Lexa was sitting on a park bench, just trying to clear her head. In the few days that had passed since her parent's funeral her plate had been insanely full and her mind, even more so. Being back here was hard enough, but running into Clarke and finding out that she was engaged of all things, well, that was just cruel and unusual punishment.
She hadn't been surprised at Clarke's reaction to seeing her, not even a little bit. If there was one thing that Lexa was sure about, it was the pain that she had caused Clarke when she just up and left her so suddenly. She had seen it in her eyes that night, she had watched Clarke's soul shatter and had done absolutely nothing to stop it. If anything, she encouraged it. She had to, it was the only way.
Part of her was glad. Glad, that Clarke had been able to move on and glad that she had found someone that she wanted to spend her life with. The rest of her however, was undeniably devastated at the news. It broke her heart to think of Clarke feeling that way for anyone other than her. After all, it was supposed to be them. They had already talked about it and everyone even agreed. They were the ones that were supposed to spend their lives together and move through this world together. It was supposed to be them, always them, until it wasn't.
A group of teenage girls sat down on the bench across from Lexa and though she could barely hear most of what they were saying, she heard enough to know that it was a typical teenage conversation, mostly about gossip, boys and what was going on that weekend. Lexa smirked at the innocence of it all before another memory stirred in her mind. It was the memory the night that a stupid kids game showed her a little more about the people she had been spending time with, and a little more about Clarke.
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Lexa and Clarke were leaning against the counter in the kitchen, talking about nonsense when Monty poked his head in. "You two playing?"
Clarke glanced up. "Playing what?"
Monty smiled playfully. "Never have I ever," he answered.
"Isn't that a little juvenile?" Lexa asked as her brow furrowed slightly.
"Maybe," Raven answered as she appeared at Monty's side, "but just because we're adults doesn't mean that we can't act little juvenile from time to time."
"You always act juvenile," Clarke reminded her with a laugh.
"Fair enough," Raven conceded quickly.
"Look, being that we've expanded a bit," Monty motioned to Lexa, "we just figured this would be the quickest and easiest way for everyone to learn a little more."
Lexa shook her head. No. It was ridiculous.
Clarke also shook her head, but then smiled. "We'll be in."
"We will?" Lexa questioned, giving the blonde a funny look. She was already starting to feel her first couple of drinks and didn't know how good of an idea this actually was.
"You're not afraid, are you?" Clarke smiled mischievously and wiggled her eyebrows. "Think I'll find out some dirt on you, Ms. Woods?"
Lexa narrowed her eyes as her lips pursed. "Alright. Let's play." Challenge accepted.
Clarke laughed and dragged Lexa into the living room, where she sat down next to Finn and Lexa crossed over and sat next to Anya and Lincoln.
"Ok so, for anyone who doesn't know, the rules are very simple," Raven said getting to her feet. "One person makes a statement, if you've done what they haven't, you drink."
"This should be interesting," Anya said, cocking her eyebrow as she leaned against the doorway. "Who's starting?"
"I will," Monty said and cleared his throat. "Never have I ever, gone streaking."
Finn, Anya, Raven and Jasper all drank. No surprises there.
"Never have I ever, woken up with someone whose name I couldn't remember," Bellamy said.
Anya, Raven, Jasper and Finn drank. Again, not so surprising.
Octavia was up next. "Never have I ever, peed in a bottle," she grinned.
All of the guys drank. Ha, well played.
"You totally planned that," Bellamy accused her with a good-natured glare as all of the women laughed.
"Yep," Octavia grinned back at him. "I totally did."
Lincoln cleared his throat. "Okay, never have I ever, told someone I loved them, when I didn't."
Finn drank. Yep, totally not surprising.
Finn cleared his throat, clearly feeling everyone's eyes on him. His turn now. "Never have I ever, had sex with someone of my own gender," he eyed Lexa with a smirk, knowing that she would have to drink.
Lexa, Anya, Raven, Monty, Octavia and Clarke drank. Whoa, wait – what? Totally surprising. Clarke?
