"Hey Rai." He spoke.
What the hell is he doing here at Howard? This is my Adrian-free zone. This has been my sanctuary where I don't have to face the truth. What do I do now? Raina think! "Hi," I responded weakly.
"Do you have somewhere we can talk?" He stood in front of me awkwardly.
"We can go up." I turned around slowly catching him take a glimpse at my ass. It did get a little bigger. My eating habits picked up and I've been killing it in the gym. Oh and these jeans are fitting quite nicely. Just don't trip and fall or be weird. Raina walk normal. Damn I'm rambling in my head.
We were silent the entire ride up. My roommate Nedra and friend Aaron were in there. I wasn't planning on Adrian coming up. I was sure they didn't mind catching some piping tea though.
"It's right here." We stopped. I opened the door, walked in and he followed.
"Oop." Aarons eyes appeared up to mine with a slight grin. Nedra shared the same look.
"Uh, Adrian this is my roommate Nedra and this is Aaron." I introduced.
"Y'all this is Adrian." I pointed.
"Hi." Nedra responded before giving me a silly grin. I gave her an evil squint.
"What's up man?" Aaron replied sticking his hand out for Adrian to shake and he did. "Nice to meet you both." He said in response to them.
"Rai I'ma' go ahead and get out of here, call me later love." Aaron winked and came over to me for a hug. I noticed Adrian watching us closely.
"—And it's good to meet you too bruh." Aaron told him and he nodded.
"I'm right behind you Aaron. Wait up." Nedra said walking out to leave. "Nice meeting you, and Rai text me."
"Ok girl, see y'all later." I waved and Adrian nodded. I closed the door behind them and gestured for him to have a seat at the desk. He did and so did I on my bed.
"How have you been?" He looked me up and down. "Everything's good. I'm adjusting here." I answered, slightly dry. I'm anxious to know what was really going on in his head.
"Cool, that's good." He nodded. "This is a nice dorm you have here." He looked around.
"Thanks as you can see I added color." I smiled a little. "I see that." He laughed. Then an awkward silence came.
"Why did you come here?" I abruptly asked. He glanced at me hesitating his next response. "Who's this Aaron?"
I giggled dryly. "He's my friend."
"Oh." He said sounding a little disappointed. I studied him for a second. "It's good you have people out here."
"Yeah. He really mean a lot to me." I replied. He nodded slowly looking away trying to figure out what to say next I presumed. I decided to go ahead and ease his mind. "The answer is no. We're not looking to get together. Not that it matters but he's gay. He and his boyfriend have an amazing relationship."
"Oh." He said quickly while nervously nodding his head. "I wasn't trying to assume anything. I just-"
"Adrian why are you here?" I repeated. He looked at me and noticed how serious I was. Don't waste my time. As nervous as I was I wasn't dragging it out.
He scooted the chair closer. "First I want to apologize for the way things ended with us. — I'm trying to figure out where you are right now. How is life treating you out here? You deserve nothing but the best-"
"Adrian I'm not understanding-" I cut him off. "Hold on let me finish." He paused then got up and walked over to sit with me on the bed.
"I need to know where you're at in life as far as commitment. I love you and I would do anything in this world to get you back." His gaze never left mine. I continued listening.
"With that said I'm not trying to be selfish either. You're young. I've already been to college. I get it. I know you have goals you're trying to accomplish, so you need to stay focused." He stopped to grab my hands. I didn't contest it. "Tell me what you want me to do. If you want me to leave, I will no pressure. I'll be ok with whatever you decide. I had to try."
I took a moment to take in everything because it was a lot. It was a hard year. It took a lot to get to this point. To a point, I wasn't crying every day.
"I've had to deal with people leaving my entire life. I also dealt with people taking advantage of me. So in that moment when you and Mikey had me at your house to end the relationship I felt played. I was humiliated. I didn't have a say over anything.
