Haytham Point of view
An hour has passed and I lay awake, I hear Connor faintly snoring in the bed next to mine. It is strangely a comfort to me that at least, the boy trusts me enough to sleep. Though it is likely a very light sleep, I sit up and look at the sleeping face of my son. I nearly laugh Connor face is twisted into a scowl, is the boy ever not scowling?
The same thought also brings me sorrow, if I had done things better stayed with Ziio to raise Connor our son together. Perhaps the boy would be free with a smile, but alas I have failed him I feel guilty for that. I suppose I feel something for the boy, that day in the gallows is proof. I had felt fear a feeling, I didn't even feel moments after when Hickey was facing death. Why had the prospect of Connor dying intimidated me, so if I don't care at least a little?
I think of seeing him in prison of the hanging, of that day at the Church where I tackled Connor. Of the mission that followed, where the boy left himself so vulnerable. I could have and probably should have taken at least one of the opportunities, or even now to end this thorn in my side. So why can't I do it? I thought. It's isn't love I swear to that, to love is to leave oneself open to hurt and I have had enough of that for one lifetime. Hell I have felt enough hurt for a thousand lives, besides this boy is a stranger to me. Do I know anything about Connor? Aside from of course his hard life, and misguided steps. No I don't know Connor at all, a small voice whispers to me to change that before it is too late. I cursed my old age, it is getting to me.
Haytham: I cannot get too close, I fear I already have gotten too deep. For me to get to know you would be to bond, and neither of us need that son.
I whisper to him
Haytham: if things could be only different... perhaps you could have been raised to be my heir. I could have watched you grow up, maybe I would know what you look like... when you laugh genuinely happy and carefree. You could have made me proud, and I could have been a good... father. No I do not deserve that title now, do I?
I sigh heavily and shook my head
Haytham: I do not wish to bring you harm, but I fear it will come to that. Unless I can bring you over... then I wouldn't have to hurt you, you can be by my side. We can work together to guide the colonies as father and son, god that would be wonderful. To have you trust me..love me and work with me. All of which without hiding the fact we even speak, I would have loved that.
I brush some hair from Connor face, realising I'm standing by his bedside. When did I get up? It's doesn't matter! I rest my hand on his cheek.
Haytham: I suppose I care more about you, than I wish to let on
With one last sigh I lay back down to sleep, that night follows is restless filed with torment and guilt.
I awake once more, I don't know how much time has passed. At first I think it is my own torment that awoke me, but after a moment I hear Connor mumbling from the other bed while he was tossing and turning. I sit up and look at my son, who looks like he is... frightened? What does a man like Connor have nightmares about? I look over at the fire and it dawns on me, Connor is afraid of fire. I wonder if his dream has anything to do with a fire, or perhaps the fire.
I look back at my son who is now speaking much louder, it is of course Mohawk. But it's sounds distressed, perhaps I should wake him up. As I have that thought and decide to act on it, Connor sits upright in a blur of motion. He is sweating immensely and hyperventilating, Connor panic almost makes me panic. I've never seen Connor in this way, not even when we were trapped in the fire.
Connor: ista!
He says through his breaths, I realise I'm staring and decide to do something.
Haytham: Connor Connor, it was just a dream
I said quickly as I moved over to Connor bed and sit next to him.
Connor: father?
He look confused
Haytham: it's okay, it was just a dream
I patted his shoulder
Connor: no it was not! It was real! Ista!
Not only he was hyperventilating, but he's struggling to control the tears. I've never seen him cry before, this alone freaks me out I felt helpless.
Haytham: look at me you need to relax, breath in.
Connor eyes meet mine, but is still breathing fast
Haytham: no I mean big deep breath, keep breathing in until I say alright.
He obeys me taking a long deep breath
Haytham: alright hold it
I count to three in my head
Haytham: let it out now
Connor exhales letting out a long breath, before sniffing
Haytham: you good?
Connor: yes I'm so sorry... I.... the dreams they're never been so bad. Never felt so... real I did not intend to wake you. Connor sniffles again and wipes his eyes, as he looks down in embarrassment.
I feel strong pity for him, he thinks I'm judging him or that I think he's weak. He couldn't me more wrong, I gently wiped a fresh tear that escaped Connor eye. I hope it's the comforting paternal gesture, I'm intending it to be.
Haytham: do not apologise
I whispered to him
Connor: thank you
He mumbles
Haytham: whatever for?
