I was miserable.
This was everything I’d ever dreamed of, everything I’d ever aspired for, and I was miserable. And it was all my fault.
So I did the only thing I knew to do, I got dressed and went for a run. The cool wind of the crisp morning blew across my face as I started out with a light jog. I took in a deep breath, letting it out as I speeded up until I was flying.
I don’t know how long I ran for, and I’m not sure why I stopped. But I found myself slowing to a stop in the middle of an open field. There were a few scattered trees, but it looked like a nice place for a picnic or a pickup game of soccer.
I thought back on all my choices lately, the poor decisions I’d made that led me to where I was today.
Last night had been the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics, and it had been surreal for me. I was here, in London, for the 2012 Olympics. I was one of the chosen three from the entire United States chosen to represent my nation.
My journey here had been long and hard, with more mountains to climb than I ever thought possible. But I was here now, so why didn’t I feel happy?
The answer was simple. Because of all the choices I’d made along the way. I wasn’t proud of them, and I was feeling the heavy weight on my chest as my conscience caught up to me.
First there was Zoe. I’d shattered her heart into a million pieces during one of the toughest times of her life, and then left her to pick them up.
Then there was Carson. I’d used him for my own convenience without giving a shit about him. He deserved so much better, and I hadn’t given it to him. I’d been the worst older brother, the worst best friend, imaginable.
And then there was my shoulder. It was pretty much dead at this point, having no use other than just taking up space. It constantly hurt, the pain sometimes so severe that it would keep me up all night.
There were so many other poor decisions I’d made, and none of them I could go back and undo.
So here I was, standing in the middle of the Olympic Village in London, England, and I couldn’t enjoy it.
Cody was right, I was a prick and an asshole. My track record, no pun intended, showed that. And all I really wanted to do was make things right.
That was the answer. I wasn’t going to be able to concentrate until I made things right.
Today I had training, but it wasn’t until late in the afternoon. I went back up to my apartment and took a quick shower. I threw on a pair of jeans and an Olympic t-shirt. I shrugged into my Olympic jacket and grabbed my phone and PDM.
I scribbled a note and left it on the counter, knowing that Samuel would be in here soon to make me breakfast. I grabbed an apple as I left, knowing that my family would have food, wherever they were.
People were milling around as I went back outside. It was a decent time to be awake, and I’m sure people had the same feelings I had. We were here, in the Olympic Village, for the 2012 Olympics. It was hard to wrap your head around.
But I wasn’t here to enjoy. I had to make things right first.
I pulled up the name of the hotel my mom had sent me and Googled the address. I left the village and called a taxi service. I was picked up within ten minutes.
I gave the driver the address, and he stared at my Olympic jacket before vigorously nodding and speeding off.
“So what’s your event?” he asked.
“Hurdles,” I answered. “Do you keep up with the Olympics?”
“I watched the entire Opening Ceremonies last night. That was crazy what they did with the Queen, don’t you think?”
I nodded. “I couldn’t believe that the Queen of England jumped out of an airplane. We were all cracking up.”
“I’ve seen you before,” he said.
“I’ve been on a few commercials.”
“Have you been on one for Subway?”
I nodded. “I promoted their Avocado I think.”
“Yeah, I saw you in that. That’s so cool.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ve never had anyone noteworthy ride in my taxi before. What’s your name?”
“Mason Walker.”
We pulled up to the hotel. “Well I’ll be watching for you.”
I paid him. “Keep the change.”
“Thank you,” he called, as I hurried inside.
“Room number for Emma Walker,” I said, bouncing on my heels.
“Sorry, we can’t give out that information,” the lady behind the desk said, in a bored tone.
I showed her my ID. “I’m Mason Walker, her son. Call her room if you don’t believe me.”
She placed the phone call while I nervously bounced up and down, waiting for my mom to confirm I was her son.
“Room 112,” she said, handing me a room key.
“Thank you.”
I took the stairs, two at a time, and burst into her room.
“Hey honey,” mom said, wrapping her arms around me. She held me for what seemed like hours. “How’re you doing? What’re you doing here?”
I kissed her cheek. “Came to see you guys. What room is Carson in?”
“Room 117.”
“Thanks.”
I hurried down the hall and banged on his door. I knew he wouldn’t be awake yet, so I hit the door as hard as I could.
“What the hell?” Carson demanded, opening the door. His hair was disheveled and he was shirtless and in a pair of pajama pants. “What are you doing?”
“I came to talk to you.”
“At 8:30 in the morning?”
“It’s important.”
He groaned and opened the door, letting out a yawn.