"I don't even want to know," Bellamy groaned as he glanced at Octavia and then covered his face with a pillow.
"No," Octavia told him with a sly smile. "No, you don't."
"Ha, he would have had me if he hadn't specified sex," Lincoln laughed quietly to Lexa.
Lexa nodded, remembering the day that Lincoln's roommate had kissed him. Though Lincoln was far from gay, he took it in stride and let the guy down easy.
Finn was staring at Clarke. "Really?" He said as a smile crossed his face. "Now that, is interesting."
"Ugh," Clarke rolled her eyes and nudged him. "Don't even think about it."
Suddenly remembering the first group chat that she'd had been involved in, Lexa grinned slightly and looked at Clarke. "But, you don't look bi," she quipped playfully, causing those who had been in on the conversation to erupt in laughter.
Clarke grinned painfully as her cheeks flushed a vibrant shade of pink. She raised her glass to Lexa. "Touché."
Lexa's turn. "Never have I ever, been arrested," she said, hoping to break the current trend of nakedness, sex and love.
Everyone drank. Holy shit.
Lexa's mouth gaped a little as she glanced around at the group.
"Don't look so worried." Octavia told her with a wave of her hand. "It's all just dumb stuff. At least, as far as I'm aware," she added with a glance towards Lincoln and Anya.
Everyone nodded, but Lexa was still baffled. Seriously, everyone she was in the room with had, at one time or another, been arrested?
"Anything worth doing, is worth doing right," Raven said, popping her eyebrows as she raised her glass and tapped it to Anya's.
Anya nodded in agreement. "That's Lexa though," she said, "too good for her own good."
"Shut it," Lexa glared at her.
"You should really try to lighten up a little." Octavia suddenly told her. "It really is all in good fun."
"Yeah," Clarke agreed quickly, "and a little fun might actually look good on you," she jokingly teased.
"Are you fun?" Lexa countered playfully, again causing the room to erupt in laughter and Anya and Raven to applaud.
"Well played, Commander," Raven laughed with a nod. "Well played."
Lexa nodded lightly as the corner of her mouth twitched. She looked apologetically up at Clarke, who was blushing fiercely, but staring right back at her. She hadn't meant to say it – it just came out.
"Hey, hey, now," Finn said as he noticed the look between the two. "None of that," he put his arm around Clarke.
"Oh, knock it off," Bellamy sighed loudly as he tossed a pillow at Finn, hitting him in the face.
"But she's..." Finn pointed at Lexa, "...and now I find out that she has..." he stuttered.
"Don't be a jerk," Octavia warned him.
"It's all in good fun," Clarke repeated as she tapped his chest. "Anyway, who's next?"
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Lexa tried to shake the thoughts from her head as she stood up from the bench. She didn't want to think about that, she didn't want to remember that night. While in truth, it had all been in good fun, it had also changed things. After that night, Finn became ridiculously possessive of Clarke. Though originally he had joked about her bisexuality, it quickly became obvious that he was absolutely threatened by it. Initially, Lexa thought that it was all because of what she said, but as time slowly slipped by it became very clear that there was more to it.
Everyone in Clarke's circle of friends seemed extremely open minded and accepting, so the knowledge that Clarke, Raven, Monty and Octavia had all slept with members of the same sex really shouldn't have been a big deal, hell, it was probably common knowledge among them, but then Lexa remembered something that Raven had said her. Finn wasn't really a part of their group and he didn't really spend a lot of time with them. Little by little things started to make sense and it didn't take long for everything to come to a head, in the worst way possible.
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It had been a several weeks since all of them had hung out as a group. Everyone seemed to be too busy doing their own things, but then Octavia sent out a text saying that they should come by for a pizza night and everyone agreed. Though Finn had not been a part of the text, he ended up being there anyway, Lexa assumed, at Clarke invitation. Early on everything seemed fine, but as the night wore on the tension seemed to get heavier and heavier.