I opened up to you. I never thought I could fall for someone before you. You have no idea how much you meant to me. I damn near manifested you into my life." I explained. He listened to me with guilt all over his face. He needed to fully understand the emotional rollercoaster from my perspective.
I teared up. "You were my rock. You were my good thing. You made me feel safe. No matter what, I would have fought for you. You know my life. You knew you meant everything to me. You can't do that to me. Lift me up then let me go. I need to always feel safe with you. That night I was calling and calling. Then the next thing I knew my brother was taking me to your house the following day so you can break up with me."
He exhaled a shaky breath. "Baby I'm sorry. Honestly I didn't know how to fight for you, or even if I should've. Some of what Mike said made sense to me at the time."
"I didn't want to be in your way Rai, but I loved you, and never stopped. You hear me?" He said while wiping away my tears and I nodded. "I had no business talking to you behind his back. That's the reality of the situation. No matter how far we did or didn't go. It shouldn't have happened like that. But I don't regret it. Those were the best moments of my life. And I don't want it to end."
Damn I missed this so much.
I smiled a little. "You do know my brother would've never called the cops on you right?"
He chuckled. "I know, —trust me when I tell you I broke it off because we didn't give each other the right shot. We went about our start the wrong way. That's the only reason."
There it was, that feeling I missed so much. The way he stares at me. It was like he was seeing me for the first time. I wanted to play hard to get unfortunately, I was succumbing.
"What?" I squealed not able to keep my eyes on him, wiping away my tears.
"I missed you, every day." He exhaled again. "So much has changed. So much I wanted to be a part of in your life. So much I wanted you to be a part of in mine."
"Yeah." I genuinely agreed. He paused getting my attention. "Can I take you somewhere?"
"Do you even know where to go?" I waited for an answer. He laughed. "No, but I'm sure I can find something."
I caught myself staring at those beautiful hazel-green eyes. "So you went out on a limb, never minding the what if's?"
"When you feel this strongly about something self-doubt will lose every time. —But yes I went out on a limb." He expressed.
"Ok." I smiled straightening my back, answering his question.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah let's go." We both laughed. The drive consisted of both us trying to figure out where to go. I figured we could go somewhere to walk around.
We arrived at the Center DC where we could easily walk around. He parked in a garage then we got out. He grabbed my hand and I felt that familiar electric waves shooting through my body. I nervously exhaled.
We walked about hand in hand. I've been to the Center a few times. I was familiar with the area. There was Louis Vuitton, Hermès and even a Tesla dealership.
It was four o clock in afternoon. The sky was quickly changing. "Is it too cold for you?" He asked.
"No I'm used to it now. Are you cold?" I wanted to make sure because if so we could fine somewhere else to go. "No, I'll be fine." He shook his head.
"How has school been?" He asked reaching for my arm, to bring me in closer to put his around me.
"Its a lot tougher than high school. My first semester didn't go well with scheduling. I overestimated and crammed too much in a day. That was tough but everything was a learning experience. It's a lot better now." I smiled.
"That's good. You adjusted quicker than I did. Even with having Mike there with me at KU."
"Y'all were popular athletes of course. I'm sure you had plenty of help." I bumped him.
"Ehh." He playfully shrugged.
"Whatever, I know the stories. They probably banned you from Kansas altogether." I said laughing.
"Troy and Amina maybe. I was laid back." He tries his best to hold his grin. "Yeah ok." We both laughed.
"It's crazy how Mike and I met Troy, Amina and Chance. How we all decided to live in Atlanta after college. It was home for us but for them they took a risk. I'm glad they did though." He told me.
"You couldn't stay away from each other that's all." I smiled at him.
"Aye, when you find good friends stick with 'em." He stated as we continued our walk looking around.
"Yeah, Sienna means everything to me that's my sister. I wish she could be out here with me but I did meet my roommate Nedra. She's sweet. Aaron is amazing. I'm grateful to have him. It was hard opening up to new people. I have a few others I'm cool with but out here Aaron and I are really close." I added.
