"We're unsure of what it is. Though it's probably viral."
Louis almost choked as the doctor placed the popsicle stick on his tongue, tickling his gag reflex. His throat had been on fire since waking up that morning. He stared ahead at the diagrams of various bones on the wall, as the doctor continued to check up on him. He winced as the doctor's fingers pressed down at the base of his antlers.
"Judging by the tenderness around your antlers, they're likely to drop early again." The doctor told him.
"Any good news?" He coughed.
"I'm writing you a prescription for a stronger cold medicine to nip this thing in the butt."
Louis walked out of the doctors office feeling annoyed. All of the prodding around his antlers had given him a headache. The bright sun didn't help either. He squinted at his phone as he texted his father the news. He got no response as expected. The train took him all the way down to the dormitory. He walked away from the campus grounds to a nearby pharmacy.
"I'm here to pick up a prescription for Louis." He said, handing the alpaca behind the counter the slip of paper.
"I'll have that in just a second, sir."
The alpaca came back after fifteen minutes worth of seconds and handed Louis a white paper bag.
"These are pretty strong so take one in the evening. I'd suggest after you're done with your homework." the pharmacist winked.
Louis coughed into his sleeve as he pushed through the revolving door. Not even a month into university and he was already sick. His continual coughing followed him his entire walk through the campus grounds. Other students watched the sick deer from a distance, knowing other students would fall.
Once back in his room, he sat down on his bed. His father had gotten him a single room. He preferred that anyway. As his father had put it, "he wasn't there to make friends." To his surprise, he was still allowed to join the college theater. Very early on he found out, they let just about anyone join. He had made plans to change that once he inevitably became in charge. For now, he would slum it at the bottom with the talentless freshman.
He tore the staples away from the paper and opened the bag. The label on the bottle warned about the same things as the alpaca. Louis looked at the papers on his desk. It was probably smart to listen to his pharmacist, but he also didn't want to deal with this cold any longer than he had to.
Taking a pill, he sat down at his desk. He pulled out his English book, pulling out the small packet he had left to finish inside its pages. They weren't the hardest questions, but there were a lot of them. Science came next. Diagrams depicted differences in various evolutionary lines. The arrows pointed down the page, splitting off into new paths. He followed them all the way off the page, to himself. Was he the result of these arrows?
Had he done English? He opened the packet to check. The handwriting certainly seemed like his.
He had to keep rereading the Calculus problems on his laptop. The screen seemed to warp and he kept forgetting the numbers he was supposed to write down. The letters didn't feel like they belonged there. Stands for something he wrote, circling the X. The buzzing from his phone made him look up from the riddles.
"Legosi!" He exclaimed, seeing the wolf's name appear on his screen.
Would you like to hang out tonight?
They hadn't done anything together in a while, ever since the one night. He felt bad about blowing him off, but he really needed to finish before the pills took effect.
Sorry, I've got homework
That didn't feel urgent enough.
Sorry, I've got homework and I'm sick
Too many reasons.
I'm sick :(
Perfect.
He sent the text and decided he could think about his homework from his bed. He lay down and watched the setting sun reflect off of his desk lamp. The reflected light and the light on the floor gradually moved across his room. He should do this more often. He never gave himself this time to unwind and just reflect. Maybe Legosi could help with the strange numbers. Would he know Calculus? Predators didn't have a special Calc class he didn't know about, right?
Right?
Louis picked up his phone to ask Legosi about the class he had taken. The wolf had messaged him an hour ago. Something about soup. The words were hard to read. He began to type his question when a new message popped up.
Can you let me up?
He put his phone down. It would be nice to see Legosi but he didn't like the idea of getting up. His squishy cheek melted a little more into his pillow. His body felt heavier. Every breath relaxed him more.
