I was back in the UK for battle rounds of The Voice Kids 2019, and I gotta tell you Channing didn't like it that much. I mean he was petty enough to not like any of my pictures that I took in the UK and posted them up on Instagram. He really really hated that he couldn't go with me. He hated himself. He hated everything that made the two of us temporarily apart. He hated it so so much that he didn't even bother to wave me goodbye at our door before I left, but decided to leave home very early in the morning far before I went to the airport instead, because he said he was afraid that he couldn't let me go if he was there with me.
Please don't blame him for being this ridiculous LOL, because he had been used to the feeling of having me sleeping next to him throughout 2 weeks since we moved in together, so when I wasn't there, the night was quiet and it was really hard to get through. It's lonely and trust me, nobody wants that shit.
We'd been on the phone for more than 2 hours, and someone came over for some business. He always let me be the one who hangs up first so this time would be the same too. And the second I was going to hang up, I heard a line from a strange voice that stopped me from doing it:
- Aren't you working again, Chan?
The male voice was so helpless that I thought that question was asked as a beg from him to Channing Tatum.
- Why are you asking so? – Channing chuckled cos obviously what the man asked him just came out of nowhere.
- Because you are acting like you wanna quit, bro. – the man replied.
- Of course I'll come back to work. – Channing said, still chuckling.
- Are you sure cos there are something coming up and it's huge. – the man excitingly told Channing, but I could feel there was something off in his voice. It kinda sounded like he wasn't confident about the thing that he was gonna talk about to Channing.
- 23 Jump Street, right? – Channing asked, which he didn't need an answer for it, as he'd known about it since forever. The info came to him a while ago, and even I was aware of it.
- Yes. – the man responded.
- If there will be 23 Jump Street than I'm all in. – Channing said, which made me smiled cos I really really wanna at least once in my life be able to visit his set life while he's filming hardworkingly.
I wanna see him working, I wanna bring him some snacks or lunches. I just desperately wanna know what it feels to see him as an actor and how I would feel when I see him doing the thing that he's the best at. I just couldn't wait to the day I was able to swap the position with him, which then I would be the supportive one who shows up everywhere my husband goes and would take care of him to bits like what he did for me during my Tour, or even during my normal life.
- Why? Why you rejected Magic Mike but agree to do Jump Street? – the man asked, curiosity mixed with a bit of anger I thought.
- Well, because 22 Jump Street helped me meet Jessie back in 2015 and that was one of the best shortest moment of my life so I'm just thankful and want to make it up for that moment. You know I'm a fair player, man. – his smile appeared in my mind while he was saying that.
He always involves me in every of his decisions, so that's why people are hating on me and thinking that I take over his life LOL. Well now I'm telling ya I don't mind what they say, I don't care what they think about that, and I just love being insanely involved like this. I love when he does things that I don't even ask for, it's just so thoughtful and adorable.
- ... - the man was speechless I thought. I don't think he would have good impression about me after this convo with Channing tho. LOL.
Since he didn't say anything back, Channing suddenly remembered of something else and kept on talking:
- Ah, and Jessie really likes me in the Jump Streets too, she thinks my character was cute as fuck. So fuck everything else, cos if she thinks it was cute, imma do that shit until she's bored at it to the point she vomits into my face.
- Then what about Magic Mike? – he sounded a bit annoyed.
What was wrong with him? It's Channing's work so it's his personal choice, ok? Calm the fuck down, bruv. Gezz.
- No, I mean... she loves it but she doesn't really enjoy me doing all that shit with other girls so I don't want to repeat that.
Aww, he doesn't need to mind me at all. All he has to do if he is gonna do another sequel for MM is that I'm gonna be the one that he lap-dances on throughout the movie. It's not a big problem, he can totally do another one if the people who involve in the movie can generously accept that condition LOL.
- Are you just all about her right fucking now? Are you out of your fucking mind?!
See? I told you all he was annoyed at the first place when Channing mentioned my name, but now he had lost his shit entirely and turned absolutely mad.
