I hate heights.
It terrifies me being high above the ground, even if it means being on a roof. Which is where I'm at right now. I tried to persuade Hailey not to let me go there but her, being the most amazing cousin ever, forced me up. The elevator ride up was the most anticipating thing I have ever experienced. I usually avoid going to floors above the fourth floor, and now having to go on the sixth? Or is it the ninth?
"Holy shit." I mutter as we get out. Firstly because I'm able to step out and see the view, the damn high view. Secondly, because this place looks so good I wonder why I haven't visited it before. Oh, that's right, I'm fucking petrified.
There are a variety of lights, of different colors, illuminating the fence and the space around the bar which is located in the middle of this huge rooftop. There is a lot of people huddled in many places and the music is coming from a DJ that is on the heightened space, separated from the crowd. The floors are dark black and shiny. It's all very beautiful but I still get the nervous feeling in my gut about this height. I wish I brought myself water because I for sure know I will feel sick if I take even a sip of alcohol.
"So." Hailey leads me over to the bar and we sit on the high chairs, overlooking the massive crowd in front of the DJ. "How do we feel about Wessy boy leaving?"
I turn my head to face my cousin with both of my eyebrows raised. She holds a stoic expression, twirling the straw in her red drink, which I think is a cocktail. I refused the drink as soon as she offered, only asking for a glass of water. The bartender must be shocked someone is actually ordering something nonalcoholic.
I tilt my head at her question and try to think of a fast and convincing answer.
"Good riddance." I fake a scoff. Well, not really. My reaction is partly realistic, seeing as Wes has taken upon himself to ignore me this entire day. I tried not to be disappointed when he left, because I clearly expected something after that breakfast and Damon's horrific flirting.
"Mhm." My cousin looks me up and down, clicking her nails against the glass. I take the glass the bartender places in front of me. "Does your vagina agree with that?"
I swear that in that moment at least three people turn their heads our way. I almost choke on the numerous ice cubes floating on the surface of my drink.
"What?!" I say in a half-yell, half-whisper, looking around with caution. My cousin sets her glass on top of the bar and looks at me warily. I follow her movements as well.
"You're sneaky, honey. But I ain't stupid." She tells me. "You thought I wasn't gonna notice you two shuffling around the hotel, playing games."
"Hails -"
"Nu-uh." She waddles her finger in front of me. "You two are hooking up and that's a fact. Can't lie to me now."
"Hailey." I say, still trying to figure out how to make her lower her voice. I know we're in the middle of a party but it's a party filled with people from the house and it's a risk I don't wanna take. "Nobody was supposed to know."
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." She puckers her lips. "I wanna know how, where, why and how long has this been going on."
I glare at her for a moment before taking a deep breath and silently explaining the situation to her. I make sure to explain my reasonings as well, although saying them out loud makes them sound a lot less mature than they do in my head. She lets me speak, occasionally wanting to interrupt but I stop her everytime. Her reactions change from time to time, but I saw that coming, it was inevitable. When I finish I take my glass again and awkwardly slurp the water.
"I only have one question." She looks at me and I nod hesitantly.
"Is he good in bed?" Her eyebrows shoot up and I gasp. I literally kick her shin and she groans in between her chuckles.
"Hailey!"
"What?" She drags, sounding innocent while rubbing the spot I kicked. "Can't blame a girl for being curious."
"Well?" She pushes and I look at her.
"He's good." I look down at my hands, fumbling with the hem of my dress. Hailey gave me this one, since I wanted something comfortable and hot. It's a stretchy black dress with long, flowy sleeves.
"Oh, he must be great if you're blushing like that." Hailey taps my cheek and I quickly swat her hand away.
"I don't wanna talk about it anymore." I whine, looking around.
"Okay, okay. No more boy talk." Hailey raises her hands in surrender and I smile gratefully. I don't like how I reacted when Wes was mentioned and honestly, it makes me a little bit nervous.
"I have to ask you something." I tell her and she gazes at me expectantly. For a moment I wonder if I should ask her, thinking that maybe she will take it the wrong way.
"What's with Ellie and the sudden behavior change?" I ask and bite my lip, waiting for her response.
"Behavior change?"
