Song for the chapter is Say Amen by American Authors featuring Billy Raffoul
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Keane's POV
The atmosphere was tense. Animosity thick.
There was anger.
Pain.
I was glad there wasn't some large boardroom type table we all had to sit at. That would have been too much. Knifes were going to come out and throats were easier to be cut across a table than sat on some sofas in an awkward type circle. That's how we were sat, Tayte, Arlo and I on one, Dad and Arii, Noah and Angelo and Talina and Mum. Our parents have barely looked at one another since they came in. We were all quiet, no one wanting to start it off, after the initial interrogation over Arlo's face.
So I did:
"Your so called working it out hadn't been going to well has it," I said, "You ran off to Dubai and Mum almost had a bloody breakdown,"
"I didn't run off Keane and you know it. I had things to attend to and sort out with Harvey and Donna. It just so happened to coincide with the argument," Dad answered,
"Why are you trying to justify yourself. I fully understand why you don't want to try again with Mum. She fucked you over. She fucked us all over,"
"Yes she did. But Dad isn't all innocent in this. You yourself know Keane they were both keeping secrets from us, just as you were from me," Noah said,
"Don't start Noah. I didn't keep any secrets from you. I only tried to protect you," I replied,
"And don't you think that's what we were trying to do," Mum said, "We were both trying to protect you from our past. From our mess,"
"Protect. That didn't bloody work out though did it,"
"No. But at least Arii wasn't mixed up in all of this," Mum said,
"That's because I was travelling and then when I hear about Keane I was shipped back to America to go to College,"
"Wait hold up. So just because Arii who as she said wasn't with us because she was travelling..." I trailed off, "You spoke to that twat Damon didn't you. You told him to take Arii travelling because you knew what was going to happen,"
"Keane you're wrong about that. I can honestly say we didn't know what was going to happen," Dad replied,
"You're not denying telling him take her travelling though,"
"Keane I wanted to travel. I put it to Damon. It wasn't him telling me,"
"There you go. Defending him again. Even after what he did,"
"Keane," Tayte warned,
"What did Damon do?" Noah asked. Shit. We hadn't mentioned the whole Arii Damon debacle.
"Basically he hates Keane, had a go at Arii for changing because she was worried about her older either and dealing with the shock of finding out she had another brother," Arlo announced, everyone looked to Arii.
"This isn't time to talk about mine and Damon's relationship. I'd like to speak more about Keane's suicide attempt,"
She did not just say that.
"Seriously you're going there. You have no fucking right Arii. No right," I snapped, "How the hell do you even know?"
"I mentioned it to her yesterday," Tayte said,
"Really babe," I could see his eyes were relived I called him babe, "This is all I fucking need,"
"Keane. What...what is she talking about," Mum gasped.
Fuck.
"Talina you told us that Keane was struggling really badly and he spoke of killing himself. Not that he actually tried," Dad said sadly,
"Congratulations Arii. Everyone now knows the secret we were all trying to put behind us," I clapped,
"Keane what the hell happened with you?" Dad snapped,
"Call it a bloody suicide attempt of you want. But all I fucking did was drink too much on my medication to try and stop the voices from tearing me down. To try and stop the feeling of darkness of doom, to try and finally sleep without having nightmares," I snapped, "It wasn't an attempt to take my life. It was an attempt to stop all that,"
"Why didn't you tell us how you were feeling?" Mum said,
"Tell you. Why would I do that when you didn't tell us about Arlo. When you didn't tell us Galviao, Logan. Was your lover and fathered your child. Why would I tell you when the two of you bloody started these serious of events from not telling us sooner that you were spies,"
"Because this is your life we're talking about," Dad retorted,
"So what. Our life wasn't a worry when you eventually told us you were spies and then up and disappeared again?"
"Your lives weren't in immediate danger then,"
"Oh piss right off. You didn't know what was going to happen,"
"We were with you every step of the way, you just didn't know," Mum said,
"You weren't there when we needed you though," Noah said sadly,
"You were never there," Arlo said,
"Don't try and change the topic. Keane what you did was serious,"
"Don't you talk to me about serious. You not telling us who Logan was almost got me killed. How close did I come hey? How close were you to losing me...and for what? Your pride? Me accidentally overdosing means shit to you so don't think otherwise,"
"No. You're wrong. We are your parents and we should know what's going on with you." Mum said,
"You lost that right a long time ago," I snapped, my hands were shaking I was trying to stay in control. Tayte took my hand. Silence occurred for a few minutes.
"Can you answer this one question?" Arlo asked, looking directly at Mum, "Why was the real reason you just shipped me off to boarding school?"
