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We end up leaving the adoption agency a few minutes later, after Dawn tells us to make an appointment with her for whenever we'd like, if a family in the profile books ends up catching our eyes. Caleb and I stay silent for the ride back to my house, with the books on my lap as I stare down at them in total confusion. I can't help but feel so guilty knowing that our baby can hear us speaking, hear our voices, not even understanding that we're considering giving her away. It makes my stomach turn and my head badly ache, because in my heart I don't know if I'm ready.
I don't even dare open the books, not quite yet, and we eventually make it to my house.
Holding the profile books in my hands against my chest is when we both get out of his car after he parks in the driveway, and we make it to the front door. As soon as I begin to turn the knob is when the door yanks open by itself and my mother greets us.
She has a slight grin apread across her face, but her eyes give off the vibe that makes her look like she's not in a very good mood. "Hello sweetheart," My mom softly lets out in a soothing tone, as I slightly smile in responce as her gaze travels to Caleb. "Caleb," she says even more quiet.
I glance up to his face as he politely nods his head with a shy grin. "Nice to see you again," he nicely tells her, as she suddenly looks as guilty as can be.
"Nice to see you as well," she carefully rushes out, holding out her hand looking awkward as he takes it, and they quickly shake before dropping their arms. My mother sets her gaze back onto me as I widen my eyes, waiting. "Oh, um, if you have time Caleb I'd like to speak to you."
His baby blue eyes lock with mine instantly, as his eyebrows raise in confusion, before he looks back at my mother and nods his head. "Okay. Yeah m'am, of course."
Her eyes unexpectedly light up as she blankly grins. "Well then, please follow me."
I glance up at Caleb's face when she turns around and walks down the hallway, as he stares into my eyes and seems to be really nervous. "It's okay," I carefully assure him, as he lets in a deep breath and we walk beside one another down the hall.
About two minutes later is when we're all silently sitting in the waiting room, my mother on the smaller couch with Caleb and I sitting next to eachother on the bigger one. I still tightly hold the profile books against my chest, even though there's such a huge stack, as my arms begin to hurt. I don't even realize I'm so fearful when he takes them out of my hands and easily places them down gently onto the table.
He stays quiet and stares down at the coffeetable before anyone speaks up.
"Well," my mother finally lets out, as we both lock our eyes onto hers. "I just would like to apologize for how immature and rudely I acted, yesterday. It was very uncalled for and I just want you to understand that I am sorry for how I reacted towards you."
Caleb slowly nods, as she doesn't say a word. "It's okay," he tells her in a deep voice.
"It's not," she quickly cuts him off, as he looks shocked. "You've been very good to Isabella, from how supportive I see you are, and she tells me the same exact thing. So, I apologize for speaking so rudely to you. I know it's not an excuse but I just feel so terrible and embaressed for how I've been acting lately."
"I understand."
"Especially last night. . . I mean't no harm. I'm very sorry."
"No, it's fine. Really," he tells her, slightly grinning to reassure her, she she suddenly looks as if she's about to break down into either tears or screams. Maybe because he's so amazing and so completely understanding, and she took her anger out on the wrong person. Maybe she's feeling guilty, and she should, because he's been nothing but great to me.
"I just," she hesitates, as her eyes instantly lock with mine. "I just can't stand the thought of you both giving her away. She's your child. She's your baby... She needs you both--"
"Mom," I immediately snap, not meaning to sound so harsh but I do. "Enough. Thank you for saying your sorry to Caleb, but it's our daughter, and we'll do whatever we think is best. No matter how you feel about it or how anyone else feels about it for that matter."
"Bell," she softly says, sighing as I try to stand up but struggle a bit because of my belly until Caleb rushes to his feet and gently helps me up but holding onto my arm. "Alright. I'm sorry."
"We heard you loud and clear," I quickly tell her, before I lean down and begin to grab the books as Caleb bends down and scoops them all into his arms. "We'll be upstairs."
"In your bedroom?" She loudly questions me, with a strange stare, as I frown.
"I'm already pregnant," I quietly remind her as her face drops. "We have some looking through profile books that we need to do."