"That's good. He seem cool." He nodded, and I stared at him with my face contorted. "Yeah right. I'm sure you mean after I told you about him not being my man."
"Ehhh." He playfully shrugged again which made both of us laugh. "Little shy Raina. You still going steady with the plays and acting?"
"Actually I just received a supporting role recently. My first callback here. Some of the seniors put it together. They only cast two freshmen so I was lucky." I glinted.
"That's the Raina I remember, always pushing."
I smiled. "I'm nervous about it. I'm happy I'm even being considered. It's alot with track though."
"I bet, but you of all people can handle it."He assured. I smiled. "How are things back at home. I heard you quit your job?" I asked.
"Word travelled all the way to DC huh?"
"Yes and I also know you've been keeping busy with your new business ventures. Congratulations by the way." I complimented.
"Thank you. Who told you all of this?" He smiled curiously. "Sienna, Leah and maybe I glanced at your page a few times." I confessed.
"Nosey ass."
"Whatever." I laughed. We stopped in front of a restaurant called Fig & Olive. The atmosphere was exceptionally inviting so we settled on going inside. I loved how they had comfy lounge seating and warm pops of color all throughout.
We were greeted and seated. On the way in I saw a lady eating French toast and they looked so good.
I ordered the shrimp and salmon salad with French toast for dessert. Adrian ordered a rack of lamb paired with Eggplant. We both asked for water to drink.
"This is nice the two of us hanging out." I made known. It was something we never did before in the past other than that time I went to his house. He nodded. "Yes, it is."
"I'm happy for you. Going after your dreams, taking a risk quitting your job." I said with a grin.
"Thank you. I'm just grateful it's working out." He smiled with a sense of comfort. "Yeah and being able to help kids make their dreams come true." I replied.
"Well at least to give them an outlet, something they can call their own. It's a shame to see wasted talent, and kids not able to live their dreams simply because they lacked the resources. The talent is there they just need the backing. Everybody doesn't have someone with connections." He went on to say with passion in his eyes. I could tell how much this means to him.
I nodded. "Especially with any artist period. Everyone is out for themselves and no one is looking to support or even give advice. So I get it and I'm talking specifically in our culture." I pointed out.
"Exactly, support is everything. It's all about who you know. —Speaking of support what about you and Mike?" He curiously asked. "What about us?"
"How long are you letting this go on for because you know it's up to you at this point? I'm sure he's ready and willing whenever you are." I wasn't sure why everyone thought it was so simple.
"I see I'm not the only one who's being nosey. How do you know we're still not speaking?" I questioned.
"I have my sources now stop deflecting and answer me." He smiled.
I gave it a thought. "I'm not sure. I need him to see me as a woman. That's important to me. He can't keep controlling what goes on in my life." I paused and sighed. "I miss him though."
"I'm sure everything will work out between you two." He soothed.
"Maybe." Our food arrived. We said the grace. We ate in silence because the food was just that good.
"You're so gorgeous Munch. Everything about you is captivating." I blushed, nervously grabbing my water, almost spilling it. He called me Munch.
"Thank you, you look good too." I glanced at him.
"You want anything else while we're here. You want to go anywhere else?" He cleaned the table placing everything on the empty plates. "No here is fine. How long are you in town for?"
He tucked his lips, then licked them. "I don't know I'm playing it by ear, literally."
"Where are you staying?" I hope he wasn't about to tell me he didn't know. "I'll probably see what's close to your campus and check in somewhere."
"So wait, —you really hopped on a plane with only hopes of seeing me?" He chuckled. "Yep, pretty much."
"That's crazy."
"Ok I didn't think it through. My goal was to find you. I came straight to your campus after leaving the airport." He stated.
This is what I missed about him. His passion. The lengths he would go for me. It may not seem like a lot to some but we've been through it. So for him to even try to see if there was still a chance was very impressive.
