The next night, Javier comes to see me again. I had not seen him at all today and was hoping to tear him a new one that morning. But all the pent-up emotions I had felt and the argument scenarios I had practiced with myself all go out the window. I step away from him the minute I open the door, not giving him a chance to distract me with his touches or kisses.
"What the hell was that about yesterday? You have the nerve to just show up out of the blue... and then leave with no explanation whatsoever?"
"What explanation did you want? I thought the night explained itself."
"Well, you thought wrong!"
I quickly sidestep him when he tries to come closer again.
"What are you doing?" he asks folding his arm across his chest.
"Nah uh. You are not going to just slam bam thank you mame me again."
"Slam, bam, what? What are you talking about?"
"You know what I mean."
"No, I don't. I thought you enjoyed last night."
"Well... I- I did."
"Good. That's all that matters."
Suddenly, before I can even react, he corners me against the wall. I put my hands against his chest trying to put as much distance between us as I can in this new predicament.
"That's not the point Javier. You're not listening-"
"Sshh," he stops me with a finger to my lips.
He slowly removes his finger cautiously. Then before I can get another word in, his lips capture mine. Javier's are usually sensual, seductive, and playful. This kiss, however, though still passionate, is more urgent and demanding. As if with the kiss he is trying to coax something more out of me.
"Let's not complicate things," Javier says to the end of the kiss. "Things are getting better between us."
"Are they?"
To this he says nothing. Instead, as before, he swoops me into his arms and carries me towards the bedroom. Javier kicks the door close then gently places me down on the bed. His eyes slowly travel down my body as if examining me before his gaze lands on mine. Though it is dark, the moonlight casting through my window lands on Javier perfectly and I can just ever so clearly see the green glints of his eyes. I stare at him deeply, returning the analysis. His eyes are the same, just as when we first met. But the emotions behind them aren't. At least not as intensely as before, if even at all. The gleam in his eyes is more guarded. After a moment, Javier gives me a slight smile that is reassuring; or at least it was meant to be. Except, it feels like a farce. The Javier before me is undeniably not the same. He is not the same Javier I was falling in love with.
~
Javier's visits become a nightly routine. And by morning he is always gone. He never leaves when I am awake. He cuddles me until I fall asleep, then he slips away. So, I have been trying to stay awake as much as possible.
"Stay," I asked him one night when I woke up to him getting dressed. He was sat on the bed putting on his shoes.
"I can't," he simply mumbled matter-of-factly.
I crawled towards him and slipped onto his lap facing him.
"Please."
"It's best if I don't."
"I disagree. I want you to stay... please."
Before he could say anything, I kissed him blocking the disappointing response I was sure to come. Unexpectedly he flipped me over so that I was pinned underneath him. He looked at me for a moment, with his eyebrows scrunched up, seemingly contemplating something.
"Stay," I begged again caressing his cheek.
He looked at me for a moment longer, then a kiss was my response.
~
"Aaah!" my mother screeched from the other side of the phone.
Her phone call woke me up early in the morning. As usual Javier, like a vampire, Javier is gone before the sun broke. Last night after I had asked him to stay, I made sure to stay away so he wouldn't try to slip away again. Though he is gone, his side is still warm indicating that he mostly only recently left.
"April are you listening to me," my mom's nagging voice from the other side of the phone pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Yes, mother I'm listening."
"I'm getting married!" she screamed again.
Okay, that woke me up.
"What! To who?"
"Keshan silly. Who else?"
"Oh... It's just... umm..."
How do I say this without sounding like it sounds?
"It's just after everything that happened, I didn't think you wanted to get married."
"Well I guess didn't," she says. "But after everything I think I was just scared. I mean Keshan is such a good man what the hell else am I waiting for you know."
"If you're sure that's what you want mom."
"It is... it really is. And we decided to keep it small, you know just really close friends and family. Figured it was probably best after everything that happened."
Ya think?
"I think that's best too," I agree with her.
Just in case she decides to be a runaway bride this time.
"Oh, and I asked Jeremy to bring over a few things I want you to look over to help me plan this weekend. It's just a small binder of ideas. Nothing fancy."
"Jeremy? Why is Jeremy running errands for you? Please don't tell me you're still trying to arrange a marriage between us again. I told you-"
"Yes, I know. You're in between boyfriends or something. Anyways, he's not running errands for me. He said he was going to be in the area and insisted on taking it for me."
Yeah okay. As if it wasn't already her idea.
My mother has a knack for convincing people that something was their idea even though it was her to initially brought it forth.
"Well look at me talking your ear off this early. I'm sure you have tons to do, so I'll let you go. Please do give me a call when you get it. It is going to be so fun. Okay bye, darling."
