Chapter 19 ― Havi
It felt somehow like a dream, a perfect dream and I feared that any moment someone was going to burst into the room and ruin everything, waking me up to realise nothing was real, that Louis wasn’t there in my flat with me, with his arms tightly around me, his warm breath in my ear whilst we were watching a rerun of Friends on the telly. It felt so natural to be there with him doing something as mundane as watching the telly, being cuddling there on the sofa whilst laughing at the crazy lives of the protagonists of the show.
Louis had turned off his mobile after sending a text to Harry saying that he was going to be late. We just wanted to be together and be left in peace for a couple of hours at least, just enjoying the moment. We talked about what we were getting into a lot, especially what it meant for me to be with him. He hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend or any kind of serious thing, but it was implicit and we talked about going out together somewhere, but it was hard to find a place to go without calling any attention from the media. So, at least, at the beginning it was going to be in his flat, mine or the radio station. And I was okay with that.
I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to be with a popstar, I always knew that and it was one of the reasons why I fought my feelings for him when we met, but how could I quit to be with him for taking the easy way? I felt like everything was worth it as long as I could be like this with him. As long as I had him, I could ignore and deal with all the shit someone wanted to throw at me.
It still felt so surreal to know that Louis felt the same way I did, that he indeed looked at me the way I wanted him to. I wanted to laugh at myself for not noticing it before, for being in denial for so long. Maybe if I had told him how I felt from the beginning, all my confusion and heartache might’ve been avoided.
Well, for sure I got a lesson out of all this: to take a risk if I wanted something. In this case, someone.
The good thing, we were finally together, I could openly –but not in public yet– show my feelings for him. I could hug him if I wanted, hold his hand and even kiss him because I knew he felt the same way. I couldn’t ask for anything better. It wasn’t perfect because of course I wanted to be able to go outside without worrying about what the paparazzi might say about us, or without worrying about the fans’ reaction. Of course I wanted normality in my life, but everything in life came with a price and if this was the one I had to pay to be with Louis, then I was ready to do it. I believed I could take it. I just had to ignore whatever the crazy and obsessive fans said about me and carry on with my life. It couldn’t be that hard, right?
“I was thinking,” Louis spoke breaking through my thoughts. “How do you deal with your job and uni? And even more now with the contest. Can you handle all this? I’m kinda worried.” I smiled at his concern and kissed his cheek softly.
“I’m just taking a few classes this term and it’s not that hard for me, I mean, the classes. Sometimes I have many readings and I fear that I won’t be able to do everything, but somehow I always manage to hand in my papers and stuff in time and I do quite well in the exams as well,” I explained to him with a smile and entwining our fingers together. “Now things are more complicated with the contest, but I have Joy and we are a great team.”
“You’re incredible,” he whispered with a warm and ever so cute smile that made my heart beat faster and my dinosaurs cooed. Those were a very special lot. “That’s a lot to manage.”
“Thanks,” I replied cuddling into him a bit more. “What you do is impressive too. With this whole contest I’ve really seen the impact you have on so many lives. That must be a huge pressure.”
“I try not to think of that too much. I’d go mental if I did,” he chuckled and I understood it. It couldn’t be easy to manage that much fame and still stay truthful to yourself.
Sometimes people dismissed pop sensations because they were that, sensations; because everyone seemed to like them when their music was just pop, nothing meaningful; but they didn’t see that sometimes it was not the lyric what mattered or the complex music; but what the person could bring to other’s lives. And One Direction brought happiness, dreams, hope, laughter, and so many other good things. Watching it from that perspective made everything different, it made you truly appreciate what they did.
Since I met them, my opinion about them had changed a lot. I learnt to love them and what they did, I learnt to respect their job; and learning that influenced my way to see other artists a lot. Plus, I got the chance to meet five incredible and crazy boys, and I was falling for one of them.
Before I could add something else, my door burst open and an extremely excited Joy walked in talking at the same time, not realising I had company. “Mr Boss loves us! You can’t imagine all the good things he said about us, I’m sure after this we’re gonna– Louis?” And finally she saw the boy on the sofa that was holding me tight.
I heard him chuckle at the same time I felt my cheeks burning bright. “Hi, Joy,” he replied with a cheerful tone not even attempting to let me go.
Joy’s face was priceless. Confusion all over her features, a slight frown and her mouth forming a perfect O. She was gesticulating with her hands like trying to make sense of what was happening and I remained in silence, waiting for a reaction from her. Louis was laughing and that was kind of getting contagious. Suddenly, I was giggling too. I knew Joy wasn’t going to oppose to this, on the contrary, she was the biggest supporter of a relationship between Louis and I, but this most definitely had caught her off guard.
“When did this happen?” She asked in a whisper whilst waving at Louis.
