monday | stanford university
—————————
I'd changed my major.
After meeting with my advisor, I decided to do so and I decided to get back into the arts. Now, I was double majoring in Art History and Film/Media.
It was time for me to stop running from who I am. I felt better about it and couldn't wait to start fresh next semester.
I was in line to get some lunch before I went to the library. I needed to get some work done and some studying in. I hadn't had the chance to do so at all this weekend.
"Wassup beautiful?"
I looked back to see Latrell standing behind me. "Hey Trell. How are you?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Good, I guess. Are you gonna eat in here?"
I shook my head no. "Need to head to the library and do some work, study some."
Latrell smiled. "Always the studious one. Do you mind if I join you? I need to get some work done myself."
I cringed. "I'm going solo dolo. Sorry."
"Dang. You ain't have to be so cut with it." He chuckled. "But I get it. At least let me buy your lunch."
"Mm," I hummed. "I'm not sure that's appropriate." He looked at me confused. "I'm seeing someone and allowing a guy I used to mess around with buy me lunch is not a good look."
"Ah," Latrell nodded. "I mean it's food, but I get it. I respect that."
I gave him a light smile. "Good."
I walked up in the line as it began to move and I initially thought the conversation was over. But, he kept talking.
"So you admit we actually did have something?"
I turned back around to look at him and shrugged slightly. "I mean, I guess. We kicked it alot."
"I ain't get to have you like I wanted to. I'm jealous of ya dude."
I tilted my head to the side. "How did you want me, Trell? You never made a move. We flirted heavy."
"You was just so innocent to me. I ain't think I was ready."
"Well," I smirked. "You played yourself."
Latrell laughed and nodded. "I agree. Good luck with that, though. He's lucky."
I think I'm the lucky one
"Thank you, Trell."
He gave me a side hug and then walked away. I let out a breath, shaking my head.
Fine ass.
I realized it was something in my head and when I looked down, it was a twenty dollar bill. I looked back up and he was looking dead at me as if he were waiting for me to notice.
He laughed out loud. "He ain't got to kno!"
I playfully rolled my eyes and went up to place my order.
"Hey baby, what can I get you?"
I smiled at the older Hispanic lady in front of me. "I just want three soft tacos. Ground turkey please. Everything on it and extra sour cream."
"Mm, extra sour cream." Someone said from behind me and I froze at the voice. I knew it and it sent a chill down my spine.
The person appeared beside me because I refused to look back. There stood Leon with a mischievous grin on his face. He still had a scar on his face from when Shiloh cut him.
I hadn't realized that Shiloh cut him as deep as he did.
"Hey gorgeous." Keeping my eyes forward, I watched the lady fix my tacos and ignored him. I hadn't had any run ins with Leon lately. I've only seen him maybe twice since I've been here.
He tries to talk to me, but I ignore him. He usually walks away, but not today.
"Nia." He called out. "You don't have to ignore me. I'm not the same dude I was in high school."
I scoffed and shook my head. The lady handed my food over the counter and I reached for it, but Leon grabbed it before I could.
Now, I was getting agitated.
"Give me my food." I said.
"Oh, now you can talk to me?" He said. "Walk with me."
I sighed. "No."
"If you want ya lil boyfriend to make line, I'd suggest you do." He said lowly to me. I looked at him, slightly confused until I noticed the Sigma wristband on his wrist. "Yea, I been watching you."
That statement made my skin crawl. Leon just never stopped. Now he was admitting that he'd been stalking me.
Against my mental, I started walking with him. He paid for my food and lead us out of the student center.
Leon put his free hand on my back and lead me around the corner where we, unfortunately, had privacy.
"What do you want?" I gritted through my teeth
He eyed me. "You look good." I tried to move away, but he pushed me back. "Don't make me hurt you, Nia. Shiloh ain't here to save you. He rotten in the ground."
I cut my eyes at him. "Keep Shiloh's name out of your mouth."
