Her hand was warm, even through my sweater. And it didn't have to be against my skin for me to know that it was also inexplicably sticky.
"Hang on a second," I murmured, hoping baby girl wouldn't disappoint. My six-year-old niece Grace had been haunting me about feeling the baby move ever since she and her family had gotten here earlier today, and so far, baby girl hadn't granted her wish.
It had been a few months since Harry and I had left New York, so the last time Grace had seen me, my stomach was much smaller. And since she'd never encountered a pregnancy up close before, my very large belly had become something of a wonder for her.
It was still very much a wonder to me.
Even if it did cause me a ridiculous amount of aches and pains.
"Try talking to her, Gracie. Sometimes, she answers back with a little shove."
"She can hear me?" Grace asked, her sparkly headband sliding down towards her forehead and doing practically nothing to keep her blonde hair out of her eyes. She and her big sister, Lilly, were all dressed up for Christmas Eve. Grace was in a black and silver sparkly dress, while Lilly had gone for a more subdued green velvet number.
I brushed her headband back as her focus returned to my stomach, both hands now pressing a little more firmly into it. "Of course she can. Uncle Harry sings to her all the time."
Grace's blue-eyed gaze went a bit wider as she stared, as her hands rubbed over my sweater none-too-gently, pressing a little harder with each pass.
"Easy, Gracie," I said with a laugh. "You don't want to squeeze her."
"Sorry," she whispered then. Lilly plopped down on the couch beside me as Grace continued running her hands over my belly. "Hi, baby. I'm gonna take care of you when you're born, and play with you, and make sure you get enough chocolate."
"She can't have chocolate, Grace. She's an infant." Lilly let her head fall to my shoulder, her hand coming to the side of my belly as well. I let my head lean against hers and tried not to laugh at Grace's indignant expression.
"Well, when she's older then," Grace snapped at her older sister. "I'll give you all the chocolate you want when you're old enough," she said directly to my belly with what could only be described as a glare for her sister. "And I can't wait to hold you and hug you and kiss you once you're out of Aunt Maddie's tummy. If you can hear me, kick!"
Baby girl responded just like I'd hoped she would, and Grace's eyes lit up as she gasped, and looked up at me. "She kicked me!"
"She heard you," I said back, feeling the baby move even more. Lilly's hand pressed more firmly to my stomach, too, as she sat up.
"Hi, baby," Grace said to my stomach then, with much more affection in her voice. Almost cooing. "I'm your big cousin, Gracie."
"Wow," Lilly breathed, smiling at me, her blue eyes bright behind her purple-framed glasses. "She's strong."
"You're telling me," I said, running a thumb against Lilly's cheek, remembering when she was an infant, when Jenny's belly was as big as mine while she was pregnant with her.
"Does it hurt?" Grace asked then, feeling the way baby girl was still going to town in there.
"No, it doesn't hurt. Although it's a little uncomfortable now that she's so big." I let my hand rest on top, feeling my daughter's movements from within and under my palm.
"It's weird," Lilly said then, and before I could answer, Jenny came rushing over.
"Is she moving?"
"I felt her, Mom!" Grace exclaimed, grabbing her mother's hand and putting it over the spot where baby girl was really kicking. "Here."
Jenny's eyes lit up too, as she looked at me, then she bent closer so that she could put both hands on my belly. "There she is."
"It's because I talked to her," Grace said then, pride dripping from each word.
I grinned at her, and Jenny kissed the top of her head. "I'm sure it was. Did you tell her you're excited to meet her?"
"Yep! And I told her I'm gonna give her lots of hugs and kisses."
"That's my girl," Jenny said, removing her hands from my stomach as she looked at me. "How you holding up?"
"Fine, since no one will let me do anything."
"We don't need you to do anything," she said, brushing Grace's hair back and fixing her headband again. "We've got everything handled, and as much as we'd like to meet this little one while we're here, I think we'd rather not send you into labor on Christmas Eve."
I sighed, still feeling weird about the fact that I was sitting down while everyone else was up doing things. Mom and Anne were in the kitchen—Emily and Gemma presumably with them—cleaning up after a huge Christmas Eve dinner that included a roast, as per Harry's family's tradition, and pasta with oil and garlic and fried shrimp as per ours. That didn't include the countless appetizers, or any of the sides. Or the dessert they were likely putting out now.