“Do you have the room to yourself?” I asked, stepping into his tiny kitchen. I pulled a box of crackers out of the pantry and some spray cheese.
“Yeah.”
I sprayed some cheese on a cracker and popped it into my mouth. “Good.”
Carson called in for room service, ordering me chocolate chip pancakes and himself a bagel.
“So what’s so important?” Carson asked, taking the cracker I offered him.
“Wake up first,” I said, as I made some coffee. “Want some?”
“Yeah.”
“When did you guys come in?”
“Yesterday, we were at the ceremonies last night.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“So how the hell are you up so early?”
I shrugged. “Didn’t get much sleep.”
“You’re way too energetic,” he mumbled, pulling on a t-shirt before answering the door.
The room service guy came in with the food. He looked at my Olympic jacket and then at Carson, and then me, and then the jacket again.
“Thanks,” Carson said, paying and tipping the guy.
“No problem sir,” he answered, a bewildered look on his face. He left.
“My taxi driver had that same look,” I said, handing Carson a cup of coffee.
“That’s because people don’t expect to see Olympic athletes just roaming around the city,” Carson answered, digging into his bagel. “So I think I figured out why you’re here.”
“Why’s that?” I asked, taking a bite of my pancakes. They melted in my mouth, and I let out a moan. “These are so good.”
“Something’s bothering you, obviously, and I think it has something to do with me. So you’re here to either get advice, apologize, or both.”
“Damn,” I said, finishing off my first pancake. “You’re good.”
“I know. It’s both isn’t it?”
I nodded. “Nailed it.” I put down my fork. “I’m so sorry.”
“Apology first?”
I nodded. “I know I’ve treated you like shit this past year. But I promise that’s going to change. I just needed time to see-”
“We already had this discussion, and I already said that I forgave you.”
“But I didn’t change.”
“I knew you wouldn’t change right off the bat. You weren’t ready to yet. But the second you walked in this door I knew you had some sort of epiphany. I know you a lot better than you think. And now that you’re ready to hold up your end of the deal, I’ll still hold up mine.” He finished off his bagel. “So there’s no need for an apology, I already know.”
I nodded, knowing that Carson didn’t want to hear it. When he says it’s over, it’s over.
“So what do you need help with?” he asked, taking one of my pancakes. “Like I even need to ask.”
“What do you mean by that?” I asked, starting on my second pancake.
“You always need help when it comes to her. You’re a terrible boyfriend.”
“Gee thanks.”
“Just speaking the truth.”
“So what should I do?”
“Just walk in there and start slamming yourself.”
“Slamming myself?”
“Be like I’m a terrible person and I don’t deserve you and shit. That’s how you have to start it.”
“Wait, Zoe’s here?”
“Of course she’s here.”
“I didn’t know she was coming.”
“She went to China for you too.” He cocked an eyebrow. “How were you expecting to apologize?”
“Video chat.”
He rolled his eyes. “This is why you can’t hold a girlfriend. You don’t apologize over video chat, that’s like breaking up with someone over text.”
“Dang, you’re just tearing me apart today aren’t you?”
“Have to entertain myself some way,” he said, finishing off his coffee. “I’m serious though. You have to go in there apologetic. And you can’t shout things at her about things being her fault. Dude, she flew across the country just to say she’s sorry. She’s done her part.”
“Is Chris here?”
“God no. I can’t stand that kid.”
“Why?”
“He’s too nice, it makes me sick. He’s obviously hiding something.”
“Thanks for everything dude,” I said, standing up. “Want the rest of my pancake?”
“Of course. She’s in Room 114.”
“Thanks.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
I went back down the hallway and took in a deep breath before banging on her door.
The door cracked open to reveal Chase smiling at me.
“Hey buddy,” I said, ruffling his hair.
He wrapped his arms around me, and I picked him up, stepping inside the room and closing the door behind me.
“Hi Mason!” he chirped, happily.
“Hey pal, where’s Zoe?”
He dropped to the ground and led me into the kitchen area. Zoe was eating breakfast, watching a rerun of Married to Jonas.
“Chase,” she called, without looking away from the TV, “guess what?”
“What?” Chase asked, bounding over to her so he could see the TV.
“The Jonas Brothers are going back on tour.”
“Yay!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, like Chase even knew who the Jonas Brothers were.
Zoe’s eyes snapped up to meet mine, and emotions began to race through her eyes. She finally decided on fake happy.
“Hey,” she said. Her voice was too bright, too chirpy. “What’re you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
Her eyes flickered to Chase, who was sitting cross-legged on the couch, engrossed in this week’s episode of Married to Jonas.
“Zoe and I are going to go in here for a couple of minutes, okay?” I asked Chase.