- Look. I don't just reject projects because my baby isn't comfortable with my character. However, I decide to not continue because I don't like to do that stuff with other girls besides her either. – Channing explained politely and clearly.
- Chan, you fucking dumbass, they are offering ton shit of money just to ask you for some fucking moves on screen! – the man told Channing with his high as fuck tone and it obviously got on my nerves.
Now listen, if his mother and I can't raise our voice at him, neither can you.
Gosh my blood was boiling so bad and I couldn't do anything to defend my man because I was doing a very wrong thing, I was spying on their private conversation, so unfortunately I couldn't even dare to breathe strong, let alone raise my voice to rip his face off for daring to talk to my Channing in that unacceptable manner.
- Eric, it's not that complicated, I just love her too much, more than anything else in the world. All I wanna do right now is to spend as much time with her and Everly as possible, but Jessie was actually the one who nagged me to go back to work. And I listened to her, I made a promise that I would come back on the big screen really soon. Dude, if I'm still doing movies and you feel grateful because of that, you should say thanks to her. If she didn't threaten to break up with me when I was going to do what I have wanted to do since I met her, I would have been Jessie J's manager for ages and would never ever come back to acting, dude. I'm not dumb, Eric. I was just sick of everything that I've ever done in my life, and this girl... she saved me. She did fucking save my life and helped me get my shit back together.
When Channing was determined on his decision, even God couldn't change his mind. I have been knowing that I mean so much to him, but never in my life I have ever imagined it would be this much.
- But...
But but my ass. Move the fuck on, Jesus!
- Listen man, those aren't important, the important thing is that I have fun doing my stuff. And I only have fun when she has some fun with me so I wish you can understand. We're really involving in each other's life and it really is the most fun I've ever had so I'm doing it and trying to do it as best as I can.
And after that the man was gone out of the door without even realising that he was hating on me in my own house LOL. It's ok, I'm fine, I don't mind at all about anything else except from the fact that he raised his voice at Channing, and my sweet Channing didn't even act rude back even once to his painful ass.
You just cant convince Channing when he gives his final decision to you. And that's one of the things I love most about him, that he rarely changes his mind no matter how much people try to have an impact on his life to drive him into another direction that they want and wish. He just doesn't give 2 fucks, cos aint nobody got time for that shit.
And the next thing was Channing Tatum suddenly picked up his phone before myself even acknowledged to find out the fact that he just realised I was listening to his private conversation the whole time.
- H... hey. – I awkwardly waved at him and tried to act innocent.
- Again? – he squinted his eyes at me and tried to make me think about the last time when I listened to his conversation with his Mum in the toilet.
- I'm sorry... again. – I scratched the back of my head while lowering it and apologised deeply to show my tremendous remorse.
Instead of scolding at me for being sneaky, he softly said:
- He didn't mean any harm, don't blame him, ok?
- But he yelled at you. – I finally could get that out of my chest, it felt so much better. But my God it still upsets me just by thinking about it.
That guy! Rrrrr!! Who did he think he is?!
- It's ok. He's like a brother. He's not a bad person, I can guarantee that. – he smiled to comfort me since he couldn't hug me like he usually does every time I feel uneasy.
- Well, then don't yell at my Channing if he's really a good person! – I pouted while expressing how upset I was about the manner of that man towards my husband.
- He wont next time. – he chuckled at my protective ass over him.
- How can you be sure about that? – I inflamed my cheeks as I didn't feel like smiling at that moment.
- If he yells out me once more, I'll crack his annoying ass right open. – he tried to make me smile by his weird sense of humour and succeeded.
I laughed out loud and couldn't help but kept a whole smile on my face.
- You ok now? Not upset anymore? – he asked to reassure me.
I nodded my head and brightened my smile to reassure my man.
- Can I tell you something? – he asked suddenly.
I nodded without a second thought. Of course I could. I would listen to anything that comes from his precious mouth.
- You know... Evy's Mom and I fought a lot in the last few years of us still being together.
- Why? – I asked out of curiosity.