Harry and all the boys—my brothers, Robin, Michal—were all likely in the kitchen as well. Harry, I could imagine being a lot of help, but Will and Mark were another story. And that was if my mother even allowed any of them to lend a hand at all.
I didn't like that I wasn't allowed to help, but I couldn't complain about having this one on one time with my nieces either. Since they'd arrived earlier today, I'd been trying to spend as much time with them as I could. It felt pretty weird knowing that I wouldn't just be 'Aunt Maddie' anymore. In just a few shorts weeks—maybe sooner—I'd be a mom. And I wouldn't belong to just them anymore.
It made my heart ache. But almost everything did these days. It seemed that being on the brink of such a life-changing event like becoming a parent was making me nostalgic and hopeful all at once. And more scared shitless than I'd ever been.
Things were about to change. My entire life was about to be upended. And knowing that, feeling the discomfort of the huge baby in my stomach every second of every day...
It made me want to hold onto the past just a little bit longer. For as long as I could. Almost as much as I wanted to get her out, out, out.
"Dessert's on the table if you babes want to come in," Jenny said then, giving Lilly a few pats on the back as she pulled away from their hug. "Let's help your Aunt Maddie up."
She grabbed onto my hands, and Grace and Lilly each grabbed a forearm to haul me up out of the couch. It was easy to laugh about it as Grace giggled with glee. Even my ever-serious, too-cool-for-school Lilly-girl cracked a smile.
"Bet you can't wait to stand up on your own again," Jenny said, giving me a wink.
"You didn't warn me about this part. Or the part where I can't sleep anymore. Or the part where everything hurts. Or the part where I'd rather not wear any clothes ever." I yanked at my leggings to further prove my point.
Jenny only laughed. "You must've forgotten about the last few weeks of my pregnancies, then."
"Or I blocked them out."
Harry's head turned as soon as we walked into the dining room, his eyes landing on me before quickly scanning up and down my waddling form. He'd been doing that more and more these last couple weeks. The full body scans—checking for any sign of discomfort or pain. Any sign that my water was about to break and I was about to deliver the baby right then and there.
As I joined the hustle and bustle in the dining room, meeting his gaze and watching the corner of his lips quirk up once he was sure I was alright and not about to deliver baby girl right next to all the desserts, I realized I was surprised he'd left me alone for as long as he had.
But Will dropped a hand on his shoulder then, and I was happy he had the distraction. Happy that he wasn't constantly thinking about me, or what to do for me, or running to get me a drink or something to eat—even if it was only for one evening.
I headed towards a chair, already needing to sit, and smiled when I noticed that the older gentleman sitting at the head of the table to my right had already dug into the desserts. "You alright, Frank?"
He grumbled a response as I lowered myself carefully into a seat, letting out a grunt as my butt hit the chair a little too hard from the weight of my own body.
"I'm good," he said, taking another bite of a pastry, his eyes straight ahead of him.
He'd been quiet most of the night, but I was glad he was here and not alone for Christmas Eve. He'd arrived out here a few days ago, and had plans to have Christmas with his daughter's family tomorrow on the other side of town. He probably would've gone there tonight, too, except she was going to be at her in-laws a couple hours away. Apparently they always made a big fuss over him, and Frank didn't want to have deal with all that.
His words, not mine.
It must've been pretty bad though, because he'd finally taken us up on our offer to have him over for dinner. And he'd gotten a lot more than he'd bargained for, I think. My family was loud all on its own. With Harry's family in the mix, there literally hadn't been a beat of silence for hours. Frank didn't seem to mind though. Even though he hadn't said much all evening, I think he kind of liked the craziness that surrounded him.
"You alright?" he asked then, eyeing me from behind his glasses as he sipped his coffee.
My hips were a little throbby, I was uncomfortably full from dinner, my back was killing me, and I was exhausted just from the walk into the dining room from the living room, but, "Yeah. I'm great."
It was true. It didn't matter how tired I was or how much pain I was currently in—not as I looked around the room, watching Mark drop a kiss to Emily's temple as she went on and on about something to Gemma; watching as Anne came in carrying yet another platter of desserts; watching as Robin sidled closer to the table, his eyes roaming over everything before plucking a cookie from a dish at the far end and seating himself; watching as Harry laughed heartily at something Will had said, as Michal jumped in with another thought to share, all three of them smiling; watching as my nieces ran up to the table, Jenny trailing them, eyes wide and scanning the desserts before they each stacked a plate high with them.
