As time goes by, winter melts into spring. The frozen air dissolves into a cool chill that spreads throughout the world and revives the flowers. The chirping of birds replenishes, and leaves begin to bud on the trees, sending pollen fluttering to the ground. Of course, I see bits and pieces of this magical transformation, but it is difficult to understand its full extent when I live in a city such as Seoul and work long hours to ensure BTS reaches their full potential.
All the same, I could never wish for anything different.
"Even if we are far away / We are looking at the same sky," I lightly sing along in Japanese. The language is somewhat similar to Korean, but I have found it difficult to grasp after spending such a large part of my life speaking the same three languages.
"You have a pretty voice," Eun Jung compliments me, nudging my thigh with her knee. Before I can thank her, she adds, "But not as pretty as Hoseok-ssi's voice. Just listen to him."
I giggle and turn my attention back to the recording playing in front of us. It offers a front view of the stage, providing a perfect display of Hoseok singing the bridge of For You. Eun Jung is right – Hoseok has a very distinct voice with both raspy and smooth qualities that caresses one's soul. He puts so much passion into every word he sings that it's difficult not to fall in love with him from first listen.
His gaze is completely directed at the monitor that Eun Jung and I are watching. "I believe / Our love will shine for eternity / It will always stay as beautiful as it is / It will always be like cherry blossom petals..."
"Life is so unfair," Eun Jung grumbles, her lower lip pouting.
"What do you mean?" My voice sounds so starstruck that I blush profusely and clear my throat, praying she didn't hear the blatant emotion in my words.
"What do you mean, what do I mean? Hoseok-ssi was singing into your soul a few moments ago."
"I doubt he was singing to me."
"Are you kidding me? Need I remind you that last summer, he carried you back to your room when you fell asleep rather than waking you?" I can feel my skin heat up with the reminder, but a smile still works its way onto my lips. "Oh, Cherisse. You are desperately in love."
"No, I'm not!" I immediately object, but my tone is weak.
A knock sounds on the door, and I leap up from the couch, eager to escape the awkward situation. I twist the knob on the door and pop it open, preparing an excuse for why Eun Jung and I requested room service for dinner rather than joining everyone downstairs. All words flee from my mind and tongue when Hoseok's beautiful smile greets me. Eun Jung takes one look at the door and snickers quietly.
"Good evening, Hoseok-ssi. Do you need anything?"
I am grateful she replied since I can't seem to form words, but Hoseok continues to stare directly at me. "Could I have a moment with Cherisse, please?"
As quick as a flash, Eun Jung rolls off the couch and pushes past Hoseok to stride down the hall. "Say no more!" she calls over her shoulder.
Thanks a lot, Eun Jung-ah.
Hoseok's POV
"Is everything all right?" I ask Cherisse, noticing the slight hint of desperation in her beautiful eyes. The gold flecks are swimming around her blue iris nervously.
"Uh, y-yeah," she says, her voice hoarse as though she has not spoken in years. Her brows furrow as she clears her throat and her gaze stays trained on the wall behind me. I bite my lip – she is always awkward around me, but rarely to this extent.
"Are you certain?"
"Mm-hmm." Her eyes finally meet mine, and I feel my heart pattering out of my chest. "I couldn't be better. Is everything all right with you?" A content smile has formed on her lips, and I find it an automatic response to smile brightly back.
Okay, okay, Hobi, you can do this.
"Yeah."
Yeah? Yeah? That's the best I can do?
"That's good." She seems unsure of where to carry the conversation after that, so a few moments of uncomfortable silence pass between us.
"Oh, for the love of God," someone groans from around the corner. We both glance in that direction and see Eun Jung's head peeking out from behind a wall. "Just kiss already, will you?"
"Eun Jung-ah!" Cherisse gasps.
"I'm serious! Are you going to keep staring awkwardly at each other or say something substantial?"
This is it – this is my chance.
"Good point," I reply. "Cherisse, the other members and I were talking, and we decided we would like to stay in Japan for a few more days and sightsee. They want to go to Kyoto, but I was wondering if you would be interested in visiting Tokyo with me?"
Her jaw slacks slightly, and a pink blush rushes over her cheeks. A squeal sounds from down the hallway. "Cherisse, say yes!" Cherisse's eyes flicker towards Eun Jung's excited countenance and then back to my hopeful smile. She giggles and looks down, but just as quickly reinstates eye contact.
"I would love to go to Tokyo with you."
"Y-you would?"
"Yes, she would! Now, kiss!" Eun Jung calls.