“Tomorrow,” Louis replied and that seemed to wake her up from her trance. Joy shook her head quickly before closing her mouth and frowning at the boy.
“I’m being serious. Last time I checked, you two were with this stupid idea of just being friends. No offence, but everyone knew it wasn’t going to work out. So, when did you see the light?” I giggled and Louis laughed openly at her statement.
“Harry put some sense in me,” Louis replied and I mentally thanked the curly-haired boy.
“It was about time,” commented the blonde resting her hands on her hips and I just giggled. Her serious expression disappearing to be replaced with a humongous smile before she started clapping like the show was over and she had loved it. “I’m so happy for you!” She jumped next to us and dragged us to a tight embrace. Louis and Joy literally sandwiched me whilst both were laughing and I was struggling to keep breathing.
I liked how Louis joined her so easily and played along. Joy pulled away letting me breathe again and staring at Louis seriously again. “Now, Louis. As her family is not here, I’m responsible for saying this: you hurt her and I will rip your heart out of your chest. I don’t care if you’re famous and have an army to protect you. I’ll find you and make you pay. Got it?” She finished with a bright and innocent smile that made such a huge contrast with her words.
Louis smiled and nodded. “Understood. And I promise I’ll do my best to keep her protected.” And I felt he was being serious this time, his voiced changed and he hugged me tighter, like if with that he would keep me safe from everything in this world.
“That’s all I need to hear,” Joy smiled again and I rested against Louis’ chest once again smiling at my friend. I knew that once Louis left, I was going to have a serious conversation with my friend. And talking about leaving, I watched the clock and it was almost nine; Louis had to go.
He probably noticed I was watching the clock because he looked at it too and I felt him tense. “Ugh, I don’t wanna go,” he mumbled burying his nose in my hair. “The lads are going to kill me and Harry is going to interrogate me. Not nice.” I laughed because I pictured Harry tying Louis up to a chair and questioning him in a dark room. Very movie-like.
“What time did you have to be there?” I asked him softly. Joy was watching us and her smile was so big it sort of scared me.
“At seven. They won’t be happy and I bet that I’ll have like a bazillion voice mails from the lads,” he responded with a sigh.
“I’m sorry,” I told him really meaning it. He told me he had to go, I shouldn’t have let him stay.
“No, don’t be! I wanted to stay. I don’t regret staying with you a bit more.” His smile was honest and warm, which vanished all my worries about the topic.
“Oh, you’re so cute!” Was the sudden contribution of my friend to our conversation.
“Okay, I’m leaving,” Louis said standing up and dragging me with him.
“I’ll walk you to the door,” I told him as he tangled our fingers together. He looked at Joy over my shoulder and said goodbye with a smile and a wave from his free hand. Together we walked to my door and stood there. “See you soon?” I asked as he took my other hand and held them against his chest.
“Are you free tomorrow? Maybe I can come over or you and Joy can go to my and Harry’s flat. We can do something,” he offered and I thought about it.
“I’ll talk to Joy about it, see if she has something to do. I’ll let you know, okay?” He nodded and I smiled standing on my tiptoes to get closer to him, brushing my lips against his. “Either way, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I like that,” he replied against my lips before his hand crept to the small of my back and pulled me closer. Soon, our lips were moving in a slow synchrony. I ran my fingers through his hair, delighting myself in the silkiness of his hair strands.
When we pulled away, his look was so intense and I felt like there were so many things in his eyes waiting to be spoken, so many things I already wanted to hear but that wasn’t the time. I got that. “See you,” he whispered giving me one last peck before turning around to leave the room.
I stayed there, looking at the closed door till I heard footsteps behind me and I turned around to see a smiling Joy, but I saw concern in her eyes, as well. I sighed and walked towards her to loop my arm around hers and walk her back to the sofa.
“Are you sure?” She asked me once we were sat there.
I took a deep breath before replying: “Yes. I want to be with him and I can handle it. I’m–” I cut myself before saying something else. Joy’s eyes were on me, watching me intently. “Joy, I’m falling for him. The way I feel when I’m with him… I’ve never felt something like this before. I swear, I don’t have butterflies in my belly, I have real dinosaurs!” She laughed at my analogy, but I was being serious. “I don’t wanna miss something like that because I’m scared. I know it’s gonna be harder than any other relationship I’ve ever had, but I think it’s gonna be worth it.”
“If you think that, you have my full support,” she said smiling honestly and I gave her a hug. I had her next to me if this ever turned into a storm and I wasn’t able to handle it anymore. I had Louis, and I had my best friend.
I felt quite powerful in that moment.
But feeling strong enough to face a hard situation and to take all the hatred from Louis’ fans was one thing; experiencing it was a complete different situation.
I learnt that the hard way.
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Dedication for @BlowMeAKiss because she made me a beautiful banner for Backfire. Thanks, dear!
Bel, xx