I've been coming to my counseling sessions by myself since my brother and I haven't been talking much. It had been five months since my break up. I started putting more focus on the dance studios with Leah and the crew she hired. The ideas we discussed really paid off to make things easier. To get a lot of those responsibilities out of my hands.
Something to keep the focus off of everything not going on in my life.
Leah did go on tour for a month with a new artist name AP Lawson. Let's just say that was a test of her and Michaels relationship. I won't front he was cute, and his body's incredible. Leah was all like 'he's alright. He doesn't have anything on my man.'
Michaels been anxious and ready to propose since Leah came back. He's been planning it, trying to go all out with it.
My best friend Sienna graduated last week and we celebrated all week long for the both of us. We stuck with our living fearless theme. Same rules applied no matter what it was we couldn't chicken out.
We were set board our long flight to Nairobi but before that I had a session with Dr. Mills. I was in her office about to start.
I had been seeing her consistently for the past few months. She gave a lot of different exercises to try. It gave me a new outlook and perspective. A ton of progress.
"Ok now Raina talk about the day the Nelsons assaulted you." Dr. Mills got right in to it, knowing I was at a place I was comfortable with sharing. In the past, I would have panic attacks followed by nightmares. The more I spoke on it the better I felt. I didn't have to hold all of it to myself anymore.
I took a deep breath, smiling at her. "They started touching me at eight but I was ten years old when they attacked me. It was after I got home from school. A normal day for me. They ate dinner. Then I did the same after they ate. After dinner I cleaned everybody's mess and then got ready for bed. I wore a pink and purple princess nightgown. My hair was in two pigtails with the ends braided. I did them myself the day before."
"I remember having on white, blue and silver Christmas fuzzy socks. I got in bed and I'd usually sleep with my door shut. So it was. It was around seven o'clock that's the time I usually would have to go to bed." I continued and she nodded.
"I fell asleep shortly after laying down. I'm not sure what time they came in my room. I remember all of a sudden I woke up to them tugging trying to take my underwear off.
I was confused, wondering why they were being so aggressive with me. Then Mr. Nelson spoke saying he wanted to try something a little different this time.
I said like what. What do you mean? Then he said it was time for me to be brave and to stop asking questions."
"I panicked. I figured out what he meant. He wanted to do to me what he does to Mrs. Nelson. So I screamed, trying to get up." I spoke with ease.
"Mrs. Nelson put her hand over my mouth while Mr. Nelson ripped away my underwear and pulled my night gown up." I used my hands to demonstrate. "I bit Mrs. Nelson's hand. She punched me and mushed my head to the side toward the headboard.
The more I tried to scream the more she would hit me. I had a lamp beside my bed she picked it up and shattered it. She grabbed a piece of the glass all while still holding me down.
She said if you scream one more time I will start stabbing. You hear me? She didn't get a response from me so she cut near my left breast area." I pointed. "Which resulted in me screaming loudly and she threatened me again. So I did everything I could to not scream again." I kept going.
"I remember being in a lot of pain. Unbearable pain. My shoulder was dislocated from being held down trying everything to get away. Mr. Nelson forced himself inside of me. I kept blacking out.
I don't know how long it lasted. It's very blotchy. I couldn't see out of one eye. Everything hurt. I couldn't see the damage due to the position I was in. I did hear some of the conversation when they were done. Mr. Nelson said they needed to go get the stuff and pick up the vehicle. He said they had a hour to get this done.
I thought to myself. They were planning to kill me. They left me there assuming I was unconscious and not able to get away. Shortly after they left I rolled and dragged my way out of that bed. I used my one good arm to pull myself out of the room. I headed down the hall to the front door. We were staying in a detached townhome so my only thought was to get to my neighbor. I didn't want to risk waiting on the police to arrive." I told in detail what happened. Not missing one detail that I remembered. Dr. Mills was pleased with the results so far.
"You were able to get to your neighbors house then what happened?" She asked seated across from me, with a proud smile on her face.
"I banged on his door, —I was on the ground screaming help me. After what felt like forever he finally came to the door. Mr. Tomsin was always there for me as much as he could be. He helped me keep in contact with my brother. He helped mail my letters. He had a son a little younger than me. I would play with him from time to time. So I knew I'd be safe once I got to him." I expressed.
"He came to the door and was horrified. He saw all of the blood. Apparently I had been stabbed a few times with the glass when I blacked out. I didn't know it because I felt pain all over and blood was everywhere. There was blood was coming from my mouth as well. My gown was completely drenched.
I asked my neighbor if he could call the police, because he was in shock. He called immediately after glancing at the blood streaming down on to the pavement. I remember hearing him on the phone with the operator. He described the scene to be like something from a horror movie. My hair was all over the place. It's was no longer in pigtails.
The police and an ambulance came immediately. The officers tried asking me questions but the paramedics were securing the bleeding and preparing me for transport.
Once I arrive to the hospital I remember being examined and pictures were taken. I didn't want my brother to find out, is all I could think about. I didn't want him to be worried or stressed even further because of me. I just wanted to be ignored and invisible. I was embarrassed I let it happen to me. I didn't do anything to stop it before it go that bad." The last part was my internal thoughts I spoke out loud. For years I wrestled with blaming myself. Not anymore.
"My brother was sixteen at the time. He was contacted by my neighbor. My neighbor who saved my life, my angel." I smiled.
"He played a major part in your rescue, and even as an outlet. So when you got to the hospital and they examined you what happened?" Dr. Mills asked while writing something down.
"I don't remember what all they did. I was still in and out." I paused. "I do know they had my clothes in a bag sealed up and they swabbed and probed all over me. —I remember having minor surgery and stitches, for my stab wounds and for down below. My arm was in sling. They adjusted my shoulder. Like I said I don't remember all of everything.
I stayed in the hospital for two weeks and four days. The doctors and nurses tried to keep me as long as they could. Apparently what happened to me affected a great deal of people from the paramedics and officers to everyone in earshot of the hospital. I was on the local news.
I found out my foster parents were captured and arrested." I exhaled feeling like I released a ton of bricks off of my chest. "This was great Raina, how do you feel?" She smiled.
"I feel amazing. I had a really good week with my best friend. I'm living life to the fullest now. I'm able to comfortably talk about my past without all the anxiety is really nice." Both of us shared a cheerful smile, understanding the battle it took to get to that point. We ended the session and said our goodbyes. I scheduled my next appointment for when I got back in town. She told me to keep her updated on my progress while I was away.
Leaving out of her office felt refreshing. I didn't leave feeling like I was rehashing old wounds. I felt like a conqueror. It felt good not having to hide or be ashamed.
During the ride home, I had mixed feelings about going on the trip. For one my brother and I were still not speaking. On the other hand I was excited to see family and eat good food.
At least KJ and Leah were coming with us. Everything at the studios was running smoothly. Leahs friend Toni was amazing with doing her part and beyond. I didn't feel a way about her. Looking back at the blind date she had with Adrian we laugh about it now. After the whole story was revealed to her she said she was relieved because she thought she was losing her touch.
Michael reached out to Aminas uncle. The detective and he followed up on KJs father. Turns out he hired a private investigator to find Leah. He also knew someone that lived in our neighborhood so he used their access code to get in the gate. Why can't people reach out the normal way anymore, through social media?
{Song: (Broadway Color Purple) "I'm Here", Fantasia Burrinos rendition}
{I felt like this Chap was necessary (talking about the night of her attack).}
{Raina is soaring, —A much needed trip visiting family next.}
{Thank you all for supporting my work.}
✌🏾✌🏾💚