J U N G K O O K
My younger self watched as people jumped into the pond to rescue the drowning child. Yugyeom was unconscious in a stranger's arm, as the man had started to softly slap the child's cheeks. The crowd around us was getting bigger and bigger and all attention was upon the fully drenched Yugyeom.
Did I do that? Why? why did the younger me not even hesitate.
"I can't feel his heartbeat" the man yelled, pressing his head onto the child's chest.
But what the man didn't know was the fast pace at which my heart was beating when I had realized what I had done. Every beat after the other my legs moved a step back. My conscious trapped in the little boy's body couldn't bear to see the dreadful sight ahead.
I kept moving backwards until my back had hit a pair of long legs. My first reaction was to turn to see the owners face. But the minute my head moved into action, the man behind me pushed my face back ahead with his hands and slowly placed them on my shoulder, keeping a grip on me.
"Just don't run away. You did nothing. Yugyeom tripped and fell, and nothing more"
I recognized that voice and I didn't have to turn around to know the dominant pitch of Mr. Joon's last few words. But what caught me off-guard was the soft muffled whimpering I heard from beside me. And I knew I had managed to upset her. My actions were still unclear to me, my younger self didn't realize death was such a heartbreaking tragedy to the point even my mother's tears were confusing to me.
She.... she saw me. They both saw it.
Even at a distance I could see people panicking and between their moving legs I could get small glimpses of Yugyeom's pale face on the ground. A hand pressed onto his chest, but he made no movements. The man didn't give up and continued.
After a few seconds Yugyeom had spit out some water and had opened his eyes awake. He started breathing and exactly then my mother exhaled in relief. She had her hand rub against her chest and started restlessly breathing. It was as if she was holding her breath all along, or more like couldn't breathe in utter shock.
But me,
I was in constant debate.
Why did I do that?
What am I not washed over with guilt?
Yugyeom's recovery didn't amuse me. I harshly pushed Mr. Joon's grip from my shoulder off and started running away from the crowd.
I had managed to come far, but what I didn't realize was another figure that was running behind me. She caught my hands tightly and forced me to turn. Only then had I realized how red her eyes were and how much tears had stained her cheeks. She was panting and exhausted completely that even the hands that held me were shivering.
"Why did you do that, Jungkook! You pushed him. I saw it with my own eyes, son. Tell me this minute, Jungkook" mother spat at me. Her words were high pitched, and her facial features were the scariest I've ever seen.
To that my reaction was silence. Not because I was being arrogant, but because I was actually scared of her. Mother kneeled down this time, bringing her still shivering hands to her forehead to try to calm down more.
"Please" she begged "Tell me it was an accident, tell me it wasn't intentional, tell you—"
"He was trying to take my place" I yelled out, interrupting her. "He took everything that was meant for me. He is everyone's favorite. And regardless of how much ever I try, he is always taking what's mine away from me. Why can't I be the only one getting what I want. It's either Yugyeom or me"
A shocked expression washed over my mother's face. Words were stuck on her throat and she couldn't bring herself to speak or digest anything I've said.
"Child, what are you even saying. You are still a little boy; how did you even have this thought in you?" she questioned.
"Father told me. He said only one must exist of the same"
From there my mind zoomed out and had travelled me forward into another glimpse of a past that was still in my mind as bits and pieces. It was like the same day or the next. My little hands were grasping onto the door frame while I continued to eavesdrop my mother's and Mr. Joon's conversation.
"You don't understand, Joon. He—he has put some weird thoughts inside my boy. I never realized his obsession with birds had made him insane. And now he's injecting his cruel thoughts into my son and I will not stay in this house for another second" she yelled, banging her hands on the kitchen countertop.
"Haylee, you need to relax. Just let me think, okay?" Joon replied.
"No, please help me. I have to get my son away from here!"
"Haylee, you don't have to go anywhere. If anyone is going to leave, it's that psychopath. Where is he?"
"He's at the rooftop. I'm too afraid to go upstairs"
"And where is Jungkook?"
"He is in the hall"
"Okay, just keep an eye on him. I don't want to risk any of you getting hurt so I'm just going to call my subordinates before dealing with Jeon" Mr. Joon spoke, about to walk towards the balcony with his phone but was interrupted when my mother had caught his wrist. He turned in slight surprise but waited for her to speak.