"Do you miss me?" He popped up out of nowhere asking. I gave him an odd expression. "You're right here. What do mean?" I answered, being funny.
"You know what I mean?" He chuckled.
"Maybe a little bit." I tried being modest but failed. Both us found ourselves laughing. But immediately after he got serious waiting for an answer. "Yes. I miss you every day." I nervously smiled.
"I missed you too." He blushed.
"Did you and Mike settle things, because I heard you did?" I went on to ask. He nodded his head smiling. "Yeah we did. We talked everything out. He understands I genuinely love you. So we're cool now."
"That's good. I hated the fact your friendship was jeopardized."I smiled.
"Yeah."
He shifted a bit in his seat as if he had something uncomfortable he wanted to ask me. "Were you able to move on after or anytime after,— and you don't have to answer if you don't want to?"
"I'll answer it and not really. I went on a few dates. Nothing stuck, I wasn't ready. In fact Aaron was one of those dates. That's how I found out about him on the date." I mumbled the last part.
He laughed. "You got cat-fished?"
"Shut up and I don't think that's how the whole cat-fish thing work. —And I did not think it was funny, but he thought I was nice so he wanted to get to know me. We hung out and our friendship started from there."
The waitress came and refilled our glasses. She asked how's everything, we told her it was perfect
"We tried to do a double date and that didn't workout. I, without realizing ended up talking about you the whole date. So now I'm usually the third wheel."
"Now that's crazy." He smiled.
"What about you? Were you able to move on?" I questioned not sure if I even wanted to hear it. I didn't want to know about him being with someone else while I was sulking.
"Nah not at all. After what happened with us I said I needed to take a step back and focus on me. I was distracted by burying myself into my career change."
I nodded.
"I've been busy traveling and making business deals. Trying to network and put myself out there as much as possible. I didn't have time for that and I didn't want to make the time for it. One because if I had opened that door that would've lead me back to fucking random women." He looked at me before continuing. "That shit doesn't satisfy me. I wanted us. I couldn't have us at the time so I didn't really care to try again after.
So that whole dating thing, —I wasn't really feeling it. I didn't care to actually get to know any other woman. I already knew you, not sure who would be able to measure up anyway." He added making me bite down on my lip to hide my smile but failed to do so.
"So no one since the last girl before me? You know been with anybody?" I emphasized on the word been.
"No, I haven't. I told you Raina I've grown. Coming from what we shared, I had gotten so used to not having sex and it not being the focus. So no I haven't had sex since before getting into a relationship with you. That's fact."
"Would you want to?" I asked in a fairly low tone.
"Raina you know I'm straightforward. I don't mind answering you. Are you asking me would I want to have sex with you?" My head slightly moved up and down.
"My answer is yes, and I can say all this romantic shit about wanting to wait or for us to not worry about that right now but that would be bullshit. If you want to wait we will wait, no matter how long as long as I can be with you. If you want to fuck me right now, I will make that happen too. It's simple. You would have to communicate that with me, because I wouldn't want you regretting it later."
"It's a little complicated." I said to him, he nodded. I said this because I want to have sex with him and I am curious about it. I'm just scared. Sex is something very personal, I'm not sure if I'm even secure enough to take it there.
"Well like I said we can keep it simple. We'll wait until you're ready. Just be open to talk about it with me, don't hold stuff in." I nodded. He held his gaze on me, I laughed nodding my head again. "I'm serious. Nothing is off-limits. You can talk to me about any and everything."
He had me thinking but not for long because the waitress brought out my desert and she refilled our glasses.
"Just know the moment you give me the ok I won't turn you down. I could never do that, not now." I tucked my lips trying to hide my smile again. Thinking back on one of the dreams I had and he did indeed turn me down, while I was butt naked, standing waiting.
