My throat went raw from heaving my breakfast into the toilet, again. No matter how empty my stomach was, my body still heaved with desperation. Yet, it couldn't rid my body of the haunting thoughts of Francis.
Had he seriously just proposed? No, my mind was just playing tricks with me. That had to be it, but I knew it wasn't. He had just proposed and I sat there like a coward! I should have gotten up and left right there and then!
I couldn't stop getting mad at myself even though I knew I couldn't have done anything else. My body had frozen with fear, I had been simply petrified. If had had half m mind I would have known he couldn't really do anything.
I mean, in order to have a legally bounding marriage, you need someone with a marriage license. By now I had to bet that I'd be pretty big news, so everyone would know who I was. No one in the right mind would marry a creepy man to a girl who has been kidnapped; especially if I say no.
He couldn't do any too bad to me anymore, not even get us legally married. The worst thing he could have done to me he has done, now he is just a joke. If he kills me then I escape my misery, so there is no point being afraid of being hurt.
My act had always been flawed from the day I adapted it, but now it had broken. No more of the push-over girl who would idly sit on her kidnapper's lap while his kisses trailed her neck. No more crying, throwing up, or being afraid of this monster. That is all he is; a monster.
Yet, no matter how scary of a monster he may be; I was prepared. I wasn't going to cower under my covers anymore. I would stand up and confront the thing that haunted my every waking, and sleeping, moments.
With my new found anger, I tore the stupid ring off my finger and threw it across the room. My finger throbbed from the unexpected pain, but it only heated my frustration.
I stood up, wiped my mouth, and flushed the toilet. The twisting of my stomach had been replaced with a black pit craving revenge for my lost innocence. From this moment forth I would no longer be his little toy.
I had a life I had to get back to, so I could no longer deal with this one. The faces of my loved ones flashed before my eyes and a ping of sadness bit at my side.
I remembered my brother first and how we used to be. No matter how much we fought, I still loved him. The only memories I held onto now were the ones where we laughed together. Sometimes we would laugh so hard that our eyes would tear up, but that only made us laugh harder.
My mom and dad came next. The two people who had raised me and protected me my entire life. They were the ones who had me walk home, which resulted in my kidnapping, but I didn't blame them for anything that had happened. No matter how good your parents are, they can't shelter you from everything.
The thought of my family had only made my blood boil. No more of this. I would have no more of his games; I wanted my life back. I would have to make a stand or be damned to this hell for eternity.
His tactics didn't scare me anymore. I knew I had to run away, and soon; the longer I stayed the worse he would get. I had to plan.
I had began to pace the room while I put together a plan. The only time I could get away from Francis was when he was sleeping, and even then that was hard. I had to sneak out of his arms in the middle of the night and make a break for it. Otherwise, I would be married to a lunatic.
That was it; I was going to run away. No more road blocks, I had to do it this time. I was determined to either escape or die. I would settle for nothing in between.
A soft knock had startled my thoughts and caused me to jump. I quickly glanced around to reassure me of my surroundings. Everything was the same, except my knuckles had gone white from clenching my fists in anger.
"Haitlin?" I heard Olivia's soft voice float through the door.
I had to take in a deep relieving breath before I could answer her. No need throwing out my plan by bulling a five year old.
"Yes?" I replied as calmly as possible.
"Haitlin, can we talk?" Olivia asked.
I had no idea what she wanted to talk about, but it would buy me more time to sketch out my plan.
"Sure, just hold on a minute. I'll met you in your bedroom."
I looked down at my hand, remembering I had thrown my ring, and rushed to find it. Olivia couldn't see me without my ring or she would question me about where it went. Right now, I would prefer to avoid so much conflict from her.
Yet, my ring did not want to show itself. I looked in the sink, shower and even the toilet. Desperate, I resorted to crawling on my hands and knees on the cold bathroom floor. I searched inch by inch for the stupid ring, but with no prevail. Just when I was ready to give up, I saw something shining from the side of my eye.
In the corner, next to the door, laid my ring. I scurried over to it and picked it up with relief. I may have dropped my act but that didn't mean I had to drop all my tactics. The ring would keep him from having an outburst and with what I had planned, I needed it.
Knowing I had kept Olivia waiting for too long, I quickly opened the door and rushed across the hall. Before I entered her room I saw a light under the fourth door flicker on. I was so tempted to peek, but last time that didn't end up well. Instead, I put my curiosity away and walked into Olivia's room.
She sat in the middle of her bed, twiddling her thumbs. I quietly closed the door behind me so we wouldn't be disturbed by her father. Then I walked over to her bed and perched on the edge, ready to leave at a moments notice.
"What did you want to talk about honey?" I asked her once I settled.