Leon smiled and laughed. "I feel sorry for Jace."
I was stuck. Leon had a tight grip on me. I had many questions.
"What do you want, Leon?"
Leon looked at me, loosening his grip a bit. "I saw your boy at our informational. Seem like he real interested."
I sighed. "I already know where this is going." I mumbled.
"Good." Leon bit his lip. "I wanna take you out."
"She good." Jace's voice made me jump.
Leon and I both looked to the side to see Jace standing there with the meanest look on his face. Jace was always smiling. So to see him scowl, it turned me on even more and now was not the time.
Leon let me go and Jace slowly walked up to him. "Don't you ever put yo muthafuckin' hands on my woman again. Or I'ma do to you what shoulda happened to you a few years back." He flexed his jaw muscles in all seriousness.
Leon looked at him up and down, but Jace didn't back down. Leon let out a chuckle and Jace took the tacos from his hand.
"Yea, aight." Leon glanced at me before walking away.
Jace looked at me as I let out a sigh of relief. "I' glad I got yo location. You good? He do anything to you?" He asked, caressing the sides of my face. I was too choked up to say anything so he just wrapped his arm around me. "I gotchu." He comforted me as I cried.
I hated having to appear strong when I felt so powerless. I'm just glad that Jace was looking for me. I'm not sure how that would have ended.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled against him.
He immediately pulled back. "What you apologizin' for?"
I wiped my face, not before Jace did, however. "Leon's a Sigma and—"
"Ion give a fuck." He turned his nose up. "I care 'bout you. All that other shit don't matter to me. And if a sicko like that gon' be over me then naw." He shook his head. "Ion want the letters."
"You mine." Jace continued. "I'ma protect you. I meant that."
I just nodded my head and he kissed me. "Do you have class?" I asked.
"Not if you need me."
"Can you take me home?" I said as the waterworks started to reappear. "And stay because I don't want to be alone."
Jace nodded. "Fasho. Where ya keys at?" I dug in my purse before pulling out my keys and handing it to him. "Come on before I kill a nigga."
Jace put his hand in mine and proceeded to walk me to the parking.
—
I kept my head under the shower, just giving the water permission to attack me.
I'd probably been in here for thirty minutes. I was blaming myself, something I'd done when Leon tried to hurt me high school.
At that time, I blamed myself for not running. Now, I was blaming myself for not pressing charges when my mom wanted to. I'm not sure what that would have changed, however.
He had access to me. He could walk up to me at any time. He even claimed he watched me.
I was scared. Leon could know where I live. That thought made me want to throw up.
A knock on the door made me jump. "You good baby?" Jace asked with that concerned voice of his.
I didn't answer, mostly because I still couldn't open my mouth.
The door opened and I knew he was coming in. It was just like him to do so. As I said before, when I'm going through a storm, the world stops and he's like a shield ready to take cover for me.
He opened the shower door and I slowly looked at him. He turned off the water, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me.
When Jace pulled me to him, I kissed him and pulled his lip. I could tell that my aggressiveness caught him off guard. I allowed my towel to drop and I reached down to pull down his pants.
That's when he pulled away from me while shaking his head. "You think that's gon' make you feel better, but it's not." He looked me directly in my eyes. "Talk to me. Don't relapse on me now, please. Sex is not gonna fix this."
I sighed heavily and put my forehead against his bare chest. "Okay." I mumbled.
"Let me get your towel off the floor and we can lay down."
"I'll sleep like this." I said.
Jace sighed softly. "I'm tryna do the right thing baby. I'ma get tempted." He said causing me to laugh a little.
I stepped back, allowing him to get the towel and wrap it back around me. I went into the room to find some clothes to sleep in and I could feel Jace watching me.
"Please stop staring." I glanced back at him.
"I'm sorry." He said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Just tryna make sure you good."
