Monday, October 6th
When I walked into school this morning, I had a plan. 'I' meaning Josh and I. We knew someone would be giving Bailey crap about her breakup, and we had a plan- a plan that would make a point.
But now, sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for the cue of bullying, I'm not so sure. I give Josh a nervous glance. He smiles reassuringly and nods.
Our cue comes. As Bailey walks across the cafeteria to buy a pop from the vending machine, the poplars stop her. She pushes past them and buys her pop, but they follow her back to our table.
When they get close, Josh nods and I stand up, facing the girls, their fancy clothes, and fake nails.
I gulp and start out.
"You, with your words like knives/And swords and weapons that you use against me/You have knocked me off my feet again/Got me feeling like I'm nothing/You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard/Calling me out when I'm wounded/You picking on the weaker man-" I gulp at the end, my stomach shaking from nervousness. It sounded weak in the beginning without the music to back me up, and I bite my lip in concern.
Josh smiles encouragingly and picks up where I left off, his strong tenor rising above the clamor of the cafeteria.
"You can take me down with just one single blow/But you don't know, what you don't know..."
Then we join together, our voices mixing perfectly, just the way we practiced, me going one whole octave higher than him. A wonderfully perfect harmony. I smile at him.
"Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city/And all you're ever gonna be is mean/Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me/And all you're ever gonna be is mean/Why you gotta be so mean?"
I belt out again, my voice alone. I direct my words at the six mean girls standing there, agape.
"You, with your switching sides/And your wildfire lies and your humiliation/You have pointed out my flaws again/As if I don't already see them/I walk with my head down/Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you/I just wanna feel okay again."
"All you are is mean/ And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life/And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean." Josh sings, and all I can do is stare. Why he's never sung to me is an unanswered question, but you can bet I'll get an answer soon.
"But someday I'll be living in a big ol' city/And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah/Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me/And all you're ever gonna be is mean/Why you gotta be so?.."
"Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city-" I sing.
"(Why you gotta be so?..)" Josh echoes, layering his voice briefly with mine.
"And all you're ever gonna be is mean-"
"(Why you gotta be so?..)"
"Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me-"
"(Why you gotta be so?..)"
"And all you're ever gonna be is mean."
"Why you gotta be so mean?" We finish together, and I realize that everyone is starting at us, and any noise that might be in here isn't.
Bailey looks like if she doesn't narrows her eyes soon, her eyeballs might fall right out, and that would be quite a shame. Just when I realize I don't know what to do, Josh wraps an arm around my shoulders and takes a step forward.
"Why you gotta be so mean?" He says plainly, and Jaya May's mouth falls further open.
"Close your mouth." I blurt. "You don't want to catch flies, bless your nonexistent heart."
She doesn't glare at me, her eyes only get wider before she turns on her heel and darts off.
The noise and chaos erupts once again, mine and Josh's duet forgotten for the moment. I take Bailey's arm and guide her to her seat.
"What in heavens name was that?!" She gasps.
"Did we not sound good?" I raise an eyebrow.
"No, you sounded perfect, but what the hell was that?! I mean really? Are you freaking crazy?! Do you want to die?!"
"Bailey! Language!"
She rolls her eyes. "I swear Leah, you sounded like Thompson Square. Not even kidding. It was like a freaking concert in the cafeteria! You should have charged money!" I lean backward when she leans forward, bringing her wild eyes closer. "How long did you practice?"
I frown. "As long as it takes to get to school-"
"Oh my gosh..."
I glance at Josh. His face is the embodiment of amusement, his brown eyes laughing and the corners of his mouth tilted upward the way that make me want to kiss him...
I jerk my eyes away.
"I can't believe it." She says distantly, as I take a big bite of my sandwich.
I hand my bottle of tea to Joshua, and watch him as he sips it. He smiles at me.
"I love you."
"I love you too." I smile, memorizing his face.
The moment stands still, the way moments do sometimes, and I know that I'll never forget the way he looks at this moment. Eyes bright with excitement, face flushed from singing so loud, hair perfectly messy, and lips edged into a gentle smile, moist with sweet tea.
Just for one moment, everything is completely perfect.
I have no problems. My dad isn't gone. I don't have issues with depression. But I do have Josh. And he loves me.