- Because... I was rejecting a lot of projects to spend more time with Evy and her.
- And when you say "a lot", it really means A LOT, doesn't it? – I asked since I somewhat know Jenna, she would never ridiculously fight with anyone if they do the right thing.
He bit on his lower lip and slightly nodded.
- You do encourage me to get back to my working life, but why do you most of the time just let me do my things and don't fight with me when I decide to take constant breaks and keep refusing new projects? – he asked.
- ... - because I'm different from Jenna. Jenna has her own way of loving someone and I too have my own way.
- And then when I spend too much and you would nag my face off about that.
- ... - that made me genuinely smiled. See? I don't fight with him but I nag. Told ya I have my own way LOL.
- When you had problems with me lap dance on other women, when you were not comfortable seeing me taking off my shirt in front of other people, when you put the professionalism aside to just be my wife and be naturally jealous over things, when you're honest with your not so calm moments and suddenly turned into a pretty beast.
He stopped to have a closely intense look at me, then slightly smiled and continued:
- When you didn't have a problem with me overdoing things for you which are absolutely unnecessary when I figured it out later by myself, but I still love to be as extra as I possibly can for you though.
I laughed at how he finally knew that it was unnecessary and over the amount that he's supposed to show. He knew it but would keep doing it until the day I die cos that's just who the fuck he is.
- When you always caught up on my stupid ideas and supported them entirely despite the fact that you thought they were real dumb.
Well, he did the same thing to me too so.
However, none of his decisions are dumb to be honest. I swear to God my man has the most brilliant mindset in the entire world. What he chose for himself or for me have never been failed you all. Most of them were satisfyingly successful and the rest was mildly or acceptably successful. What word would it be to describe the perfection of my man? Talented? Extraordinary? Or simply awesome?
- I just love you for everything you do for me, Jessica. I'm so touched that every step of my way you're always involving and you allow me to do the same things back to your life as well. I feel like I finally find my ultimate home, the one that I don't need to pack up and move anymore but can peacefully live there forever.
The warm green colour of his beautiful eyes made my soul felt as safe as ever. The sincerity in his voice convinced me to the extremities about everything that he just said.
Wiped away a drop of overjoyful tears that was stuck on the tail of my eye, sniffed my nose and I said:
- I mean... let's have a clear look through this.
I wanna cry so bad just by looking at his full concentration and attention on what I was gonna say. Where can you get a man this wonderful nowadays? The one that always listens and always tries his best to understand the root of everything in your life, the one that will never ignore anything if it relates to his woman.
Just tell me where.
You cant, can ya?
Cos they're so fucking rare and one of them is mine.
My voice was kinda choked up as I confessed to him just how not that wonderful I am:
- Where do I get the right to object you from this and that? I don't have it and don't deserve it obviously. I leave you for my own work constantly, and because of that you take breaks to be able to catch up with my life. I am the reason that you keep postponing your projects and not welcoming the new things to come your way, so I'm the one to blame, not you, baby.
I wished I could touch him when I pointed my finger through the screen phone. what kind of magic do I have to buy to do that? Please tell me cos I would buy it at any costs.
- People call it "breaks" but they aren't really that relaxing to be called so, because you temporarily quit your own job to babysit me, to take care of me, to worry for me, to support me on stage and off stage, to try your best to be present in my life and my career. You never have any breaks, baby. You work constantly, nonstop and work like crazy.
I took a deep breath and kept talking:
- Loving on me is a hard job but you're killing it. Therefore, you have every single right in the world to do whatever that heck you want besides spending money on stupid things and cheating on me.
- Thank you... for loving me. And sorry that I love you. – he said.
Sorry for what? He's the blessing of my life. I cant thank him enough, then why did he need to apologise?