"Profile books?" She asks me in a curious mutter, as I walk towards the hallway and turn my neck to realize Caleb isn't follow me.
"Hey," I shout to him, getting so upset as he shoots his gaze onto me. "Let's go."
"Please don't leave," My mother softly pleads with me, begging almost, nearly running over to me as I stare at her in sad silence. "You can stay upstairs. Just please stay home tonight, Bell. Please just do me this one favor."
Carefully keeping my eyes glued with hers, is when I gently sigh. "Okay..."
"Thank you sweetheart," she cautiously lets out, slightly smiling in relief as I try my best to smile back, even though it's so difficult to even look at her now knowing she's against me and not at all on my side. "I'll leave you both alone to look over your books--" She pauses before she narrows her eyes and suddenly looks at me in fear. "What are they again?"
Staring over at Caleb as he looks over to her is when I anxiously hold my breath. "They're books of families who are looking to adopt a baby," I carefully explain as her eyes unexpectedly weld up with water. "Exploring our options, mother. Remember?" I test her as she eventually nods.
"We won't make any decisions without telling you about it first," Caleb lets out in a promising voice out of nowhere, as I look over at him and cautiously narrow my eyes.
"Thank you," she nicely says, looking satisfied and happy when I glance back to her. "If you need anything, sweetheart, just let me know. Alright?"
"Yes," I barely let out any sound to my voice. "Thanks. We'll be upstairs."
I silently walk down the hallway not even knowing for sure if he's following behind me, as I slowly make my way up the staircase even though it hurts my ankles a bit. Glancing over to Jeremy's wide open door is when I realize he isn't home, which actually kind of hurts my feelings in a way because I was looking forward to seeing him. I walk into my bedroom feeling a little down as I stand aside letting Caleb walk inside before I gently shut the door to give us some privacy.
I easily sit down ontop of the big square pink rug I have on the floor beside my bed, looking up at him as he gets the hint and sits down a few feet in front of me. Putting all the profile books in the center of us is when we finally connect eyes and neither of us know what to say.
"So," I practically whisper, gulping as he looks down at the books between us. "Should we just pick them up and look through them and if a family catches our eye, we'll show eachother?"
"Yeah," he quickly states. "Good idea."
We continue to stare blankly at eachother before we both look down at the profile books at the same time, us both picking a random one up and opening to the front page. About ten minutes go by of looking through the families, and I've already flipped through five of them but there's really nothing special. These adoptive families have failed to catch our attention, and maybe that just is a gift from God telling us that it's not meant to be.
But the moment I reach in the center of us, the last profile book to look at, is when Caleb's hand touches the book at the same time as we both stare cautiously at eachother. I notice he's done with the books he's looked at, and I'm done with mine, and that means this is the last profile book we have to look over.
His eyes widen and his eyebrows raise as he pulls his hand back and shrugs. "Go on. You can look through it and tell me what you think," he quietly mumbles as I shake my head.
"Or we can read it together. . ." I softly offer, as his lips curl in a slight grin as he nods his head in agreement and scoots right beside me, his shoulder touching mine because we're so close.
"Here it goes," Caleb mumbles as I reach down and gently open to the front page. And we both hold our breath in silent amazement, as we stare at eachother in fear.
Because this beautiful, and happy looking, loving couple instantly catches our eyes.
"Wow. . ." He deeply breathes out, running his fingers through his hair.
"They're perfect," I barely whisper, my heart thumping in my chest as my daughter kicks in my belly, and at this very second I wonder why she always seems to move when I'm under pressure.
Maybe it's because she can hear the sound of my heart pounding rapidly in my chest.
And we silently flip to the next page. Why does being pregnant have to be so entirely amazing, but yet devastating and heartbreaking at the same time?
If only I knew. . .
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Short-ish chapter!
Just didn't want to keep all of you waiting any longer for an upload. :D
30 votes & 30 comments and I'll update! So hurry and read away!
Oh and spoiler alert, I took your advice!
MACI'S COMING BACK <3
Thanks for still supporting this story! Hope you're with me til the very end. :)
_Molly xo