My heart threatens to pound out of my chest at the thought of kissing her, but I manage to force an easygoing smile on my face and shrug my shoulders at Cherisse. "The public has spoken." I take a step closer and, to my surprise, she doesn't move even an inch backward. She is completely frozen in place, but I can feel her warm breath fogging at my lips. My chest pangs and my hands ache to reach out and hold her, but I restrain all of my emotions and summon just enough courage to brush my lips against her cheek lightly. Her skin is so warm and soft that it makes me want to linger, but I pull back and tuck my hands into my pockets to hide their shaking. She looks into my eyes with breathless desire, and I almost lean forward to kiss her again. Then, Eun Jung squeaks, and it breaks the tension of the moment.
"One of these days," Cherisse mumbles quietly, a small smile gracing her lips.
I laugh and reach out to squeeze her hand once. She visibly tenses at the gesture but relaxes the moment I pull away. Her gaze follows me down the hall. The moment I turn the corner, I lean against the wall and breathe out a long sigh of relief. I don't know that I have been so afraid to speak to anyone in my life. Well, except for the time the members voted me in as the tribute to wake up Yoongi-hyung. I learned the true meaning of fear that day.
I don't know what I was afraid of – did I fear that she would reject me? Even if she had, it wouldn't have prohibited me from confessing my true feelings.
As before, my heart patters in my chest and a nervous smile rises to my lips. I have to remember that this was only one step on a long road – I plan to confess to her in Tokyo, but there are many more steps we have to take after that, if our relationship makes it that far. I pray it does. Someday, God willing, I want to propose to her and get married in a church near my hometown. I want to have children with her and watch them grow up to have my enthusiasm for life and her unparalleled goodness. I want to grow old with her and make promises that we will always keep. I want a life with her that I haven't wanted with anyone else – this is more than a desire for romance. This is a desire for her.
"From the looks of that smile on your face, I'm guessing you succeeded in asking her," Yoongi-hyung remarks, not bothering to glance up at me from his computer when I enter the hotel room we share. I shrug as though it was no big deal, but he sees right through me. "Interesting. I would have expected you to shriek and run the second she laid eyes on you."
"Me? Shriek and run?" I chuckle nervously. "You must have mixed me up with Jin-hyung."
"Do you have everything planned out for tomorrow?"
"Mm-hmm. I want to visit–"
"Don't tell me." His nose wrinkles. "I don't want to hear it."
"Why not?"
"Because if you tell me, I know you are going to sound airy and lovesick – the same way you always sound whenever you talk about Cherisse."
"And what's so wrong with that? I love her, hyung."
"Bleh." He sticks his tongue out in distaste and claps his hands over his ears. "I told you – I don't want to hear any of that sappy romantic stuff."
I laugh and begin getting ready for bed. "Suit yourself."
Around this time of year, cherry blossoms will be blooming in both Japan and South Korea. Tokyo is a well-known home to one of the prettiest cherry blossom festivals in Japan. The flowery trees bloom over the Meguro River, and at night, Japanese lanterns illuminate the reflection of the cherry blossoms. A smile forms on my lips as I imagine how awed Cherisse will be at its beauty – I can perfectly picture her wide eyes and beautiful smile. I clutch my chest to calm my pounding heart and laugh at my starstruck reflection in the bathroom mirror.
"Stop!" Yoongi-hyung shouts from the main room. "That lovesick laugh is driving me nuts."
"But I'm your hope, hyung."
"Not with that laugh, you aren't."
I bite my lip to control more waves of laughter at Yoongi-hyung's responses. One of these days, he will fall in love, and he will regret ever teasing me about my own feelings. For the sake of good-natured revenge, I hope that day comes soon.
Cherisse's POV
"Now, do you have your phone?"
"Yes."
"What are you supposed to do if he kisses you, Cherisse?"
"Text you immediately."
"Incorrect."
"Call you immediately."
"Still incorrect." Her arms drop to her sides in exasperation. "Come on, Cherisse, we have been over this!"
"Sorry – FaceTime you immediately."
"Thank you. Do you have your lip balm?"
"He's not going to kiss me, you know."
"Why not? He kissed you last night."
"On the cheek."
"On the cheek, on the lips. Same difference." Her lower lip pouts slightly as she examines the outfit she methodically put together last night. She insisted it was perfect for a romantic excursion, but I am mainly enjoying how comfortable it is. "Your scarf is slightly drooping on one side – let me fix it." I step forward, and she readjusts the accessory with more care than the way she handles her makeup.
"I don't know about all of this, Eun Jung-ah. My stomach keeps twisting."
