They could have heard a pin drop with the silence that spread and consumed the room. Parker's heart was pounding as fast as it ever has while Elli just stood there, staring at him, seemingly emotionless. It's as if everything's just completely frozen in between them. Dead silence and cold tension. Wide eyes full of fear and faces draining of color as their breathing becomes shallow. And it takes what feels likes minutes for Elli to find her voice.
"You....you what?" She asks and her tone alone could shatter the sturdiest glass.
"I, uh," Parker looks to the floor before looking back to her, scrunching his eyebrows with words of honesty. "I'm in love with you, Elli."
Elli knew she'd heard him right but she was praying she hadn't. Where was this confession three years ago when she told him? Where were his words then? Now, of all times, now is when he's going to decide he's in love with her. Elli is beyond flabbergasted and there is this part of her that's ready to blow her top but she doesn't. She remains calm but just shaking her head, not wanting to say anything she'll regret.
"You don't love me." She says and Parker's already opening his mouth but Elli's faster. "You're not. I almost died and it's just a honeymoon phase or whatever. A few weeks will go by and it'll be like it never happened. You're not in love me, you're just afraid I'm gonna die."
Tears. All Parker can feel are tears building behind his eyes. He isn't sure what he expected but it definitely wasn't this and it hurts. He's finally getting a glimpse at how Elli felt when he ignored her words. And it's knocked the breath right out of his lungs.
"That's...that's not it." Parker stutters, trying to push the lump in his throat down. "I've wanted--"
"Parker." Elli's eyes darken as her mouth is pulled into a hard line, warning him. "No."
"Would ya listen, please?" Parker pleads and his voice cracks with the last word making Elli close her eyes. Her blood is boiling but her heart is breaking for the person she calls her best friend. "I do love you, I really do."
Elli grits her teeth, her heart pounding in her chest as her blood rushes through her veins. "If you're so in love with me and it's got nothing to do with me almost dying yesterday, why the fuck didn't you tell me earlier?"
Parker pauses and he knows she has a point. It is the fire that gave him the courage to say it. That should count for something, right? At least he said. It's better than never, isn't that the phrase? But, she is his best friend and as her best friend, he should have been okay to tell her this. He should have been able to just tell her but he didn't and now the only thing between them is fired tension.
Elli sighs and she leans back on her crutches, ready to walk off. "I'm gonna go to bed."
"Wait." Parker says and she looks back at him, eyes annoyed. "I...I just...I thought," He lets his words hang in the air and his heart is completely broken. "I thought you loved me."
Elli's chuckle is dry and humorless. "I do!" She yells but she is still fired up with anger. "I do love you! I told you that and now you're telling me you do? After all this time, now you say it? Now? I fucking love you and you know what, loving you isn't fun."
Parker's face falls and Elli's does the same, immediate regret coming over her but Parker beats her to talking. "What's that supposed mean?"
She licks her lips and shakes her head. "It hurts. I have loved you for years and you? You outright ignored me. You broke my heart." Elli's lip quivers with the last sentence and a tear falls down her cheek. "You broke my heart and I just kept going because we're friends. And friends, they can tell each other things but now suddenly you're saying you're in love with me and I almost died and that shouldn't be what makes you say it!" Her voice gets stronger and louder with every word. "You're scared! That's all it is, okay? I don't need to be broken over you again." Elli turns to go back to her room and Parker is quick to start walking with her.
"Please, I promise it's not like that and I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to."
"Sorry? It's been like three years and now you're sorry?" Elli eyes him with tears of disbelief and heartbreak in her eyes. "Now? I,I can't do this." Elli gets into her room and makes her way to her closet, maneuvering to grab a bag.
Parker's eyes scan her over in a heat of panic. "Wh-what are you doing?"
"I'm going to Collyn's. I can't do this. I can't." Elli repeats as if she's trying to convince herself not Parker.
"Collyn's? Elli, don't go." Parker's voice cracks again, lip quivering uncontrollably as he tries not to let his tears fall. "Please, I'm begging you, stay. Stay with me."
