It was just about midday and Clarke was grateful that her shift was coming to an end. She had been doing her best to keep herself busy, but her mind just kept on reeling and she just couldn't find a way to shut it down. She had been remembering, more and more as each hour passed, things that she had forgotten, or rather, thought that she had forgotten. The most random memories just kept popping into her head and bringing with them a random rush of emotions that were becoming almost too much to withstand.
Dropping down onto the bench in front of her locker, Clarke shook her head trying to keep yet another one at bay.
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Lexa looked down at her phone as it buzzed. "Let me out," she said softly, nudging Clarke's side.
"Everything okay?" Clarke asked, easily taking in the look on her face.
Lexa nodded and slid out of the booth. Swallowing hard she cleared her throat and put the phone to her ear. "Hello Mother." Clarke heard her say as she walked away from the table.
Several minutes passed and Lexa still hadn't returned, looking out the window Clarke could see that she was still on the phone. Something was wrong. She looked tense as her jaw clenched and unclenched and her head shook every so often.
Though Lexa had assured her time and time again that the relationship that she had with her parents was fine and that she could handle it, the truth was becoming clearer and clearer with every interaction that Clarke witnessed. Lexa's relationship with her parents was anything, but fine. The power that they seemed to have over her was completely unhealthy and the effect they had on her, well, that was just devastating to witness. Clarke didn't even really notice as her feet carried her across the diner and out the door. She stood on the steps listening.
"No. Mother, I would rather not. I really have no interest," Lexa said pinching the bridge of her nose as she turned and saw Clarke. "Yes. Yes, I'll be there. Goodbye," she ended the call quickly and closed her eyes.
"Are you okay?" Clarke asked as she slowly walked down the steps.
"I have to go home. My parents are having a dinner party," Lexa answered as she tucked her phone back into her pocket, "and there's someone they want me to meet." The vein in her forehead was showing and her body had gone completely stiff.
Clarke knew exactly what this meant. Lexa had already told her that her parents had been trying to set her up for years. "It'll be ok," she tried to reassure her and put her hand on Lexa's shoulder.
"You know that it won't," Lexa sighed.
"Maybe you could try telling them again?" Clarke suggested.
"They don't listen," Lexa shook her head. "Believe me, the last thing that they want to acknowledge is that their daughter is a..."
"Raging lesbian?" Clarke offered playfully, trying to lighten Lexa's new mood.
Lexa's green eyes widened. "I do not rage," she insisted firmly.
"Yeah, well, you should," Clarke grinned sinfully and nudged her. "You're hot."
"Stop it," Lexa replied stiffly.
"Come on, Lexa, when's the last time you even went on a date?" Clarke asked waving her hand. "You need to get laid," she told her pointedly.
"I'm fine, thank you," Lexa cupped her hands behind her back.
"What're we talking about?" Octavia asked as she jumped off of the steps and landed next to Clarke.
"How Lexa needs to get laid," Clarke answered with a smile as she pushed at Lexa's shoulder.
"Oh, you totally do," Octavia nodded in agreement.
"Definitely," Raven added, descending from the landing, "and I can think of one fine lady who could help you out," she said and wiggled her eyebrows as she nudged Clarke.
"Oh, stop it," Clarke playfully pushed her back.
"Ok, well if Clarke won't help you out," Raven winked, "I know plenty of other fine ladies who would love the opportunity to go dow..."
"Yeah, I'm going to pass on that," Lexa put her hand up with a slight grin and everyone laughed. "I have to go pack. I'll talk to you all later."
As Lexa walked away, Clarke turned to Octavia. "What are we doing this weekend?"
"Party at Jasper and Monty's tomorrow," Octavia answered as she stuffed her hands into her pockets.
"Who'll be there?" Clarke asked curiously.
"You, me, Raven, Lincoln, Jasper, Monty, Anya, I think and Bellamy," Octavia shrugged. "Obviously, I thought Lexa too, but now I'm guessing not."
Clarke's phone buzzed in her pocket and pulling it out she saw the name Finn flash on the screen. "No Finn, right?" Clarke asked softly.
Secretly she wished Lexa wasn't going back to her parents, somehow, having her there just made her feel safer.
