambles senselessly, jaw slack and eyes wide.
"Yes?" Steve repeats, relief flooding through his body, immediately followed by intense joy.
"Yes! Oh my god, yes!" Tony exclaims. His ice cream cone slips from his hand and it hits the dock, little bits of ice cream splashing across their legs. He throws his now free hands around Steve's neck, tugging him into a passionate kiss.
When Steve pulls away, there are tears flooding down his cheeks out of pure unfiltered love and joy. With shaky hands, he grabs Tony's hand and slides the beautiful ring onto his finger.
Tony stares at it for a long few seconds, admiring the way the setting sun makes it sparkle and shine. And then he pushes his lips back against Steve's. It's a clumsy kiss, too many tears and almost hysterical laughter interrupting it, but they stay pressed against each other like it's the only thing that matters.
*
Later that night, after Peter's long fallen asleep, after they've collapsed under the sheets, all entangled limbs and watery laughs and smiles too big for their faces, Tony kisses his ring and promises himself that in the morning, he'll dump his alcohol and rid the house of the empty bottles.
The promise of a new beginning letting him sleep peacefully for the first time in a long time.
_____
IMPORTANT:
For story purposes, I've kind of been pushing this story to move at a fast-pace because I have a set number of chapters I'm planning on writing (twenty plus the prologue and epilogue) but I feel like we're missing out on all the little moments.
I literally skipped straight over all of Teen dad tony with baby peter and I've skipped over a lot of Aunt Carol and Uncle Rhodey and Dad Steve which all makes me kind of sad...
So, would you be interested in me starting a little side book filled with mini-fics all surrounding this story? All the missing pieces that you don't get to see here. Please let me know!!
Lyss