28th of may - 2 days until tour
8am
i had so much to do today i was unbelievably stressed. i had a doctors appointment at 9am, matty had one at 4pm. i had to talk to jamie at 6, visit my parents at some point and go for lunch at 12. if i kept on top of everything i could definitely do it with no slip ups.
i looked at matty, i didn't want to get out of bed he looked so beautiful. his chest tattoo was fully on show, he curls askew. he looked so peaceful. i didn't want to leave that. sighing i got up and out of bed. i walked to the bathroom, did my teeth and my face before walking to the wardrobe and pulling out a maroon skirt, a simple white cropped jumper, tights and black ankle boots. zipping up the boots i was ready to leave.
i walked into the kitchen, realising ross was still asleep on the couch. i grabbed some paper and wrote a note
be back soon! matty u have the doctors at 4 so pls be ready to leave at 3:40! ross there is some vegan food in the freezer if ur hungry. george please make sure you eat more than tea today because it's not a food. i've got lunch with carly at 12 and then a meeting with jamie at 6. i also gotta see kian n my parents at some point but i'll. figure that out lately. i took ur car by the way matty but u love me so x
see u soon,
gracie xxxxxxxxx
i grabbed my tote bag from the kitchen counter, threw my phone, purse and lost of things to complete in before heading out the door into the world.
8:50 - doctors office
"name?" the reception asked me, she had blonde hair and a pink lip. she smiled at me grinning
"grace caren"
"grace grace grace" she hummed scrolling through the computer to find me
"ah grace here you ar we, you're seeing dr leonie in the blue area"
"thankyou!" i smiled heading round not wanting to even be a fraction late. i arrived and took a seat. i pulled out my phone flicking through social media, i'd gathered a bit of attention now being mattys girlfriend and all. i smiled, most of the comments were nice. of course every so often there were not so nice ones. i shrugged, i guess it came along with the territory.
"grace caren?" the doctor called out. i smiled at her and got up and walked towards her office. once inside she greeted me kindly
"i'm dr leonie" she smiled offering her hand out to me, i shook it back
"what brings you here today?" she asked
"i went on holiday and i started to feel super sick half way through, constant nausea" , she nodded scribbling things down
"are you sexually active?" she asked
"yes"
"and are you on the pill?"
"yes! me and my boyfriend also use contracep-" i couldn't finish my sentence because i remembered the night after the pool we didn't use a condom
"oh" i sighed. dr leonie smiled
"you have many choices, how far are you in do you think?"
"like two weeks"
"okay well do a pregnancy test and if you want to talk your options through you can always come back" i thanked her before swiftly leaving, my hand clutching my stomach as if it were a ticking time bomb. in some ways it was.
10:30
i pulled into the shopping centre needing to go to boots but before i got out off the car i sat with my head in hands. i didn't know what to do. i always figured lia would be with me for this. i evaluated my options. i didn't want to tell matty or the boys until i was sure, kian and my mum were out of the picture and i'd feel weird with my dad. carly! the only girl i had in my life. i got out of the car and dialled her number while walking to boots
"hey babes" she answered
"carly! hey!"
"is everything okay?" she asked sounding worried
"it's fine, i just ... wondered could we do an earlier meal um, i kinda need you"
"of course! i'll meet you at 11 in the Italia"
"thankyou you're gem"
"love ya" she sang
"love you" i replied before ending the call and walking towards the pregnancy isle. i picked up three tests, just to be on the safe side. i walked to the counter to pay dropping all three in front of the woman at the till. she smiled at me with a happy grin
"oh it's a magical time isn't it!" she gushed, i couldn't do anything but smile, i felt i was about to shatter into a million pieces. id always wanted a baby but the timing couldn't be worse. i was terrified matty was going to hate me.
as soon as i paid for them i walked back to the car and pulled up to the italia.
i saw carly already outside waving. she had a thick black knit jumper on with blue skinny jeans and chelsea boots. she really was the perfect girl for adam.
"hey girlie!" she said pulling me into a hug, he hair was tucked neatly behind her ears
"what's wrong you're so pale?" she asked
"let's go in and grab a seat and i'll tell you everything"
turns out carly had rang ahead so a table was readily prepared for us
"carly!" i smiled at her kindness
"ahh it's nothing, i can tell you're struggling so what's up?"
"oh carly" i said my head falling into my hands once more
"i think i'm pregnant!"
i expected her face to fall but she did the opposite, she let oh a squeal!
"gracie oh my god i'm so happy for you!"
"i don't even know yet, the tests are in my bag"
"want me to come with?" she asked
"yes please" just as i said that the waitress came over, we gave her our orders and explained we were just going to the toilet but to still bring the drinks over, non alcoholic of course.
as soon as we got into the toilets i went into the cubical and peed on all three sticks, just to be sure. i walked out as soon as i'd done it and rested against the glass waiting for what felt like an hour.
"timers up ... should i check or you?" carly asked
"i should ..." i said not moving. days passed, or what felt like days before i moved and walked. one pink line meant pregnant. and i saw three before me
"i'm pregnant"
"oh i'm so happy for you! ... you said you wanted kids and matty loves them"
"i'm scared i've messed it up with the timing"
"hey" carly said grabbing my face
"it's not all on you, this isn't your fault grace" , i smiled, i felt safe with carly.
"let's go eat and the. we can sort the rest of this out okay babes?" , i nodded. she wasn't lia, but no body could ever be lia. she was carly, and that was enough