"Arlo. I did it because...I didn't want you involved. I wanted you safe,"
"Come on. Fuck off with this wanting you to be safe bollocks," I snapped, "Answer the question,"
"You didn't want me did you? I reminded you off my Dad and you couldn't handle that. Joey said he would have taken me as his own. I was your first born child and you abandoned me, it was my Dad who put people in place at my school for me. Making sure I was looked after. How'd you think I felt when you told me I had siblings and you had another family yet didn't want me? You fucked me up. I went downhill for years after that. Wondering what the hell I'd done to be abandoned, to have no clue who my father was to have an absent mother. You coming to see me on the odd occasion made things even worse,"
"Arlo I'm sorry. I never meant for you to feel like that. I never meant to abandon you, it's just...I don't know what to do. I didn't know how to handle the situation,"
"What situation? Being born? Being your son?"
"No. No of course not. I loved you I have never stopped loving you,"
"If you loved me. You wouldn't have let me go," Arlo stood up, "I'll be back in a minute,"
"Arlo,"
"I'm okay Keane. I promise. I'll be back,"
"He was right wasn't he. He reminded you of Logan and you couldn't handle that. You couldn't deal with facing up to the fact you fell pregnant with your summer love. A 15 year old boy who fathered an 18 year old Girls baby. Embarrassment more like it. 3 year happy family until you met Dad and then everything went tits up. Instead of like any normal person telling him you already had a child. You shipped him off and pretended he didn't exist and then felt bad over the fact you were a shit mother so told him at 16 you were a spy to soften the blow that you had another family he wasn't involved,"
"Keane I think..." Talina began,
"No Auntie. You don't know the half of it," I interrupted her,
"Enough. You can tell me I'm a bad mother. You can say Joeys a bad father but we have never purposely put you in danger. Our only intention was to keep you safe from harm and out of the dangerous world we were in. I know. Hell I know that didn't happen in the end but we didn't ask for any of this,"
"I agree with your mother about what she said. But you must know and this shouldn't come as a shock. This marriage isn't going to be fixed. I'm filing for a divorce," Dad said.
"Joey..." Mum began,
"This is for real?" Noah said,
"You're getting divorced," Arii then confirmed,
"Yes. And this isn't going to change the family dynamics," Dad said,
"Of course it is Dad. You're going to live in separate houses and lead separate lives for a bloody start," I said,
"I think we should take a break, Talina announced. Noah was looking at the ground, I knew there were tears in his eyes, Angelo was playing with his hair. Arii was playing with her sleeve awkwardly next to Dad, I stood up,
"Break sounds good to me," I said out loud, Tayte stood by my side and took my hand. Noah and Angelo got up and headed for the door, "Come on Bub," I told Arii she came over to us and we all left.
"I heard what you said..." Arlo said, he was leant against the wall.
"Arlo I didn't mean...I didn't know you were out here,"
"Hey. It's okay. You're the first one to actually speak your mind and tell the truth. Not even Dad has shed any light on what actually went on between them,"
"I'm sure if you ask your Dad he'll tell you,"
"Why didn't Dad say something before?"
"Why don't parents do a lot of things?" I answered,
"They're really divorcing aren't they. Our family is being broken apart," Noah then said sadly,
"Noah we aren't being broken apart. I didn't mean what I said. Nothing is going to change, Mum and Dad will still be there for us, no matter where they or any of us end up okay. They will love you the same," I told him,
"They're getting a divorce," Arlo gasped,
"They sure are,"
"It's my fault. If I wasn't..."
"It isn't anyone's fault except their own. Now can we take a break and grab a drink?"
Noah, Angelo and Arii went on ahead to find somewhere to sit. Tayte, Arlo and I were bringing up the rear, I was back in the wheelchair for the time being. When a lady bumped straight into Arlo,
"Oh I'm so sorry. I'm such a..." She trailed off as she looked at Arlo,
"We really must stop meeting like this," he grinned, she blushed,
"It's you. My American footballer maybe soccer player 5am running man. By the looks of your face, which isn't any better from when I last saw it and the fact that it's Saturday maybe you're playing tomorrow?" He laughed, Tayte and I watched on in disbelief,
"Sure you'll find out one day" she smiled at that,
"What are you doing here?" She then asked,
"I'm here with my family. These are my younger brothers Keane and Tayte,"
"Nice to meet you both. Are you an athlete too?" She said to us and then me,
"I wish I was." I replied,
"Nice to meet you," Tayte said,
"This is Malena, I met her this morning on my run," Arlo said,
"Twice in a day. It must be fate," she beamed,
"What are you doing here anyway?"
"My uncle owns the hotel and I often help him out with things. Speaking of things. I better go. You will call me won't you?"
