CHAPTER EIGHT,
delirium
A WINCE OF pain left Samantha as Shane brought the wet cloth down onto her wounds. He was being a little rough about it but she couldn't blame him, his mind being elsewhere, his eyes clouded with thought and lingering anger. She couldn't decide if he was more angry with her, or more angry with Ed.
"What the hell was that?" Shane questioned, his coal colored eyes snapping towards hers, and that's when she figured out her answer.
Samantha bit her lip. She tasted blood. "He beats his family." She responded, which was literally the only logical answer there is.
Shane frowned. "I get that, after what happened-"
Her eyes narrowed, a flash of anger burning through them. "Don't." She warned, her own little storm brewing at the thought of her ex, the man that has been in her dreams - her inner demons.
"I'm just trying to say that I understand how you feel-"
Samantha shrugged the wet rag from her face, her face contorting.
"Clearly you don't," She fired back, rubbing her head. "You raised me to be a fighter, Shane. Not to watch and be some pathetic bystander."
"I didn't raise you to be stupid!"
His little sister begun to laugh sarcastically. "Don't get me started on you and the stupid shit you've done," She was losing control of her tongue. "You basically bring all the stupid shit with you, big brother."
Samantha's words brought silence into the RV, tension and guilt hanging in the air, and she could see it all in the darkness of his eyes that was Shane Walsh. He set the bloodied rag in the sink, leaning against it to face her, his mouth dry and his heart heavy. "I really did hurt him, huh?" His statement made his hand rub his head.
She nodded, but there was clear understanding behind her greens. Ed deserved every punch and every bruise that her brother gave him. "You almost killed him," She informed. "But he deserved it, he deserved to bleed." The ebony haired girl remembered how animalistic Shane looked, and that was the only thing that brought uneasiness to her stomach.
Shane's expression almost went as dark as his eyes. "I wanted to kill him," He admitted. "I should've. Sophia and Carol don't deserve that, and then when I saw what he did to you I wanted to-"
"Shane," Samantha's soft voice brought him out of it, a frown resting on her lips as worry coursed through her. The erratic look in his eyes completely caught her off guard, as if something shifted in him and he was slowly starting to unwind - but maybe that was because of his protection of his baby sister. "He deserved it, you don't need to find forgiveness for anything."
But her big brother looked at her with doubt on his features. "We both know that's not true," Her eyes slowly trailed away from his, the same bitter disappointment reeling in as she tried to avoid what was right in front of her. "I see it on your face every time you look at me, everything you look at either Rick or Lori."
Her bottom lip was brought in between her teeth, her emotions overwhelming, the weight on her chest so heavy. "I just don't understand," She began, looking at anything else but Shane, a layer of disgust behind that disappointment. "I don't understand how you could do that to him."
"He was dead, we all thought he was dead, I thought he was dead," Shane sighed, not liking the way his sister was avoiding him. She couldn't even look at him. "When I went to that hospital, I didn't even hear a heartbeat, but maybe it was because of all the shit that was happening around me. People were being gunned down in the hallways, walkers were increasing, it was chaotic," He craned his neck to try and catch her eyes, and when he did he tried to get Samantha to understand why him and Lori did what they did. "Me and Lori were mourning, we needed to feel something, something other than that lost."
His sister's eyebrow rose, her arms crossing over her chest. "So was Carl," She stated. "I was there for him every time his mother wasn't, which was very frequent - and during all this, I was mourning too, but that doesn't give me the right to go behind Rick's back and sleep with his wife."
"Sammy-"
"I could've told him, and maybe I should've," Samantha continued. "But I will not destroy a friendship, a marriage, and a kid's childhood."
Shane was glassy eyed, but he still focused on his baby sister, the girl he raised as if she were his own. "I didn't want it to happen." He murmured, which was true - but after it did, it was like a drug, too addicting and too forbidden.
"You don't have feelings for her, right?"
Shane paused, his silence and lack of answer making Samantha's heart pump in her ears, the anxiety electrical in her stomach. Her brother didn't know how to answer, because he was so scared of her looking at him differently, so scared of everything.
Lust twist into obsession, and obsession intertwines with guilt.
"No." Shane was unsure of the truth himself, his answer making Samantha's stomach churn with dissatisfaction, worry, and full blown anxiety because she was unsure of his truth too.
The door swung open and Nathan Barton stepped into the RV, a huge smile on his face, but as soon as he found Samantha his smile completely dropped, taking in her appearance and not blaming Shane for almost killing Ed. "Jesus, you look like shit." The words for forced out of the barren from his mouth, it causing his best friend to roll her eyes.