"That is because you're nervous. I'm not surprised – you are having your first date with an extremely attractive man."
"Date?" I splutter. "This is not a date."
"Oh, really? Hoseok asked you to attend a private excursion in Tokyo – private, mind you – and you don't consider that a date?"
"No!"
"Then what is it?"
"It's... an outing."
She snickers. "Outing... date... excursion... whatever you want to call it, he still has romantic intentions. Now, stand still so I can look at you."
"But I'm so nervous! My hands won't stop shaking."
"Put them in your pockets."
I do as she says, but that makes the quivering even more visible. She sighs and takes my hands into hers, looking deep into my eyes. "This is just a date, Cherisse."
"It's not a–"
"Ah, ah," she cuts me off, waving her hand in the air. "This is a date – no matter what you say – but it is only a date. You aren't being asked to marry Hoseok."
"Mon Dieu, what if he proposes?" I start hyperventilating as panic courses through my heart. "What do I do if he proposes?"
"He isn't going to propose! Now, will you let me finish, or are you going to keep filling your head with these useless worries?" I silence myself, although the frenzy remains buried deep underneath a mask of calmness. "I don't know Hoseok-ssi as well as you do, but from what I have seen, he cares very deeply about you. He will cater this entire outing to you personally and ensure you are comfortable with every step he takes. The goal of this outing is to have fun and learn more about him in the process."
I swallow hard. "That seems like a lot to think about."
"If you are thinking about having fun, he isn't the right one."
"But how do I tell him that?"
"You don't."
My brows furrow. "But if he isn't the right one, I don't want to live in a lie. Why wouldn't I tell him?"
She smiles genuinely. "Because I have seen the way he acts around you and I've noticed how wide your smile becomes when you are around him. He's hopelessly in love – there isn't an inch of doubt in his mind as to whom he wants." I wince and immediately regret the revealing action – I feel terribly guilty for my conflicted feelings, but if Hoseok has no doubt, I will do my best to reign in my haphazard emotions. "And looking at you, I know you feel the same way. Besides, I can't imagine being the one girl that Jung Hoseok has eyes for. Hananim, Cherisse, you are the luckiest girl alive!"
I smile lightly. "I don't know about that – I'm just lucky that he sees something in me."
"That's exactly what I'm talking about – given that this is your first date, I'm assuming no one else has looked at you the way he does." Not entirely true. "Also, I'm guessing you haven't looked at anyone else the way you look at him." Is she purposely guilt-tripping me? "So, really, you don't have much to lose." Well, just my heart. Nothing of importance. "Now, are we going to stand in here talking all day, or are you going to catch that car to Tokyo and meet with the boy of your dreams?"
"You make that sound like a K-drama," I laugh as I stuff a spare room key in the pocket of my beige trench coat.
Eun Jung's eyes widen. "Oh, my gosh, your romance should be a K-drama!"
"No, I didn't mean it!"
"We're going to be rich! Can you imagine how amazing it would be to watch a K-drama based off of your relationship with Hoseok?" Her eyes sparkle with excitement. "A famous male idol falls for a lower-class girl, and he realizes that she completes his life. It is entirely original – I bet no one has ever thought of that plotline before."
"Yeah, no one. Goodbye, Eun Jung."
"Goodbye! And good luck! And FaceTime me if he kisses you!"
"He won't kiss me."
"Just in case."
I shake my head at her and close the door lightly, being careful not to wake any guests in neighboring rooms who might still be sleeping. The moment the elevator doors open to the lobby, my eyes fall on one individual in particular who seems unable to wipe a smile from his face. He is chatting excitedly with a member of the hotel staff, who does not even come close to matching his level of enthusiasm. Ripped blue jeans hug his legs, paired with black lace-up combat boots, a grey sweater, and a denim jacket. A large navy scarf is wrapped around his neck and conceals the lower half of his face to ensure no one recognizes him as a famous idol. I laugh quietly, remembering the generic K-drama plot Eun Jung concocted a few minutes ago. The lobby is bustling with chattering guests, but for some reason, Hoseok hears my small laugh and turns around. His eyes immediately lock with mine, and an even wider smile erupts on his face as he makes his way across the lobby to reach me.
"Good morning!" he says excitedly. "How did you sleep?"
"Very well." It's a lie – I couldn't sleep a wink. Both excited and anxious thoughts of the day to come kept me up all night. "And you?"
"I'll admit – I was so excited for our date that I barely slept." He laughs, but I am completely frozen. Mon Dieu, Eun Jung was right. This is a date! "So, the car is parked out front. I convinced Manager-nim to drive us since he wouldn't let us leave the hotel without an escort. Does that sound all right?"