*-*-*
I finish lunch, and just as Josh and I are about to leave the cafeteria, the music teacher, Mr. Kerr, approaches us.
"Leah, Josh! Can I have a word?"
We both stop, and turn to face him.
"Sure." Josh and I say together. I blush. I know it's silly, but hey, things happen.
"Good," Mr. Kerr continues, running a hand through his thin thatch of salt and pepper hair. He looks like he might once have been a body builder, but now he's a tad on the chubby side. His kind, black eyes are hopeful, and I can already sense a proposition. "I heard you two, I didn't know who it was, because I was in the hallway, and I only caught the last part, but I want to know if you'd consider participating in the event that the school is having Saturday after next."
"Sure," I reply, beating Joshua to the words. He frowns at me ever so slightly. "We'd be happy to. What do we have to sing?"
"Anything appropriate." He chuckles. "Well, I won't hold you up any more. Get on to class you two."
"Okay." I reply cheerfully as Joshua and I continue walking down the hall.
"Why did you do that?" He hisses, when we're out of earshot.
"What?"
"Volunteer us."
"Why? Don't you think it'd be cool?"
He shakes his head vehemently. "No. I prefer to keep my singing private."
"Then why'd you sing with me?"
"We had a plan. That, and I love you. I wouldn't sing with you if I didn't love you."
"Why won't you sing with me at the event then?"
He shakes his head again. "I can't."
"Why?"
He continues to shake his head as he opens the door to the classroom, silencing my questions.
-*-*-*-
"You have some serious explaining to do, Mr. Hart." Well, that came off sounding gentle.
He cringes at the edge in my voice. "I will do some serious explaining, just give me a minute-" he rubs the back of his neck, and sighs as we take the turn down our road.
"Ready?" I ask, focusing my attention on him.
He clears his throat. "Here I go. Well, I know we sounded good together. In fact, I've never sounded that good with anyone in my life."
"Me neither."
"I don't like to sing publicly, because it used to be the thing that Mom and I did together. If I sing for anyone else, it feels like sacred ground is getting littered on. I'm not going to cast my pearls before the swine." He lets out a long breath.
"I understand, but these people we'll sing for aren't swine. They'll value your voice as much as I do." I think. Maybe I'm just partial.
He looks over and frowns at me. "But Leah, I-"
"Joshua Gene Hart. It's going to be amazing." That's one thing I can say and feel certainty in my bones.
He slams the horn in frustration. "Leah, I do not know how you get me into these things."
I shrug. "You love me. Its as simple as that. I do things for you, too."
"Like what?"
"I agreed to ride Blue that first Saturday."
"That was before you loved me."
"I don't know, Joshua. I've looked back, and maybe I've loved you this whole time."
"Huh. Imagine that. Do you know how much pain you could have spared me if I'd known that?"
"How could you have known that? I didn't even!"
He smiles a little. "What would you think if I told you I actually liked Bailey better than you for the first month we were all friends?"
"I would ask why you chased me then." I say, narrowing my eyes.
"Because God told me to."
"Why?"
"I guess he knew that you needed me."
"Why would I need you?"
"Didn't you need someone to love you?" He asks earnestly.
I think for a second. Yes, I needed someone to love me. "Yeah, I guess I did."
"I know I should have told you this earlier, but when I redeemed myself to your mother, she told me something."
My heart beats faster. "What?"
"She said that she was so grateful that I was here, and that I saved your life. She said that I was a blessing because I brought you joy, and in that, gave her back her baby." He smiles. "You know, Leah, I may not have loved you at first, but believe me when I say this. I love you. I would give my life for you."
I smile sadly. "That means a lot to me, even though it is a little strange to think about, and I would like you to know, that I love you too."
He pulls into my driveway. "Well, you're my girl. And I gotta admit, I was kind of scared to tell you."
"You shouldn't have been scared."
"Well I was, and as I've said before, you're pretty terrifying."
I laugh and hop out of his truck. "So we're on for the duet?"
He shrugs. "I don't have much of a say in the matter."
I roll my eyes. "And barrel practice on Saturday?"
"Yep."
"See you later!"
"See you later!" He replies, and I close the door.