"Not a fucking chance," Raven said as she slung an arm over her shoulder. "That loser isn't getting anywhere near you."
Though it had been a couple of months since they'd broken up, Finn was still relentless in his attempts to talk to her. He called. He texted. He waited outside her classes, and even had an extremely worded exchange with Raven, who for good measure tipped a soda on to his head.
Clarke really needed Saturday. She just needed some downtime with her friends, her people, and thankfully, it came quick.
"Hey, hey, my girls!" Jasper exclaimed as Clarke, Octavia and Raven arrived that night. "Bring anything good?"
"Of course," Raven replied confidently as she deposited a bottle of tequila onto the counter.
"Nice!" Jasper smiled happily, rubbing his hands together.
"As soon as everyone's here we should order some pizzas and get a good game of cards going," Monty suggested as he dumped a bunch of limes onto the counter. "Help me out, will you?" He said to Jasper.
"I'll help you." Clarke offered pleasantly as she tied back her blonde locks and walked to the sink to wash her hands.
Soon after, Lincoln came through the door, also carrying a bottle of tequila.
"Great minds," Raven nodded to him.
Lincoln placed a quick kiss on Octavia's cheek and looked at Clarke. "No Lexa?"
"No," Clarke answered and shook her head. "She had to go home."
"Home?" Lincoln's eyes narrowed slightly as his brow furrowed. "As in, to her parents?"
Clarke stared back at him and nodded. "I told her to text me if it gets too crazy."
Clarke knew that given their history, Lincoln probably knew a lot more than she did about Lexa's parents and though she'd never ask him to explain, the concern in his eyes only confirmed the thoughts that she already had.
"Are her parents really that bad?" Monty asked curiously.
"Yes," Clarke and Octavia answered in unison and Clarke glanced at her, wondering if maybe Lincoln had shared some of his knowledge with her already.
"They're that bad." Lincoln stated plainly, but didn't elaborate.
A few hours later their little party was in full swing and their bellies were pleasantly stuffed of pizza and tequila. Clarke leaning against the table, watching Raven and Jasper arm wrestling when her phone started ringing on the counter. Glancing over she saw the name Lexa's on the screen.
"Hey you," she laughed happily into the phone. "How's dinner? We miss you."
A light sob drifted through the phone.
The room around Clarke swirled, instantly spinning her sober. "Lexa?" Clarke's alarmed voice echoed in the room causing everyone to turn and stare at her, their eyes showing both concern and curiosity. "Lexa?"
"I can't.....Clarke..." she choked. "I just can't...breathe..." another light sob.
"Okay, Lexa, okay. I'm right here" Clarke said into the phone, surprised at how in control her voice sounded. Never had she thought that she would be so grateful for the panic attacks that she had endured throughout high school. "Just focus on my voice," she told her.
Instantly Lincoln was at her side. "Get her to breathe," he said firmly.
"Listen to my voice, okay?" Clarke kept her voice calm and even. "I want you to try and count with me, okay? Come on, Lexa."
This went on for several excruciating minutes before finally Lexa's breathing evened out and her sobbing subsided.
"Thank you," Lexa whispered softly. "I'm sorry for bothering you. I just..." a pause. "I have to get back now."
"It's okay," Clarke said into the phone. "Listen, I'm here if you need me," she ended the call and looked desperately at Lincoln.
"Panic attack," he said knowingly.
"Yes," Clarke nodded.
How the hell did he know that? Did this happen often? She had seen Lexa get pretty upset after talking to her parents, but never this upset.
"It so hard to picture Lexa like that," Monty said softly, staring at his hands and shaking her head. "She's always so..."
"If you knew her parents," Lincoln interjected firmly, "you would understand."
Lincoln's response only confirmed it. This was not uncommon.
"God!" Clarke spat furiously with tears of frustration swimming in her eyes as she slammed her fist down on the counter. "Why would they do that to her?!"
Lincoln just shook his head.
Clarke stormed from the room and began to pace, her own experience with panic attacks was now fueling her anger. What the hell was wrong with these people? How could anyone intentionally push their own kid to that point? Though Clarke had never met them, she had no doubt that she already hated them.
