Kate's POV:
'Hindi ko alam kung bakit pa ako nagpapakatangang umaasa na babalikan mo ako, na sana pag gising ko sa umaga makikita kita, sinusundo mo ako para sabay tayong pumasok. Ivan hindi ko pa kasi kaya..mahirap eh, napakahirap na baguhin ang isang bagay na nakasanayan mo ng gawin at mas lalong mahirap na kalimutan ang isang taong nakasanayan mo ng kasama.'
I wiped my tears to prevent me from crying but hell! They just kept on falling. I can't imagine myself still on a moving on state kahit isang taon na ang nakalilipas. Tinanggalan ko ng mga tuyong dahon ang ibabaw ng puntod ng lalaking pinakamamahal ko at inilagay ang isang basket ng bulaklak bago nagsindi ng kandila. Umupo ako, itinaas ko yung dalawang tuhod ko kalevel ng mukha ko at doon ako naghalumbaba, nakayakap ang mga kamay ko sa binti ko.
"Nagtataka ka siguro kung bakit biglaang napadalaw ang maganda mong fiancée no? Wala namang okasyon, hindi naman natin anniversary at lalong hindi mo naman birthday. Pero alam mo ba? Kung bakit ako nandito? Kasi Ivan nakita kita sa airport nung isang araw eh." Tumigil muna ako saglit dahil pakiramdam ko gagaralgal na naman ang boses ko kapag nagpatuloy pa ako. Damn! Naiiyak na naman ako, tumingala ako and heaved a sigh.
"K-kasi alam mo, akala ko buhay ka. Alam mo ba na yung kahit katiting na pag asang buhay ka pinanghahawakan ko na. Ganoon na ata ako kadesperada, makasama lang kita. Pero in the end, umasa lang pala ako, na maling akala ko lang pala."
Para na akong tanga na kinakausap ang puntod niya doon, pero wala akong pakialam, kase feeling ko sa way na ganoon nakakausap ko pa din siya, na parang buhay siya.
"Naisip ko, siguro hindi mo talaga kamukha yun, siguro yun lang ang tingin ko kase nagpaparamdam ka lang talaga sa akin. Sadya mo yun no? kase pinapaalala mo sa akin na dalawin naman kita. Siguro nalulungkot ka na naman at namimiss mo ako.M-Miss na miss na din kita."
Tuluyan na akong napahikbi at ibinaon ang mukha ko sa tuhod ko at umiyak, naramdaman ko ang pagtaas baba ng balikat ko.
"Alam mo, gusto gusto ko ng maniwala kay Gael, na hindi ikaw yun, gusto ko ng makalimot. But my idiot heart won't allow me. Umaasa pa rin ako na sana buhay ka pa,hindi ko pa y-yata kaya."
Naramdaman ko na biglang humangin ng malakas at biglang lumamig ang pakiramdam ko. Sabi ng matatanda kapag ganoon daw ay nasa malapit lamang ang isang kaluluwa o kaya'y niyayakap ka nito.
"Ivan." Bulong ko. Lalo lamang akong napaiyak, knowing that he is watching and comforting me. He always does this when he's still alive. He had been always my protector.
Pakiramdam ko hindi maubos ubos ang luha ko pagdating kay Ivan.
Tumingala ako para pigilan ang luhang nag uunahan na namang pumatak sa pisngi ko. Kailan kaya darating yung araw na hindi na ako masasaktan? Tama ba yung sinabi nila? Na kapag nakahanap na daw ako ng bagong mamahalin makakalimutan ko na yung sakit. Pero kaya ko ba? Kaya ko bang palitan si Ivan sa puso ko? Bakit ba kasi ang hina hina ko.
Mariing pinagsusuntok ko ang tuhod ko habang tuloy pa din sa pag iyak.
Bakit ba hindi ko magawang palayain si Ivan? Bakit ang selfish selfish ko? Bakit ko siya ikinukulong sa puso ko? I need to set him free, I need to let go. He needs to rest and go to his destination, at hindi siya makakaalis if I am still holding on. Somebody told me na kapag daw may ayaw pang iwan ang isang taong namatay, he will not leave and will still hovers around to guard that someone. Posible din kaya yung mangyari kay Ivan? Nandito pa rin ba siya kasi hindi pa ako nakakamove on?