He kicked his leg out and sat up. Flecks of light shot across his vision. He tried to follow them with his eyes but they alluded him. Frustrated, he got up and grabbed his keys and student ID. The door felt heavier than it normally did. He slipped out before it could crush him. He couldn't help but wonder about the other students in the hall. They had no idea what he was doing. They didn't know who he was bringing up. Louis smiled. Legosi was just for him.
He took the elevator down to the lobby. There he saw the wolf standing by the front desk. Louis wondered if he had made friends with the guard, he was frustratingly good at that. He waved at Legosi, grinning. He waved back, looking slightly confused.
"He'll be coming up with me." Louis handed the tiger his ID. The guard handed it back to him with a clipboard to sign. He signed it, once he remembered what his signature looked like. He propped his head on his hand while Legosi signed. Was he being too casual? Louis put his hand down only to put it back up again to rest his heavy head. The guard and Legosi watched as he decided what to do with his arm.
"Ok, everything looks good."
Legosi followed Louis to the elevator. They sat in silence as the numbers climbed. He noticed the styrofoam cup the wolf was holding. Louis looked up at Legosi. The wolf kept looking forward. Louis' head began to grow heavy and his head rolled back before snapping back into place. The students in the hallway were gone. Louis unlocked his door and pushed it open with Legosi's assistance. As soon as it closed, Legosi spoke.
"What medication are you on?"
"How did you know?"
"I can smell it."
Louis stared at Legosi with suspicion. Why couldn't he have that good of a nose? Predators got all of the strengths.
"I brought you some soup." Legosi said, handing Louis the styrofoam cup and pulling a plastic spoon from his pocket.
Louis took it and sat down on his bed and opened it up. It didn't smell that great. It was most likely cheap soup from a deli. He spooned some and slurped it up. It wasn't good. He slurped some more. It really wasn't good. It tasted like someone had dumped an entire bag of salt into it and the vegetables were under cooked. Overall it felt like no effort had been put into it.
And yet. He was still eating it. The warmth felt good on his throat, which he hadn't noticed for a while.
Somehow he had finished it and looked up, realizing he had been slurping in silence while Legosi sat in his chair. He had been slowing twisting back in forth waiting for Louis He set the cup down and began asking Legosi about the special Calc class he had taken. The dumb dog wasn't able to answer any of the questions, having no idea what Louis was talking about, but tried his best anyway.
Suspicious and a little annoyed, Louis shooed Legosi out of his seat so he could continue his homework. The gray wolf lay down on the bed while Louis continued to attempt calculus and keep a conversation going. The results were intelligible scribbles that became a combination of math and words from their conversation. Satisfied with his work he looked back at his guest, staring up at the ceiling.
He got up to join Legosi by sitting on the bed. He laid back and rested his head on the wolf's stomach. They both stared up at the ceiling, not saying a word, enjoying each other's company. At least, Louis was enjoying it. His head rose and fell. He was lying on the final resting place of his leg. If Legosi had eaten him, he was a part of him. Was Legosi him? Could there be two of him? Louis grabbed Legosi's hand and lifted above himself. It didn't look like his. Since when did Louis have claws? The long nails were sharp but obvious efforts had been made to keep them in check.
He was too caught up in exploring to notice Legosi's amused expression. He moved and rotated it, searching it with his hands. His fingers traced along the palm, going up the long bony fingers. His palm pressed against the gray one, trying to match the fingers up.
"My hand is so big." Louis said, commenting on Legosi's hand. He brought it closer to his face to inspect it further. How could this be his? He placed the hand in various places on his face, feeling how different it felt. He covered his eyes with it, making a useless mask. He placed it on his cheek, running the back of the hand across it before cupping his cheek in the palm. He finally settled and placed it on his chest. Holding it there with his own hands, feeling comfort in the weight. It's thumb moved back and forth, rubbing him gently.
He closed his eyes. The gentle undulation of breath floated him out to sea. The sensation of Legosi's free hand on his antlers kept him tethered. Even though they didn't have their velvet covering, they were still somewhat sensitive. Gentle claw strokes went up and down his antlers analytically. Louis allowed himself to be explored, his body melted more into the blankets and Legosi. Everything drifted away from them and they were perfectly alone again.