My mother came into the room then, her apron still around her waist. She paused in the doorway, hands on her hips, her eyes sweeping over the table before moving over everyone else. Her gaze stayed on me when she met my eye.
Lilly and Grace started chasing each other, giggling, right at that moment, and everyone paused their conversation to let them run by, smiling after them. Mom made her way towards me and Frank, keeping to the other side of the table.
"You two okay over here?" she asked.
Frank grumbled, so I answered for us, "We're fine."
"Mind if I sit down?" she asked with a sigh, pulling out the chair on Frank's other side before either of us could answer.
"You look like you could use some coffee," Frank said, surprising me by putting that many words together in one go. He took it a step further and started pouring her a cup.
"Thank you, Frank," Mom said, accepting the cup from him and reaching for the milk.
"Everything's been great," he said then, looking up but not quite at her. "All the food was delicious, and the desserts are even better."
As if he needed to prove his point, he took another large bite of a cookie after dunking it in his coffee.
"I'm glad you enjoyed." Mom dunked a cookie as well. "We're so happy you were able to come."
Mom hadn't even hesitated when I'd suggested inviting Frank. Though she knew she would be doing a lot of the work to prepare, she'd only said, "Of course he should come. The more the merrier."
"You couldn't have made all this yourself," Frank said then.
"No, no, I did not," she said with a laugh. "It was a team effort. Harry's mother, Anne, helped a great deal with the cooking, and Harry and Emily did a lot of the cleaning. Even Mark chipped in a bit."
She said that last bit with wide eyes for me. Only the two of us would know just how big a deal that was. And how unlikely it was to happen again.
Frank grumbled again, looking around the room, his eyes landing on everyone as they continued to chatter. He was nodding, his expression as serious as ever when he said, "You've got a really nice family here."
Mom and I were both quiet for a few moments, glancing at each other as we took in Frank's words—the thoughtful way he'd said them. Mom had met him before. He and Ceci had come to a few family functions over the years, and she'd come with Harry and I to Ceci's funeral. So, she knew as well as I did that Frank was a man of few words. And the words he did say, well... they weren't usually all that meaningful. He kept to the surface stuff, which I understood. He'd always had Ceci to attack the rest of it.
He continued eating, but it didn't feel at all like the moment had passed. Mom and I looked at each other, smiling softly, when he took us both by surprise by going on. "Your husband must be looking down with a smile on his face tonight."
It stole the breath from me when he said that, and immediately, tears prickled at the backs of my eyes, like they'd been waiting there all night for a moment just like this one.
"Whoa, whoa, we can eat now?" Will had stepped between Harry, Michal, and Gemma and was staring right at Mom.
She looked back at him with glassy eyes, and brought a finger up to one of them before she answered. "Who said you couldn't?"
Will scoffed, already pulling out his seat. "I figured you'd kill us if we sat and started eating before everyone was here."
"Frank and I have been sitting and eating for a while," I said, confused. "Robin, too."
Robin looked like he'd done something wrong, pausing with another cookie halfway to his mouth. "Should I not have?"
"No, no," Mom said with a laugh. "Of course you should."
"Yeah, but you're all exceptions," Will explained, looking right at me. "You're bound to pop any day now, and Robin and Frank are guests."
"And old," Frank supplied, making me laugh even as Will paused in his hurry to get as many desserts onto his plate as possible to gape at Frank in horror.
"No! I—I didn't mean—"
Frank started to chuckle, his smile spreading slowly, his laughter shaking him more and more by the moment. I was pretty sure it was the first time I'd heard him laugh since I'd met him. Mom started laughing right along with him, as did Robin, then I started giggling, too, watching as Will's face morphed from complete horror to stunned realization then embarrassed amusement.
"What's so funny?" Anne had her hand on Robin's shoulder, her smile as bright as her blue eyes as she sat.
"My nearly forty-year old brother is still afraid of his mother," I said. "And an idiot."
Will tossed a crumpled up napkin at me.
"Will," Mom scolded. "C'mon. Not at the dinner table."