Elli lets out a groan as she snaps back to him. "This isn't some love song you can remaster and make it your own! You're upset because Collyn was there and you weren't! I needed you and weren't there, Parker! It's fine, that's fine but you just feel guilty about all of this and I can't handle it. I can't fucking do it. I'm going to Collyn's for awhile. I love you but I'll be damned if it doesn't fucking kill me."
It's then that Parker breaks. Tears cascade down his cheeks and quiet cries leave his lips. He tries to wipe the tears as fast as he can but his hands are clammy and shaking. Every muscle of his body has gone weak and he feels like he can't even breathe anymore. His chest is right and the lump in his throat is just cutting off oxygen. Every part of him hurts and he never expected this. He never thought this would happen.
Elli is his best friend and what is he supposed to do without her? She's one of the most important people in his life. He's trying to understand, he is but he can't. His head is fogged with how everything just feels like he's being stabbed over and over again with every piece of clothing she puts in her bag. Every piece is like she's stuffing part of him into a bag, ready to dump it into the lake and never come back to it again. It hurts so bad he doesn't know how he'll recover and that's terrifying. Jenny may have hurt him, but this? This is unbearable.
"You can't drive." Parker says, breathing shallow and ragged.
"I'll call an Uber." Elli mutters, her voice just as shallow as if she's trying not to cry.
"I can drive you." Parker offers and he doesn't know why he does, maybe because he knows if can drive her, it might be enough to get her to stay.
"If you drive, I'll stay and I'm not staying." Elli mutters, zipping the bag.
"Please," Parker approaches her, hands on her shoulders. "What can I do? I-I don't want you to leave, I-I need, please, Elli." It's another cry that comes from his lips and Elli's chin wrinkles as she matches the sorrowful expression.
"You can't unring the bell, Parker." Elli rolls her shoulders, getting Parker's hands off her before she turns back to her bag.
He might not be able to take it back but he doesn't even want to. What good would do it him to take it all back? He'd have it all bottled up again and he'd be silently screaming. Then, what's next? Eventually, she'd get into a relationship with someone else, one thing leads to another, and she's coming home with a ring on her finger and he's supposed to be happy for her. As her friend, he would be without question, and he'd be happy for her now but if he could take it back, if he never said it at all and she were to end up with someone else, he'd never forgive himself for not saying anything. And by then, it'd be too late because he wouldn't want to ruin her happy ending.
And, yes, she almost died and that's the thing. It is horrible that that's what pushed him to tell her. He knows that and she knows that. It shouldn't take a life or death situation for someone to finally to just open up but that's what happened with Parker. And he still doesn't want to take it back because, like Collyn said, if she died and he never got to tell her, he'd never forgive himself. They are best friends and whether she returns the feelings or not, he owes her the respect, especially with their friends with benefits deal, to tell her. But he didn't expect this, didn't expect her to leave.
"Elli," Parker sucks in a breath, watching her zip up her bag and she glances to him but only for a second and he wants to say more but he can't.
He's not even tongue-tied, he just can't find words. He could go on for days about why he loves her and when he realized it and why he's telling her now but if he does that, she might stay out of guilt. Parker has begged her and pleaded, tried to stop her and now it just feels like if he says anything else or does anything, he'll be forcing her and that's not what friends do. Friends don't force each other into situations they don't want to be in. Tears are still reflecting against her eyes and he just can't bring himself to say everything he should have said a long time ago.
His mouth opens and closes, like he's trying to say something but Elli shakes her head, tossing her bag over her shoulders and leaning back onto her crunches. "I'll be at Collyn's." Her words are so broken that it's like Parker's lungs have just been popped as if they were balloons.
"I can go." Parker offers, accepting defeat while Elli makes her way to their door.
"No," She says, trying to steady her voice. "You stay. We need--" Elli chokes on her words as she looks at him, broken and distraught. "I need time."
Parker hangs his head, tears missing his cheeks and falling to the floor. Elli bites her lip so hard she swears she's about to break skin. Everything hurts for her. She doesn't want to leave but she knows she needs to. Between the events of yesterday and finding this out, she can't do it. It's too much and she needs her own time to think and just figure out herself. There's not an ounce of her that doesn't feel guilty for leaving him like this but she needs to do what's best for her and maybe what's best for her is figuring out how to be herself without him.
