I arrive in Portland and my internal clock is suddenly thrown back 3 hours. Luckily, I know how to hold my liquor from all those business meetings drinking scotch and being smothered with clouds of cigar clouds. I would not consider myself a lightweight, but it's 6 hours later so I know I'm fine to drive.
I retrieve my Gucci bags from baggage claim and head to Enterprise Rental Car. I overwhelmed with joy that the Mercedes Benz I requested is available, though I would have preferred it to be black or white, I'm happy to take the keys to a dark blue one.
The man at the counter walks me out and helps me place my bags in my car. I feel almost awkward as I sense him checking out my ass. No doubt, Matt was always a fan of my body which I playfully teased him with, but I wouldn't have noticed if any man checked me out for the past year anyway. My ring is no longer on my left ring finger but moved to my middle left so of course the world would think I'm single and free game, but all I want to do is vomit at his gesture.
I quickly start the engine and admire the sound of the car purr itself to life. I speed out and make my way to Bridgeport. Its mid-August and high 70's. I'm sitting comfortably in my yoga pants while admiring the trees surrounding the highway. The kids are starting school on Monday so Hilary says she wants to go out tomorrow night. Apparently, she's at a "play date" with some women in her group of friends so I plan on enjoying a quiet evening in the bathtub with fashion magazines and a bottle...or two of white wine.
I finally pull into a cute B&B. I get out of the car and stretch my legs before heading to the office. I shift my gaze and look at the property... it's something out of a fairy-tale considering there's a large main house with a few small cottages some yards down covered in vines, flowers, and luscious trees.
I enter the main house and a sweet old lady hands me an old fashion metal key, something you would open an enchanted closet with and tells me that my cottage is the last one in the row #6. She also provides me with details about their daily social hour, tea time, and their small library. All I want is the damn WIFI password.
I grab my bags and walk down the cobble walkway. I open the door and find myself in a room out of a story book that I once read as a child. There's a small living room with a fire place in front of me with a kitchen off to the side and a small bedroom with a bathroom linked to it. It's decorated like a beach house with shells, flowers, and cute beach signs. I drop my bags on the queen size bed and unload my clothes hanging up each of my designer clothes with care in the closet.
After I unload, I grab my keys and climb back in my Mercedes with the intent to find a grocery store with liquor. I don't plan to do much cooking...but then again I never did. New York has 24 hour takeout, delivery, and gyms so I never had a problem. But Bridgeport, I swear... everything closes at 9. Speaking of which its 7:30pm and I need to hurry. I peal out of the gravel parking lot and head to a nearby grocery store that I'm not surprised still exists.
Unsure if anyone from my high school lives here I quickly go through the isles browsing for pre-made salads, yet come up empty handed. I guess they don't believe in that sort of stuff? So I grab multiple items in the produce section, typical breakfast foods like cereal, and of course grab a few bags of chocolate, bottles of wine, what seems to be there idea of fashion magazines, and bubble bath stuff. I pay at the checkout and head out.
I arrive back at my cottage and text my sister
Me: Hey sis! I'm finally here. Made it alive. See you tomorrow at 9pm?
Hilary: Hey! Finishing up the play date. Yes, meet me at JoJo's at 9pm. Look hot.
Me: Me, hot? Too easy. It's all about you. I'm just the wing-man.
Hilary: Cool, cool. Can't wait love u!
Me: Night.
I was never a person to say I love you, except to my very close friends or Matt. But who could not say that to an ambitious, good looking brunette like him. Matt was 6'2, muscular frame, and wanted to conquer the world. We didn't expect to fall in love so quickly but we did. We married in between our sophomore and junior year, I begged him to wait until I was 20 because I didn't want to be a statistic.
He's parents were completely supportive and loved me from the beginning, but my parents were a little unsure at first. Matt came from wealth but his parents never let him believe it. He worked hard for everything. He graduated with honors in political science and also graduated from Columbia law school. Though I'm pretty sure he got into Columbia Law School since his dad was a well-known alumni.
I still talk to his parents on a regular basis and spent my first Christmas and New Years without him at their home in Martha's Vineyard. Since they came from wealth and I'm grateful that they weren't the usual type to think less of me considering I didn't come from much. I never went without but certainly did not have the same life as Matt did growing up.
But I've grown to love my life of luxury since Matt and I worked so hard for it. His parent's never helped us but we wouldn't have accepted it even if they offered. We worked hard for our life considering Matt worked endless hours at the firm and me at the office.
