I've attatched a picture of Adam Brody, my headcanon James Potter to the sidebar. Just ruffle his hair a bit and add some round glasses. James Potter was obviously the hottie second in command to Sirius. How else would he have landed a bae like Lily?
I know I only post on Fridays, which isn't a lot, but I would rather give you a good piece of writing than rush through each chapter and have the quality suffer because of that, so thank you for being patient.
Please keep voting!
Always,
Brielle
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Sirius had returned to the dormitory only five minutes before curfew last night. He couldn't deal with Remus looking at him like he hated him, which he most likely did. Once in the common room, he had snuck past everyone, blending himself into the shadows that flickered across the walls as the hot fire ate away at it's fuel, to get to the boys dormitory. There, he hid himself in his pile of blankets, not having done any of his work for the next day. The exhaustion from crying and heaving his chest in and out to calm himself down from the very act took over his body quickly and he submitted to sleep.
He woke up early the next morning, not particularly by choice. However, he took the opportunity to get ready and leave before any of the other boys woke up. He couldn't look at Remus' face with his perfectly framing sandy blonde hair and the scar on his cheek that seemed to attract Sirius even more than was fit. He couldn't look at the dull eyes that once smiled when they made contact with his own. He couldn't look at him because if he did, he would start falling in love again and he couldn't bear to love someone who did not reciprocate his feelings.
He got down to the dungeon just as the first bell sounded from the unused chapel. The sound rang throughout the campus signifying that it was time for all of the students to wake from the mere five hours of sleep that they had most likely allotted themselves.
Sirius slipped into the classroom and took his seat. Professor Flogley had not yet arrived, so he took a moment to rest his head on the cool wooden desk. He reveled in the fact that he was finally alone, however his assuagement was short-lived, as he was joined only seconds later by Severus Snape.
"You got here early," Sirius noted, mumbling into his desk.
Severus sneered (or at least it sounded to Sirius like he was sneering, and he usually was), "Yes well, the Slytherin common room is just down the hall."
"But you usually take longer," Sirius tried him, a smirk on his face, although he had not yet looked up.
"Look Black, it's none of your business. You're here early for your reasons and I'm here for mine, " he said sharply.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Sirius said, with a chuckle. He finally turned his head on the desk, although not sitting up.
"Did you just apologize to me?" He heard Snape ask in a small voice, noting the surprise on his face. He wouldn't have known he had spoke if he hadn't witnessed his lips moving.
"Yeah I did," he replied with an equal amount of surprise. Had he really been so awful in the past that it dumbfounded Severus when he was slightly kind.
Severus frowned, a deeper frown than his usual woe-is-me frown. This one seemed to ask the question 'Are you playing with me?' But the word that Severus actually uttered was, "Why?"
"Because you're a person, and you've got feelings too, I reckon. Somewhere behind your frown lines, Severus, you've got a heart," Sirius said, sincerely.
"You should tell that to Potter," he mumbled.
"You know what, I will. But you should know that the same thing goes for him. He's a person, he's got emotions and a heart all the same, even if it makes him arrogant," Sirius explained.
Severus nodded and muttered an almost inaudible, "Thank you."
"You're welcome Snivelous," Sirius smirked. Snape usually hated the nickname, but now he smiled at Sirius, even if just a little bit.
Throughout the class, Severus kept the inexplicable "smile" (if that's what you wanted to call it) stretched across his face. His face contorted into that position so little, that it appeared to be almost painful.
It reminded Sirius of the girls he flirted with. He wondered about Severus' sexuality. He had always thought him to be gay, he just hadn't expected Snape to develop a crush on him, simply because of his hatred for his groupd of friends. But now, he supposed that he was becoming less and less like his friends and more like the independantly lonesome Severus. Sirius wasn't all that enthralled with the idea. He hoped Snape knew that his friendliness had nothing to do with any romantic feelings towards him, for that was surely not the case.
After the day's classes and avoiding his friends (except for during Defense Against the Dark Arts, in which he sat next to James and behind Peter), Sirius made an escape to the courtyard to think, let his mind wander.
However his mind did much less wandering than fixating on several things that he did not particularly want to focus on.
He couldn't keep avoiding James and Peter. It surely wouldn't last forever. James had already accused him of acting strangely, and his behavior as of late had most definitely furthered his suspicions.
