Now that you're all caught up, welcome to the present (sort of). This story will continue until I end it. At some point it'll be over but stuff keeps happening with him.
I talked to him today for the first time. I was expecting it to be awkward but, it wasn't at all. It was like things never changed! It felt so natural. I was expecting my anger to come out, but it didn't. After talking with him I felt so happy that we were still cool even after that week of silence.
He's still coming to my party. I think it'll be ok. But I'm planning on getting drunk and who knows what will happen! Why am I planning to do such a thing? Well for one, I've never been drunk before so I want to see what kind of drunk person I am. And two, maybe it'll give me the courage to let out my feelings towards him. Hell, maybe I'll be able to get a drunk kiss out of it!
I still have feelings for him. And as long as he's around and I haven't met another guy that I like better, I might always feel that way. I still have this unrealistic hope that he'll change his mind one day. I keep fantasizing about how he would tell me that he changed his mind. I want to get back with him. I'm still crazy about him.
But I'm willing to put those feelings aside. I'd rather have him in my life as a friend and be tortured than not have him in my life at all. That's how much I like him. I'm willing to put my affection for him aside for the sake of our new found friendship.