- You know you may look simple from the outside but when it comes to the inside of yours... you're just not that easy to deal with at all. I don't think anyone else besides me can deal with your crazy and random ass including Jenna. She's just too good, too kind, too sweet and too perfect for you, and I'm absolutely the opposite of her so that I can awesomely handle your psycho ass. I mean I'm invidious, I'm out of my fucking mind most of the time, and disastrous enough to fixedly fit your assholic personality. I blow shit up very often and act reckless towards pretty much every single shit in my entire life, the way I live my life is just like the way Channing Tatum lives his own damn life, so we surely get along well.
Jenna is just too gentle for Channing, that's why she couldn't handle the fact that Channing abandoned his work for her. Her heart is so pure to bear that feeling of supposing herself as an obstacle or a burden of his life, so they fought a lot because of that. But I'm the opposite, because I believe in Channing Tatum, I truly have a ridiculously huge amount of trust on my husband, he may seem like he doesn't know what he's doing sometimes but believe me he knows everything, he has plans for what's supposed to come up next, he just doesn't show it to the world. Jenna may not see that in him, so that's why she was worried that she was gonna be one of the reasons to destroy his wonderful career. However, I do, I can see it transparently. We are very very alike, yet very very different. I know it's confusing but trust me it's not at all, you can simply imagine the two of us as 2 puzzles that fit perfectly to one another. Because we both pretty much know ahead of what one another will do next, I confidently know where Channing is going and even which path he is more likely to choose.
I know you may have thought that it's bullshit that someone who had only known a person for nearly 6 months but had understood them inside out. Well, it's not and it's 100% true, man. And this is exactly the reason why I am sure that you're made for each other, and to put it in another word, we're destined. It's not bullshit, but it's magic.
- Channing, I got your back. – I told my man, tilted my head while smiling at him dearly.
- I know you always have. – he said and then smiled.
That smile killed me. Fuck! How can a person be that handsome?! Ugh!
- Do you know how sexy you are? Well of course you know. You're Channing Tatum after all. What I asked was just a waste of words, wasn't it? – I asked all of a sudden because of that goddamn smile and answered myself alone.
I mean you just don't need any words to describe the beauty that he has. All you have to do is to say his name "Channing Tatum" and people will react to that in the way that you can never imagine. Just "Channing Tatum" is enough.
Channing laughed at me and my silly question, then asked me back in the same tone:
- Do you know how pretty you are? Even when you don't have your lash extension on and have not combed your hair yet, or the eyebrows aren't in sight, the freckles on your nose and cheeks aren't covered by makeup, you're still the prettiest girl I've ever seen. – of course he said that, cos I was in front of him, he couldn't have said otherwise LOL.
- Liar. You used to say the prettiest girl you've ever seen was Alicia Fansher. – he did! In whatever previous chapter I don't remember, but check it out cos he did.
- Oh, have I? – he frowned his perfect brows and asked in higher pitched tone. - You'd come in second then. – then he finished his sentence with this.
- Asshole. – I side-eyed him to the death.
Channing laughed at me once again, the sound of his laughter refreshed my soul. It was so clear, so pure and so therapeutic. I can listen to it all day all night for no reasons just because it's Channing Tatum's laughter and I love it so much.
He looked at me with his own weird way that he usually does to look at me, and then said something that I had never expected:
- Why am I so proud of you even though all you're doing right at this moment is just simply breathing?
What he just asked completely turned off my capability to verbalise. I totally became speechless and only stared back at him dumbfoundedly.
- You may not believe this but in my whole life there are only 2 things that I'm proud of. Being Everly's Father and you, Jessica Cornish. You two are my everything. – he smiled, the way his kissable lips curved made me wanna go home with him so bad.
I wanna kiss him, hug him, cuddle up and watch a movie with him. I wanted myself to be there with him so bad. Not through a stupid phone, but be next to him to feel his warmth and could actually smell his body fragrance.
I'm his Jessica and he's my Channing. And that's one of our boring conversations that we had. Thanks for reading LOL. But I honestly love it so much. Don't you?
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It was 11/02/2019, Whitney's 7th death anniversary.
She's not my family member, we are not at all related, but why is it every fucking year on this day, my heart feels uneasy? It feels like there is a rock on my chest and it's been 7 years but I still can't get it off of me.