"You will be there for Jungkook, yea?" she asked with big eyes and anticipation. He smiled placing his other hand over hers before replying. "Always"
Soon after Joon was gone, mother's eyes had fallen upon me. I panicked and froze on my little feet as she marched towards me with a few sheets of papers within her palms. She tightly held my hand and pulled me upstairs. I couldn't keep up with her pace and kept tripping frequently, but she would just mercilessly lift me up by my one hand.
"You're hurting me, mom" I cried. But there were tears running down her cheeks before me.
"The police will be here any minute. I don't have the time to burn this right now" she said, and my eyes fell onto the papers on her other hand but what it holds was unclear to me with the way we walked to her room.
We were now inside, and she took the chance to look at me and started yelling, waving the papers onto my face. Her words were not just piercing but also a warning.
"Jungkook, you need to stop drawing these pictures. These are not the real world! You hear me, child. This madness created in you will be dangerous, son. I'm going to find a way. Until then, you must stop drawing these birds"
After she was done, she quickly opened a piece of wood from the floor beside her bed and threw my drawings inside, locking it in there.
"But father—"
"Your father is wrong. Erase everything he has fed you, understand?"
"Haylee" a voice called for her and when she was distracted by the call, I ran past her and rushed to the stairs that led to the roof. As I recall this, I kept yelling at my smaller self to stop. But to a child his father is everything. And the way my mother was pushing her facts onto me was not the right way to make her child understand. I only grew anxious and in need to know what was going on from my own father. And nothing could stop me.
I could hear the distant scream of my mother who was breathlessly running behind me, but my feet were uncontrollably fast, and I had managed to make it almost to the end of the rooftop. But, my legs froze between the stairs at the sight before me. And even at that age, I knew blood meant pain. Blood meant tears. I had seen it in the movies. But no. This was no movie.
My father was holding a really huge glass blade, attacking an unknown man. It was a sight of horror. My breathing hitched and I panicked seeing blood all over a person I considered my mentor. He killed someone. I was becoming like him.
But worst of all, I lost balance when my feet moved back not remembering I was standing between two steps. My body fell prey to gravity, and everything went blank when my head hit the edge of the stairs.
With my eyes still half closed, weak, I could hear faint voices, talking to each other. My brain wasn't alert until I heard my name a few times. I was definitely at a hospital bed and my head hurt like crazy I remembered.
"Is he going to be okay, Doctor?"
"Yes, Mrs. Jeon, he will be alright. But because he had hit his head pretty hard, there are chances that he may not remember certain parts of his memories. It could be complete memory loss too, I can't guarantee anything at this stage, but please do be prepared"
Her crying voice dominated the silence.
"Doctor, we already told you about his condition and his father's involvement in his life. When he wakes up, how do we help him? He has already been brainwashed by Jeon's filthy thoughts"
"Unfortunately, Mr. Joon, there is nothing I can do to change what he already knows. But if you won't mind me saying, this memory loss of his could help you in a way. I can keep providing you the medicines to keep his memories stable, but with luck if he doesn't recall much about his father's faulty advises in his life, then we could continue to make Jungkook move ahead without those memories"
"What do we have to do for that?"
"If you agree, you would have to strictly instruct the child to keep visiting the hospital for his medicines. I don't know what way you are going to choose to make him belief he needs to intake these medicines for, but you must continue it for a year. And after every two more years, we can keep a check on him and provide him treatment"
"We will do that Doctor"
"Good, but there is one more thing. The human brain has an active mechanism that trigger hints from anything around a person. These medicines will help, but the body sometimes can develop new hormones that may or may not help Jungkook recall a few things. Which is why I wanted to get this through you both"
"Jungkook needs a person to play his fathers role. And just like he remembers it to be, you need to be someone fearful. But if you do it in a way he will resent you, the more better, because this will close the chapter of an ideal father in his mind, and his brain will not divert his thoughts towards a memory of a father that used to be fearful. Mr. Joon, you will basically serve as a variable between the two"
"Me?"