He nodded. “Are you gonna fight like mommy and daddy?”
“That’s not in the plans.”
“Okay.”
Zoe stood up and followed me behind the door. I closed it and flipped on the light. We were in a closet. It had enough room for Zoe and me to have a comfortable conversation.
“You can wipe off the fake smile now,” I informed her.
It dropped from her face. “How’d you know it was fake?”
I chuckled. “Trust me Zoe, your career path is not to be an actress.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Why are you here Mason?”
“To tell you that I’m a douche.”
She raised her eyebrows at me.
“And an asshole, and a jerk, and a butthead, and pretty much anything else you can think of, that’s me.”
“Is that so?”
I nodded. “I am so sorry for turning you away Zoe. You’ve obviously changed, a lot.”
“Well you stated that we both needed to mature. So that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do. No more drama queen shit.” She shrugged. “That was childish and immature of me.”
“Well I just want you to know that I’ve changed a lot too.”
“Really? Because the Mason that turned me away showed that you’re still harboring some grudges against me.”
“Is being blunt part of the new Zoe?”
She shrugged. “With you.”
“It wasn’t you. I was having a rough day, well not just the day, everything has been so hard. Being an Olympic athlete is much harder than they make it look on TV. Not that it’s an excuse, because it’s not. I didn’t treat you fairly, and I am so sorry. You deserved better, and you still do.”
“Well I broke up with Chris.”
“You did?”
“He’s incredibly sweet, almost perfect. But he’s someone else’s Prince Charming, not mine.”
“Why’s that?”
She shrugged. “I have my reasons.”
The old Zoe would’ve come right out and said it, making it into a big deal. She would’ve screamed at me that she still loved me, tears rolling down her face. But this Zoe was calm and composed; no tears in sight.
“Well I just wanted you to know how sorry I am, for everything.”
“Well thank you.”
Our eyes locked, and the outside mask Zoe had kept up faded. I saw the hurt, the pain, the betrayal. They say eyes are a window to the soul, and for Zoe, that is absolutely true. I can read any emotion she’s feeling through her big, brown eyes.
“I hurt you,” I stated.
“That you did.”
“I betrayed you.”
“That you did.”
“I caused you pain and suffering.”
“Wow, you did that too. But I’m not sure what you’re expecting to get out of stating all these things.”
“I used you.”
She didn’t respond, watching me with her carefully guarded eyes.
“I stepped on you. I fed you lies, unintentionally, but I still did. I cheated on you, unintentional as well. And worst of all, I did all of this without feeling any regret, any guilt. I did it as if it were my second nature.”
She still didn’t respond, but her guard was starting to crumble. She was portraying more emotion. I was touching the very heart of her hostility, the place where the pain was the deepest.
“I want to know what happened,” she said. Her voice was calm, her words whispered but still strong.
I knew what she was talking about without even asking. “Why?”
“I need to know Mason. I need to know why you did it.”
My eyes flickered to the wall and then back to her. “It was after track practice. It had been a particularly excruciating practice, and I’d just come out of an ice bath. She was waiting to walk me up to my dorm, I’d promised her I’d help her with the homework. She handed me her hoodie because I was shivering, freezing. I pulled it on, and I swear to God Zoe, it smelled just like you.
“We went into my dorm, and I offered to make her dinner. She agreed, taking a seat on the couch. I started up a conversation with her, to get to know her better, and she had all of your traits. She was funny, smart, sarcastic, and sweet. And for a moment, I just lost my head, and I kissed her.”
“What happened after that?”
“I apologized, explained to her that I had a girlfriend.”
“And when she met me she must’ve felt guilty,” Zoe filled in. “So naturally she told me everything.”
I nodded, letting the information sink in.
“That’s how Amy explained it too.”
“She did?”
She nodded. “She said it was quick, and she wasn’t expecting it. She said that she’d had a crush on you, but when she found out you had a girlfriend, she felt like a terrible person. But she said that you couldn’t concentrate the rest of the night, worried about our relationship.”
“I was so sure that it would be over as soon as I told you.”
“So you didn’t tell me.”
“Exactly.”
“You didn’t give me the chance to decide that for myself.”
“I didn’t want to lose you over a stupid mistake.”
“Yet look where we’re standing right now.”
“A stupid mistake led us to where we are right now,” I said. “One stupid fight, a bunch of angry words, and now we can’t even look each other in the eye.”
“That’s how relationships end.”
“I just wish that it hadn’t been ours.”
“What are you trying to do Mason?” she asked, with a sigh.
“Make you realize how incredibly and utterly sorry I am.”
