The concert isn't over yet, and Annie and Sarah whine and beg and plead and finally convince Jackie to let them stay another half hour.
I walk to a corner next to a bright blacklight and pull out my phone, not feeling like dancing anymore. My heart pounds still and I try to control my breathing, which I'm pretty sure stopped altogether when Jackie was so close. I'm not sure what just happened or what it might have become had Annie not interrupted us, but I am definitely wish I had found out. Even though we are roommates, even though it might have ruined this meaningful friendship, I wished that moment wouldn't have ended so quickly.
"Hey," Jackie's smooth voice says, and I glance up from my phone to see him lean against the wall next to me. I can hear him more clearly with less people around, and I am instantly reminded of the moment we just had. I desperately hope it's not awkward between us, and that I don't make it awkward by being too tense around him.
"Hi," I say tightly. Way to go. I put my phone in my pocket, fingers tapping nervously against my thigh.
I glance in his direction right as his hand flickers in the edge of my vision, and I feel something slimy smear onto my cheek.
I jerk back with a gasp, squinting at a laughing Jackie who holds a big cup filled with green paint in his hands.
"Tell me you didn't just do that," I say darkly.
He tips his head back and laughs even louder as I wipe at my cheek, and I snatch the cup from him in retaliation. He holds his hands up in surrender, shrinking away when I raise it high in warning.
"Have mercy!" He pleads with an adorable smile.
I pretend to sigh, putting my arms dow. "Fine."
Jackie surveys me suspiciously until relaxing, which is his fatal mistake. I spring forward after dumping some of the paint onto my hand, then wipe it all over the side of his face, leaving a glowing green handprint on his sharp cheekbone. He gasps in betrayal, and I reach high up to poor the rest of it in his hair. Only a little spills onto his messy, silky black head before he grabs my wrist with one hand and fumbles for the cup with the other, then throws the final bit all over the front of my newly acquired tank top. Green droplets splatter everywhere, and I slap at his chest in outrage, streaking green there, too.
Jackie throws away the cup, still laughing, and runs his hands through his hair. Green highlights glow through the black and some flecks rest on his forehead, but viewing my handprint on his cheek is what makes me start to laugh with him. I laugh and laugh until my face is warm and my stomach hurts and we are leaning on each other. I laugh part out of relief that it's not awkward between us, relief that Jackie is so good at making me feel comfortable.
I guess there wasn't much to worry about after all.
#####
We get back to Jackie's home around eleven, and after changing into my clothes from before I am currently standing on the front porch with Monica, waiting for Jackie to finish saying goodbye to Annie.
"You're good for him, you know. Good for Jackie," Monica says abruptly, breaking our peaceful conversation about book preferences. "He's never brought home a girl before. Well since starting college and we stopped keeping an eye on him, anyway. I know there's been plenty, but he always kept private about it, insisting he would bring home the person that really mattered. All this rambling to say I'm glad he found you. You seem to really matter to him."
I blink several times. "Thank you, but... we're just friends."
Monica gives me a secret smile. "Oh honey, you and I both know it's more than that. And it's not just Jackie. I have a feeling you're just as enamored with him as he is with you. Falling in love is one of life's greatest gifts, whether it leads to pain or a lifetime of the sensation. Enjoy it."
Unsure what to say, I muster a smile and thank her.
She laughs and says, "and the tension between you two is astounding! It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable, but I just had to say something. I really do hope to see you again someday."
Monica gives me a warm smile, her kind eyes crinkling at the corners. Jackie opens the door and walks over to give his mom a hug, large arms engulfing her for a heartwarming second. Then we walk to the car and start the long drive home.
#####
A shrill scream breaks through my unconscious state, bringing me to life with a gasp. "What? What is it?!" I yell, running from my room in my shorts and tank top to find Iz standing in the foyer with her suitcase in hand.
Jackie's door swings open behind me, and I turn to see him in baggy sweats wearing absolutely no shirt to cover his defined abs and hard chest and toned arm muscles from my pervert eyes.
"Shit, what's wrong," he breathes in worried exasperation as we run down the hallway to find Iz standing in the foyer with her suitcase.
"What's wrong?" Iz growls. "What's wrong is that I miss my best friend and she doesn't even care enough to greet me at the damn door."
I sigh, running a hand over my face. "Iz it's seven thirty on a Sunday morning. You wouldn't have greeted me if I had arrived this early."
She points a finger at me threateningly. "You don't know that! And I had to leave, I just had to, I couldn't stand another minute in that house, and I love you and want to be with you so come over and give me a damn hug or I'm gonna scream again!"
"You're already screaming," Jackie points out.
Iz scrunches up her nose in disgust. "No one asked you. Go away."
Jackie throws is hands in the hair and turns back to his room, unknowingly tensing his muscles and making my mouth grow dry.
My gosh I need to get a hold of myself.
I run over and hug Iz, and after she dramatically throws her suitcase into our room we go and sit on the window seat, opposite the kitchen. We spend the entire morning talking and catching up. Jackie leaves around eleven for his last shift at the pizza job, which I had almost forgotten about because it's only a summer thing. Kyle and Ferris are gone relatively often during afternoons to work. Apparently Ferris is the one that makes the most money, with a high management job at a clothing store.
Me and Iz talk about Mike and her family and and how everyone sucks except us, and then I tell her about the blacklight party.
"I'm sorry, hold up, you guys spread paint all over each other?!"
I scrunch up my nose and begin to deny this when she continues, "he totally flirted with you. That's flirting. He clearly likes you. RAY HE CLEARLY LIKES YOU!"
"Shut up," I hiss. "So what if he likes me? He's never gonna act on it because he knows it would be too weird to live together."