He also wouldn't be able to stand himself if he didn't make things better with Remus. He had been inappropriately harsh with him the previous day, letting his emotions get ahold of the best of him, and subsequently squeezing the best of him out of his body. It made him feel abhorrent, guilty even.
Whether Remus wanted to continue his relationship with Sirius or not, Sirius didn't care. He allowed himself to be selfish. He needed Remus. He needed him now more than ever and it didn't seem fit that the only person he wanted to talk to was the one with which he was fueding.
He made the executive decision to go down to the lake, to Remus' study spot, and confront him rationally about the matter. Before he could change his mind, which would have been quite easy given the feeling of cornish pixies fluttering about in his stomach, he tromped all the way down to the lake, running towards the edge of the forrest. As he came upon the spot, he was shouting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
However, to Sirius' dismay, Remus was not there in his nook between the rocks on the beach's shore, sitting with piles of work that he didn't really need to do. He was not looking out over the water. He just simply wasn't.
Sirius sighed, catching his breath from the sprint that he had taken and let out a breathy, "I'm sorry," as he slumpled against a wide tree trunk.
The silence that follwed those minutes was the eeriest of all the silences. Sirius was alone with his thoughts and the white noise of the waves receding from the shoreline.
Sirius hung his head down and let his eyes glaze over with tears. He should have known that once he had found Remus' retreat, that he would surely find a new one. He was angry at himself for blowing up the previous day and angry at Remus for being difficult. He was angry at his parents for being so hard-hearted and for not understanding that he did not chose to be this way. He was angry at his heart for letting him feel so strongly. Sirius Black was angry at the world in that moment and his anger was what drove him to tears.
It was not until he heard footsteps approaching him on the pebbly sand that he looked up. He expected to find James, grinning at him with an "I told you you couldn't hide forever" smirk. Or Peter with an "I'm going to tell James that you come here," expression on his face (he used the term expression lightly, as Peter's face was mostly adorned with blank stares or contorted with confusion. There wasn't much of an in-between).
However, it was Remus that he saw walking towards him slowly, almost with caution. The sandy hair that fell just below his ears was blowing furiously in the soundless wind and Remus was squinting to keep strands of it from flying into his eyes.
"Sirius, why are you here?" he asked softly.
He cleared his throat and wiped the salt off of his face, "I came to say I'm sorry, Remus."
"Sorry for what?" Remus was close to him now, standing a foot in front of Sirius so that he towered over him.
"Sorry because I was angry and I lashed out at you because it was the easiest thing to do. I realize that's no way to have a conversation," Sirius explained what he had thought was obvious.
He heard and physically saw Remus sigh, lifting his shoulders slightly, "Look, Sirius, I accept your apology, but I can't have friends right now. I have to focus on work."
Sirius gulped, "I hear you, I understand, but just hear me out. You are one of my best friends, sometimes even better than James. I can't live with myself if I don't get to talk to you anymore. Remus, why is it so important to you that we not be friends anymore?"
"I told you I have w-"
"No really, though. I know you're busy with school and everything, but Moony, you're a high mark student without even trying. What's really going on?" he saw through Remus. He looked sad now. The day before, he had told him to leave without a problem, but now it looked as if it pained him to push Sirius away. It looked like it was putting holes in him.
"My parents told me that they don't want me to come home anymore. They love me, but they think I'll hurt the baby during the... Getting a job as soon as I'm done with Hogwarts is the only chance I have," Remus said.
Sirius pained for Remus. Now was not the time to say "oh me too," but that crossed his mind. He rose to his feet and hugged Remus, who stumbled back slightly, but quickly regained his footing. "I'm so sorry, Remus. It really sucks."
He waited for a response from his friend and got what he was looking for in the form of a squeeze back.
"You don't deserve this kind of pain, but in all fairness, neither do I. Do you know how much it's killing me not to talk to you everyday?" Sirius said, looking him in the eyes.
Remus shook his head.
"Well it hurts so much, so fucking much, Remus. I need you and I think you need me too."
Silence.
"So how about this, when you need to study, tell me and we'll come down here and I will do everything in my power to help you succeed. I only want to see you happy. That is so important to me, your happiness," Sirius suggested.
Remus looked at his feet for approximately ten seconds before pulling Sirius into another, tighter hug.
"I've missed you, Padfoot," he said through tears.
"I've missed you too, Moony."