As Lexa leaned in the dining room doorway, she could see Finn and Clarke in the kitchen having what appeared to be a rough conversation. Though Lexa could hear a word of it, she knew it wasn't good. Finn looked extremely annoyed, while Clarke wore a look of utter confusion. Suddenly Monty appeared in the picture and as his hand came down on Finn's shoulder, everything changed.
"Keep your fucking hands off me," Finn snapped as he pushed hard against Monty's chest. "You fucking pillow-bitter."
Lexa's eyes went wide as she watched Monty stumble backward and fall to the ground.
"Finn!" Clarke yelled as she moved to where Lexa could no longer see her, but she assumed it was Monty's side. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" Finn echoed. "Oh, I don't know. My girlfriend would rather spend her time with a bunch of..."
"A bunch of what?" Anya's voice suddenly cut him off and from where she was standing Lexa could see the ice in her eyes and started moving toward them.
"Mind your own business," Finn spat at her as he reached for Clarke.
"Get off me," Clarke shook out of his grip and moved passed him. "Just go, Finn."
"Clarke," Finn turned and took an aggressive step forward.
"You need to leave now," Bellamy's voice suddenly joined the conversation.
"Fuck off, Bell," Finn said over his shoulder with barely a glance at Bellamy. "Clarke, come on."
"I said leave," Bellamy repeated as he stepped in Finn's path and pushed him back slightly. "Now."
Lexa saw what was going to happen before it even happened and though she moved fast, it wasn't fast enough. Finn brought his fist back and launched it forward with all his might. Instinctively Bellamy ducked and that left it only one place for it land – Clarke's face. The force sent her flying back several feet until her back hit the table and she crashed to the floor.
Instantly, Lexa was on her knees at her side, cupping her face and trying to gauge the damage, but the fire in her stomach was too great. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She growled, turning her attention to Finn.
Finn's wide eyes instantly hardened. "It was an accident," he defended himself quickly. "She knows I'd never hit her on purpose."
Lexa got to her feet, all she could see was red. "It never would have happened, if you weren't such a bigoted ass!"
"Yeah, whatever you say," Finn shook his head and stepped toward them. "Now, just back off so that I can talk to my girlfriend."
Lexa shook her head, she couldn't help it.
Though she hadn't been friends with any of them for very long, Lexa had already grown to care from them and from everything that she had seen, Finn was nothing like them. He had no place there. It wasn't her decision to make, but she was making it. Finn had shown his true colors and now, he needed to leave. For a moment the two just stared at each other, both seething.
"I'm not your girlfriend," Clarke's small voice broke the silence. "Not anymore."
"Clarke," Finn tried, his voice actually softening quite a bit.
"Just get out," Clarke got to her feet, her hand still holding the side of her face.
"Clarke," Finn tried again, this time with more force.
"Are you deaf or just dumb?" Bellamy was clearly getting pissed. "Get the fuck out!"
Again Finn foolishly made a move for Bellamy, but this time Lincoln snagged him by the collar of his shirt and he relented in a huff, knowing there was no way he stood a chance. Lincoln and Bellamy led him to the door, but not before calling out to Clarke again and telling her that he'd text her.
After he was gone, Lexa quickly got Clarke and icepack and some aspirin. Judging by the bruise that was already forming, there was no doubt that she'd be hurting later.
"I'm sorry," Lexa said as she placed the icepack against Clarke's cheek. "I saw it coming, I just – wasn't fast enough."
"It's not your fault," Clarke assured her. "He's the asshole."
Lexa only nodded.
"I didn't know he was like that," Clarke finally whispered as she glanced regretfully toward Monty.
"No one did," Lexa shrugged. In truth, it had crossed her mind.
Clarke's phone began to buzz on the table.
Finn: This isn't over.
Lexa watched Clarke's face as she read the message. Something in her eyes left an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach.
"Will you stay the night?" Clarke suddenly asked her.
Lexa nodded. "If you want me to," she answered.