Clarke: Are you with Lexa?
Anya: I was. Why?
Clarke: She just called me. I'm pretty sure she was having a panic attack. She's OK now. I was just hoping...
Anya: Shit.
Anya: I'm going back.
Clarke smiled and closed her eyes. It made her feel better to know that Anya was going back and that Lexa wouldn't be alone. Just from what she'd seen over time, Clarke was pretty sure that her parents had probably been criticizing the hell out of her again. It seemed like that was what they did best and she was sure that Lexa's resistance to date whoever they wanted her to meet that night was also playing a huge part too.
Later, she was drifting off to sleep when her phone lit up the room.
Lexa: I just want to come home.
Clarke: You will, and I'll be here when you do.
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Clarke walked across the parking lot and slipped into the driver's seat of her car. Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. All that she wanted to do was forget, but the more she tried, the more she remembered and where Lexa's parents were concerned, the more she remembered, the angrier she got.
She had been the one that witnessed Lexa dealing with her parents the most. She had been the one to see the effect that they had on her up close and personal. She was there every time Lexa came back from her weekend trips and her summer internships looking frail and beaten down. She was there for the sleepless nights, there for the panic attacks, there when they'd berate her endlessly over the phone. She was always there and to this day, she'd never forget the day she'd first finally met them.
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They were sitting in Lexa's living room studying. Lincoln and Octavia curled up on one couch, while Lexa and Clarke were stretched out on the other, and Anya had stepped out to pick up dinner.
Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door, assuming it was Anya, Clarke jumped up and opened the door. "Can I help you?" She asked as her eyes fell on two slightly unfamiliar faces.
"And who might you be?" The man questioned her quickly. He was slightly taller than her, with a bald head and a stern face.
"Um...I'm Clarke," Clarke replied, turning her attention to Lexa, who had paled at the sound of the man's voice.
"I see," he said glancing into the apartment. "I'm looking for my daughter, Alexandria."
"Father?" Lexa said quickly appearing at Clarke's side. "Mother? What a surprise."
"Well, are you just going to leave us standing here?" Lexa's mother questioned harshly.
"No...no, I...of course not," Lexa stuttered and motioned them inside.
"Father, Mother, you remember Lincoln," Lexa's voice was shaking slightly. "This is Lincoln's girlfriend, Octavia and her friend, Clarke."
She directed her eyes to Octavia and Clarke. "May I present my parents," she said with a slight hand twitch. "Titus and Nia Woods."
"Hi," Clarke said politely, her voice was small, but her eyes had hardened and her shoulders had squared. Octavia waved, but said nothing.
Clarke glanced over at Lexa, her body was stiff and her eyes slightly fearful, a bead of sweat rolled down her temple as she swallowed hard and kept her eyes on her parents.
"Pleasure," Nia said curtly, but Titus merely stared at them.
"I'm ready to discuss some of the dates for this summer's internship with you," he finally said, directing his attention back to Lexa.
Lexa nodded and quickly made her way to her desk. She sat down and taking a deep breath, opened her agenda. "Father, I was hoping to take my week between the 2nd and 9th of July," she said timidly. "Clarke's parents are having their annual barbeque and have invited me to join them."
"You need an entire week to attend a barbeque?" He questioned her sternly.
"Well, it is a weeklong event," Clarke said before she could stop herself and Lexa went white as she looked up at her. She probably should have stayed quiet, she knew that, but something in the tone he was using with Lexa struck a nerve in her. She just didn't like it.
Titus turned, giving her a stone hard glare, and she gave it right back. No way was she backing down from this man.
"I get one week, Father," Lexa finally said, clearly hoping to break the tension, "and that is the one I would like to take this year. Please?"
Her father held his glare for another moment before turning back to Lexa and pulling out his agenda and picking up a pen off of the desk. He put a strike through the week Lexa had requested and then began rattling off a series of dates, times and places. This went on for several minutes and Lexa simply nodded as she wrote down everything he said, while everyone else remained silent.
That was, until the front door opened and Anya stepped in carrying their dinner. The moment her eyes fell on her uncle and aunt, she froze. "Uncle Titus," she said stiffly and gave a quick nod. "Aunt Nia."