"You're gorgeous and you make me so weak. So no I wouldn't be able to turn you down." He smiled ever so brightly. "Ok, I get it." I laughed a little tucking my hair behind my ear.
"How's your counseling going? I hated the fact I couldn't continue to support you with that."
"It's good, and I think it's best for me to do it by myself actually. Me opening up the conversation out loud in front of you and Mike did ignited something new inside of me though. Things have really been looking up for me mentally. It's a one-day-at-a-time type of thing." He nodded as I continued.
"I've been seeing this new counselor Dr. Mills recommended to me out here. I see her two times a week. She's cool. She's been getting me to do a lot of things outside of my comfort zone. Things dealing with my esteem, it's a journey."
"What about your anti depressants?" He asked.
"I still take them. Dr. Mills put me on a much lower dosage right after I came back from Nairobi. I've been doing really good. Their goal is to figure out a way to get me completely off of them, just not right now." I explained.
"You're strong. Don't ever take that for granted. You've been through a lot, and you're stronger for it." He complimented.
"I still get somewhat uncomfortable talking about my past but I don't mind talking about it now."
"I always used to question it. Why did this happen to me, why me? I couldn't understand why God would allow this." I vulnerably added.
He stared at me, catching sight of the pain in my eyes. "Look where you are now Rai. You've accomplished so much and you have the drive to push even further. Everything happened for a reason. I know that's hard to believe but you just have to. You have a story and can help so many people. You're a conqueror. Your strength is unmatched. So don't question it." We shared a look, causing both of us to smile.
"Well I'm stuffed." I said breaking the silence. "The French toast got you hurting over there." He chuckled.
"They're so good though, with that sauce and the strawberries." I moaned, and he laughed again. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. You ready?"
"Yeah." I pushed my chair back. "Alright lets go." He stood pulling out his wallet. He paid the bill and left a tip. I got the rest of my French toast to go.
***
We made it back to the dorm. My roommate was still out. I sent her a text message letting her know that I was back. Adrian and I were seated on the bed. "What is that thing right there on your nightstand?"
"A freestyle human mask. I did that back in Kenya. I was trying to learn how to carve and as you can see it didn't turn out so well. I decided to keep it anyway." I smiled looking at the strange looking object.
"I mean it's not that bad. I just didn't know what it was." He grabbed it to get a closer look. "You want me to help you find a hotel?" I asked him.
"You trying to get rid of me?" He sized me up. "No, I just thought I'd offer." I giggled.
"Yes and good." He quickly answered.
"Good?" I furrowed my brows, wondering what he meant. "Good as in you're not trying to get rid of me and therefore you're coming with me." He put my human mask back on the nightstand.
"Uh, I never said that."
"I know but will you? Do you have plans this weekend?" He licked his lips. I froze up a bit nervous.
"Wait, nothing crazy. I'll get a suite with two rooms. I just don't want to leave you." He waited for my answer. I thought about it. I don't want him to leave either. "Ok. I don't have any plans really. Let me text Nedra and let her know."
"Alright."
I texted her that I wasn't going to be around for the weekend. She sent the peeping eyes emoji and said ok. I laughed to myself.
I gathered my things and made sure to shut everything off and locked up behind us on the way out.
****
Sitting in Adrians rental we were trying to figure out a good hotel. I suggested at least five and he's turned everyone of them down. He said he's not putting me up in any old place.
"We could've done this in my dorm."
"Right I didn't even think about that, after you started packing I was like she's packed up let's go. Not even thinking about the fact we don't have a place yet." He laughed.
"Alright I got it." He announced while putting the car in reverse and backing out.
"Where are we going?" I looked over at him. "The Jefferson."
"Ok." I simply said not trying to argue. I was just relieved he chose something. We would've never left the parking lot if I kept suggesting.
"No rebuttal?" He asked while getting onto the highway. "Nope, The Jefferson is fine." I tried hiding my smile, downplaying it. The Jefferson is amazing. It's such an elegant historical hotel.