I've never shared this to anyone. Even my best of bestfriends, my Mum doesn't even know about it. I don't talk about this because I'm scared that people may think I'm crazy.
Like a tradition every year, I would take a day off on this day to celebrate her music and the inspiration that she forever impacts on me. It depends on what my mood is every year. If it's real bad, then I would cry my heart out. If it's ok, then I would just drop a few drops of tears and move on with my life. And today I felt ok.
My phone rang, a messaged delivered. I ran over from the kitchen counter to the sofa to have a look at it.
- Wifey, are you ok? – it's from "123 Hubby Tatum".
What did he mean was I ok?
I frowned my brows, scratched the back of my head confusingly and replied back:
- What do you mean by that, hubby? But why are we texting? – cos we usually facetime.
A few seconds later, he texted back:
- Cos you haven't posted all day on Instagram, so I am worried. Is something wrong?
I smiled at how my hubby checked on me by silently and sneakily stalking my Instagram like a crazy fan. I love his cute ass so much haha.
I wanted to have a think for myself before going ahead and telling him about the thing that I was struggling to deal with every year on this day, but I didn't wanna make him wait for too long, so I vaguely asked:
- Channing, you know I love Whitney Houston so much, right?
- Of course I know. Everything your fans know, I know. *smiley face*
I didn't know what to reply so I wrote and then deleted, I typed and then removed. It kept on going until his next message delivered:
- Are you suffering, baby? If you are, you have to tell me. – I could smell the impatience and burn from his every word. His ass was on fire and he desperately wanted to be here with me, I'm so sure about that.
Again, I didn't know what to respond to that, so I just stupidly looked at the phone screen and read it over and over again countless of times.
- Do you know what I always wish ever since I knew Whitney Houston is your biggest inspiration? – a message was once again delivered.
I love the fact that it doesn't matter how much impatient he was right at that moment, he still contained himself pretty well to not call me even though I myself knew that he totally had lost his shit over there. Even when it's burning inside him and driving him crazy, he still gave me my privacy to think about what I wanted to think about, and showing care for me by sticking to texting instead. He has never done things that make it hard on me, and I appreciate it so so much.
- No. – I replied ultimately.
A few minutes later, a text had arrived, and to me those few minutes seemed like forever since that was the longest time he ever took to answer a text from me.
A very long text was delivered and I read it with gratitude and the love raising inside me for him every single second went by.
- I wish I could bring her back to this life in 5 minutes so you could perform in front of her, so she would know how far you have gone and how much you have grown as an artist. I want her to be proud of you as much as I am. I want her to know that even if she's gone, you're trying your best every single day to keep her music alive and accepted by younger generations. I want her to cry out of pride and to give you a hug and tell you that you've done so well, and she's so proud of you. I want her to smile at you, to hold your hand, to not be able to help herself but jump on stage and perform with you out of a blue. I want you to feel her warmth for at least 10 seconds so you could feel completely completed and not always have an empty hole in your heart like this. If I could give my everything just to give you 5 minutes with her, I would do it, Jessie.
And a few minutes later, another one had arrived:
- Though I wanna talk to you and hear your voice so desperately, but I will behave myself and won't bother you today, because I know on days like this all you need is spending time alone and reflect on things you love and treasure. So I'm going for now, but if you miss me, just call me. I miss you so much, babe, wanna fly over so bad with you, babe. I love you, Bunny Tatum. *bunny emoji*
I put the phone down and did what he thought I would do on days like this. I reflected on one of the most impactful women of my life, I love her, I treasure her, I once again thought about her.
---------------------------------
It's our first Valentine and we couldn't be together. It does sound suck but for the first time in my life I don't feel bad staying apart from a man who's in a relationship with me. I don't know why but I didn't feel sad at all because I know deep down inside that it doesn't matter how far I go and how long he has to wait for me, he's always on my mind, I'm always on his and he will wait for me despite of the matter of time.