"Wait, mom-," I tried to get more about Jeremy, but she hung up before I could get a word in.
~
"I'm here to see Damien," came an accented feminine voice behind my computer.
When I looked towards the direction of the voice, to my surprise I found Renée. She looked just as I remember her when I had met her in Paris. She wore a white strapped bodycon dress with a small slit on the side that reached just above her knee. Her makeup is a subtle peach giving her skin a soft glow almost as if she was airbrushed. And her blonde wavy hair is swept to the side with every little strand of hair perfectly in place.
This is who Javier used to be in love with?
"April, cheri, how are you? It has been so long."
I catch the reflection of myself from one of the picture frames on my desk and immediately begin fixing my frizzy hair.
"Renée, hi. Um... yes, I'm go- great! I mean great. I'm doing great."
"That's good," Renée smiled.
Damn even her fucking smile is perfect.
"Merci encore for having agreed to be auctioned. I never had a chance to thank you, you ran off so quickly."
"Of course, yes. But um... what brings you by?"
"Well, I was hoping to maybe sneak in and see your boss if that's okay."
"Oh, did you have an appointment?"
I know that she does not have an appointment because I make all of Damien's schedules. But I busy myself with pretending to look anyways.
"He should be expecting me," she laughs.
Is that so?
I give her what I hope looks like a genuine smile, knowing full well that she is lying.
"One moment, please. I'll go see if Mr. Ward is available."
I quickly head to Damien's office and close the door behind me. I find Damien pacing back and forth while speaking to someone on the phone. He has been stressed lately dealing with everything going on with his dad and today seems to be no exception to that.
"I don't care how its fucking done, I want him gone!" Damien shouts. "... then what the fuck am I paying you for? Fucking find something it will be you that's next."
He slams the phone back down on the receiver, mumbling something to himself.
"Is everything ok?"
Of course, it's not idiot!
"Everything is fine."
Liar.
He always says that he is fine, but it is damn obvious that he is not. I think about prying some more but decide against it. Hopefully, he will tell me in his own time.
"Why is Renée here to see you?"
I cross my arms and stand my ground ready to tear him a new if he had the nerve to invite her here.
"Renée?"
He goes past me to peak through the blinds.
"Great. Just when my blood pressure was starting to go down."
"What is she doing here?"
He turns to face me.
"You think I know?"
"She said you were expecting her."
"Then she's lying. I never asked her here... You have to believe me."
"Do I now?"
"What is going on with you?"
"Nothing! Just... just go tell her to fuck off."
"I can't do that."
"Well, then I will."
I try to go do exactly that, but Damien pulls me back.
"Yeah, that's not going to work." "Renée does not exactly have boundaries when it comes to getting what she wants. Tell her I'm busy and she'll just walk right in anyways. If she came here to talk to me, she isn't going to leave until she does. Besides... I am somewhat curious to know what she wants."
It better not be back in your pants.
"Well, I don't care what she wants. I don't want her near you."
"Are you jealous?"
"I..."
"You are, aren't you? That's a new one. You're jealous."
"Am not. I just... I know women like her. And they are nothing but bad news."
Renée is just like many of the women that I grew up around in Catholic school. They were conniving and manipulating plastic devils who did nothing but make everyone else around them miserable because of their failures. And I get the same kind of feelings from Renée.
"Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. Renée and I have been long done with."
"Does she know that?"
"I've made it pretty damn obvious. Why are you doubting me all of a sudden? Have I done anything to show you otherwise."
"No, you haven't. I'm sorry. It's not you... it's just..."
"What?"
"... never mind. I'll go tell her to come in."
He looks at me curiously but says nothing. The whole thing with Javier has me all messed up, and now I'm taking out my insecurities on Damien and it's not fair to him. I need to sort out my mess with Javier soon before I lose both of my men.
As much as I wanted to throw Renée out in her ass, I tell her she can go speak to Damien now. She again gives me one of her plastic smiles that hold no genuine substance and I try to give her one back that I hope is more believable.
I try to focus on my actual job as I wait for Renée to come back my. But my mind is too consumed with thoughts about what they might be talking about inside.
What the hell is taking so long?
I look at the time and realize that it's been only about two minutes since Renée actually walked into Damien's office and I've been obsessing. But it's already two minutes too long. Unable to concentrate, I decide instead to go visit Trinity at reception.
Hopefully, she'll have something to distract me.
Trinity is looking lovely as ever and definitely starting to get a slight pregnancy glow. Everything has been a lot more peaceful since Mark and she patched things up. I still can't believe Mark is going to be a father. My mother is going to have a field day once she finds out.