We never fought because we cherished our time together. We traveled, laughed, played, and tried to be healthy... but how can a girl refuse Magnolia Bakery chocolate cupcakes? We worked hard for our dream. We even talked about starting a family when I hit my 30th birthday, but now that would never happen.
I started my bath in the old fashion tub and let the bubbles explode. I stepped in and threw my long brown hair up in a messy bun. I let the warm water sooth my sore muscles away and didn't even use a cup for my wine. I drank it straight from the bottle. I'm sure Matt would call me white trash if he saw me this way. I opened a bag of chocolates on stool next to me. Yup...baby, I'm white trash. White wine bottle in my left hand and endless Hershey's chocolate in my right. After an hour of trying to unwind I stepped out of the tub and toweled off.
I went back to the bedroom and climbed into my typical silk pajama tank top and short combo and climbed into bed. I haven't slept well in over a year, but I was surprised how tired I felt. I threw the TV on to drown out any thoughts that I believed I would potentially face tonight. I snuggle up underneath the sheets and plush comforter that are definitely cheap and stare a ceiling fan and close my eyes.
***
I wake up and my head is pounding. I open and close my eyelids a hundred times to get them to focus. I grab my phone off the nightstand and realize its 6am. I guess I slept in considering it would 9 in New York? I stumble out of bed and head to the bathroom to relieve myself. I brush my teeth and swallow some Excedrin for my pounding headache. I throw on black yoga pants and a tank up. I pull my hair in a long French braid and place my cell phone on my arm. I lock the door behind me and place the enchanted key in my bra.
I start down the gravel road and the sun is starting to rise. The trees are surrounding both sides of the road and I'm almost creeped out by the silence considering New York never sleeps. I start my music to drown out my thoughts and head down the main road. After an hour of running in the same direction I make a u turn and go back. The breeze is nice against my feverish skin and racing heartbeat. A few cars go past me, but I go unnoticed.
I finally get back to my cottage and its past 8. What am I supposed to do? I climb on the bed and open my laptop and after a few minutes of figuring out the WIFI, I open my work email. The first email I open
Hannah,
Don't even think about it!
Jake
P.S. Julie says Hi!
Fuck! Are you serious?
I slam my laptop in defeat. Instead of showering, I decide to grab a bowl of cereal and watch the random soap operas that are currently playing. After a few hours, I'm going crazy so I throw my third bowl in the sink and grab my IPhone. I throw my sneakers back on and head down the road for a second run. More cars are on the road and realize I'm now in front of the community center. Without commanding them, my feet are taking me inside. I remove the headphones from my ears and I'm greeted by a little old, gray haired lady.
"Good afternoon dear. Would you like to volunteer?"
I smile "Yes, I'm in town for a while and I would like to help."
"Well, we have many opportunities such as helping at the senior home, volunteering at the local YMCA, participating in our development and planning meetings to improve our local businesses, or helping with the children's Saturday sports days."
I smile back and my eyes light up. "I'd like to do all of them." If I was going to be here for a few weeks, maybe less... if I decide to go to London, I can at least keep myself busy and help in the process.
She beams with excitement and hands me the clipboard. I write down my name and phone number and pass the clipboard back to her. She says the leaders of each committee would be contacting me real soon.
I turn and walk out the building feeling like I'm about to be busy which is what I'm used to. I run back to my cottage and plop down on my couch. I pull my phone off my arm and text Drew and Carol.
Me: Hey guys! I'm in Bridgeport and made it safe. Miss you guys.
Carol: Hey girl! Glad you made it there safe. Did you already indulge in chocolate and wine, yet?
Me: Yes, already did. Looks like I'll be staying busy with some community volunteer stuff for a bit since Jake said I can't work.
Drew: Good. You haven't stopped since it happened. FYI: Eric and Scott say hi from the firm.
Me: Tell the guys I say hi. I'm good here for now. No 24 hr takeout. SUCK! I'll ttyl.
Carol: That's a complete party fowl. Try to survive. Love u. Miss u.
Drew is still at the same law firm that Matt was last working at. Meanwhile, Carol has been working with an interior design firm for the past 3 years. They both live the fast pace life like Matt and I once did together, so I know texting me would be quick.
My head is still pounding so I decide to take a quick nap on the couch. I close my eyes and soon fall asleep thinking about the time Matt and I first met.