"I told you I would. What's the chances of bumping into each other before then?" Arlo asked,
"Hopefully very high Quarter back," she winked, "Again nice to meet you," and she fluttered off. We both looked at Arlo,
"1. You went for a run this morning at 5am. 2. You met that gorgeous woman and 3. You didn't tell us," I said as we headed to the bar,
"One, I couldn't sleep and was bored of just led in bed. Two, yes I did meet Malena and three, because we had other things to worry about," he responded,
"She really likes you" Tayte said,
"Guess we'll have to see what the future has in store," we joined the others sat on some sofas and Arlo then announced he'd get the drinks in;
"Toffee apple cider please," Noah said,
"Appletiser please," Arii added,
"Just a black coffee thank you Arlo," Angelo replied,
"Tayte?"
"I'll come with you,"
"Keane?"
"Vodka lemonade please," they all looked at me, "fine whiskey and coke. Coke and Malibu?"
"We'll get you something," Tayte said as the headed over to the bar,
"Keane you know I'm sorry right. I didn't mean to expose you like that. I got angry about Damon even though you were right."
"It's fine Arii. It would've come out eventually. All secrets do,"
"I am sorry though. It wasn't my place to say,"
"Forget it Arii. Its okay,"
I was lying though.
Things weren't okay.
Things were far from okay.
And I felt like it would never be okay again. Tayte and Arlo came back with the drinks,
"Please tell me I have something alcoholic in this," I said taking the glass.
"You know you can't drink whilst you're still on your medication," Tayte told me,
"One drink won't do anything. I need at least one to get through the rest of this day,"
But no one budged and I had a feeling it was going to come back and bite them all on the ass. The conversation moved to Arlo and Malena, Noah got super excited and wanted to meet her as soon as possible.
"She's somewhere here in the hotel, maybe we'll get lucky and bump into her again," Arlo said,
"Do you like her?" Noah asked,
"I don't know her. But I'd like too,"
"Are you sulking?" Tayte asked me. I hadn't spoken a word for 45 minutes. I shrugged. "Well don't. It doesn't look good on you," I didn't bite. Talina came over thankfully, though not thankfully really, because it also meant we were going back to the room.
Going back to fight.
Going back to argue.
...
"Arlo heard everything by the way. So I think it's about time you try and tell the truth. To one of your sons at least" I said,
"I love you Arlo. I loved you more than anything, you were my everything. I was a young naive girl who should have told your Dad Logan that I was pregnant when I found out, that should have told Joey that I had a 3 year boy, that shouldn't have shipped you off to boarding school, that shouldn't have burdened you with the truth about me being a spy and the fact that you had younger siblings. I shouldn't have done a lot of things. I am sorry, I will never stop being sorry. Sorry for being selfish, sorry for being a coward, sorry for lying to not just you, but to you all. Sorry that I never did the right thing,"
"I'm not going to forgive you right now. I just can't...not after what you kept from me. I may forgive you some day, you are still my Mum and that won't change, but right now. I can't look at you the same," Arlo said,
"And I respect everything you've just said Arlo. Thank you," Mum answered,
"Don't think I'm going to forgive you that easily," I said,
"And don't think we're going to forget about you trying to kill yourself," Dad put it,
"Oh that's it, swing it back around to me,"
"We want to understand why you didn't come to us. Why you didn't come to any of us? Even Tayte," Mum said,
"Don't bring Tayte into this, don't make me angry. You know why I didn't tell you. Because the trust that was once there, has long gone and why should I have told any of you that I was down, that I was depressed, that I was falling so far into a black hole of despair that I didn't know whether I was going to be able to climb out. That every day I pulled on a fake face, a fake smile, pretended that I was okay and I know. Hell do I know my walls were cracking, I know Tayte, Noah, Arlo and Angelo all knew I was far from okay. So I'll tell you all now. No I was not okay and I am still far from being okay, but I'll get there. And I'll get there with the help of those I love and those who love me. Will I try and kill myself again. No, no I will not. Will I tell you all when I'm low, probably not. So now you all know can you all fucking get off my back," the room went silent. Until Dad spoke up,
"If Keane's pouring his heart out then I will too. After I found out about Arlo I was shocked and obviously angry that I was kept in the dark as angry that he wasn't able to grow up with you all..."
"When did you find out?" Arlo interrupted,
"When you were 21, it was a year before we went off grid and left your younger siblings without a word,"
Mum left it 21 years before she told Dad. Shit.