I asked curiously, I can't believe he said thank you to me.
Connor: for calming me down
Haytham: I must confess, I almost panicked as well you... looked-
I was cut off
Connor: scared? Hysterical?
Haytham: both actually
Connor looks away, shame evident on his face
Connor: I was more,,, than just a little scared
Haytham: Connor look at me
Connor bits his lip but does not comply, I gently take his chin and turn his head to me.
Connor: I never wanted to be seen like that... especially not by you
Haytham: look I understand how you must feel, I know you work hard to build a protective wall around your heart. And you hide your emotions... showing the world only a scowl. But know this... to feel.. love, hurt or fear does not make you weak. In fact it takes a brave man, to admit any of those. Especially when you carry as much weight as you do, it's easy to be ashamed at any show of what you think is weakness. But listen... anyone who cares about you will not frown upon a weak moment, they will be there to support you. And I promise.. I will not see you any different because you are being haunted, by the ghosts of your past.
Damm that was a good speech, maybe my parenting skills aren't completely bad I thought.
Connor smiles he looks me in the eyes a few moments, most likely taking in my words and replaying them in his head. He knows that my words are sincere, he surprises me when wraps his arm around me. I freeze I know he wouldn't ordinarily do this, but he's vulnerable at the moment. I feel needed like I'm actually important to him, I did something right for once, his grip tightens and I smile and wrap my own arm around him in a hug. I feel the strongest fondness for him, stronger than any feeling I've had in years. If only it could be this easy, when Connor isn't hurting and emotionally vulnerable.
Connor Point of view
I expected to wake up in the morning feeling the same strong fondness for my father that I had last night, but if there was any change after our experience, I can't tell. Father is no longer a caring and concerned parent, he is Haytham I feel that is the only way to describe the man. We both act as if nothing happened the previous night, it is just as well. I don't want father to think too much, about my weakest moment. I am far too proud to even consider what father, really thinks of the incident. I groan just thinking about it, I'm sure he thinks I'm a crybaby now.
Haytham: are you going to join me for breakfast, or is it against some Assassin tenet to consume?
My father asks, as he pokes his head in the room. I look at him and make a point to dramatically roll my eyes, rolling my whole head with the motion.
Connor: I am fine, feel free to eat without me
I simply said to him
Haytham: oh thank you for the permission
As my father leaves the room, I sigh I wish I could feel something for father. Anything at all, I honestly liked feeling close to him even in that brief moment we shared. Now I feel nothing.
I lay on my back on the bed and sigh heavily, maybe I can try and love father. After all I know now he has it in hm to be caring, he isn't a complete asshole. Not always anyway he was there when I needed him, and this is all that matters for now. I don't know how long I've laid there, lost in thought about my father. It isn't long however before father renters the room, I look at him and then back at the ceiling.
Haytham: what are you doing?
My father asks
Connor: thinking
I reply
Haytham: what about?
Connor: life
Haytham: life you say?
Connor: yes
Haytham: well unless you're busy meditating, I suggest we be off. We have a good travel ahead
I sit up and stretch, I wince at my back popping. Then begin putting my weapons, I straighten out the bed and stand up.
Connor: I'm ready
Haytham: oh no you are not
Connor: I am not?
I looked at him confused
Haytham: your hair is a complete mess, fix it this instant
My hands go up to my hair, I had left it in it's half ponytail last night. And now it is a waded mess, I sigh and pull out the band that holds my hair. I sit down and run my fingers through my hair.
Haytham Point of view
I look down at Connor and frown, there is that damm feeling of affection again. Last night Connor was quick to go to me for comfort, I thought there would be a shift in our relationship but Connor acts like it never happened. A shame I liked the feeling of having Connor hugging me, desperate for comfort that I could give him. It made me fell important to him.
I have to admit it's love, I feel I cannot run away from that forever. I love Connor after last night, there is no denying it. It makes a difference, it is a true shame there are few people in my life I ever truly loved my father, Jenny, Jim Holden and my love Ziio,
Connor: is this sufficient for you?
Connor asked as he looks at me
Haytham: oh yes, come now
I say as I turn to go, I hear the gentle footsteps of Connor behind me.
We ride out of the city without any word, we ride side by side through the frontier expect to make room for another horsemen heading the opposite direction. Though it's clear that Connor is leading, despite rarely being ahead. I am fine with following his lead, he knows his way around the forest than I do.