In the burning building, she was scared that Parker would come. She was scared she'd never see Parker again and she was worried about Parker rather than herself. He told her he can't breathe without her and Elli understands that better than anyone because he is her breath of fresh air every single time he walks into the room. He's the light at the end of every dark tunnel of her life. He's her world and that's her problem. At least before he said anything, she'd feel she could sort herself out being around him because at least his feelings wouldn't be involved. But now they are. His feelings are out in the open and she can't do it. It's too much and now she feels claustrophobic in her safe space. It's not fair to him but it's not fair to her either.
"Bye, Parker." Elli mutters as she manages to get the door open and lets herself out.
Parker picks his head just enough to look at her. "Lemme walk you down at least."
Elli shakes her head. "You can't." She sniffles through her decline before she reaches for the door and shuts it, leaving Parker alone.
Parker stands there for a second before he leans against the door, tears freely slowly. He turns so his back is against the hard wood and he sinks to the floor, head in his hands. Choked sobs echo through the empty apartment and he's never felt so broken. He gasps for air as his hands start to shake again, his skin covered in the clear liquid from his eyes. One hand comes down to the floor, hitting the floor as hard as he can in heartbreak and frustration.
The center of his palm all through his fingers start to tingle and sting from the impact. It should have gained his attention but it didn't. He just shook his hand a few times as he brought his knees to bend in front of him. His nose is running and he's starting to cough from not being able to breathe. Nausea creeps through his stomach and everything in him is in so much pain, he doesn't know if he's ever felt something like this before. He never wants to feel like this again and it's only just begun.
Everyone has a heartbreak that sticks with them, there's always one that fucks them up a little. Sometimes it's from cheating, other times it's because the relationship just ended poorly, and sometimes, it's something like this. It's something where a friendship is being damaged, like a chisel is being hammered into the foundation cracking away until it finally falls apart. It's the heartbreak that sticks because it destroys parts of that person, parts that can be glued back together but it'll never be as perfect as it was.
Parker thought Jenny was his one, the one that would hurt worse than any other. It did hurt more than the other breakups, at the time. But this? The pain he's in right now, it's unbearable. This is the bad and destroying heartbreak everyone talks about. This is the one that scars ruthlessly and unapologetically. It's shredding his heart into pieces. Every breath is another tear and it's like he can't even take it. And the worst part is that him and Elli weren't even together. The worst part of it all is that they never even dated and her leaving, her saying she just can't with him is enough to be the most unbearable of heartbreaks. And to top it off, it's their friendship. Their friendship has just been broken and shattered. Everything is ruined and broken. Everything.
Elli's managed to wipe her tears and swallow her heartbreak as she took an Uber to Collyn's after sending him a quick text asking if she could stay. It threw Collyn off but he didn't even question it before saying she could. He knows her well enough to know something happened for her to ask to stay over, no mention of Parker. And his thoughts were only confirmed where there was a soft knock on his door and he opened to see Elli, tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, looking like she's about to break.
Collyn doesn't say anything as he opens the door and helps her inside. The door closes and Elli sniffles, her chest feeling like someone has been sitting on it for the past forty-five minutes. It's so hard to breathe and it only gets worse as Collyn walks in front her, eyes dawned with worry as he scans her face, trying to figure out what's wrong.
"What happened?"
Elli lets out a breath and it's only followed by a cry. Collyn's eyes widen as he moves closer to her, using his one good arm to embrace her in an awkward hug, avoiding her crutches. Elli's head rests against Collyn's chest as tears flow freely and cries rip through her throat. Her legs shake as they grow weak and the only thing Collyn can do is rub her back and listen to her heart break.
He has only one guess as to what happened and that's what scares him. If she's here and Parker isn't, there's a reason, a reason that's likely due to Parker. The question that's getting to him is what the hell could Parker have done to get Elli to break? If she could stay with him after he outright ignored her confession of love for him, Collyn can only imagine what happened behind the walls of that apartment and he's scared to even find out. But, as a friend to the two of them, as a friend who has Elli crying against him, it's his obligation to find out and try to help.
"Hey," Collyn whispers, moving his hand from her back to her chin. "Why don't we sit on the couch, tell me what's wrong, ya?"
