Love, love, love (aka SMUTT). Last chapter, except for the epilogue.
---Alex's POV---
I followed John up the steps to the hallway that led to our dorm room, my head spinning. Not with questions. Just spinning.
John appeared rather shocked, his expression changed with the minute as he probably was struggling to comprehend his entire life through a new and different colored lens. Yet in the set of his shoulders, the draw of his eyebrows, the absent movements of his hand, I could tell he was absolutely comforted whether or not he realized it at the time.
"John?" I murmured as I walked in the door behind him.
He turned around and dropped any pretense of a smile in favor of an honest, shell shocked expression. I stepped forward, hugging him, and we just stood there, holding each other, until the pieces of our lives fell into the positions they were meant for.
---John's POV---
It was a surprise. Fuck it was a surprise. It was a surprise was making a molehill out of a mountain. But I wasn't erupting, because I didn't feel like I needed to erupt; I somehow wasn't punching a wall or starting a fight.
I knew Mother had done her best, and it wasn't her fault and I loved her unconditionally and she did what was right to the extent that she could and I knew there were secrets- I'd just imagined that box of suspicions and crushed it, I knew that they were out now, and I knew it was over. I just knew so much stuff now. I had no reason to be unhappy and given a few weeks, I might even stop feeling overwhelmed.
I guessed Mother felt pretty overwhelmed too, saying all those things for the first time, to do it to all three of her sons at once, to do it all at once, not piece by piece. Thank you for everything I know.
It didn't change much, in the grand scheme of things. I still loved Michael like a brother, I still cared about Mother more than anyone in the world- except, well, maybe tied with Alex- and I still considered Philip family because how could I not when I laughed and talked to and taught him every day? As for Mother, I only realized she was stronger than I'd ever imagined.
I burrowed closer into Alex's warm body under the blankets and felt him laugh just a little. He kissed the top of my head, and I nuzzled his clothes until I found his collarbone and kissed that.
He still smelled like coffee.
I felt Alex's fingers weaving their way deftly through my hair. I smiled at how obsessed Alex was with pulling my hair gently and letting the curls spring. It was pretty cute.
"I wonder who she was talking about." Alex mused into my hair.
"Hmmm?"
"She said she...met someone else and it sounded kind of like this person was... romantically involved with her."
I blinked. After everything Mother had told us, I'd forgotten about that comment. "Well... who works here?"
"Mr. Heere?" suggested Alex.
I scrunched up my face. "I can't see it." I told Alex. "Also, Michael has a crush on Mr. Heere's son and Mother would have said something... otherwise that'd be really... I dunno, weird, right?"
Alex giggled, and I tilted my head up to look at him. "What?"
With a sheepish grin, Alex wiggled his eyebrows at me. "Is she gay? Or bi or something...?"
I shrugged, trying not to think too hard about it. "I... she always avoided answering... I think maybe but she isn't out of the closet actually..." I rushed on. "Why?"
"Oh my goodness, John, Heidi?"
I gaped. They seemed compatible, but the idea of them together was so... weird. But not in a bad way. "Maybe?" I squeaked.
Alex smirked. "John. She's the only single, available adult that works here other than Mr. Heere. And Heidi's got a son here, correct?"
"Yes! Evan Hansen. Oh my god." I grinned, goofy and open. "I don't know if I'll survive this."
"Oh, you will." Alex dipped his head and pulled me into a long, passionate kiss of coffee and warm tongue. He looped an arm around my waist and pulled me flush to him before pulling away. "You always do."
I rolled onto my back, dragging Alex on top of me. "Nah, surviving is your thing."
This time it was me pulling him in, deepening the kiss as I rolled my hips into his.
Soon, our hands were running all over each other's bodies. I slipped Alex's shirt over his head and Alex lifted his arms to help me.
I was soon out of my own shirt and fumbling at the waistband of Alex's jeans, dipping my fingers in and out teasingly. I moaned as Alex's lips found my neck, then my collarbone, kissing their way down to linger on my nipples, hot, wet, and sexy.
I was nearly writhing under him, ready to beg him to hurry up and fuck me, when he sat up as though just thinking of something.
"Fucking tease," I gasped out.
"Don't get me wrong," he snickered, pulling my pants off eagerly. "It would be insanely hot if you prepared yourself. But if you don't mind," he leaned down and I squirmed as he kissed me through my boxers. "I'd like to do it myself."
Gently easing off me, Alex began to unwind the rough, white gauze from his fingers and down his forearm.
"Alex..." I began hesitantly. I could barely think at the picture of Alex's fingers in me, but I was more concerned for Alex than for my pleasure.
In response, Alex kissed me passionately and assured afterwards, "Don't worry. Those wounds have healed."
---Alex's POV---
John was so beautiful, sprawled on his back in only his boxers, a galaxy of freckles spread before me as though he was giving me the universe.
Reaching forwards, John pulled insistently at my jeans, which were harder to get off because they were skinny jeans, but he made quick work of them before I pushed him gently back down, my hand in the middle of his chest where I could feel his heartbeat racing.
