I looked down nervously, glancing at the watch that adorns my slender wrist, flipping the face towards myself to read the time.
11:55 AM.
I fidget nervously tapping my fingers on the cold table top I was currently slumped over. One palm is on my forehead supporting it as I stare down at basically nothing, my other arm bent and resting on the table, palm flat down on the surface between my body and the elbow supporting my head.
5 minutes to go.
Why was I nervous, maybe even scared? I am not sure. But I could hardly believe I was back after my break up with Sterling Knight. Due to the fact I was on tour for a year. The last time I was on the set of Sonny With a Chance. I want to go see my ex boyfriend Sterling before shooting in his dressing room. To read over some lines or in our case...have some fun. Back when I thought life was a perfect little fairy tale. When I thought I had found my prince charming to sweep me off my feet, and that finally, I was going to have my perfect story book ending. Back when I believed in love with all of my heart. Before my parent's divorce. Before he let me down. I had walked in his dressing room with him fucking Tiffany Thornton. My other co-star who played Tawni Hart on the show. That day why we where shooting what was supposed to be the last episode of the season. I had a major break down. Picking fights all day with them both. We sadly couldn't finish it. So now it was supposed to be the start of this season. The very first episode. Why I was on tour my best friend Nick Jonas was there. One night we gotten really drunk...and hooked up. We both decided to keep it a secret and just be secret fuck buddies. It was great. No feelings just sex. No way of getting hurt. Right?
Thoughts of everything from the past flooded my mind, causing me to visibly shudder. I swore I could still feel his warm touch on my shoulder, feel his hot breath on the back of my neck.
Suddenly I jump, my eyes, which I hadn't even realized were closed shot open and I slightly jump, taking my hand from my forehead.
Someone was touching Me. Someone was breathing behind me. I nearly had a heart attack. My mind was racing trying to think of who it was. I prayed it wasn't Nick or Sterling. I didn't want to much drama this early in the day.
"Sorry to scare you love!" I heard Eric Dean Seaton aka the Directer voice chuckle breathily. "Just thought I'd let you know your needed on set in 10. So you should run off to hair and make up. Good luck today. I know it is hard for you."
"Uh, thanks Eric." I reply almost breathless from the scare. "I'll be out in just one second..." I trailed off trying to slow my heart rate down and stop my head from spinning.
"Alrighty, love. Take your time, I'm going to see if everything is set up." Eric said still slightly laughing through his words. Obviously scaring me half to death is amusing to him.
I take a sharp breath in releasing through closed teeth. I just needed to calm down, and Eric scaring me definitely wasn't helping the cause.
Finally, I snapped out of my trance, knowing that I hard to go to hair and make up. Then shoot the scene. Although I didn't have to be here, I wanted to, for my fans. I could had quit and give up playing Sonny. But I had let my fans down when we couldn't put out that last episode last season. They had been so understanding as to not hate/bitch at me for not being able to finish shooting it. For obvious reasons -cough cough- Sterling, but I knew I had to pay them back for everything they had done for yme, so setting my differences aside, I decided I would start shooting. Sonny With a Chance again. And just hope to God that I could avoid him..Which would be hard due to the fact. He was playing my love interest on the show Chad.
I stepped out of the dressing. Just as I did I looked up.
Oh God. It's him......
I turned quickly on my heels, letting my -now black hair- fall in front of my face and put a hand up to shield myself as well, head down.
Too late. He saw me...fuck...so much for no drama.
"Demi?" A voice rang out sounding part confused, part hopeful and part nervous.
I froze, my breath catching between My lips. "Shit." I let slip out quietly, back still to the impostor.
My muscles twitched urging me to move, but it was too late, my feet wouldn't budge and a firm, but careful hand hand already been placed ontop of my shoulder.
My breath hissed out between gritted teeth.
I turned to him slowly as he spun me around by his grip on my shoulder, still looking to the ground, trying anything to avoid eye contact with him.
"Hi." He said awkwardly.
"Bye." I said stubbornly, glaring at him.
I turned again to leave, but once again, he caught me by both shoulders, turning me back to him, holding me just an arm's length away, searching my face with a bit of anger.
"What the fuck you you want Sterling?" I let the words flow coldly from my lips, trying my hardest to appear unfazed but icy.
"Look, we need to talk." He whispered back. I slightly shuddered at his silky smooth voice and his hands that heated my skin.
"There's nothing to talk about, okay?" I snapped back with so much hate in my words.
"There's everything to talk about." He said back, not so much argumentatively, but more matter-of-factly.
I could feel his eyes burning a hole through me as I still refused to meet his gaze.
"Fuck you Sterling," I snapped. "Would you please just leave me the fuck alone?! There is nothing more to say. You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave. I'm not sorry I met you, I'm not sorry it's over, I'm not sorry. There's nothing to save......" I trailed off, "I'm not sorry, there's nothing to save..." I recited the lyrics I had written back when this was all so fresh to me. Still, the words seemed so relevant, nothing had changed, and I had nothing to say. It was a learning thing, and I knew not to be fooled again. My eyes blazed with such intensity and hatred into his.
Starling's mouth dropped slightly in hurt it seemed.