She looked into my eyes with her own, but confusion clouded them.
"Do you want to marry daddy?" she whispered, looking down again.
Well she sure knows how to get to the point. I paused before I answered, choosing my words carefully.
"No. I didn't even accept the ring or say yes. I'm sorry Olivia but, no, I don't want to marry your father."
I knew I should have dulled that blow, but with my act shed I would be ruthless. I wasn't going to miss my opportunity to leave just because I didn't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Olivia looked straight at me with eyes identical to Francis's. The confusion only grew, sweltering high.
"Do you love him?" Olivia asked, barely audible.
The question caught me off guard, and made me froze. Of course I knew the answer, but explaining it would be challenging.
"Honestly, no."
Her eyes sweltered with tears, threatening to spill over. I knew I had to do damage control before she went off blabbering to Francis.
"It is just... I miss my family. I miss my own mom, dad, and brother. I can't love anyone else while my heart is still yearning for my family," I concluded.
Her little hands wiped away the tears, and she stared at me once more.
"Why can't you go visit them?" she asked.
She had brought up a good point. If she still thinks I am her dad's friend, then how do I explain why I am not allowed to talk to my family? Do I lie or do I tell the truth?
I remained silent for many long minutes before I could answer her.
"It's complicated," was all I managed to say.
"How?" Olivia continued.
"I- I just can't explain it to you at this moment. Maybe when you're older."
She bit her lip in frustration and had began to question me once more.
"Well, then can I ask another question?"
"Go ahead," I said, even though I was afraid of her drilling curiosity.
I knew she had started realize that something strange was up. She had probably just been trying to clear her confusion, but I feared I would only further it.
"Why do you spend so long in the bathroom?" she asked.
For a split second my face showed concern, but then I wiped the look off my face. Had I really spend so much time in the bathroom that it had become a concern of her? I guess so. Now that I had thought about it, I was always in the bathroom. Sometimes I didn't even remember going in there, but it still had happened.
"It depends. Most of the time I just need alone time. I have no where in this house to go when I want to just be by myself, and the bathroom is the closest thing I have to it. Although, recently I have been getting sick, so sorry if I'm in there too much," I finally replied.
What I had said was mostly the truth. I had needed alone time sometimes, but most of the time was spent freaking out and determining my next move. It was my strategy move. It was also true, though, that I had spent many minutes getting sick from Francis's haunting actions. Every time I though of my skin crawling with his touch I felt bile rise up my throat.
"Oh," was Olivia's only reply.
She sat with her hand cradling her head and chewing her lip. She looked like she was making some serious life decisions, like I had made only minutes before this conversation had began.
"Is that all?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Olivia, is something wrong? You can tell me anything," I said, getting worried.
Little miss sunshine had been all smiles until she returned from her trip. From that point on she had always looked like she was debating something. Her actions today only solidified my belief that she was catching on.
"No." she replied, although her eyes never met my own.
I had decided to give up, not wanting to drill her for information she didn't have.
Opening the door, I glanced back at her one last time before I would go downstairs. She still sat in the same position, never moving. I had felt bad leaving her to her thoughts, but I had my own problems to work out.
When I passed the fourth door again, I notice that the light had been turned off. Before I left this house I would make it me mission to find out what laid behind that door. For all I knew, Francis was hiding Olivia's mom. Although that was unlikely.
On the couch sat Francis, reading a book. I knew I had to confront him, but it still caused knot in my stomach.
"Francis?" I asked.
My voice came out more of a squeak than a statement.
"Hey Sugar," he replied.
He closed his book and a smile split across his face when his eyes laid on me. He sickening expression made me want to look away, but I held my ground. He patted the seat next to him but I just crossed my arms and glared.
"What's wrong?" he asked, sounding slightly worried.
He stood up and wrapped his arms around my sides. I wouldn't let him, though, and pulled myself away.
"Francis, just stop. I can't deal with this anymore. I don't want to get married, I don't love you, just give up!" I said in a harsh whisper.
My words wiped the smile off his face, but he didn't back down. Instead, he stepped closer and placed his hands at my sides once more.
"Sugar, you are just getting cold feet. I know it all happened so soon, but I know we're ready for this. We love each other, and nothing can take that away," he said with admiration in his eye.
Meanwhile, my eyes filled with fire at his disgusting words. Had he not heard anything I had just said?
"Francis, no," I started, but was quickly shut up.
His lips crashed upon my own, making my words fall on deaf ears. I tried pulling away but he pinned me against the wall. His motions went from compassionate to animal-like, tearing at my lips. No matter how hard I fought back, he still forced me under his will.
My eighteenth birthday, and my kidnapper changed from 'loving' to lustful. I think I would prefer his sick, twisted, one-sided 'love' over lust any day.