"I do," Clarke dropped her head down onto Lexa shoulder. "God, this aspirin needs to kick in soon," she groaned.
Clarke stayed pretty much glued to her side for the rest of the night and even slept somewhat attached to her, that was, until the sun poured through her bedroom window and she finally shifted a little.
"Hey..." Lexa said softly.
"Morning..." Clarke yawned and pushed her blonde hair out of her face. "You breathe stinks."
"So does yours," Lexa told her, "but, if you get off me, I can get up and brush my teeth."
"Ok," Clarke said, but didn't move. Instead she just snuggled further into her neck.
"We can get breakfast afterwards," Lexa suggested.
Clarke rolled off of her.
Lexa got up and briskly pushed her fingers through her hair before getting up and going to the duffle bag that was sitting in the corner of the room – compliments of Anya. She pulled out some clothes and changed quickly, then grabbed her bathroom bag and left the room.
She wasn't gone for more than a couple of minutes, but when she returned, Clarke was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her head in her hands and swaying slightly.
"Are you okay?" Lexa asked from the doorway.
Clarke looked up. "Finn," she answered, nodding towards her phone.
Lexa stiffened, an instant fury appearing in her eyes, the vein in her forehead was beginning to bulge.
"I don't want to talk to him," Clarke said dryly as she slipped into a pair of jeans.
"You don't have to," Lexa reminded her as she grabbed her boots.
Clarke looked at her and nodded.
"You guys want to get some breakfast?" Octavia asked as she poked her head through the door. "Lincoln and Raven are still here too."
Lexa nodded firmly.
"What are you doing here, O?" Clarke asked as she put on her sneakers. "Shouldn't you be at practice?"
"Cancelled," Octavia answered simply. "So, food?"
"Yeah sure," Clarke said as she tied her shoelaces. "Give us a few."
"Okay, we'll meet you out front," Octavia told them, "but make it quick. You know how Raven gets when she's hungry."
Thirty minutes later, the five of them were at a diner around the corner, all squeezed into a small, circular booth and digging into their food.
"So what's going on this weekend?" Clarke asked as she took a piece of bacon off of Lexa's plate. "Something? Anything?"
"You have your own bacon," Lincoln laughed as he motioned to Clarke's plate.
"Hers is better," Clarke replied innocently and the corner of Lexa's mouth twitched.
"You two are ridiculous," Raven said shaking her head.
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"Ridiculous," Lexa mumbled to herself as she neared the entrance of her building.
She had to stop thinking about these things. Getting lost in all of these memories wasn't going to do her any good, if anything, they'd only make the pain worse. She had too much to do – too much to focus on now. It had to stop.
"Lexa!" A familiar voice called out her name.
Lexa turned quickly. "Bellamy?" It was easy to tell by the look in his eye that this was not going to be a pleasant visit. Instantly her defenses went up. "What can I do for you?"
"You can stay away from Clarke," he answered quickly.
Lexa sighed. Of course, the big brother riot act. "Bellamy, I had no idea that Clarke was going to be there."
"Yeah," Bellamy nodded. "I already heard, but just – stay away from her. She doesn't need the stress."
"None of us need the stress," Lexa responded through her slightly clenched teeth. "I had no intention on seeing Clarke again and I still do not, so if that is all," she turned to go inside.
"Wait," Bellamy grabbed her arm. Stupid move.
Lexa turned quickly, ready to snap his fingers, but paused when she saw his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, "about your parents."
Lexa's brow instantly furrowed.
She had heard dozens of people say these words over the last couple of weeks, but it never meant a thing, the words were always hollow. Now here stood Bellamy and even with knowing how awful her parents had actually been and the belief that she was just another asshole, his eyes showed nothing but sincerity. He was genuinely sorry for her loss.
A lump quickly developed in Lexa's throat and all that she could do was nod before he turned and walked away. She stood there for a moment, just watching him go and feeling a greater sense of loss than she had only moments before. Deep down, Lexa knew that it wasn't only the loss of Clarke than pained her so, it was the loss of all of them.