"I should probably go." Legosi whispered, sliding out from under Louis. Louis opened his eyes as his head hit the blankets. The warm spot on his chest quickly evaporated. "It was nice seeing you, I hope you feel better." Legosi went to the door.
Louis stood up. A little too fast. His head spun. His mind raced. Legosi needed to stay.
Legosi watched on in horror as Louis grasped his antler and pulled it off with a snappily pop.
"I think I'll need some medical assistance." He smiled dumbly. Legosi rushed over to him. Louis could feel warmth beginning to soak his hair and run down the side of his face. The wolf helped him to the bathroom. Louis looked funny in the mirror with only one antler. He pulled the other off to even himself out. Flecks of blood dripped onto the tiled floor. Legosi covered his nose with a towel and helped Louis into the shower. Louis took off his shirt, getting streaks of blood on it and tossed it to the side. The blood came down his neck and flowed onto his chest. He took off his pants, once again in his underwear. Legosi, embarrassed, still helped him remove the prosthetic leg, nevertheless. He turned on the warm water, letting it soak his head.
Streaks of red ran through his fur. Legosi grabbed gauze and bandages from under the sink with Louis' instructions. He sat down in the tub, the water under him, clear red. Legosi sat down across from him on the outside of the tub,still with the towel over his nose. Louis put out his hand. Legosi held it.
"I'm sorry if I scared you." Louis said.
Legosi squeezed his hand and waited with him for the blood flow to slow down before shutting the water off and throwing a towel over Louis. They dried him off mostly and Legosi began putting the gauze and bandages around Louis' head. Looking at himself in the mirror, he regretted his decision, but seeing himself under the wolf's care made his heart flutter.
All bandaged up, Louis stripped naked and changed into dry clothes while Legosi looked elsewhere. He snuck up on the wolf hugging him from behind. Legosi tensed briefly before relaxing into him. He could have held there forever but Legosi gently broke them up.
"You're going to need more bandages." He said.
Checking himself in the mirror revealed small amounts of blood soaking through the bandages. He made a face in the mirror to make sure it was actually himself he was looking at.
"Can you come with me to get more?" Louis asked.
The wolf nodded and helped Louis find and gingerly put on a hat to cover his bloody bandages. He put on a light jacket and they walked out of the dorms and onto the campus grounds. He had never noticed how peaceful the campus was at night. Their shoes crunching on the pavement mixed in with the crickets chirping.
They walked into the pharmacy he had just visited. Louis took and extra trip around in the revolving door before entering the building. A song, muffled with static, played while they made their way to the first aid aisle. Louis picked up a brush while Legosi looked for bandages. He noticed how unkempt Legosi was. How he always was. Sticking the brush in his pocket, he joined Legosi and helped grab more gauze. Louis paid for the bandages, trying to make as little eye contact with the cashier as possible. Instead of saying thank you, Louis gave the camel checking them out finger guns.
They walked on the bendy path towards the campus, lamps providing light. The sprinklers had just recently turned off. The grass sparkled in the lamplight. The air smelled clean. His hand brushed against Legosi's. The contact sent a shockwave to his chest. Without a word he interlocked their fingers and squeezed. He begin to swing their arms, finding amusement in it. His head felt light. Legosi stopped. Louis was pulled off balance and stumbled back towards Legosi. The wolf's face was illuminated in the lamplight. It might have been the medication, but his stomach felt funny. It wasn't unpleasant, in fact it kind of tickled. His breath felt heavy. Legosi's kind eyes got closer as Louis put his hands on Legosi's shoulders, dropping the bag of bandages. Legosi's arms wrapped around his waist. He got on his tiptoes to meet Legosi's lips. He couldn't help but smile in anticipation as they got closer. He could feel others staring at them as their lips met. Legosi's mouth had been cooled by the air. He pushed a little deeper into Legosi's lips. They got off balance and stumbled backwards a little. Legosi pulled back, out of breath.
