I woke up and got out of bed. I walked into the bathroom to take a piss. I took of my pants but found that I couldn't pee. I looked down and discover I had no dick.
It was like a fucking ken doll! How the hell am I going to charm the ladies if I don't have a dick‽ I took a deep breath and pulled up my pants. I looked and the mirror.
"Look! Paul everything is going to be okay!" I reassured myself.
I got dressed and tried to forget that god hates me. I went to the studio. John and Ringo were joking about something, it made me angry to see them so happy.
"Hey, Paul!" George said with a smile. I didn't need his fucking optimism right now.
"Fuck off!" I told him angrily.
"Looks like someone's grumpy." John teased. "Did someone not get their bottle?"
"Sorry George... it's just I'm upset about something." I said with a sigh.
"What is it?" George asked trying to be helpful.
"It's nothing... just never mind." I tried to dismiss it.
"What is it!" John said aggressively.
"Nothing!"
He asked me over and over again. I was beginning to get annoyed about it. I wanted to fucking kill John.
"I have no Dick!" I yelled. "Y'know..."
No one understood what I just said. They looked at me with puzzled faces. I pulled down my pants.
"You weren't kidding." John said as he looked at my nonexistent dick.
"It's like a fucking ken doll!" Ringo shouted.
All of a sudden god appeared in the center of the room. He took a look at me and then at my nonexistent dick.
"You know why I did this too you." He said like a disappointed parent.
"You ate my fucking tofu!" He screeched.
"The fuck? I don't have access to your fridge!" I defended.
"Jesus told me- Oh! Jesus ate my tofu!" God realized before leaving. I looked down and my dick was back.
"My dick is back! Hell yep!"
"Pull your fucking pants up!" John yelled at me!
I pulled up my pants and we started work on the new album. I was happy, I have a dick.
My weirdest fanfic