"Sorry," he said, growing bashful again.
But then Mom continued laughing, knowing full well she had him again, and he lobbed a napkin at her next. She didn't scold him this time, but it only made all of us—Frank included—laugh even more.
"What did I miss?" Harry's voice asked, low and deep, close to my ear as he pulled out the chair beside mine. Then everyone started pulling out seats around the table—as if Will was right and everyone believed my mother would freak out if they all sat before she was done in the kitchen.
"A lot actually," I said, finally catching my breath. My hands went around my belly, remembering what Frank had said about my dad.
Abruptly I felt like I could cry again.
Harry looked at me, his eyes going from my hand placement to my eyes, before he smiled softly. "What is it?"
I leaned over, kissed his cheek. "I'll tell you later."
The chatter picked up again, just as loud as it had been when we'd all sat down for dinner. Steaming cups of coffee and tea were poured, the smell of sugar and chocolate was in the air, and plates piled high with all the goodies were passed from one set of hands to another, everyone collecting their own share.
Anne had made mince pies, trifle, and some kind of spiced cake. Jenny had made chocolate chip cookies, which looked to be going fast. And Mom had made a yule log, as well as enough butter cookies to feed an entire army. Gem had gone out and bought lots of different kinds of chocolate, and Frank had come bearing chocolates, too.
We were all going to be sick, but at least we would have a good time now.
To say that the last few days had been hectic would be an understatement. All that baking had been done here—by two incredible, loving, generous mother hens clucking at anyone who even dared to pass through our kitchen, which they'd clearly claimed as their kitchen. Which wasn't stressful at all. But it was all worth it. Not only were the desserts delicious, but it was worth it for this. The conversation. The laughter. The insane amount of love and light filling the room.
They'd all come here for us. For me. I couldn't get on a plane this heavily pregnant, and I hadn't even had to ask them to come. It was just understood that they would. That they'd do whatever they needed to do to make sure we were all together for Christmas. Which meant Jenny and Will thinking ahead, having all the girls' gifts sent here over the last few weeks, where I'd been tasked with wrapping them. Then packing up the girls, getting on a seven hour flight, and finding a hotel they could stay in. Which meant Anne and Robin and Gemma and Michal getting on an eleven hour flight to be here with us. Which meant Emily taking more time off work, and getting here with Mark a couple days early to help get everything ready. Mom, too.
Everyone was here because there was no question in their minds that they should be anywhere else. Even Frank. And it all hit me in one highly emotional moment as I quietly took everything in from one of the far ends of the table.
"You're not eating much," Harry said for only me to hear, and I could already sense his next question.
"I'm okay," I said in answer, smiling without much effort. But his gaze lingered on my face, and I knew I owed him more of an explanation.
So I raised my voice, still smiling as I addressed the room. "Uh... can I—can I say something?"
Everyone quieted slowly, laughter still ringing out even as heads turned in my direction. The girls spilled back into the room then too, giggling as they grabbed more cookies, as their mother quietly scolded them about having too many sweets.
"Sorry to interrupt," I said, making myself stand. I felt Harry hurry to pull my chair back behind me. "But I just—I was just sitting here looking at everyone, thinking how lucky I am"—I looked down at him next to me—"how lucky we are to have all of you."
Harry smiled up at me, relaxing now that he knew nothing was wrong.
I met Anne's eye, and she was smiling, too, her gaze shifting from me to her son and back.
"We're always lucky to have you, but especially now—so close to having this baby." My hands wrapped around my belly as much as they could. "I could cry right this second imagining how you're all going to be with her when she arrives, but I won't."
"Please spare us," Mark said with a grin, causing an equal amount of laughter and eye-rolling around the table.
Emily whacked him in the chest for me and he caught her hand in his.
"Anyway, I, uh... I just want to thank you all for everything you've done, not just in preparation for tonight, but for both of us always. And especially for tonight because the amount of work that went into making the meal and these amazing desserts and cleaning the house was insane, and I never could've done it without you. Literally." I gestured to my stomach. "We would've been ordering takeout and eating out of the containers in a mildly filthy setting if it wasn't for you, Mom and Anne, and Gemma obviously, and Emily and Jenny for helping."
"What about us?" Will asked, and he didn't have to specify who the "us" was. I knew he meant he and Mark.