I followed his body as he leaned back, my pulse matching his at a mile a minute, my hand fumbling in his soft, curly hair as I ruffled it, sending it tumbling over the pillow. I needed this; I needed him on me, every inch of his skin on mine.
I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a moan as John toyed with my nipples with a cheeky grin. I gazed down at him, his head resting between the two arms that held me up. He laughed. "Hi Alex."
God I loved him.
I lifted one hand and let it travel downwards as John relentlessly kissed me on my neck, going down to my chest, lighting me up with each kiss. It felt like fire and stars every time, trails of electricity down my spine. I traced his erection through his boxers, my fingers firm, gently palming it almost casually. I grinned when he bucked his hips to meet my hand as I began to stroke slowly, intentionally setting an agonizingly slow pace.
"John. Are we going to...?" We hadn't gone farther than a few blow jobs, hand jobs, rutting, but somehow tonight felt like the night. Or maybe I just wanted him so badly, I was willing to make it the night. "I really... I want to."
John's fingers played at the edge of my underwear, snapping the elastic as he squirmed under my hand. "Yes, oh my god, yes, hurry up." John slid my boxers down and I hardened even more as the cool night air hit my cock. That was followed by John's fingers, which traveled up and down so lightly, I barely felt it and yet I felt them so acutely, I could barely breathe.
"You know that was important right? I can give you the consent talk; it's not something we rush through." I smirked at John's alarmed expression.
"Nope, nope, you are not going to lecture me right when we're about to have sex." I opened my mouth to object that nerdiness can be sexy, and John took the opportunity to kiss me, long and hard. His tongue slipped into my mouth, hot and slick and smooth, dancing in and out and around my mouth like that's what it was meant to do, and he moaned into my mouth when I freed him of his boxers and teased the tip of his penis with my finger.
John was stroking me in earnest now, and I was unconsciously moving my hips to it, gasping. "Hurry up!" John whined as I kissed down his chest. I wanted to kiss every freckle on his body, to ravish every inch of his skin, but I agreed with John as well. I wanted this now.
I moved down, sliding my hands over his supple, smooth thighs as I took him in my mouth.
"Oh. OH, god you're amazing." John choked out, his fingers finding the bedsheets and then my hair and gripping tightly. "God!" I swirled my tongue, a reflection of the arousal he swirled in me with each word and moan. It didn't take long for him to match my rhythm, sliding up and down, in and out as I watched him tremble and whimper and try not to buck in my mouth, tasting his precum on my tongue, feeling him and tasting him as I ravished every inch of his member.
Alex-! Alex! Wait, wait." I didn't want to stop, and John stumbled over the words, moaning, shouting, gasping them enough that I could pretend I didn't hear, but I reluctantly stopped, letting his dick slip from between my lips with a pop. John looked at me from between his legs. "I'm bottoming," he announced, blushing with is whole body. I could see it, right down to his ass and up his freckled thighs.
I opened my mouth to assure him that that's what I had planned for too, but all that I managed was, "Obviously," before he'd swung his legs down and pushed me against the headboard of the bed. A couple seconds later, I choked over a gasping moan as his tongue danced over my cock, teasing. "Hurry up, dammit." I gasped out, and John quickly encased my entire member in his mouth before setting a fast pace, his teeth scraping lightly every time he pulled back.
It was pure heaven. Warm, wet, fast, passionate and so, so, good. I nearly made him gag when I couldn't help thrusting into it. I wanted this forever and ever, and I had wanted this forever and ever and- we had to stop now. "I-oh- I'm gonna-!" John pulled free instantly, looking regretfully back at my cock, bobbing between us, rock hard and leaking precome that he cheekily dipped his head down to lick from my slit, smirking as I whimpered and wriggled, clenching my fists and toes so as not to cum then and there. "I'm serious," I gasped, and John pulled me up so he was the one lying down.
"Well, come on then," he grinned, spreading his legs wide open and raising his eyebrows suggestively. "I'm all yours."
"God." My fingers scrabbled for the bottle of lubricant on the nightstand. "Up," I whispered, tugging John's legs into the air. He complied quickly, and I couldn't help but take a moment to appreciate how fucking incredible he was as he slipped his legs over my shoulders and pushed his ass in the air so I could reach down. I returned the smile. "You're so beautiful."
---John's POV---
I wanted Alex so badly it hurt, and he knew I was falling to pieces with the torturously slow pace he set. Alex worked his way over my thighs, leaving hickeys all over the underside of them, and I loved knowing that he wanted me to be his. He left one on the inside of my thigh, and just as he pulled away from it, I felt a cool fingertip at my entrance. My cock jumped as it tapped gently there, not entering, and my asshole flexed needily. I didn't even care that the little breathless noises I was making were morphing into pants, because I needed that finger in me now.
I bucked my hips into it, but Alex insistently continued to tap his finger, dipping in just a little bit further every time as I gasped for something.
And then the finger began to trace my puckered hole, going in circles, in circles, in- "Oh." Inside. God, it felt so good. Unbelievable. I ground my hips into it, but Alex placed a hand my my hip, and I got the message- he didn't want me fucking his finger, he wanted me fucking his cock.