Contrast to me, Channing Tatum hated it so much. He wanted to fly over with me but I banned him from doing it because of Everly. I believe you all know about Channing Tatum was just successful on receiving the right to custody Evy on 2 days on weekdays and the weekend with Jenna. It was just approved so he at any costs couldn't go anywhere far from the US, cos this is no joke, they could reconsider and take away his right anytime they wanted if they didn't feel like Channing deserved to co-parent with Jenna. Therefore, we couldn't risk that. I would rather die than being one of the reasons Channing lost the right to custody Evy. Therefore, if he unfortunately fucked this up, I would fuck his life up next.
"Check your email, Bunny." – I don't need to say who the message was from, right?
So I went online to check my email and received an audio a few minutes long from him.
I smiled to myself, took a deep breath and pressed play.
His warm and joyful voice came up which filled my heart entirely and suddenly made me choked up for no reasons. Maybe because I missed him so much, that's why.
"Happy Valentine Jessica. It sucks that it's our first Valentine together but I cant be there to share it with you.
Because I cant be there to remind you how beautiful and awesome you are in person, so I'm gonna do it right here, right now, on my phone. I know you might have been sick of it already but still, I wanna tell you every single day how deserving and incredible you are. Wifey, you're the hugest pain in the ass sometimes but you're still the most amazing ex-stranger of my life.
Has anyone ever told you that you don't just have a pretty face, but your mind is the prettiest thing ever too? Well, I have done that every single day already but still, I'm going to repeat it once more to make sure that you are clear on it.
You're smart, kind, funny, creative, wise, humble, sweet, confident, kind of a savage and somewhat insane but that's ok. I mean I'm just so proud of you, just look at what a badass you pull out of yourself in this crazy industry blows my fucking mind. How can you not change a thing or alter at least one aspect of yourself when life was that hard on you after all those years? I mean you did lose your own mind and misdirected who you really are a couple of times, and other rough shit being thrown at you unstoppably, but you climbed back up like a pro and found the way back to yourself again and again. That shit is fucking inspiring and awesome, babe. You should be proud of yourself because I super am.
I don't have roses today, I cant give you the best sex you will ever be able to have in your entire life today, I cant at least hold your hand and walk you down the street today, and I cant even touch you today, but baby I hope you know that you're always on my mind and in my heart, 24/7 is not even enough time for my obsessed ass to think about you.
I know I have a sweet mouth, as you always call me the sweet talker, but do you know that I don't spit sugar randomly like it's free? I just do it to you, you know? Because previous men in your life didn't treat you right, I have the responsibility to give you the best of bests that this world can offer a wonderful soul like you. And I don't think of it as a burden like you always blame on yourself when it comes to me taking care of you, because it literally is a privilege, Jessica. You are the most fortunate thing that has ever happened to me.
When I say I love you, I don't mean otherwise, because I really really love you baby, I really do. I don't think I have loved anyone this much in my entire life to be honest. Not even Alicia Fasher, the woman I thought I would love the most out of this whole world. You won Jessica, and I will forever lose for you.
It's Valentine and you have to work, that sucks, doesn't it?
But that's how life works.
I mean... what can we do now?
Absolutely nothing.
By the way, I have to go play with Evy, she's waiting for me.
But don't get jealous though, cos we love you, Bunny, no lies LOL.
But... can I please be allowed to love you forever though? Just because I'm Channing Tatum, can I please be?
No, no. Don't answer it! It's nothing. I may miss you so much that I turn crazy and start to talk non sense again.
Jessica, Bunny, please don't cry after this. Please please I beg you. I cant be there to wipe your tears and it kills me, so please promise me you wont cry.
I love you so much, Bunny Tatum. I'm sorry I leave you alone on this Valentine. I'm so so sorry, baby. And I really really love you so fucking much. B... bye. Jessica, bye."
Channing Tatum, happy Valentine's day from where I was to where you were. My heart just changed its beat to be in the same rhythm as yours, did you hear that? it just stopped for a few seconds to wait for yours to catch up with it.
I love you Hubby Tatum, I really really do, too. Forever. Even death wont be able to tear us part.
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