My horse begins to get nervous, I look around seeing no threat. What is the issue? I look at my son and both me and his horse are unbothered, perhaps my mind had gone crazy. My horse rears back and if it wasn't for me gripping its neck, I would have fallen off. Connor looks over with eyebrows raised, I just hold on and try to calm the animal down. Soon it stopped and stands still, I release my tight hold.
Haytham: what-
I begin right before the horse bucks once more, this time it succeeds and I land on my arse. The horse takes off running in the distance.
Haytham: bloody hell!
I shouted, as Connor looks at me and his eyes open wide.
Connor: do not make a sudden move
Connor warns me as he slowly turns his horse
Haytham: why?
Connor: just do as I say
Connor crouches on the horses back, I felt warmth just behind my head I slowly turn my head to look... and I look right into the big eyes of the bear. I gasp and crawl backwards, the beast growls and goes to attack me. I know I'm vulnerable and can't defend myself, I cover my face with my arms to protect myself.
But when I don't feel teeth sinking into my flesh, despite the growling that has intensified. I look Connor is on the back of the bear, stabbing it in the neck and back. Soon the bear dies and he skins it quickly, but not before muttering something in Mohawk. He then stands up and approach's me, when he reaches me he squats so he's at eye level with me.
Connor: are you hurt?
He asks
Haytham: no no, I'm fine
I say clearing my throat, Connor stands upright and offers his hand. I accept it and let him help me to my feet, I brush the dust off myself. Feeling slightly undignified, as I have to brush off my rear as well.
Connor: I told you no sudden moves, I could have killed it without such a hassle if you had provoke it. Or worse, you could have gotten your arm ripped off!
Connor says as he annoyed
Haytham: I know son, but I'm fine am I not?
Connor: yeah no thanks to me, you're welcome
I roll my eyes
Haytham: yeah yeah,now there is matter about a horse since mine so kindly ran off
Connor frowns and I rest hands on my hips, I look at the trees in thought and I see him looking down at his shoes.
Connor: I do not know father, perhaps there is somewhere near we can acquire one
I was only half listening to him, though focusing more on what I see ahead.
Haytham: so new have a big problem
I asked
Connor: what?
Haytham: there are four bears coming our way
Connor looks where I am, and sighs heavily.
Connor: New plan, get on my horse and run
Haytham: I'm not leaving you here alone, with those four bears!
I shouted at him, I didn't want to leave him like before.
Connor: I can handle them, it would be easier if I wasn't babysitting you!
I glared at my son
Haytham: fine be careful
Connor: of course, now go!
I sigh then mount on Connor horse, with a spur I take off.
I do not ride far I pace back and forth, Connors horse eating happily nearby. I sigh and look back in the direction I came, is Connor coming? I should go back? I thought. The decision made, I mount the horse again and take off back to where I left my son. Surely I have waited long enough, and by now he is finished with those bears. That or they're done with him, I shudder at the thought. I made it back seeing the bodies already skinned, laying about. Connor is kneeling by the final one, skinning it as well. I feel a wave of relief, I'm glad Connor is skinning them rather than them skinning him.
Connor: hello father
Connor says nonchalantly as he works, not even looking at me.
Haytham: do not act as though you've not kept me waiting who knows how long, wondering if you were bear food! What if you were dead!
I said outraged, I dismount and approach my son
Connor: oh I'm so sorry for wasting so much of your precious time killing these bears. Next time I will simply let them snack your arm.
He stands up and faces me
Haytham: yeah right, you wouldn't do that
Connor: you are absolutely right, wouldn't want them to get a liking to the taste of human flesh
Haytham: your lucky they aren't snacking on you!
Connor: it is not luck, I do not believe in luck just my own skill. But I am glad you are so concerned with my wellbeing that you're throwing a fit.
Haytham: I am not throwing a fit, besides why couldn't you have gotten on the horse with me and escaped instead of wasting time?
Connor: I find hunting rather calming, which is something I need when spending so much time around you
I scoff at his attitude
Haytham: look I'm through arguing, are you ready yet?
Connor: yes, but you are not
Haytham: oh?
Connor: you have no horse
I chuckled at this
Haytham: and who are you to be giving the orders?
Connor: the one with the horse
I sigh Connor was right, I hate it when Connor is right
Haytham: so how are things, I've not seen you in a while in two months actually. In fact I haven't heard much about you either, where have you been?