Am I ready to let him go?
Puro hikbi ko lang ang maririnig sa tahimik na Cemetery. When suddenly I felt something strange in me, I feel uneasy as if someone is staring behind my back.
Hindi na ako nag abalang punasan ang luha ko at lumingon ako sa likod ko.
Then I met his dark eyes..
"Ivan." Yun agad ang naibulong ko the moment our eyes met. Nakatayo siya sa may tabi ng malaking puno at tila kanina pa akong matamang tinititigan.
His eyes..those pair of eyes are like the eyes of my Ivan.. Pero bakit? Bakit madilim ito at parang cold?
Dagli akong tumayo sa pagkakaupo ko at akmang lalapitan siya nang mag iwas na siya ng tingin at nagsimulang maglakad patalikod sa akin.
"Wait!" Hinabol ko siya pero nagmamadali lang siyang naglakad.
"Ivan!"
Nakita kong napatigil siya sa paglalakad, ngunit hindi niya pa din ako nilingon.
"I-Ivan?" Nagsimula na namang gumaralgal ang tinig ko.
"How did you know my name?" Pumihit siya paharap sa akin suot pa din ang malamig na titig niya.
Totoo na ba to? Is he for real? Or isa na namang ilusyon? Lalo naman akong napaiyak.
"Ivan..buhay ka?"
Please say yes..please, please..
Nakita ko namang tila disappointed siya at lalong dumilim ang paningin niya.
"Stupid me. I almost forget that we have the same first name of that bastard." I heard him whispering, may himig ng sarkasmo sa boses niya.
We? Who's he's talking about?
"Ivan, hindi ko maintindihan."
Walang salitang tinalikuran niya ako.
"Ivan please. Just tell me that you are for real, na hindi isang ilusyon lang to. Tell me that I am not dreaming, please." Humihikbing niyakap ko siya sa mula sa likuran.
"You're not dreaming. But I'm not him. So wake up from your illusion. I'm not Ivan, no scratch that I'm Ivan but not your Ivan."
He's Ivan, but not my Ivan? Ano bang ibig niyang sabihin? Naguguluhan ako.
Naramdaman ko ang mga kamay siya sa kamay ko at pilit tinatanggal ang mga bisig kong nakayapos sa kanya. Ngunit lalo kong hinigpitan ang yakap ko.
"Let go! You don't want your dead boyfriend to be jealous right? How could you hug someone you don't know and beg to tell you stupid things that aren't possible? Tell me. Why are you seeing him in me? Are you that crazy over him?!"
Napapitlag ako nang sumigaw siya at marahas na pinalis ang mga braso kong nakayakap sa kanya, saka niya ako hinarap. He's staring at me angrily, I could see his firing eyes and I could sense that anytime he could just hit me.
"Why can't you just accept the fact that he's already dead? He's gone! And he will never come back for you, not even his soul. He's f*ckin dead do you get it?! So stop messing with me coz I will never be him! Do you get it?! F*ck!"
I started to cry loudly, nasasaktan ako mahigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa magkabilang braso ko at natatakot ako sa kanya. Yung mga isinigaw niya ay masakit din sa loob ko.
"Why the hell are you crying?! Shit! Shit! I hate sensitive people; I hate loud and nosy girls. God! I can't believe how Ivan stands you. We're really complete opposite. I never date weak, innocent, sensitive, obsess, and boring girl. I you're not even a good screwer in bed, just how boring." He smirks, and I can tell that he's being sarcastic.
"How dare you!"
*SLAP*
Ni hindi man lang siya natinag sa sampal ko, instead ay nakita ko lang siyang ngumiti ng nakakaloko.
"Now do you get it? I can't be him, because I'm more exciting than him wanna try me?"