Elli sniffles and swallows the golfball-sized lump as she nods. Collyn nods back and helps her with her bag and into the living room. She takes one end of the couch and Collyn takes a seat on the other. Her eyes go to her fingers in her lap, a few tears still falling as she tries to breathe and calm herself down. Collyn watches intently, not wanting to push her.
"I dunno if I can tell you." Elli mumbles, chin still wrinkling as if she's about to burst into a fit of sobs again.
Collyn's brows furrow. "You texted me, showed up here like this, to hell if you can't tell me. What the hell happened, Elli?"
First rule of fight club, don't talk about fight club. That's what everyone says, right? It's what Parker and Elli agreed on. They don't tell anyone about their benefits. It's supposed to be a secret but it was Elli who came up with it. Parker just agreed. And now that she's sitting in front of Collyn on the brink of telling him everything, she can't remember why she wanted it to be kept a secret so much. She doesn't remember because the ache in her chest is the only thing across her mind and she wants it to go away.
"Parker's in love with me." Elli says, with a shallow breath.
Collyn doesn't even act surprised. He's tired of being in the middle and having to keep things from the other. "What's the problem, then? Thought you liked him?"
"I do." Elli says, sniffling and rubbing her eyes. "It's," She swallows as she tries to explain. "I dunno, okay? It's not fair!" Elli yells out in a frustrated cry. "I almost fucking die and he decides he's gonna be in love with me now? That's not fair! He's just saying it because he's scared and then I'm gonna be left alone! He's gonna remember that he's not in love with me and this is just some bullshit and I'm the one left hurt again!"
Collyn is so tired of being in the middle. He's tired of his friends just dancing around their feelings. It's hurt him, hurt Jenny, and now they've hurt each other. It's out of hand now and while Collyn is loyal to a fault, he can't watch his best friend break like this, not over this.
"He told me a few months ago he was in love with you." Collyn says, almost reluctantly.
"What?" Elli croaks.
Collyn nods. "Yeah, it's not the fire. He's really in love with you." Collyn sighs but Elli's an emotional trainwreck right now and she knows Parker and Collyn go back further than her and Collyn.
"You're lying to protect him." Elli states.
Collyn's widen as he takes offense to her words. "You think I'd lie to you about this?"
"Maybe! When it comes to Parker, maybe!" Elli yells and if Collyn weren't the friend he is, he'd snap.
"I'm not lying to you." Collyn keeps his tone level knowing that Elli is just emotional and not thinking rationally.
"How do I know that? You've asked me a hundred times if there was something going on? Now that Parker says he loves me, how do I know you're not just saying he told you so I go back to him?"
While Elli is pissing Collyn off with her argument, he can't blame her. It's a fair argument, in a weird irrational just got her broken state. But, fair nonetheless. Maybe if it were reversed, Collyn would be thinking the same thing and she did say that she'd be the one hurt again. Elli doesn't know Collyn knows that she told Parker she loves him. She has no idea but Collyn does know which just makes him more understanding because maybe it's so much that really thinks he's lying to her, but maybe she's hope he is. If he's lying, she won't feel this need to put her heart on the line for someone who broke her heart. If he's lying, there's that chance Elli and Parker can pretend it never happened and move on from it. So, Collyn nods.
"Okay," He says. "I'm not lying but I'm not gonna argue with you either."
Elli sniffles and rubs her eyes again. "I wanna get drunk." Elli mutters and Collyn sighs.
"I'll let you into my alcohol if you're not gonna throw a fit when I cut you off." He offers, deciding that if she really wants to get drunk tonight while he's with her, safe, he might as well offer.
"Deal." Elli agrees while Collyn gets up and goes to his liquor cabinet for one of the bottles of vodka he has stored.
He returns with two shot glass, the bottle of vodka, two glasses, and a bottle of club soda. The tears have since stopped from Elli while Collyn pours them both a shot. It's Collyn's only shot of the night and it's only Elli's first shot of the night.