"Joon, you said you would be there for us"
"Yes, Haylee, but I don't want him to resent me"
"But you will be helping him grow with no psychopath like behaviors, Mr. Joon. You will basically save the child's life from falling into despair. It doesn't need to be quick. Let him grow up knowing his father is no more a part of his life. Its usually during their teens that these hormones could hinder the flow of the medicines. Wait for some years and come into his life uninvited. He will naturally not like you much. Trust me, teenagers are always like that when someone comes into their family uncalled for, especially a father figure"
"Doctor, he's awake"
All eyes were fixed up on me with the nurse's interruption. I had managed to sit up and listen to half their conversations clearly. But even then, I had no clue of what each were talking about. And because of the high dose of drug they had injected in me, trying to match their words to me was nearly impossible.
"Jungkook, how do you feel, child?" the doctor asked. "Do you know who they are?"
"Mom" I said. I took the chance to look at Mr. Joon. "Who are you?" I asked, to which he stayed silent.
While I stayed focused to them, there was a chirping sound that caught my attention. Just outside the window was a bird, singing. My eyes didn't move from the bird and everyone around me froze. There was tension building up them, as if I was staring at the Satan himself.
But they had all relaxed and figured I've lost some of my dreadful memories after my next few words.
"What an ugly looking bird"
_____________________
A deep exhale escaped my lips as my hands pushed myself up from the wooden floor below my lying down body. It became even more hard to breathe but my hands kept rubbing over my chest from the sudden pain I felt. I could feel the high heat my body was trapped inside and the beads of sweat that swiftly ran down my forehead.
The lost memories were all clear to me like a finished puzzle and my head continued to hurt from the discrete transitions. But now I was finally back. I could feel the strength in my bones again and the rhythmic beat of my heart. My conscious no longer spoke to me and I could easily take control of my body.
I had hardly managed to sit straight. The sight ahead prompted me to move ahead but was stopped when a gun had been pointed to her head. Harin, was jumping from the chair she was tied onto and from doing that the cloth that was tied around her mouth slowly moved down.
"Jungkook" she cried.
"She really does remind me of your mother, son. Even in her last breath the person she had called was you, Jungkook. How pathetic was she back then? Separating a father from his son"
"You monster!" I called.
"She had taken you away from me with proof that I killed someone with a blade. Look how karma served her. She was killed by her own son with a blade" he started laughing. "You killed your own mother, Jungkook, you are nothing but my creation"
My legs froze.
I killed my mother.
I couldn't have. Why is all this coming back to me again.
"No, he did not. He would never" Harin yelled, still trying to free herself from the chair. "Jungkook, listen to me. He is trying to manipulate you. He did that to me aswell. While transforming me to Haylee he lied to me. He made her believe that he was saving her. That created a Stockholm syndrome in me. It's all a lie, Jungkook. Don't believe him"
"Haylee" I spoke. "You named her after my mother" anger jolted in me, and my teeth gritted hard.
"Took you long enough" he said. "How bad was your head injury that you kept forgetting your mother's name, son. Hayleen, my beautiful flower. I loved calling her Haylee and so did she—"
"STOP TALKING!" I yelled in trusfration.
"You may not recall that day" he continued, walking towards my side and standing right behind me. "But maybe this will help you recall" father held my hand raising it towards Harin's height.
He then slowly slid the gun into my own and placed my index finger onto the trigger. Though my hand was wrapped around the gun, his hands were wrapped around mine. As if teaching a child to hold a pencil, he taught me to kill.
Just like how a bird tames its child to fly, he tamed me to hold onto my grief forever.
"Do it" he ordered, his hands still in control of mine. My eyes were enlarged and fixed onto the girl that said nothing. She had tears running down her cheeks and her hands tightly holding the hemp of her skirt. She waited. But there was a sense of trust in her eyes. I could feel it.
"You have to believe me" she pleaded. "This is not the real you"
"You are who you are Jungkook. My son. And you have already proved it that day when you pushed that child into the water. Now its time you recall what I've taught you. Become the bird. You know it's in you, Jungkook, prove it to me, show me"
I am the bird. I am the alpha. Its in me still.
"Shoot her, Jungkook" I could feel my fingers touch the trigger and my aim was set with tears still running down my face.
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A/N -What do you think?