"We should get you rebandaged."
Louis nodded in agreement, but not wanting to. They held hands, interlocking arms all the way back to the room. Louis rested his head on Legosi's shoulder. In the room, Legosi turned the lamp on, removed the bandages his head was suddenly out in the open. Cool air chilled him. Legosi wrapped more bandages around him.
"Sit." Louis pointed at the bed. Legosi obeyed, while Louis grabbed the brush from his jacket pocket. "You've got to take better care of your fur." He got on his knees behind Legosi and began brushing the wolf's head. Legosi sighed from relaxation, despite his head being yanked back due to snags.
"Take off your shirt."
Legosi did, revealing the scars on his back. Louis' fingers traced over them, feeling the damaged skin. They grazed over the ribs. It made him sad to see Legosi's body so poorly taken care of. He brushed down the wolf's neck. Legosi sat up straighter, shoulders unhunched. He brushed over the scars and entire back. He lifted the wolf's arms to brush them. Legosi's tail began to wag. Louis stopped it with his hand.
"Have you ever brushed your tail?"
Legosi didn't respond, enjoying the treatment too much. The teeth of the brush pulled at the mess of tangles in the long fur. Louis yanked at them, pulling out more hair than he thought should have come out. The brush was becoming a clump of gray. He brushed his hand down Legosi's much softer back. He got down, straddling the wolf, and hugged him. Maybe he could squeeze the sadness out of Legosi. Was he sad? Louis could never tell. He wanted to make Legosi's life better. It felt good to rest his cheek against Legosi's warm back. His nose crinkled. He could smell Legosi's cheap deodorant.
"Remind me to buy you some decent deodorant." His voice came out smushed.
Legosi's weight began tip sideways bringing Louois down with it. He tried to get away but his arms were restrained. His arm and leg became trapped under the wolf. He tried to pull them out to no avail.
"You dumb dog!" his complaint devolved into a fit of laughter. His giggles were pure and child like. His chest felt open. The laughing didn't allow for breath. His stomach began to ache. He gasped for breath. Legosi turned, setting Louis free. His slanted eyes sparkled with a certain playfulness. Was that always there? Yes? Maybe?
Maybe?
He snuggled in closer, putting his hand on Legosi's cheek and brought his face over to his. Legosi's hand moved to the small of Louis' back and pulled him in closer. He felt a tingle at the pit of his stomach, gradually going lower. He pulled at Legosi's lip with his teeth. As they kissed. Louis felt his body grow more and more tired. His eyes couldn't open while sleepily kissing Legosi's. His head gradually fell and his body followed suit, leaving his arm draped across the wolf. Legosi removed his prosthetic and pulled the covers out from under Louis and tucked him in. He turned off the lamp and laid down in the bed behind Louis.
Legosi quickly scooted and snuggled in behind Louis. HIs legs brought Louis' up, pulling them both into a tight ball. Louis smiled lightly. He could settle for this. His head rested on Legosi's arm. Legosi's muzzle rubbed against Louis' cheek, and mumbled something, Louis didn't understand. He didn't try to respond as he fell into sleep.
A knock at the door ripped him from his slumber. He put his hand on Legosi to make him stay as he crept from the bed. Who could possibly be here at this hour. He opened the door.
His father stepped in like an unstoppable force, slow and powerful. His disappointed gaze fell to his son. Louis' heart sank, hitting his stomach. He felt sick.
"Did you really think you could get away with this without my knowledge?" He asked with little inflection. "You know interspecial relationships are not part of the plan. I thought you would have left this behind in high school."
"Dad-"
"And with a predator of all things."
"Dad, I-"
"Sometimes I wonder if I should have saved you that day."
Louis couldn't respond. His mouth hung open, trying to form words. His eyes and throat stung.
"I think it's time we end these childish antics."
