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My eyes focus on the green journal in front of me. A pen is wedged in between my pointer and middle finger as I stare down at the blank page. My dorm room is silent, considering Cassidy went to go "make up" with Dean. I pull my lip in between my teeth as I bring my hand to the page.
Dear Diary,
I haven't written in a diary since I was in middle school. I found this in my draw and needed to express my feelings. Lately, a lot of things have been going on. I'm trying to reinvent myself in becoming a person that I would be proud of. I look back at last year and cringe at my party girl ways. I desperately wanted to act out, to try to break free of that "perfect all-american girl" that my father shaped me into being. Ugh, that's a different story. I'm starting to see the bigger picture in life. Wasting time becoming somebody you aren't is stupid. I finally cut Noah off. He's an asshole and it sucks that I took over a year to realize it. He doesn't like me, he likes my body. It's a good thing I have Ethan now. I don't know what we are, but I really like him. We both have such a passion for literature and classic novels. He's sweet, charming and the definition of a gentleman. I think that he could really be the one. I'm falling so hard for him. When we text, I can be my full self. I don't need to hide behind a mask. I hope everything works out in the end, he's really special to me.
I put the pen down and shut my diary before placing it back in my draw. Writing down my feelings always helped me cope with my stress.
I rise out of my computer desk chair and walk over to my closet. Grabbing a jacket, I place it on my body and fix my hair in the process. It's really peaceful to be alone in my room for once. After placing a few notebooks in my bag, I grab my room key and head for the door.
Since the party, I had a lot of time to clear my head. Talking to Ethan was so refreshing. I never open up like that, but it's so easy when it comes to him. A small smile forms on my face as I pull out my phone and go straight to the dating app.
hanna:
miss you♥
I can't get him out of my head. I think about him even when I don't mean to think about him.
Finally making it to my building, I inhale a deep breath. I seriously hope I don't run into Noah, sometimes he waits outside of my English classroom. I roll my eyes at the thought.
My phone buzzes in my bag, so I pull it out again. I blush when I see Ethan's name pop up, my favorite notification.
ethan:
miss you more, have a great day beautiful.
Fuck, his words make me melt. I happily walk into the classroom and place my phone back in my bag. I notice Professor Lewis is already here and concentrating on a few papers in front of him. I shrug it off and take my seat in the front row. I neatly pull my notebook out and flip to a clean page.
"All right, it's finally twelve. Please, put all of your phones away." He suddenly speaks.
I lift my head up to look at him, he's still looking down at a sheet of papers.
"Today we will be discussing the mid-semester assignment. Instead of writing an essay, I decided to switch it up this year."
I furrow my eyebrows and listen closely. The essay is on the syllabus, so I was already prepared for it.
"For this assignment, you need to work with one other person. Don't get too excited, I'm picking your partners."
A few students groan and roll their eyes, but not me. I lean forward in the seat, ready to take on the task.
"You need to pick your favorite novel and compare and contrast it to your partner's favorite. You can make a powerpoint, put it on a poster board, I don't care. Get creative with this assignment. It will also give you the chance to get to know your fellow classmates. You will be presenting this in front of the class, so make sure you're prepared."
This is very different from our usual assignments. In a way, I really like it. I know I'm going to want to talk about my love for Gatsby so it's an easy A for me.
"I will be calling out last names so listen carefully. Jackson you will be working with Davis."
Professor Lewis starts to call out random names. A few boys sitting close by keep eyeing me, licking their lips and smirking. I shift uncomfortably as I look away from them.
"Thompson you will be working with Dolan."
My head snaps back to the tall bald man. Dolan? There has to be some mistake. Ethan isn't in this class. My heart is beating rapidly as I stare at my professor. I'm so fucking confused. After he calls all of the students, he tells us to get together with our new partner.
I quickly rise to my feet and walk over to his desk. "Professor Lewis?"
The older man looks at me. "Yes?"
"I think there's a mistake with my partner. You said the last name Dolan, but Ethan Dolan isn't in this class."
"Ethan? Who's Ethan?" He looks down at the piece of paper in front of him. "You're working with Grayson Dolan."
A tightness forms in my chest as I blankly stare at my professor. "Who?"
"The young man who sits in the back." He points toward the end of the classroom.
I immediately look to the back of the room. My eyes widen even more when I see a boy who looks just like Ethan. I blink a few times to make sure my eyes aren't deceiving me. Who the hell is this? Why have I never heard of Grayson Dolan before?
"Oh, okay." I stutter while grabbing my belongings.
I walk over to the back of the room, never taking my eyes off of the mysterious boy. His jaw is hanging low and every ounce of color has drained from his face. He looks like he's about to throw up, and so am I.
I nervously sit down in the seat next to him and turn my body to look directly at his face. "Uh, hi."
"H-Hi." He nervously stutters.
"Um, I'm Hanna." I awkwardly introduce myself.
"Grayson." He barely gets the word out.
Holy shit, up close he looks exactly like Ethan. Same intense jawline, same gorgeous brown eyes, same plump lips. He doesn't have black hair, instead it's a light brown color. It sweeps across his forehead. I probably look like a freak just staring at him like this.
"I'm sorry, but you're related to Ethan?" The question falls out of my mouth.
The boy gulps while turning to face me. "Uh, yeah that's my brother."
"Brother?" My eyes widen.
"Twin brother." He quickly adds.
Ethan has a twin brother who also goes to this college and didn't think to tell me? What the fuck? How did I not know this? God, he's in my English class.
"Ethan never told me he had a twin brother." I say with a shocked expression. He's at a complete loss of words, and so am I.
"Oh, you know him?" He nervously speaks.
"Yeah, has he not mentioned me before?" Sadness washes over me at the thought.
"Oh, uhhh." His hands begin to shake. "He mentioned a girl, I just didn't know her name."
"I wish I knew about you, I'm so sorry if I'm coming off rude." God, I feel like such an asshole right now.
"No, uh, it's all right." He slowly speaks.
"You've been in this class all semester?"
"Yes." He nods.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Once again, how did I not know this?
"Well, it's nice to meet you." I try to recover from this awkward encounter.
"You too." He says while looking down at the desk.
"So, the assignment." I clear my throat while continuing to stare at him. He's just as attractive as Ethan, but his personality is way different. He's extremely nervous and shaky. I can see the sweat forming on his forehead.
"What's your favorite novel?" He chokes out.
"The Great Gatsby. It's what I'm going to write about for the assignment. What's yours?" I furrow my eyebrows.
"Uh, well, Ethan loves Catcher in the Rye so I read his copy a few times. I would say that's my favorite." I can barely make out what he's saying from his shaky voice.
"This is so crazy." I accidentally say out loud.
"What is?" He finally makes eye contact with me.
"That you're real." I blurt out.
"I like to sit in the back." He shrugs.
"Do you have any classes with Ethan?"
"No, we have different schedules." He immediately responds.
I nod, not really knowing what else to say. I'm in complete and utter shock. "Uh, I think it will be easy to compare and contrast these stories."
"They're pretty different." He nods.
"Actually, they're pretty similar." I debunk his statement. "Gatsby and Holden are both caught up in unattainable dreams. They both obsess over the past."
"You do have a point." His low voice trails off.
"We have some time to work on this, so we can gather a lot of information." I point out, still staring at him.
He nods again and looks back at me. My stomach turns when our eyes meet again. There's something about him that makes me nervous and I don't know why. Maybe it's because he looks like Ethan or maybe it's because he's staring at me like he knows everything about me.