"Now if you'll excuse me." I said, anger behind my words as I said them powerfully and clearly.
Sterling said nothing, but dropped his hands from both of my shoulders, allowing me to leave. I turned once again and started down the hallway. I needed to be alone for a while before I go to hair and make up.
I went down to the cafe, after grabbing my guitar from where I left it buy the So Random stage, I sat down and began strumming a familiar melody. One I played when I thought of him. Almost every day.
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
I could still remember, my friend insisting that I must meet some guy.
Little did I know, it would be Sterling. To not cause a scene, I simply pretended to not be sure who this guy was. Then we became co-stars on the same show and started dating. Who knew? I took a deep breath and started to sing.
"Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name..."
Well, maybe I did remember his name, but I just liked the impact of these lyrics in the song, to pretend that I was so over him, that I didn't even remember his name.
"This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love.."
I thought of how he denied love, how he broke me and left me. I knew I had loved him, I knew I hated him, but I knew I could never stop loving him. No matter what.
"He, however, had lost all credibility to you.
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back..."
I lied to myself with these lines, I knew every time I sang this song, I was still definitely looking back, wishing everything back.
"There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save..."
The words stung my heart, having just said them. Such a beautiful tragedy. No words ever so pure, no words ever so true. But I sure as hell had wished so many times that my words were faulty, that it was all just a lie to prove to myself that I could live without him.
Of course I could live without him, but no one said it was easy.
"That's beautiful." I heard a steady voice from behind me.
I sigh hard putting down my guitar expecting full well to want to slap whoever was there for listening in on my private moment. I hadn't played that song for anyone, it was far too personal.
I turn, my eyes widening and gasping slightly. "Nick?" I breathed out.
"Hi." He mutters lamely.
"You weren't supposed to hear that." I say breathily unsure what else to say. Immediately after I said it I wished it back knowing how stupid it sounded. But yet....at the same time looking at Nick...I didn't....that was even more stupid right?
He dismissed my comment. "I know how you feel." He said weakly talking as if we were still best friends the fuck buddies didn't change anything. Other then the fact we where now having sex. "Me and Alexis, we uh... broke up." He confesses to me. "But it wasn't because of you and what we did....nobody knows about it."
"I know, I am sorry." I say emotionless, the shock wearing off. Relived that I wasn't the reason for there break up. If I was...I would had hated myself. More then I already do. "I watch E! News." I somewhat joke, earning a small smile from his closed lips. He looks down kicking the dirt.
"Yeah, I guess I should have known. Everyone knows about that. That's what you get when you are Nick Jonas and your girlfriend -- ex girlfriend, " he corrects himself, "is Alexis Texas world famous cheerleader." He sighs hard. "The world knows your business. I don't even know what a private life is anymore. I swear... I take a shit and it's front page news." He chuckles at his own expense.
I can't help but laugh out loud at that.
He smiles at me. "Heyyyy! There's that million dollar laugh!" He grins at me. I blushed a deep red. "I've missed it, and you. Why you where away." He say a little more seriously.
"I've missed you too Nicky." I whisper out. "And I'm sorry I haven't been there for you it's just after the whole Sterling thing I just, I just couldn't bare to and..."
He cuts me off. "Whoa! Take a breath there!" He laughs at my breathless rant I've started. "I understand Dem, really, I do. And I don't blame you for wanting nothing to do with anybody" He looks sad.
"I just-" I start. "I just couldn't deal with it." I whispered to him.
"It's okay." He states sympathetically as he sees the tears starting to bubble up in my eyes. He is immediately alert. "Demi! Shh, come here! Don't cry, it's okay!" He promises, taking me into a tight hug. "It's okay." He repeats, stroking my hair.
"No," I sobbed, "it's no-not okay.." i whimpered in his arms. "I'm so sorry." I let out with my tears. "I'm so sorry, for everything."
"It is not your fault. Demi." He whispered to me. Kissing the top of my head. I took a deep breath. "How are you feeling? How are you holding up?" I asked him softly.
Nick looked down at me. "I am just hanging on. If it wasn't for you and the whole just fuck buddies thing we have going on...I don't think I would had made it..." He told me honestly.
I nodded at him. Nick no matter what was always there for me...even if it was just for sex...but I still love Sterling...I looked up at Nick. "Hall closest locks..." I whispered. He nodded knowing what I met buy that. We want into the hall closest together. He closed the door forgetting to lock it. We where having a steaming make out seasion why ripping off each others cloths. We both knew it had to be quick because I had to be on set soon. Nick roughly put his dick inside me. He picked me up pushing me into the wall holding me up there. Why pumping in and out of me fast and hard. I moaned tossing my head back into the wall closing my eyes. It felt amazing. We didn't know that Sterling walked into the closest hearing us. Why looking for me because we had to start shooting. We didn't hear him leave slamming the door. Before we knew it. We both came at the same time. I panted heavly laying my head on Nick's chest. "T-thank you." I breathed out. "No thank you for everything Demi." He whispered kissing the top of my head. He pulled out of me. We both quickly gotten dressed and I ran to hair and make up knowing I was already late.
A/N: Song lyrics credit goes to Stars and the song is called. "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead" if you want to check it out.