Louis didn't have any time to respond before flames erupted from his father's hand filling the room with sound and light. Legosi jumped. Thick ooze began to flow from his chest as the wolf's heart tried to pump blood through the new hole in his chest. He tried to run towards his dying friend but an invisible held him back, keeping him immobile. He struggled against it. Tears ran down his face.
Louis could only watch as Legosi bled out on his bed, soaking it with red.
"Louis!"
Louis awoke, held tight in Legosi's arms. He stopped struggling against them. They both were out of breath.
"Are you ok?" Legosi asked. His voice was shockingly comforting.
Louis couldn't answer. He hugged Legosi, knocking him onto his back. He tried not to sob into his chest. Tears still flowed. Soaking Legosi's hair. His breathing was manic but slowly began to calm down. Hearing Legosi's heartbeat calmed him. Still alive. Legosi held him tighter. He wrapped all of his limbs around the wolf, trying to create as much contact as possible. The adrenaline drained out of him, leaving him too tired to fight as he drifted into sleep, clinging to Legosi to anchor himself.
He awoke to gray fur. His head was still on Legosi's chest. His arms still clinging tightly. The wolf snored softly. He lifted his head from a wet spot. A strand of drool connected his face to Legosi's pec. He quickly wiped it away. He winced at the soreness in his arms. His head felt like the mornings after drinking too much wine with the Shishigumi.
The events of the day before played through his mind. He sighed, disappointed in himself as he patted his head, confirming the removal of his antlers. He looked down at the wolf sleeping peacefully in his bed. Conflicting feelings warred inside of him. The touching and the laughing and again with the kissing. The fear.
The fear of losing Legosi like that made him feel sick. He never worried when Legosi went up against enemies. The dumb dog always found a way to win. His father felt like an unbeatable enemy though. He always got his way.
He crawled out of bed and put on his prosthetic. He grabbed the pills from his desk and threw them in the trash. He wouldn't be making anymore embarrassing displays. He made little noise, going to his closet, the stillness of the room seemed to muffle his movements. He pulled out a box containing his antler prosthetics from the last time he dropped.
He went into the bathroom and removed his bandages. Neither of them had done a good job cleaning up last night. The bathroom looked like a crime scene His bloody antlers were in the sink. His streaked shirt was on the floor. There was drops of red everywhere.
The mirror revealed that his wounds had crusted over. He took a shower to wash them out. He brushed water over himself, trying to wash away his shame. Not only the shame of what had happened, but the shame of enjoying it so much and still having a fondness for it. The gun kept going off in his head. They were from two different worlds. Whatever they had wasn't meant to last.
He stood in front of the mirror in a towel, freshly washed but not fully dry, making slight adjustments to the antler prosthetics. It was a sick joke, how many prosthetics he had to have. It felt as though his father was standing over his shoulder, judging everything he was doing.
"You should stop stalling. This is a waste of his time and more importantly, yours. You'll never be Beastar at this rate." He imagined his dad saying. "I would have found out about this eventually."
He walked out and threw a pillow at Legosi's head. The wolf jumped awake.
"Get up," Louis commanded, "I've got class."
"How are you feeling." The annoying look of concern grew on Legosi's face.
He felt like breaking down. Hiding in Legosi's arms and pretending everything was alright.
"You should probably go."
Legosi quickly collected his things and put on his shirt. His tail seemed to droop lower as he passed through the door.
He lay back on his bed, his head hitting a hard object. He pulled out the brush from beneath him, still covered in wolf hair. It had felt nice to brush Legosi. Anger quickly bubbled in his chest. Why was this so hard? Why did he have to part with everyone he cared about?
If he were going to be a Beastar he was going to have to be strong. Power through the loneliness like he always did. Shouldn't it be easier to be alone? He wouldn't have any scares like that. He wouldn't have to be vulnerable.
He went to his desk. Looking at his embarrassing scribbles, he picked up his phone.
What are you doing Saturday?
He redid his homework, apprehensively waiting for a response.