"I'm fine." I sighed, throwing Jace's Crenshaw sweater over my head and sliding on a pair of dri-fit shorts.
After drying my hair, I detangled it and braided it before sitting in Jace's lap. I pushed him back on the bed and laid on top of him.
"Can I ask what's on ya mind?"
"Today really took a lot out of me." I admitted. "I just want to be in silence, listening to your heartbeat, then fall asleep."
I closed my eyes when I realized that he was going to leave it at that. I reopened them when I heard soft music playing.
The sound of Nina Simone's voice kind of soothed me. "What song is this?" I asked softly.
"Just Like a Woman."
"Oh okay."
He pulled me up, slightly and I looked up at him. "I gotta kno'."
I sighed. "Know what, Jace?"
"Did he use the whole Sigma thing to make you go out with him and were you gonna do it?"
I shrugged. "Probably. I honestly hadn't made a decision. You saved me from myself, I guess."
He shook his head. "You don't have to protect me, Nia. All you would have to do is tell me."
"Well, now you know." I glanced at him. "And honestly? It would have been to protect you and myself. His eyes turned dark when I even looked like I was about to decline."
I shuddered at the image in my head. "Don't worry 'bout him no more."
I wish it were that easy. But, if I knew Leon like I know I did, this wouldn't be the last time I see him. I had a bad feeling that I'd see him pretty often.
—
"I'm just saying. This Chemistry bullshit is getting tired." Arnelle complained as I stared at the same word for going on twenty minutes now.
We were sitting outside the sorority house, trying to enjoy the weather and study. My mind was clearly elsewhere and I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before.
I just listened to Nina's Simone in harmony with Jace's heartbeat while he slept peacefully. I was running off caffeine right now.
"Are you good?" Isis tapped me.
I looked over at her. "Yeah, why you ask?"
"You've been on the same page for damn near thirty minutes."
I closed my book. "It's been twenty actually." I corrected her.
"Even worse that you were timing yourself." Arnelle chuckled. "What's going on?"
I shook my head. "Nothing. I had a long weekend and it's still taking its toll on me."
"Oh, yeah. You did go to Malia's funeral. How was it?" Isis asked.
I smirked at her. "Why do Black people ask how a funeral was like it was a damn party."
"I mean, technically it's supposed to be a celebration." Arnelle shrugged. "And Black people know how bad funerals can get. So was it a sad or celebratory funeral?"
"Definitely sad."
"Aw." Isis frowned. "I feel sorry for the whole family. They lost the matriarch of their family. I know how that goes."
"I can't imagine." Arnelle and I both said at the same time.
"Anyway, how are you and Mr. Martin?" Isis smirked.
I nodded. "Good."
"Just good?" Arnelle lifted her brow.
"Good as in that's all you're getting from me because I don't want no one in my business." I explained. "We'll always be good. Even when we're not. But no one will know but us."
"Touché." Isis shrugged.
"Well, can't be mad at that." Arnelle said. "Is Jace good in Chemistry, though?"
"Arnelle, you're good in Chemistry." Isis and I laughed. "You're just being lazy right now."
"I need some dick." Arnelle blurted out.
"I wasn't going to say it, but you did." Isis agreed.
Arnelle looked at her. "Trevor is always so busy, though."
"And so are you." I said.
"Seems like neither of you make time for one another, but always complaining about not spending time." Isis added. "First of all, you two are too involved in stuff around campus."
"I have a passion for alot of things." Arnelle defended herself. "And so does he. That's what made us click in the first place."
"Well," I started. "You two are smart. You'll figure it out."
"Can we go to the beach today? I need to relax." Isis asked. "And soak up some sun."
"I'm down." I shrugged.
"Yeah, to hell with this Chemistry." Arnelle got up. "Let's go."
I got up and my phone started ringing. I saw that it was Papa so I answered the phone. "Hey Papa, wassup?"
"It's your mom, Nia. She had a heart attack."