I'm scared, his stares.. it's too dangerous. Huli na ng marealize ko ang gagawin niya, dahil bigla niya akong hinila palapit at niyakap sa baywang. The next thing I knew is his lips is on mine, savoring my sweetness, kissing me roughly, without gentleness I can feel only his lust and I could sense on my lips the pain of his kiss. Nakatulala lang ako sa sobrang gulat habang hindi pa din nakakarecover sa ginagawa niya. He pushed my lips to part and forced his tongue to slid inside but I sealed my lips. Naramdaman ko ang mariin niyang pagkagat sa lower lip ko then I gasped in pain too late to realize that it was his way to open my mouth then he hurriedly slid his tongue inside my mouth. Savoring the sweet taste of my mouth, his tongue explored inside, tastes each part detail by detail not leaving any exception. Then his tongue searched for my tongue teasing it as if his tongue inviting it to play with. He gave me a surprising and sudden kiss that I cannot be able to recover for the last couple of minutes because I was shocked, I just stand there, letting him kiss me abruptly.
"Did you enjoyed it? Want more?" He teasingly whispers to my ears after his kiss.
At waring saka lang ako nahimasmasan at walang salitang sinampal ko muli siya.
"F*ck!" Kinapa niya ang dumudugo niyang labi gawa ng 2 magkasunod kong sampal.
Tears flowed down my cheeks, my lips tremble, the result of that heart melting but merciless kiss. I could taste a liquid like a taste of a salt on my lips.
Blood..
"Tama ka, hindi ka magiging siya. Dahil hindi kayang gawin ni Ivan ang mambastos ng babae. You are nothing compare to him." Umiiyak na saad ko sa kanya.
His eyes suddenly became dim; lumamlam ito at tila may nasabi akong nakasaling sa damdamin niya at lumungkot ang aura niya.
"Let me rephrase it young lady, He is nothing compared to me, because I am way better than him."
Tinalikuran na niya ako at nagsimula na siyang umalis. Wala ng lakas ang mga paa ko para habulin pa siya kaya umiyak na lang ulit ako.Hindi nab a talaga mauubos ang mga luha ko?
Ivan's POV:
'I did the right thing right? Kailangan kong gawin yun, kailangan ko siyang saktan. Kailangan kong isampal sa kanya ng paulit ulit ang katotohanang patay na nga si Ivan. I need her to forget the Ivan that she loves much. Because Ivan is already dead, and I'll make it sure that he will never ever come back. That would help her to move on, that will stops her from crying again because I really hate to see her crying, I always does. So in order to stop her from crying all along I need to make her cry today, and it f*cking pained me too. I'm sick of being him, the goody Ivan, I'm tired of portraying his role. I want them to meet the new Ivan in their lives, that Ivan who's too way different from the one they have love much. Say hello to Ivan version 2.0'
I removed my eyes from the sight of that crying girl and started to walk leaving her.
Till we meet again...Kate.
Saranghae..
A/N: Syempre hindi mawawala ang note ko..hahaha! Hi guys ^_^ So how was it? Did it satisfy you. XD
Waaaah! Gusto ko lang mag thankyou sa lahat ng nagbabasa ng story na ito, pilit man o bukal sa loob,XD I still appreciate your effort of giving feedbacks and reactions. You know, I love it so much when I'm reading all your comments ^_^
Walang nanghula kung kaninong POV at anong kaganapan this chapter last UD ko, kaya for now I'll decide on whom I'll dedicate this chapter.Yieeee! Random pick lang po:) Ang mga pinagdedicatan ko lang naman nito is yung mga nagbabasa, it's my way of saying thankyou and to let you know that you're my inspiration<3 .
@ilovemy19, I dedicate this to you :) Tuwang tuwa ako sa feedback mo :) lovelots,mwa :* Check out his work guys, "Mr.Masungit VS. Ms. Mataray" you'll enjoy reading promise :) Just click the external link.
I'll make a regular game for you every update I'll post. To join and to gain my dedication, first comment "I got it!" then sa baba ang hula niyo..XD just for fun guys..
Question for the day: What was your greatest painful experience when someone leaves you?
I'll choose answers which greatly strucks me and i'll dedicate next UD to her/him.XD
"Pretending is the best mask you could ever wear when you desire to hide your true emotions."
PS: Sa mga nag aantay sa POV ng deliquent brother ni Kate,I'm working on his part,haha!
AYA<3