Oh, God. I wanted her to catch up on it because I hate being direct towards my closest people. I hate telling them bad stuff especially if it concerns themselves.
"Hails, you haven't been yourself since she got here. No offense, but you looked like her minion for a moment." I blurt out and regret the words as I say them. Maybe I should've kept that part to myself. Contrary to how I think she would react, Hailey bows her head, looking somewhat defeated.
"I know." She sighs and I raise an eyebrow. I certainly did not expect that. "It's a long story so I guess I'll just make it quick for you."
She sighs and shifts her position on the tall chair.
"When Luke and I met at the camp, we didn't start dating instantly. We started talking when we saw each other here and I honestly fell for him, bad. But what nobody knows is that he actually didn't like me back. He friend zoned me when I started to flirt with him and it hurt my feelings. For the first time I actually like someone and that someone doesn't like me back. He barely acknowledged me afterwards and I was becoming unhappy. That's where Ellie comes in. Even though she wasn't here physically, she gave me advice, because I wasn't so experienced in the relationship life, and after some time, Luke began to give in. I guess I owe her for being there for me and giving me hope when I had none."
"So you willingly except her characterless self?" I raise an eyebrow after her speech. Hailey glares at me, but doesn't deny it.
"She's just being a bitch because two of her exes are in our group. You know, we've all been through ups and downs with each other. And she used to be a part of us, a very sweet girl, until she messed up, of course." Hailey opens her purse and takes out her phone.
"What did she do?" I ask but my cousin shakes her head. She eyes her phone before setting her drink down and getting off the stool.
"Luke just texted me. They're playing 7 minutes in heaven and half of them are already drunk. Let's go have some fun, Kat." She smiles widely and takes my hand. I shrug before following her into the mass of people.
She leads me over to a separate area where smoke is filling the air. I recognise the smell and my eyes meet with Carter's, who is holding a long blunt between his fingers. Everyone is spread out in big yellow bean bag chairs in a circle big enough for ten people. I walk over to Carter and he scoots over, allowing me to share the big chair with him.
"I see you've sorted out your shit." I say, pointing to the blunt he's holding. He snickers and shakes his head.
"I'll tell you about it later." He tells me and I nod.
"Alright. Hailey, Kat, you playing?" Jessica asks us, holding an empty bottle of what I think is Vodka. My cousin and I nod before she smiles and settles the bottle on the floor, right in the centre of the circle.
"I think we all know how to play. Luke will be the stopwatch and heaven is right over there." She points to a small door right next to the wall that prevents people from falling from the roof. It must be a storage room or something, because no one is using it, for now.
The bottle spins and first lands on Jessica herself and then on Peeta. They both stand up and I see Mel eye the guy as they walk away.
"Peeta wanted to score with Jess before Mel tried anything." Carter tells me quietly and I widen my eyes.
"Really?" I look at Mel, whose eyes are practically glued to that storage room. "He must be pissed."
"Not really." Carter shrugs and takes another drag. "He trusts her."
"But not him." I say and he agrees with me by nodding.
I look around the small circle and spot Wes, carelessly sprawled over his bean bag chair. He has a drink in his hand and his eyes dance around the place as he brings it to his lips. He seems distracted, or annoyed. His jacket is hanging off his shoulders, revealing a white shirt underneath.
"Done!" Luke yells as his phone shows that the seven minutes have passed.
The two walk out casually, Jessica finishing a sentence and miming with her hands. I'm not surprised when Mel pulls her in his lap when she starts to pass by him. I would be jealous too, she is absolutely stunning. Peeta seems nonchalant, letting himself fall in his previous place.
The bottle spins again, this time landing on Carter, and then me. I land on my feet as he pulls me up and lets me go in front of him. Sarah winks at me as I walk by her and I chuckle.
The storage room is way too small, literally allowing only two people to fit inside. Even two is too much, seeing as we have to press up against each other.
"Want some?" Carter looks down at me and offers me the blunt. I eye it for a moment, debating if this space is even safe for smoking. Maybe we'll choke inside, but it's only seven minutes. I shrug and take it between my fingers, inhaling it in me. It has been so long, but I know I shouldn't overdo it, so I hand him the blunt back as soon as I exhale.