"Thank you for showing up."
"We cleaned!" Mark insisted.
"You cleared the dishes off the table," Emily said.
"That was cleaning!" Will exclaimed.
"We also put leftovers away," Mark said.
"Oh shit, man, I didn't do that," Will muttered.
"Language, Will," Mom warned.
"Sorry."
Everyone was laughing at that point, even me. Even Frank.
"Okay, let me wrap this up before one or both of my brothers interrupts again. Lilly, Gracie." They looked up at me from their positions—Gracie on Jenny's lap, and Lilly standing between her mother's and father's chairs. "I'm so thankful you didn't mind having Christmas away from home so that we could all be together."
"Mom said Santa knows where we are no matter what, so we were okay with it," Gracie explained, making everyone laugh lightly. Jenny gave me a look that was something like a cringe paired with a laugh. It made me smile.
"Thank goodness because it just wouldn't have been Christmas if you two weren't here to celebrate it with us," I said, smiling when Lilly smiled. "And having Frank here, of course, only added to the celebration."
He grumbled a little, clearly embarrassed, and didn't say anything as I squeezed his shoulder. "We're so glad you could be here, too."
He nodded, keeping his eyes carefully downcast, even as his hand reached up to pat mine.
"Wrap it up, Maddie-o, or my niece is going to make her entrance before you're done," Mark said, grinning again.
Gemma chimed in, then. "In that case, keep going!"
Everyone was laughing again, and I almost let it go. I almost let the chatter get louder and louder. I almost sat down with a smile on my face, ready to enjoy the rest of the evening with everyone.
But I had to get this last bit out.
"One last thing and then I promise I'll shut up." I ran my hands over my belly, glancing down at the large expanse of it and marveling for a second at how big it had grown, just how much it protruded from the rest of my body. Marveling at what was housed inside it.
Who was housed inside it.
"I, uh—I don't think I'll have the chance to tell you all at once before she's born, so I want to make sure you all know how grateful I am to have you in my life. How much it means to me to know that I'm bringing this baby into this family. I have no doubt that she'll be loved and treasured from the moment she arrives into the world."
"She already is," came a voice, and it took me a moment to realize that it had come from Anne.
I smiled. "I have no doubt that she's already loved and treasured. And I can't wait to bring her up in that love. So, I want to thank you in advance for loving her. And for loving me and Harry."
I reached down for his hand. He gave mine a squeeze. "Enough to pack up your bags and travel all the way here to be with us today. No questions asked. It means so very much to us, and we love you more than we could ever express. And I know that she'll love you all just as much, so thank you. For everything."
They clapped as I carefully sat down again, which felt odd. And I wished they'd stop.
"Now tell us her name!" Will shouted with a hand next to his mouth, which made everyone laugh again.
"We still don't know it!" Harry said by way of defense.
Which wasn't entirely a lie. We'd narrowed it down to a handful of possibilities. Which my brothers—and everyone at this table—already knew.
"We told you which combinations we like," I said, my cheeks (and chest, surely) still red from their unnecessary and embarrassing applause.
"Yeah, but you have to have some idea of which one you're going to pick," Will went on, eyeing both of us like we were definitely trying to keep something from him.
"Refresh my memory, what were the combinations again?" Gemma asked before a sip of coffee.
Harry answered for both of us, ticking the names off on his fingers. "Alexandra Jane, Lexi for short. Lila Jane. Or Olivia Anne." He smiled at his mother, who beamed back. "Livvy for short."
While we weren't naming her for anyone because we wanted her to have her own name, we'd decided that middle names could be reserved for the women in our lives who had been important to us. Anne for Harry's mother, obviously, and then Jane for my mother's grandmother. Mom and I shared her name as our middle names, so we thought it might be nice to pass that along to the next generation.
"Those are the three we keep coming back to," I explained. "But we don't want to pick one until we meet her."
"And it could end up being something entirely different when she's born." Harry sat back, his arm coming around the top of my chair, around my shoulders.
"Which I really hope doesn't happen," I said with a laugh. "It's been hard enough narrowing it down to those three."
"I don't think you can go wrong with any of those," Frank said, surprising me once more that evening.
"Thank you, Frank," I said, reaching out to touch his arm.
"I like Livvy," Gemma offered.
"Me too," Emily said.