"Hey, Trin."
"What are you doing in this bottom neck of the woods?"
"Damien is with some woman he has a past with and I just couldn't stand to be there much longer. I need to space."
"You mean that snooty bitch that walked past here a moment ago?"
"That very one."
"What are they talking about?"
"I don't know. I wasn't exactly invited in."
"Oh please. As if that has ever stopped anyone. For all you know she could be smacking lips with your man. Is that what you want?"
"I mean, no... but Damien would never do that."
"Is that what he told you?" Trinity sarcastically rolls her eyes. "Come on."
She takes my hand and guides me back to Damien's office door. She places her ear against the door trying to listen.
"Trinity we shouldn't be eavesdropping. They could walk out any minute."
I try to pull her away from the door but she smacks my hand away.
"Sshh. I'm trying to listen... crap it's too mumbled. Hold on."
She goes to my desk and dumbs the pens in the glass container on my desk. Going back to the door, she places the glass cup on the door then presses her ear against it.
"That's better."
"What are they saying?"
"I think they're arguing about something. Here, listen."
I take the cup from Trinity and replicate what she did, trying to hear the conversation on the other side of the door. Trinity is correct that they are arguing about something, but I can't understand what.
"He won't meet with me," I hear Renées voice clearly first. Then it's following by Damien's audible annoyed response, "Then that is his choice Renée. What do you expect me to do about it. Yo made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with him. Now you're getting mad because he's following your request."
"Just speak to him, please. Convince him to come and see me."
"I'm not my brother's keeper. What he choices to do or not is not mine to dictate."
"It's her isn't it. That woman... Are they serious?"
Damien doesn't respond. And I am happy he doesn't. After everything she has done to Javier she has the audacity to come here as if she is entitled to know anything concerning his life.
"Please. I deserve to know," comes Renée's pleasing voice again.
"And why is that! He doesn't owe you anything. And neither do I."
"What we had was one of a kind. No one can ever match what we shared and you know it."
"Go back to your husband Renée."
Nothing is said for a while that I almost think that the conversation is over.
"Claude is cheating on me." She says this so softly that I almost didn't hear it.
"I'm sorry to hear that Renée. But my brother will not be your backup plan."
"It's not like that. Please. I should have never given up on what we had. I should have never... I just want to give us another chance. You remember how good it was."
"I've moved on."
"With who? That desk child? She's... just think about it, okay?"
Nothing more is said and then I hear shuffling and the footsteps.
"Shoot they're coming this way!" I warn Trinity.
We both quickly shuffle away from the door and back to my desk pretending to be enthralled in a conversation. I can't believe I just heard Renée in there. She really thinks she can just come back here after everything that she has done and everyone is just supposed to fall at her feet? When she finally walks out, I almost went to leap and strangle her neck. I expected her to walk right out, but am surprised when she heads towards me instead.
"April, could I have a word with you?"
Trinity looks at Renée up and down, clearly bothered with her as much as I am. She looks at me telepathically questioning if it's okay if she leaves me with Renée. I look back and Renée and giver her a slight nod.
I will not wring her neck. I will not wring her neck.
"I will see you later," Trinity says giving Renée one last mean look before leaving us alone.
I wonder what she could possibly want.
"I just wanted to let you know that Javier and I are getting back together."
"Is that so?"
"I just wanted to let you know that there are no hard feelings. I know that you two had a small passing and unmeaningful little thing. Just hope we can still be friends."
Is this serpent really going to do this?
Everything my mother has taught me is telling me to take the high road. But for some reason, something inside me just clicked and words I never thought I would blurt out, escape from my lips.
"It's funny you say that because... he just never mentioned anything last night when he was in my bed."
Renée looks at me stunned and I myself am shocked that I just snapped like that. This is definitely new territory for me. Never in a million year did I ever think I would be confrontational with anyone.
"...excuse me?" Renée snarls through her teeth.
I almost back down believing that my burst of bitchiness was just a one-hit wonder. But more things just begin spewing out before I have the chance to even stop them.
"I'm sorry did you need details. Well you see, last night while he was pounding me, you know with his cock, he never said anything about even see you. The only thing he did say though was my name like over, and over... and over again."
Renée shock turns to visible rage. If this had been an old sixties cartoon steam would be coming out of her ears. Renée menacingly approaches me and for a moment I think she is about to charge for me.
"Then I guess he also didn't tell you how he proposed to me... No? Not even how he comes and see me when my husband is away?"
He's who Damien said Renée was cheating on Claude with?
"Guess you don't know Javier as well as you think you do."
With a finally malign smile, Renée sashays away.