“Why? Why here and why now?”
“Because I’m so miserable. My conscience has been tearing me to pieces. I can barely sleep at night; I have to force myself to eat. I just feel like an overall terrible person.”
“So you want me to forgive you, is that it? You want me to tell you that you’re forgiven so you can move on with your life?”
“No.”
“Then what do you want Mason? What are you trying to gain out of this?”
“You.”
She looked into my eyes, this time reading me. She saw the pain in my eyes, the guilt, the misery, and the love I had for her. And she turned and walked out of the closet, leaving me standing there alone.
~*~
“Where did you go dude?” Samuel asked, as I came back into my apartment.
“To see my family,” I said, emptying my pockets on the counter.
“Did you eat breakfast?”
I nodded. “It was good too.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“That you need to step it up, because room service has your ass beat.”
He threw a spatula at me. “Caleb and I are going out for lunch, you coming?”
“Nah, I’m not really hungry yet.”
“Want us to bring you back anything?”
I handed him a twenty. “Bring me a burger and a diet coke.”
“Sure.”
He left and I flipped on the TV before heading into the kitchen. I shrugged out of my shirt. I saw the bruise that seemed to have permanently formed around my left shoulder, even though I tried my best not to look. I grabbed a baggie and filled it with ice. I lied down on the couch and watched some London soap opera while the ice numbed my shoulder.
After I’d finally stepped out of the closet, Zoe was nowhere to be seen. Chase was still mesmerized by the TV, completely tuned out to what was going on in the surrounding world. So I’d just come back here. It was just like when I’d ordered her out of my apartment, only this time, I was the one who’d been left disappointed.
I hadn’t gone in there to get Zoe back. When I walked in there, all I’d wanted to do was apologize. But being in the small space with her made my buried feelings for her resurface, and I lost myself to my hormones. But I don’t regret it.
The weight on my chest had lifted on the way home. The miserable feeling I’d grown accustomed to had faded, leaving me with a sense of satisfaction. It may not have gone exactly as planned, but I did what I set out to do, and I apologized to the two people whose relationships I cared the most about. And that’s all I can really ask for.
After icing my shoulder I decided to go out and be social. The only two people I knew here were Samuel and Caleb, and they weren’t going to be around all the time. Well, I knew Lolo. But I saw her more as my role model than anything else.
I pulled on a plain white t-shirt and kept my same jeans and Nikes on. I shoved my phone and PDM back into my pockets, taking my apartment key with me, although I still didn’t lock the door. I went outside into the crisp London air. It seemed that no matter where you were in this city, it was always cool, borderline cold.
I headed to the same park I’d been at earlier this morning, hoping that I was right, and some kind of pickup game was going on. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t see the girl until it was too late. I slammed right into her, throwing the two of us off-balance.
I reached to keep her from hitting the ground, and caught her just before she did.
“I am so sorry,” I said, helping her back to her feet. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
“It’s alright,” she said, straightening out her outfit. “No harm done, right?”
“Mason Walker,” I said, extending my hand.
“Jordyn Wieber,” she answered, shaking hands with me.
“So, Jordyn, what sport do you compete in?”
“Gymnastics,” she said.
“Wow.”
“Wow?” she asked, uncertainly. She let out a nervous laugh.
“I’ve always admired gymnasts. The way they have complete control over their bodies.”
“Thanks,” she said, with a lighter laugh. “And what sport do you compete in?”
“Hurdles.”
“Well that requires complete control as well.”
“Nah, all you really got to do is jump. I mean, a basketball player could do that.”
We both laughed.
“Jordyn,” a girl called, hurrying over to her side. “We’re going to be late!”
“Oh, right,” Jordyn said. “It was nice meeting you Mason.”
“Sorry for crashing into you. But it was nice meeting you too. Good luck.”
“Thanks,” she said, with a soft smile. “You too.”
She was led away by the other girl, and I could sense the other girl throwing me a couple of looks over her shoulder. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself.
I’d almost forgotten what it felt like just to feel happy.
************************************************************************************************************
So I lied. The Olympic Qualifiers weren't in this round... Sorry.
Took me almost TWO HOURS to write this update. Just so ya'll know. So let me know what you think about Mason & Carson or Mason & Zoe or Mason or Carson or Zoe or SOMETHING! Drop me a comment? :D
Sorry about my erratic updates. I promise everyone that I'm trying my absolute best to update in a timely manner. Basically all I can ask you to do is be patient with me while I try and find time to write. Thanks to everyone for all your support <3
Teaser: This time it's the Olympic Qualifiers, Round One :P
Update: As soon as I possibly can
Special Word: Frame