Connor: at sea
Haytham: I still think it's bloody miracle you get off that boat alive, not to mention that you came to captain it.
Connor: boat? What boat?
He asked confused
Haytham: your boat
Connor: the only boat I have is a rowboat, and one can't really Captain one of those.
I had to laugh to this
Haytham: oh my, you sound like my father I mean your ship.
He looks at me over his shoulder
Connor: oh my ship! Well I'll have you know I make an excellent Captain.
Haytham: mhmm, of course you do
Connor: die slowly
They way his eyes are twinkling, and the ghost of a smile that is on his face. I know he's joking deep down.
Haytham: make me
Connor: you want me to murder you? Because that could be arranged.
Haytham: arranged you say?
I asked curiously
Connor: yeah there is a lot of paperwork to go with it, maybe you should contact my secretary.
I laughed heartily, and Connor turns his head in front of him but not before I see a smile.
Haytham: you're ridiculous boy
As I was still chuckling, that's the closet thing to a joke. I think I'll ever hear from him, he shakes,his head at me.
Connor: so if you do not mind me asking, what brings you to Boston? Besides stalking me what were you up to?
He asked me
Haytham: I actually have a home in Boston, it's my primary residence. Where I spend my time, anyway.
Connor: what about England? Do you still have a place there?
I signed to this, which was bringing back the painful memories of my past.
Haytham: not anymore, I doubt I'll ever return
Connor: do you have family there?
Haytham: well my father was murdered when I was young, I was only at the age of 10. My mother sent me away and died a few years after that, my sister Jenny and I we have little in common.
Connor: oh
He fell really quiet after that, and I find myself wondering what he's thinking about. But after that about ten minutes of, admittedly awkward silence I speak up.
Haytham: you know, when we parted ways I didn't think we'd ever see each other again.
Connor: I was afraid we would
Haytham: oh?
Connor: you know eventually, we will kill each other right?
He spoke bluntly
Haytham! You've accepted this as fact?
Connor: I have
Haytham: and what if there is another way
Connor: let's face it, the only way we can avoid killing each other is if one is us changes sides. And you know as well, as I do that'll never happen.
Haytham: never say never l
Connor: you just said never twice within that sentence, so I'm going to disregard it.
I chuckle and pat Connors back, and he smiles at me faintly over his shoulder.
Haytham: son how old are you?
He looks at me with one eyebrow raised.
Connor: you really don't know?
Haytham: well I know you're young, but it depends on your birthday as to whether you're 2o or 21.
Connor: 20 my birthday is in April
Haytham: alright but in case you hadn't noticed it's April now, you must have just had your birthday. Since it's only the fourth, what day?
Connor: coincidentally the fourth, why is this important?
Is he actually being serious I thought
Haytham: can I not know when my son was born?
Connor: I did not think you cared
Haytham: of course you didn't, you never think I care.
Connor: well you do not
He said annoyed
Haytham: don't tell me if I care or not
Connor: don't tell me what to do
Haytham: no we aren't arguing
Connor: you are right, I am sorry.
I sigh
Haytham: Happy birthday by the way, you should have just said it was today.
Connor smiled at me
Connor: thank you father, I find it funny that you would ask on my birthday.
Haytham: you know most people don't celebrate, their birthday by tracking down thieves.
Connor: most people are not Assassin either
Haytham: touché yet I find it ridiculous, that even someone as serious as you would choose to not relax on such an occasion. And what of Achilles, does he not wish to do anything in celebration of your birthday?
I asked curiously
Connor: he would when I was younger, but I'm not often there on my birthday. And besides neither of us are big on festivities of any sort, I am perfectly happy with no more than a happy birthday wish and he knows it.
Haytham: still were it me, I would make a point to do something.
Connor: then for once I am glad we do not have normal relationship.
Haytham: oh come now, you cannot honestly expect me to believe that you don't like being treated special on your birthday.
Connor: I do not enjoy a fuss being made over me, no.
Haytham: not even once a year?
Connor: no
Haytham: but I want to plan some-
He soon cut me off, I wanted to plan something for him.
Connor: I said no, now please drop it?
He said in a series tone.
Haytham: of course son.
For now anyway, but the ideas are already popping into my mind.
In the next chapter you will see how Haytham plans for Connor birthday. He's trying to be a good parent for Connor, but Connor loves being moody.