"Mm-hmm." What am I supposed to talk about? What's a date-like conversation?
"Are you sure? You look a bit... nervous."
"Oh, that's not because of the manager." I regret the words the moment they escape from my lips, but Hoseok wraps his large hand around my petite one and squeezes comfortingly.
"Don't be nervous – I want you to have fun."
I smile lightly and do my best to dispel all feelings of anxiety from my being. It isn't easy, but the moment I reflect on how much fun Hoseok and I have had together in the past, I become far more comfortable being with him.
The car ride is exceptionally long, but Hoseok keeps me entertained with hilarious stories of BTS' younger days.
"We are almost there," Manager Sejin announces, seeming eager to be released from driver's duty.
"Ooh!" Hoseok presses his face to the window and peers out excitedly at the lively city life overflowing with quickly-walking people, looming skyscrapers, and flashing lights.
We spend our day traveling from one end of the city to the next. We visit every major landmark – from Tokyo's largest ancient Buddhist temple to the Tokyo Skytree. The moment we step out of the car to begin our sightseeing, Hoseok takes hold of my hand and never releases me. Neither of us is wearing gloves, so the feeling of his skin on mine keeps me in a constant frenzy.
The sky begins to darken while we are still laughing and chatting over a traditional Japanese meal.
"Finish quickly, Cherisse-ah. I have another surprise for you." He swiftly shovels the rest of the tempura into his mouth, although I slyly sneak a bite of his meal before finishing mine. Japanese food has a far different feel than Korean food – it is milder and more reliant on fish, while Korean food tends to be spicy and meaty. Both are appealing to me, but I would love to have further experiences with Japanese food in the future.
This time, rather than taking the car, Hoseok's "surprise" is a mere walk away from the restaurant we were in. He tucks my red scarf up closer to my face so that I don't get cold and holds me close to his warmth. The city lights have begun to glisten in the night sky – manmade stars. For some reason, the sight never ceases to amaze me. Many people we pass are completely immune to their city's beauty – they rush past every significant element of their home. Hoseok and I stop in the middle of the sidewalk to admire Tokyo; who knows when we will visit again?
"I have always loved the city," he murmurs, running his hands up and down my arms. His nose lightly brushes against my hair as he nuzzles into me, and my heart pangs with love. I tilt my head to look up at him and see a beautiful heart-like smile on his face as he stares at the skyscrapers looming above us. In a split second, all my fears of what could happen are dispelled at the thought of what might happen. Yes, he could break my heart, but we might also have a plethora of good memories to recollect and cherish. In this split second, I want him to kiss me. I am ready to take all the tension built up over the past year and allow it to explode with one swift proclamation of love. Hoseok glances down at me, and panic erupts in his eyes. Panic? Is he... scared to kiss me? I quickly look down and clear my throat, forcing the readiness of my heart to recede.
A short sigh sounds from above my head, and Hoseok hustles me onward. "Come on, Cherisse. The surprise should be starting right about now." After a few minutes of walking, he pauses. "I don't want you to see the surprise immediately. Can I cover your eyes?" Even though I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest, I nod miserably and allow him to place his hands over my eyes; I did not expect that small hint of panic in his eyes to hurt so much. He leads me forward, and I follow, completely blinded. He steers me out of the way of other passersby and holds onto my waist tightly with one arm so that I don't fall. Finally, he stops and uncovers my eyes. It takes me a moment to adjust from complete darkness to the brightness of the area, but once my vision clears, my mouth drops into a large "o".
Pink cherry blossoms line the area, flowers fully bloomed and occasionally dropping into the river below. Japanese lanterns cast pink light across the river, illuminating the reflection of the cherry blossoms. The water ripples and the gorgeous trees sway with every slight breeze. Tears begin to form in my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away, unable to tear my eyes from the beauty before me.
"Are you okay?" Hoseok asks, seeming concerned.
I nod and look back at him, unable to ignore the tugging of my heart any longer. "I just never thought anything – or anyone – could be so beautiful."
He pauses for a terrifying moment, and then his lips curve into a wide smile, and he takes my hands, caressing them softly as he lowers his forehead to meet mine. "We have waited long enough, haven't we?" His voice comes out as slightly breathy, but still distinctly him. I love his voice.
I can't do anything but nod, a visual signal of my consent.
His face twists with regret. "I'm sorry I didn't give you what you deserved on the sidewalk. I wanted it to be here."
"No, it's perfectly all right." I smile and brush my fingertips against his cheek. "We're here now, aren't we?"