More than OK with me. I wished he'd get on with it- and then he did, sliding his finger in and out slowly. It burned a little at first, but not much, and I hissed quietly. Alex took my hand and kissed my knuckles until I was ready for a second finger. Alex smiled, probed with the second finger for a moment, and then pushed it in. Wow, that was good. I arched my back, closed my eyes. "Oh..."
"Mmmm." Alex agreed, the vibrations from his humm shooting straight to my dick.
A third finger, slink and gentle, and I bit back another small hiss as I relaxed my muscles around his fingers to let them in and out, in out, stretching me. I could feel my hole gradually loosening as the fingers scissored- "Ah! Oh! Alex, you hit-" I thrust my ass back onto the fingers, wanting that spot again, and again.
Alex slipped his fingers out and pushed my legs up so my knees were closer to my chest, gazing down at my wet, loose entrance with pupils blown with desire. "Yeah, we're ready," he murmured breathily, busy slicking up his member. I had to fight the urge to go back to sucking it, just to see the look of ecstasy back on his face.
Alex leaned forward, and my eyes widened as the tip nudged my ready entrance. "Yup, so ready." I agreed eagerly, grabbing his shoulders and yanking him into a messy, graceless kiss just as he pushed in.
God, it was heaven.
It was better than heaven, feeling his cock, thick, long, and hard, up my ass, sliding slowly in, knowing it was Alex in me, knowing that I was the one making him moan, close his eyes, made his head fall back and his mouth form a silent "O."
Alex leaned back down to capture my lips in a strong kiss and I felt his arms tremble before I realized he was waiting for me. "You can move." I told him, and when he did, my world exploded into color, sparks, fireworks, pure, unadulterated light.
Alex pulled back, pushed back in, hitting more nerves left and right than I knew I had and moaning loud enough to make me very glad we had no neighbors. "God, you're so tight," he murmured into my mouth as I moved my hips in tandem. "Can I move faster?" He'd been going far too slow, but now I was kissing him, so my mouth was too busy to answer.
Instead, I responded my shoving up my hips, impaling myself on his member before pulling them back down, fast enough to hear the slap of skin on skin snap through the dorm room.
Alex gasped, and I smiled wickedly into the kiss. He responded by grabbing my hips tight enough to leave bruises- god that was hot- and setting a punishing, passionate pace, punctuated with all manner of growls, gasps and shouts, moans.
It wasn't long before Alex found my prostate again, and from then I could barely remember anything- I forgot my life, my name, my existence in the cries of ecstasy. The one thing that anchored me to earth through the raging sea of bliss was Alex. In me, on me, loving me, kissing me, touching me, fucking me. Alex.
I watched his face filter through expressions of need, desire, and so much pleasure as he slammed into me again and again, my fingers finding purchase in his hair and grabbing his ass with urgency and my own need.
Soon I was giving up on, "Alex!", "Oh!", "God!", "Ah!" and reverting to animalistic groans, gasps, and cries of pleasure. Alex, always the more eloquent one, nevertheless had to do the same half a minute later as I flexed my passage as well as I could around his member and almost came at the sight of his blissed-out expression.
There was nothing but the sound of skin on skin, moans, cries and panting that we sent through the room and the unbelievable, otherworldly wonder of pleasure and love.
White was blurring into the edges of my vision, light and stars. "I- Oh, ah! I'm close-!" Alex gasped out, his arms shaking. I snickered, slowing my hips down and watching desperation reign over Alex's features.
So hot.
Alex thrust needily into me, but I grinned and held his hip gently as he whimpered and whined. This was payback for the stalling earlier. "John, god. I need..."
I raised an eyebrow and slowed the pace even more until we were barely moving, nevermind I was horny as fuck and needed him just as much. "You need..."
Alex blushed bright red, and I blinked innocently back. "I need- Oh-" I traced his chest idly. "I need you, John. Please." Alex choked over the words in desperation, and I let my hand drop, taking the speed from zero to a hundred in a second.
I could help one little wink. "As you wish."
"Oh fuck you- John!" It only took a few more mind blowing, world shattering thrusts, coordinated, heavy, needy, desperate, forceful thrusts, to have me spilling my load all over our stomachs, and his thrusts faltered as he shot his release into me, collapsing on top of me with a cry as loud as my own.
I wrapped my arms around his sweat-slicked bady, feeling his cum slide through my passage and dribble down my crack. I didn't care. Alex buried his face into my shoulder, pressing kisses there gently.
I sighed contentedly as he slipped out of me.
"You're incredible."
---Alex's POV---
After cleaning up, we curled into each other. It felt warm, safe, and like home.
I loved it. I loved John.
I slipped my hand into John's and squeezed, holding up the other arm. "See, healed. It's okay now. I'm okay now." With a soft kiss, I added, "Because of you."
John just kissed me back simply. "I love you."
"I love you too."
We drifted off to sleep, hand in hand.
I feel very uncomfortable. Don't even try to tell me that smut wasn't shit; we all know I can't do this.
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