We checked in and got settled in our suite. I unpacked my suitcase and sanitized everything due to my paranoid ways. I thought about mama Laurie. I remembered her saying 'always unpack your bag when you're staying overnight. Don't you ever get back in the habit of living out of your suitcase.' She reminded me that it was no longer my life. It took me almost a year to finally unpack and put my things away when we moved to Atlanta.
While unpacking I looked around the room and admired everything. The little things get me all giddy inside. I love seeing the decor in different hotels.
"Hey baby do you need anything from downstairs I left my gym bag in the car?" He asked while knocking from the other side of the door. I bit down on my lip smiling. He called me baby.
"No I think I'm ok right now." I managed to let out.
"Aight, be right back." I let out a breath after hearing him walking off. I couldn't believe I agreed to stay with him.
After about ten minutes Adrian was back and I had been waiting on him.
"I'm about to go shower." I told him. "Did you just wait for me to come back to tell me that?" He squinted.
I shrugged. "Yeah." I replied nervously. "I've never been alone with or stayed with a guy before, other than my brother."
"Munch I'm not some guy. Just do what you normally do, like when I would stay at your house overnight down in the basement." He sat his gym bag down by his feet then his eyes met mine.
"I know it's just different because we're alone and it's a little awkward." I glanced in his direction. "It doesn't have to be. Do you trust me?" He looked raising his brows.
"Yes." I said confidently because it was true. I'm nervous, and a little shy but I do trust him. "Good. Then that's all you need. Go ahead and take your shower. I'll be in the other bathroom doing the same. That's why I booked this hotel. So you can have your own space." He looked around amazed at how big the suite was.
I strolled over to him smiling from ear to ear. He pulled me close. And I found my home right there on his lips. He wrapped his arms around me. "Thank you. I guess being away from you for so long I forget how much of a calculated thinker you are."
"Yep. Although I overthink sometimes." He laughed a little.
"I admire that about you and truthfully I do the same thing." I stated. He slowly grabbed my face and kissed me back planting soft kisses on my lips.
"I missed this." He moaned. "Me too." I kissed him again and we just kept going back and forth kissing each other. Until finally he releases me. Then both of us walked in different directions not giving a second glance.
After I was finished in the bathroom I joined Adrian on the couch in the living area. He was watching Insecure on HBO.
I decided on a black tank and matching low-cut cotton shorts. Adrian wore a white t-shirt with grey joggers.
He pulled me down to lay sideways on his lap. I balled up and snuggled my face into his neck. He grabbed the blanket and covered us. "I've been keeping up with your social media." He spoke softly, making little circles with his middle finger on my thigh, underneath the blanket. I looked up at him. "Oh?"
"Yeah I saw that pic of you and your friend Sienna at the pool."
"Hmm." I hummed intriguingly. "I know you were always self-conscious about your body. So I was a little bit shocked to see that." He opened the conversation.
"Yeah, with my scars and just those reminders of what happened. So I would cover up, but that day I said screw it and I wore a bikini. It took me a while to post it but when I did I started feeling like I was getting my power back." I relaxed, head resting on his shoulder.
"Your body is amazing. —Shit, I read some of the comments. Not gon' lie I was a little salty. " He laughed a little.
"Awe you were stalking me?"
"No, I missed you so much." He smiled. "I missed you too baby." I whispered into his neck. He started rubbing both of his hands up my thighs landing on my butt squeezing it. I leaned up to face him, his head tilted back and eyes were closed. I just smiled getting back into my snuggle position and pulled the covers up some more. We stayed like that for the rest of the night.
{Unedited}
{Song: "Lie Under You" By Keke Wyatt}
{New Photo alert: Rhyon Brown}
{This was sort of a long chapter, I just wanted Rai and A3 to have their moment. It was long over due.}
{Thank you guys for reading, I can't thank you enough.}
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