"Can I kiss you?" The sentence escapes his mouth so swiftly that his words slur and I can't quite understand what he is saying.
"What?"
"Sorry, sorry." He takes a moment to level his breathing and repeats, "Can I kiss you?" Understanding dawns on me and my heart pounds with anticipation.
"Yes."
He seems to be experiencing the same emotions as his hands begin quivering in mine. I tilt my jaw upward, and he lifts a hand to cup my chin, softly staring down at me with a million shades of love flickering through his eyes. My eyes flutter open, and I frown at him.
"Are you going to kiss me or–"
His lips connect with mine before I have a chance to finish. If I thought my heart was pounding before, that was a slow, lazy drumbeat compared to now. I feel as though my heart could burst out of my chest. His free arm wraps around my waist and holds me close to him. My hands are completely still, terrified of doing something wrong as I focus on the gentle movement of his lips against my own. This is perfect... this is bliss. Taehyung kissed me the same way, but it felt different. Hobi and I have waited a year for this – we built up a relationship and got to know each other for as long as our hearts could take it. This is a romance we have had from the beginning, yet worked hard to maintain. It's different. It feels more real.
He pulls away after a few moments, lightly rubbing his lips together.
"Wow," I murmur, my eyes wide open as they stare at him.
"That was perfect," he agrees, still holding me so close to him that he could kiss me again if he wished it. "I-I have one more thing to ask of you – really a favor, kind of. It's just... we have both waited a long time – I'm assuming, of course, I don't want to speak for you – and, um, well..."
"Hobi," I giggle, brushing my lips against his cheek.
"Stop," he says without any actual resolve. "My heart already feels like it might explode."
So, I'm not alone.
"Anyways, what I was trying to say is... oh, geez, this is a big step for me... um, well..." He finally looks into my eyes, looking up at him expectantly, and something snaps. "I love you – like, I really love you. Like, a lot. We have both waited a long time, and there has been a lot of tension, but I want to make things official with you. So, will you be my girlfriend?" He speaks so swiftly and with so much passion that it is difficult to understand his exact wording, but I get the gist of it.
"You want me to be your girlfriend?" I repeat, my heart pattering with excitement.
"Yeah – but only if you want to. I don't want you to feel any pressure... it is totally fine if you don't want to be my–"
I summon all the courage in my body and stop his rambling with a kiss. The very feeling of his lips on mine is intoxicating, and when I pull away, the starstruck gaze in his eyes completely mirrors my own emotions.
"Whoa. Is that a yes, then?"
"That's more than a yes," I giggle. "Absolutely, Hoseok. I would love to be your girlfriend."
"Are you serious?" he says, accidentally a little too loudly. "Oops, sorry." He looks far more joyful than I've ever seen him, a giddy grin decorating his face. He looks into the distance and gives a thumbs-up to the crowd. "Success!"
I frown. "What?"
The crowd slowly begins to clear, revealing Manager Sejin standing beside a cameraman as he packs up his supplies.
"You filmed us?" I ask, my voice filled with distaste.
Manager Sejin shrugs. "I thought you would like a visual reminder of this moment. Don't worry – I captured the Meguro River as well."
Hoseok wraps his arms around me from behind and sways lightly. "You aren't mad, are you?"
Well, I was before you started hugging me. I sigh and relax into him. "No, I'm not mad."
"The car is parked over there when you two are ready," the manager says, eager to leave us. "Try to be quick – I would like to get back to Kobe by midnight."
"We're ready, Manager-nim," Hoseok assures him. He keeps one arm around my waist and holds my small hand with his, his gaze constantly glued to my face.
"Hoseok, watch where you're walking," I giggle as I have to swerve to avoid being hit by a passerby.
"But you are so beautiful."
I flush and look up at him with a glare that says stop, but don't really stop. He laughs at my uncertainty and kisses my forehead.
I feel like a schoolgirl, giddy with love, as Hoseok walks me down the hotel hallway to my room after the four-hour car ride back to Kobe.
"You had fun tonight, didn't you?" he asks.
"So much fun!" I whisper, careful not to wake anyone who might be sleeping. It is just past midnight, after all. Hoseok was nodding off in the car.
He stops in front of my door and swivels me to face him, brushing his nose against mine. "I love you," he says quietly, mimicking my tone.
"I-I love you, too," I repeat, stumbling over my words in my excitement at finally allowing the words to escape my mouth.
Just as he starts to lower his lips to mine for one last kiss, the door pops open, and Eun Jung screeches, "Ah ha! So much for FaceTime-ing me when he kisses you, hmm?"