"Anya," Titus said returning her nod and Nia also acknowledged her, but barely.
Clarke watched as Anya's redirected her glance to Lexa who just shook her head slightly and returned her eyes to her agenda. For the first time ever, an obvious sadness filled Anya's eyes as she walked toward the kitchen motioning for Clarke, Octavia and Lincoln to follow her.
Lincoln got to his feet taking Octavia's hand in his own and obeyed, but Clarke however, stayed rooted on the spot, fixing her eyes on Lexa.
"You should join your friends," Titus told her quickly.
Clarke looked at him, her eyes still stony. "I'm fine, thanks."
Titus turned toward her. "I don't think I like..."
"Clarke," Lexa cautioned loudly, causing Clarke to look back at her. "Leave us," her green eyes were hard, but also pleading and though Clarke's heart clenched, she finally relented with a low sigh and left the room.
Clarke entered the kitchen and dropped down into a chair. "God," she said softly. "They really are awful."
"They are," Anya concurred with a nod.
"Are your parents like that?" Octavia asked curiously as she set a stack of plates on the table.
"Absolutely not," Anya shook her head. "My parents are nothing like hers."
"Not at all?" Clarke looked at her. Really, how could they possibly be so different?
"Not at all," Anya assured her. "My parents married for love, Lexa's married for power. My parents wanted a child, Lexa's parents needed a showpiece. My parents..."
"I think I understand," Clarke stopped her.
"Just do me a favor, Clarke," Anya shook her head gravely. "Don't make any waves. They can make her life...very difficult, when they want to."
Clarke felt her heart slip at Anya's words, but she nodded. She'd never want to make Lexa's life any harder.
Twenty minutes later when Lexa appeared in the kitchen, everyone knew that her parents must have finally left and a sense of relief seemed to flood the room.
Clarke pulled out the chair next to her and Lexa dropped down into it. She looked a little pale and her eyes were slightly zoned out.
"Are you alright?" Anya questioned her tenderly.
Lexa nodded.
"You should eat something," Anya told her as she motioned to the food.
"No," Lexa shook her head. "I'm not hungry."
Anya let out a sigh and returned her attention to her plate as Lincoln shook his head and squeezed Octavia's hand, but all Clarke could do was look at her.
Seeing Lexa like this was never easy, but knowing that there was nothing that she could do to stop it was even worse. How could two people who are so cold and cruel, create someone who is so warm and kind? Did they even know how truly amazing she really is?
Clarke stayed lost in her thoughts for another moment before holding a fork full of noodles up to Lexa, who didn't miss a beat, and took the food in her mouth. She chewed quietly and Clarke watched as the tension visibly left her shoulders and she relaxed back into the chair with a light sigh.
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Before Clarke even realized what she was doing, she found herself walking into the lobby of Lexa's old building and smiling as her eyes fell on a familiar face.
"Gustus," she greeted him pleasantly. "How are you?"
"Miss Clarke," he said getting to his feet, "it's been a very long time."
"It has," Clarke acknowledged with a nod. "I was wondering, does Lexa still live here?"
"She does," Gustus nodded. "Would you like me to buzz her for you?"
"No," Clarke answered quickly. "No, not yet. Would you mind if I just hung out for a little while?"
"Of course," he told her and motioned to one of the chairs. "I daresay Ms. Woods would have my job if I were ever to throw you out."
Clarke smiled appreciatively at him before going over and taking a seat.
She had no idea what she was doing, what she was going say, or even what she had hoped to accomplish, but still, she felt like she had to do something. Not having an exact plan, she simply sat there and waited, trying desperately to collect her thoughts.
Just a short time later though, the elevator doors opened and Lexa suddenly emerged. She was dressed in a tailored, black suit with her hair loose and wavy. Her left brow was heavily bruised and it appeared that it had taken several stitches to close her gash, but it seemed to be healing well. Clarke's breath hitched in her chest. How the hell did Lexa always manage to look so utterly amazing?
It wasn't until they were about ten feet apart that Lexa finally caught sight of her and instantly froze on the spot. Clarke watched as her shoulders quickly squared and her jaw became set, as though she was preparing for another attack.
She took a deep breath and swallowed hard.