"I think Lila's adorable," Mom said next.
"My vote's for Lila," Mark agreed.
"All three are perfect for a baby girl," Anne said, beaming at both of us.
"What do you think, Gracie?" Jenny asked.
"Lexi. Definitely," she said with the kind of certainty only a six-year-old could have, sitting in her mother's lap, a ring of chocolate around her mouth. Jenny dipped a napkin in her water glass to start wiping it away.
"Yeah," Lilly agreed, pushing her glasses up her nose, a small, shy smile on her face as she addressed the room. "I think Lexi's the prettiest."
Off everyone went, offering their opinions on each of the names, and getting into half-serious arguments about which one would suit baby girl better. Harry and I stayed basically quiet, taking it all in, but not taking any of their input too seriously. We had our plan. We loved all three names. Whatever felt right in the moment was what we would go with.
His thumb made small circles around the knob of my shoulder as everyone grew louder, the conversation turning from our potential baby names to the names Will and Jenny had liked for both Lilly and Grace. Then how Anne had chosen her children's names. Then how Mom and Dad had chosen our names.
And things grew a little more serious at the mention of Dad. No one said anything outright about his absence from the table. But I knew we all felt it nonetheless. Harry's family fell relatively quiet at the mention of him, not knowing what to say I was sure. We spoke of him with a smile though. And not for the first time since I'd gotten pregnant, but certainly the first time I'd felt it so strongly, I wished he could be here. Desperately. More than anything.
I wished he could've been here when I'd found out. I wished I could've told him and mom together. I wished I could've seen his face. His bright blue eyes tearing. His quiet joy in the strength of his hug, his laughter. I wished he could've been here to get excited with us as my belly grew and grew. I wished he could be here now, on this last Christmas eve before she was due. Our last Christmas eve before our worlds changed entirely.
He would've been the best grandpa. He would've spoiled her way too much, just like a grandfather is supposed to. She would've loved him the way I did. The way I do.
Harry's hand came to my shoulder then, his full palm—squeezing. I looked into his eyes and knew that he knew. Knew that he could tell how overwhelming it was to miss my dad right in this moment. Everyone was still talking around us, unaware of what was going on between us. The strength and comfort he was giving me. The reassurance that passed from his hand to my shoulder, traveling all the way down to my heart.
I reached up and gripped his fingers in return, turning my head to kiss his knuckles, then lay my cheek against his hand. His thumb came up, running softly over my cheek and I smiled. Despite all I was feeling, despite how much I missed my dad, I smiled. Met my husband's eye again.
Harry smiled back.
It wasn't how I'd pictured it when I was younger. In all my dreams, my dad was here for it. All of it. But this—Harry. The amazing family I had around me. The amazing family baby girl would have when she arrived.
It was enough. More than enough.
And I was grateful.
___
Author's Note:
Yes, those were the names I was struggling to pick from when I first started writing the book, lmao. AND I DIDN'T REMEMBER WHAT THEY WERE, I HAD TO GO BACK TO FIND OUT. Weird how reaching this point has made me so nostalgic. Just like Mads in this chapter, I suppose. While I'm really, really excited for all that the future has to offer after I finish this story, I kind of want to hold on as long as I can, too :(
BUT I'M FINE. REALLY.
Speaking of nostalgia, Out of the Ordinary is OVER 600K READS and honestly, I keep going back to those early days writing it, and I remember getting kind of discouraged that no one was reading, but not enough to stop me from keeping up with it because I LOVED the story so much, and then SOMEONE WAS READING IT, and then SOMEONE COMMENTED, and then MORE PEOPLE WERE READING IT AND COMMENTING, and while I hoped that it might get this far, I don't know if I actually believed then that it would someday get there. AND IT HAS. All because of you guys.
I can't thank you enough, and with the end of this one in full sight, I genuinely don't know how to thank you anymore. Every milestone with these books has been a total dream come true, and I feel like I've learned so much about myself, and about writing in general over these last 5 years. So even though it might not mean much, THANK YOU, and I LOVE YOU, and YOU'RE THE REASON WE HAVE THREE (ALMOST) COMPLETE STORIES. I highly doubt I would've had the motivation to get this far without you.
So, I hope you liked this one babes. Three more to go. *cries* Meet'cha back here in two weeks. xx