Shane moved passed Samantha and towards the door, with a heavy heart and heavy sins. "I love you, Sammy, okay?" He said, turning to look at her. "Don't go and do some stupid shit."
She forced a smile that didn't meet the green of her eyes, the same green that reminded him so much of their mother. "I love you too." Shane gave Nathan a look, before leaving the camper.
Samantha turned to her best friend, who felt awkward at what he walked into. "You really know how to make a girl feel good about herself." She teased as he sat down next to her and pulled out a cigarette.
The cigarette brought back memories of trauma and heartache. Her grandmother was a lover of those toxic sticks too, and having her smoke them all the time didn't help Samantha's hatred for those things. Her hatred only grew (if possible) when Jean was diagnosed with lung cancer. Yet she still continued to abuse her addiction as it slowly killed her, as if she had given up on life, signing away her fate with each drag.
Samantha thought of her ex, and subconsciously her hand went to her tattoos. "How's Ed?" She inquired, trying to distract herself.
Nathan laughed. "That bastard? Your brother roughed him up so badly he can barely walk," He took a drag and peered at Samantha, but he wasn't really looking at her - he was looking at all the bruises and wounds that flawed her face. Yet to him, she was still immune to being flawed. "Would've done the same myself if I was there, he's lucky I wasn't."
Samantha felt a smirk blossom. "So you're saying you would've done worse?" She questioned, already knowing the answer.
"Wouldn't even be able to breathe."
Their time together was interrupted by Lori coming in, Sophia and Carl behind her. Her godson's mouth fell open and a whoa escaped his mouth. Lori scolded him before turning back to the two best friends. "Can you watch them? Carol needs some help with some things."
Sophia shuffled uncomfortably, those some things being her abusive father.
Samantha smiled at the two. "I don't mind," She reached out and ruffled Carl's hair. "Maybe I can take them to the woods and play," Noticing the look of uncertainly on the mother's face, she quickly added, "Not too far, just to the edge. I'll bring my gun."
Lori nodded, agreeing and she grabbed Carl's chin, forcing him to look at her. "Be good, you hear?" He nodded, and she kissed his forehead before making her exit.
Carl whipped around to Samantha excitedly. "Those are some cool looking scars!"
Samantha tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "Um, thanks?" She laughed .
"I have cooler ones," Nathan argued playfully, and before anyone could say anything he lifted up his shirt, exposing deep, old bullet wounds in his abdomen. "Got this two years ago, neat huh?"
"What happened?"
"We were stationed at one of the bases in Afghanistan, and I was patrolling to do some security checks. This man decided to attack us. Got me pretty good. I wouldn't have survived if it weren't for my team acting so quickly."
Carl's baby blues were wide and full of curiosity. "Did it hurt?" He pressed.
"Hurt like hell, hope you never get to experience that type of pain."
"My dad did."
Nathan chuckled. "Well, your dad is a superhero," He noticed an etch of sadness on Carl's face. "And you can ask him how it felt when he gets back."
Carl agreed, and Samantha thought it was cute how much he looked up to his father. His admiration for Rick had even gone to the point where he wanted to be him for Halloween. She didn't have a father to look up to, but she had both Shane and Rick. They were her true family.
Not that long later, the four traveled into the edge of the woods, but as they did Samantha caught on that something was off about Sophia. She's been quiet this entire time, too quiet for her character. The woman knew it had to be something about Ed, and despite him being an abusive asshole, that man was still her father.
Nathan was throwing his knife into the tree, Carl watching intently. "Can I try?" He asked, and the soldier looked at Samantha for approval. She agreed. "Alright, but be careful - your mom would kill me."
Samantha turned away from them and noticed Sophia was mindlessly playing with the grass. She made her way over to her as she heard Carl exclaim I did it!
"You okay, Sophia?" She asked, her voice startling the little girl.
Her brown eyes fell onto Samantha, and she nodded. "Yeah." She lied.
Samantha frowned. "You don't have to lie to me, they aren't listening," She assured her, keeping her voice as gentle as possible. Sophia was such a fragile girl, that the woman was afraid that any harsh dig would make her cower.
"Did my dad do that to you?" She suddenly rushed out.
Samantha was slightly taken back, not really knowing if she should lie or not. Sophia was a smart girl however, so she already knew the answer. The little frowned, her eyes watering. "I didn't want him hurting anyone else," She whispered, voice cracking. "I wanted him to be better."