"Bullshit," Iz blurts, just as the front door opens and Ferris steps in.
He blinks, startled, then says in mock-surrender, "I swear it's true, I'm innocent, innocent I tell you!"
Kyle and Jackie come home later that night and we decide to all go out for dinner. We are by far the loudest table at the small diner, bickering and laughing together chaotically.
"Hey, what are your guys' plans for the weekend?" Kyle asks as we walk to Jackie's car. Jackie's the only one of us who actually owns a car, so it's pretty crammed with all five of us in the small cab of his truck. "I was thinking we could take a camping trip Saturday through Sunday. Just a one night thing, we could borrow my mom's van and drive out to a spot in the morning."
"That sounds like a lot of fun!" Iz says enthusiastically, and we all agree. "We can go shopping for everything like Thursday. This'll be great!"
We continue to talk about where we'll go as we get in the car. Iz called shotgun so I end up between Ferris and Kyle in the back as Jackie drives. His eyes occasionally find mine in the mirror and I am the first to break contact each time, blushing as I do so.
A thought strikes me amidst the chaos of the packed car, and a deep-rooted seed of nervous and timid hope blooms in my chest. Maybe, just maybe, he does like me.
#####
Monday morning comes too fast.
I have math with Mike, and I am dreading it. The last thing I want is for him to have some sort of power over me, but I can't help the demeaning, defeated, sinking sensation in my stomach when I think of looking at his stupid face again.
I walk into class early, keeping my head down, and sit in the front row of desks. I wear very ripped jeans that cut off a little above my ankles and a lose off-one-shoulder green shirt tucked in at the front with a brown belt that matches my boots.
A hand slams down on my desk and I feel a looming presence lean in. "Thanks to you, bitch, I'm now on probation. I can't believe you told the police. I barely touched you," Mike growls in my ear, and I hate myself for feeling weak as I shrink away instead of standing my ground. "You better watch yourself or I'll give you a real reason to talk to the cops." And with that he walks away.
I look down to see my hands shaking, and I gather my things and decide to ask Cheyanne on Wednesday what we learned in class.
I walk out of the building and around to the back, hoping to find a quiet place to do some homework. There's a small grassy area behind the building and I set down my bag against the brick wall. Then I abruptly start to cry.
I clamp my hand over my mouth and bite down on the side, trying to make the tears stop. I don't understand them. I wrap my arm around my waist as I stand there, the wind whipping at my cheeks and making the salty water feel hot against my skin.
"Ray?" Oh Lord no. Jackie's voice is now completely recognizable to me, a low tenor that drifts through the quiet air. "Are you okay?"
I nod my head, unable to speak, shutting my eyes and listening to the sound of his footsteps as he draws closer.
"It's okay to not be okay," Jackie says softly, and his voice is closer than before. I keep my eyes closed and feel a pressure building in my chest, creeping up my throat, as I attempt to reign in the need to cry, the need to let go. I don't think it had fully hit me, what had almost happened Friday night, until now, after finally processing the information.
A warm hand touches my shoulder, and I turn slightly into it, keeping a hand on my lips and trying to stop the salty tears with my clenched eyelids. Another hand gently grazes my waist and when I relax slightly, I am wrapped up by two strong arms and pulled into a warm, comforting chest. A hand latches onto the wrist covering my mouth, his thumb brushing against my skin slowly, and my arms are guided up to rest on his shoulders as his arms and hands glide around my waist and between my shoulder blades. They tighten when the first sob racks my body, and now that the floodgate is open I can't seem to stop. My fingers tremble as they dig into the smooth skin of his neck, and my entire body shakes in Jackie's arms as I take on the weight of Mike's cruelty.
So he holds me as I cry, keeping me together as everything threatens to break me all at once. His embrace is safe and warm and tight, and I feel as though I can finally breathe, secure in the knowledge that he is with me, that I am not alone.
My sobbing gradually turns to whimpers then eventually to a hollow silence. My chest feels lighter than before, and a sort of relief fills me. I needed this, a release, a way to let go and absorb everything. I focus on the scent of cedar and rain, sandalwood and sage. I take deep breaths and let myself enjoy the feeling of being held in Jackie's arms before pulling back slightly, ducking my face to swipe at my nose, which thankfully doesn't get too runny when I cry. I have to stand on my tip toes to wrap my arms around his neck, and I let my heels fall down as his hold loosens a fraction. Jackie pulls back slightly to better see me and brings his hand up carefully to my jaw to tip my chin up, and I meet his gaze at last,
I am greeted by nothing but concern and empathy and something else I cannot place.
I know how I must look. My nose is red, cheeks flushed, eyes wide and rimmed with pink and my lips are pouty and crimson. It is certainly not my best look but I am not the ugliest crier. It could be worse.
"What's wrong?" Jackie asks softly, a tenderness to his voice I haven't heard before.
I shrug my shoulders, glancing down before admitting, "Mike is in my first class."
Jackie's worried stare turns cold. "Did he say anything to you?"
I nod my head and rehearse it back to him, stepping out of his warm embrace while doing so. After cursing Mike to fathomless depths of hell, he sighs in defeat.
"How about I meet you at your last class and we go do something together, something to cheer you up and make this day not completely terrible," Jackie offers.
I smile slightly and agree with more enthusiasm, then ask, "how did you find me, anyway?"
"Well my first class is right next to yours, remember, and I saw you walk by the door and followed you in a completely un-stalker-ish kind of way to make sure you were alright," Jackie explains.
"Oh," I say as I grab my backpack. "No, it's not stalker-ish... thank you."
"Anytime."
I can't wait to hang out with him after school.
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Sorry guys, this chapter was kind of choppy! I had meant for the beginning scene to be in the chapter before... it could be worse 😜