"Abraham's men warned me." Carter starts and takes another drag. "I have to pay up if I don't want any harm coming to me and my brother. I knew Damon shouldn't have gotten involved but now it's too late."
"He's just trying to have your back. You can't blame him." I say.
"I know, I know."
"Do you have a deadline or something?" I wonder, hoping I don't sound stupid while saying that.
"Nah. Just an order to get it fast." He shakes his head.
We continue talking about that, him explaining the whole process and how dangerous people like Abraham can be. Carter is fairly relaxed about it, but he clearly can not handle stressful situations like the one that happened the other day. I tell him about the parties in New York and he listens with enjoyment. He's a party animal, from what I've gathered, and I don't mind. For all I know, he certainly is the most interesting person in this little group. When Luke's voice echoes through the door, we get out and sit back on the big chairs.
"You high, Kat?" Luke looks at me as I fix my dress so it doesn't fold underneath me.
"Nope. Not today." I smile and he chuckles before the bottle spins again.
It lands on a very blonde girl with red lipstick on, I think her name is Maggie, and then on Wes. He stares at the empty glass bottle before looking up at the girl. I can't help the uneasy feeling that washes over me as he stands up, leaving his drink next to his chair. Peeta hoots behind them as they walk into the storage room, the dark door closing behind them.
"Guys, the pizza is here!" Hailey exclaims, holding up her phone. Luke and her stand up just as a guy with a giant box appears from the crowd.
"What's up, man?" Luke cheers, taking the box from him and placing the money in his other hand at the same time.
"It's crazy here." The guy says, fixing his cap.
"Stay!" Hailey ushers, friendly as ever. "Have a drink."
"Thanks for the invite." The guy replies nicely. "But I gotta work."
"Too bad." My cousin frowns and crosses her legs over one another. The guy waves at us and leaves, struggling to find his way through the dancing bodies.
I want to eat because the pizza looks delicious, but I ate before I got here and I wouldn't want my stomach to bloat, which can happen if I force myself to eat.
"Oh, shit." Luke glances at him phone. "Blue! Done!"
A second passes before the storage room door bursts open and the girl, I still think she's Maggie, almost tumbles out of the small room. My heart stops for a moment as I notice her smudged lipstick, the dark color staining the side of her cheek. Wes comes out after a while, wiping that same exact color from his own lips. My face must be a horrific example of shock, as Mel stands up, meeting my eye for a brief second before stalkin over to Wes's side. I watch their exchange, my body completely paralized, the heat inside me raising rapidly. Mel pushes Wes's chest harshly, receiving a confused and perplexed reaction from his cousin. I can't make out what Mel is saying but my body goes rigid as Wes looks over his shoulder, his blue eyes meeting mine, zero emotion in them.
"Man, I forgot how good of a kisser he is." The blonde girl says and plops down in her plushy chair. Carter chuckles beside me, oblivious to me. But her words are all it takes for me to place my hands on my sides, pushing myself off the chair. Hailey follows me with her concerned look, looking over to where the two boys seem to be in a heated conversation.
"The bathroom." I say to Carter when he looks up at me with a questioning look.
I walk somewhat normally, my feet following my thoughts. But as soon as I reach the elevator, unexpected tears form at the corners of my eyes. I didn't expect this, not even his actions, much less my reaction. I shake my head, taking a deep breath and focusing on the buttons in the elevator as they form a red color.
The moment the metal box starts going down, I feel my stomach sink. I forgot I'm high enough to experience fear. I close my eyes, choosing to ignore that single tear falling down my cheek. My fingers grip the handle inside, as if I'm holding it for my dear life.
My room is dark when I enter it and I don't bother switching on the light. I remove my shoes and lay in my bed, the bed shifting under my weight and the sheets welcoming the shape of my body. The small quantity of tears I have released have already dried down. But I'm still speechless. Not just because of what I've seen, what happened. But because I'm confused with myself, my feelings I didn't know I had. I feel surprised above all, disappointed and discouraged.
Maybe I'm not so cold after all.
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I'll be giving dedications and shoutouts for the most creative comment ;)
Love, M.