"We talked things over a lot during that 4 years, we needed to be on the same page, we needed to be a tight unit. So that's what happened, I pushed away the anger and hurt and we supported each other and that's what we've been doing. And then the shock came when we all found out who Arlo's father was. It was as if everything I'd suppressed had come battling back in full force and I knew that I couldn't be with your mother any more. I just want you all to know that it has nothing to do with any of you and even though I will be moving to Dubai in the New Year. I am still going to be there for you, whenever you need me,"
"Is there another woman?" I asked,
"No, there isn't,"
"Daddy do you have to go to Dubai?" Noah said and his voice held so much innocence and sounded so young, that I got angry,
"Noah. I promise I will be there for you. But I have to do this. I have to go,"
"Divorce yes. Run away...no" I said,
"I'm not running Keane,"
"Mum are you staying around or are you jumping ship too?" Arii asked,
"I'm going nowhere. I have a lot of making up to do with you all. I need to be close by to do that. I need you to know that when you are ready to forgive me, I am going to be there,"
"Are you going to get back with Logan?" I asked, ignoring her spiel,
"Keane," Tayte warned,
"I mean. You and Dad will have a quick hassle free divorce. Your children are all legal adults, you don't have a custody battle and you both seemed to have things planned out. So my question is...are you going to try again with you first love and father of your first born child?" She didn't reply,
"Mum?" Arlo said.
"I don't know," she answered truthfully, "I don't know,"
"Does anyone else want to say anything?" Talina asked, "Before we bring this meeting to a close?"
"When are you moving to Dubai?" I asked,
"January. We will all still be celebrating Christmas together and going to Canada for New Year's,"
"What, for everyone to be fake happy," Noah said,
"We'll be happy Noah. We have each other," Arii said and I nearly smiled.
"For the time being. If you don't mind. I'd like to move in with you, unless there's any objections?" Dad said looking at me;
"So you move in and what...Auntie moves out?" I said,
"I'm not going anywhere, not until the new year Keane," she replied.
"Mums living in the house by herself?" Arii asked,
"Mum is living in the house by herself," Mum answered,
"She'll have plenty of men to call in. Especially Logan...sorry Arlo,"
"I think we've gone off on a tangent so let's leave it there okay," Talina said, "we have dinner booked here for 5.30pm so until then, you are free to do as you please," I stood up. I could not wait to have a bloody boot on my leg. I slipped into the wheelchair and began to wheel away, with one hand, Tayte came after,
"I'm not going to say anything I just don't want you on your own when you're feeling destructive," Tayte told me,
"I think we should all be together right now. Even if you don't want too," Arlo said coming up behind us, soon followed by Noah and Angelo and Arii.
"Bet you wished you didn't come back now," Arlo said wrapping an arm around her.
"Been through worse. I'm always happy to be anywhere with my brothers, including you Angelo,"
We found a secluded spot and all settled down.
"Shall I get us some drinks in? We've got a couple of hours to kill before dinner,"
"Sure sounds good," Arii replied,
"Keane?" I shrugged pulling out my phone,
"Yes he wants something," Tayte answered.
...
"I. Love. You." I mouthed to Arlo after taking a sip of my drink, happy to find it was alcoholic. He just smiled and nodded. I leant into Tayte who wrapped an arm around me,
"This means your brother gave you alcohol didn't he," I looked up at him,
"Shut up and kiss me," I said quietly.
Tayte's POV
"Are we going to talk about what Keane said earlier?" He was currently asleep on me. I was glad of that, he was in pain, so much pain.
"I don't want to talk about what he said. It makes it real," Noah replied,
"It is real Bud, it was," Angelo said softly, taking his hand.
"I never realised how bad it was," Noah said softly,
"I don't think any of us did," Arlo answered,
"I should have seen the signs," I sighed stroking his hair.
"Keane's always been good at masking how he's feeling," Angelo said,
"This shits just messed up. All of it. We're one screwed up family," Arii sighed,
"One screwed up family who loves each other," Tayte said.
...
Dinner was a quiet affair. Keane said barely anything and ate even less. Nobody said a word until we'd all finished, when Joey said he would move his stuff over tomorrow and that he would stay across the road for the final night, in separate rooms of course. When we got back home around 7.30pm, the 6 of us crashed out together in the sitting room to watch a film. We all wanted a lighthearted humor so Noah chose Baywatch. To gawp at Zac Efron's body. It was a nice evening, compared to the day's events and revelations anyway. We had sweet and salty popcorn and hot chocolates with cream and marshmallows. Talina joined midway through, telling us that believe it or not, our parents were talking over a bottle or two, or three, of wine.
Midnight saw us all part ways. We had a shower and climbed into bed.
"Babe," I said softly,
"Mmmm,"
"We need to talk about..."
"No," he interrupted, "No"
"Keane"
"I said no," he rolled over,
"Okay...okay," I said softly, "I'm sorry,"
"Don't apologise. I just don't want to do this. I can't. Not right now..." I rolled over closer to him
again and wrapped my arms around him,
"Whenever you are ready baby. I promise I won't push you," I whispered, kissing his shoulder.
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Love you all
GTRx
Copyright © Georgia T R Wing