The girl shook with tears and Samantha brought her into a hug, her heart aching for her. "People like him never do."
"I wanted him to."
Samantha pulled away from the hug and gazed into her eyes, brushing strands of strawberry blonde hair away from her freckled face. "Your father is a weak man, but you aren't your father - you're a survivor. You're going to make surviving stronger then his fist, more powerful than his words, you understand me?"
Sophia wiped away her tears, a real, genuine smile gracing her lips. Samantha was sure she's never seen her smile this truly before, but it really did suit her.
Rushed footsteps headed her way, and she looked up to see Carl running towards her. The godmother immediately stood up, concern bathing over herself. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Samantha asked frantically.
Nathan wasn't far behind. "He's fine," He assured, turning away to look at something else. "Is that Jim?"
Samantha followed his eyes and on a nearby hill, she saw a figure (which was in fact Jim) digging. They hurried back to the camp and announced what they had seen, and after Dale adding that Jim has been up there for hours, the campers decided to confront him.
When they got there, Samantha came to the realization that Jim wasn't just digging - he was digging graves.
"Dale said you been out here for hours." Nathan stated.
Jim turned to look over his shoulder. "So?"
"So, why are you digging Jim?" When he didn't respond, Shane chuckled, "What, you heading to China, Jim? What?"
"Doesn't matter, I'm not hurting anything." Jim returned.
"Except maybe yourself. Its a hundred degrees today," Dale spoke up, concern etched on his features. "You can't keep this up."
"Sure, I can, watch me."
Lori came forward, explaining how he was scaring the kids. This seemed to piss off Jim. "I mean, what the hell people? I'm just out here by myself. Why don't y'all just go and leave me the hell alone."
Samantha's brother still pushed, determined to help the clearly delirious man. "Why don't you get yourself some shade, some food and maybe - I'll tell you what, I'll come out here. I'll help you myself, Jim. Just tell me what its about. Why don't you just go ahead and give me that shovel."
Jim paused, looking at Shane through narrowed eyes. "Or what?" He challenged.
"There is no or what." Shane stated, taken back his Jim's daring attitude.
"If I don't, then what? Then you goin' to beat my face in like Ed Peletier, aren't cha?" He turned to face the rest of us, his voice raising to a shout. "Y'all seen his face lately?! What's left of it. See, now that's what happens when someone crosses path with you."
"That was different, Jim." Shane said, his tone lowering, almost like a calm before the storm. His little sister could tell he was becoming angry just by the way his back tensed up, a muscle twitching in his jaw.
"You weren't there," Samantha tried defending her brother. "Ed was out of control. He beat Carol. For Christ's sake, look at what he did to my face."
"That's their marriage, he is not judge or jury!" Jim argued, his attention going back to Shane. "Who made you king boss, huh?" Then like that, he went back to digging.
Shane tried reaching for the shovel but Jim swung at him, aiming to keep him away but my brother was too fast, ducking before knocking the man to the ground and restraining him.
"You got no right!" Jim yelled.
"Stop, shhh." Shane was able to get Jim over onto his belly, barely struggling to do so as the man fought and rebuked him.
"You got no right!"
His words cracked as he sobbed into the dirt, the anguish clear on his face. Something had provoked him, and I begin to think about that dream he was talking to me about in the late hours of the night.
"Jim. Jim. Nobody's gonna hurt you. You hear me?"
But he was nowhere near believing her brother's words. "That's a lie. That's the biggest lie there is," Jim croaked. He looked at Shane, sweat and tears streaming down his face, guilt and fear burning his eyes. "I told that to my wife and my two boys. I said it a hundred times. It didn't matter. They came out of nowhere. There were dozens of 'em,"
He was looking at a horrified Lori.
"The only reason I got away, is cause they were too busy eating my family."
Samantha's stomach dropped and she cupped her mouth at his confession. Those nightmares, those nights where he would wake up wailing. It all made sense.
Nathan let out a breath, his face going stony before turning on his heel and walking away. Samantha wanted to go after him, but Amy gave her a reassuring glance and ran after him. Shane brought a weakened Jim down to the camp, stating how they were going to tie him to a tree so he can cool off but she lingered back, nibbling on her bottom lip. She moved over to the graves, feeling remorse for Jim. To be so afraid of your dream to become reality...
She stared down at the holes, picturing herself and others buried in that dirt, imagining that as their grave, imagining what it was like to have to bury your loved ones, wondering what it was like for your only option to be was to abandoned your loved ones.
Poor Jim, poor Jim.
She took one final glance and made her way back down to the camp, heading towards Jim. She cleared her throat and he lifted his head. Upon seeing that it was the younger Walsh, he sighed and adverted his gaze.
"He really do that to you?" He asked, and she nodded. "I didn't mean to upset anyone, Samantha. I don't know what's going on with me..."
"Grief and delirium weren't meant to be mixed together." She stated, licking her lips.
"The dream," He spoke. "The dream I had last night it was so horrible, But I can't remember, and I don't even think I wanna," The look on his face was heartbreaking. "The feeling though, it's never left. It's so horrible. It made me think that..."
"That?" She encouraged.
"Like something bad was gonna happen to all of us."
━━━━━
Morales kept boosting about his fire pit, a prideful smile on his lips. His family had found this hilarious, his children giggling at his proudness."Your ego is big enough to end the whole damned apocalypse." I Samantha teased, grinning cheekily and Morales snorted, "If only."
Andrea approached them. "Have y'all seen Amy?" She asked. "I haven't seen her in awhile."
"Maybe she fell into Morales's fire pit." Samantha joked, Morales sent her a mock glare and others in earshot to laugh.
"Last I checked, she went into the RV with our one and only military man." Dale chimed in, amusement lacing his words.
The two women gazed at one another, not knowing whether they should be shocked. They went over to the RV, stopping right at the door. "Should I-"
But before Samantha could finish, Andrea impatiently opened the door.
Lips were interlocked, arms around each other's neck. Nathan and Amy were in the heat of the moment, but that soon came to an end. Any gasped and shoved Nathan away, her face beet red with utter embarrassment, but the soldier on the other hand had a look of smugness, a pleased and toothy grin plastered across his face.
"Amy, honey what have I told you?" Sighed Andrea, pursing her lips to hide her smirk. "You always eat dessert after dinner."
"Andrea!" Amy cried, hiding her face in her hands.
"Nate, Morales might need you."
Samantha bit her lip to contain giggles, trying to at least save Amy from the amount of humiliation she was enduring. With a quick, tender look to Amy he walked out, a bounce to his step. Andrea chuckled, following after. "Your sister is right, you might spoil you appetite." The ebony haired woman continued.
"Oh, shut up, you," Amy said, wagging her finger at her. "You don't have to be so mean about it. You're supposed to be my friend."
Friend?
The word friend made Samantha pause, remembering she never had any real friends besides Nathan. She had a terrible reputation that her teenage self enforced in high school, and that was most likely her reason why nobody even bothered. Shane has been popular for all the right reasons - being the class clown and all, but Samantha wasn't that.
Having a mean streak and a reputation for sleeping around, Samantha was labeled a lot of cruel things - some of them being true, so she became the harsher version of those things that people said, doing a lot of regrettable things. That all ended when her ex came into the picture.
The memories of him made her go rigid, and she couldn't decide whether or not it was out of the wrath that burned deep within her like a sleeping volcano, or the lingering fear she knew she had in her heart that she was too downright stubborn to admit.
Amy caught onto her silence and smiled kindly. "You and Nate must've been the most coolest partners in crime in high school."
Samantha nodded, grateful the topic had been changed. "Yeah, inseparable. He's like the Robin to my Batman."
Amy gaped at her." Oh my, god. You're such a dork."
"Blow me," Samantha chortled, smiling widely. "Nate is a dork too."
"Makes me like him even more." Amy giggled, cheeks flushed hot, her clear blue eyes brightening, her feelings for Samantha's best friend quite obvious and absolutely innocent up close.
"Everyone knows it," Samantha assured. "You don't have to hide it anymore."
"Its just, ugh," Amy ran her fingers through her pretty blonde hair. "Its embarrassing."
"It can be nerve racking too, forget the whole butterflies and cheesy bull. Its like a whole zoo when you're around that person," Samantha detailed. "Its just - great."
"You know else would be great?" Morales spoke up, turning to the two girls with hands on his hips. "Instead of talking fairytales, you two would actually help us with dinner - like with skinning fish."
"Gross." Amy made a face.
"It won't be once we season it. Start skinning, girls." Morales said, cracking a smile and turning away. Amy groaned loudly, getting up to grab the buckets full of fish.
Dale turned to Samantha, his mouth outstretched into a teasing grin. "Zoos, huh?" Dale repeated.
"Bite me." Samantha rolled her eyes playfully, taking out her dagger to start skinning once the buckets of fish had been placed in front of her.
words ; 3666
edited ; ✔️