The hours go by and while Collyn would love to actually get some sleep, he's busy helping Elli to the bathroom and holding her hair back. He cut her off not more than twenty minutes ago and she really didn't have as much as she usually does but with her being so upset, Collyn wanted to make her limit much smaller and it's a good thing, too. She's still drunk but it's not as bad as it could be and it seemed to help enough for her not cry. Now, it's just made her sick and Collyn hopes, after sobering up, she'll have more sense.
"Thanks." Elli mutters, reaching to flush the toilet.
"Yeah," He sighs. "Better?"
She nods. "A little." She closes her eyes as she feels the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes. "C-can--" Elli clears her throat, pushing her tears away. "Can you leave? I just, I wanna be alone."
"After you've gotten drunk and been sick?" Collyn scoffs at the request.
"You can leave the door open, 'm fine." Elli says, closing her eyes again.
Collyn sighs and she's in the bathroom, she's sitting up. He can bring her a glass of water and he'll leave the door open. He does really want to get a phone call to Parker in before the night is over so, he does as Elli wishes after grabbing her a glass of water and bringing her her phone. He reminds her to holler or text him if she needs him for anything, even if it's just to talk or cry.
After he's left Elli to be, Collyn makes his way to his room. He'll still able to hear if Elli needs him but she likely won't be able to hear him talking to Parker. It's not like it's a secret that Collyn is calling him and he's gonna ask but Collyn knows that it's not something Elli probably wants to hear right now. So, he takes a seat in his room, door cracked open just enough while the phone rings.
"Yeah?" Parker's tired voice comes through the phone.
"You alright, mate?" Collyn asks.
"Elli okay?" Parker asks back, this time clearer than his original response.
Collyn sighs. "Dunno," Collyn says honestly. "She's drunk, now. What happened?"
"How bad?"
"Parker." Collyn warns. "We're not doin' that, called 'bout you. What happened and are you alright?"
Parker sniffles and runs a hand through his hair. "I told her, like you said I should. She didn't take it well so, uh," Parker licks his lips. "Nah, I'm not alright. Did you know this flat is um...." Parker trails off for a few seconds. "It's big and really quiet."
Collyn winces with Parker's words, hearing the pain in his voice. "I'm so sorry, mate."
"It's alright." Parker sniffles. "Is she coming home?"
"Nah, when she was drinking she asked if she could stay for a few days." Collyn answers feeling guilty.
It's not fair but he knows Elli going to her parents' house would be terrible for her. She'd have to answer a thousand questions about why she said she was dating him and why Parker admitting his feeling sis a bad thing. Going to her parents' house is the last thing she needs and she doesn't have anywhere else to go. So, Collyn is gonna let her stay and maybe knock some good sense into her.
"A few days?" Parker's voice cracks as he asks.
"Yeah, I'm sure it won't last, though, okay? I'm gonna talk to her."
"Please," Parker begs and it's enough to break Collyn's heart all over again. "I can't lose her, Collyn .She doesn't have to be with me, 's alright but I can't lose her as a friend."
"I know." Collyn nods. "I'll talk to her tomorrow. Maybe just give her some space for right now and let her sort things out. I think there's more going on than this, more than you."
"Doesn't make it any better." Parker states.
"I know." Collyn agrees. "But, it's true. So, just, hang in there, okay? Don't do anything stupid."
"Won't." Parker confirms.
Silence falls between the boys. Parker doesn't have anything to say but it's comforting to have his best friend on the phone with him. He wanted to call Collyn the second Elli left but he figured that wouldn't be very fair to her if he told Collyn first, not with her actually going over there. And it's too late for him to call any of his family with them being a full six hours ahead of him. So, he just had to be by himself, crying and trying to sort it out himself. Which was just him being an utter mess in the living room, listening to music until Collyn called. But now, now it feels like maybe he could get an hour of sleep.
"I know it sucks," Collyn starts. "But it's gonna be okay."
"Hope so."
"It will be. You ignored her the first time and you two got past it, you can get past this, too."
"Maybe I don't want to get past any of it." Parker mutters and Collyn just furrows his brows.
"What's that mean?"
"I'm in love with her. I don't want to pretend it never happened."
There's a sense of pride that fills Collyn's chest. He knew it would happen. He knew Parker would eventually get the courage to stop lying to himself about his feelings towards Elli. And yeah, it kind of blew up in his face right now but that's not even the point. The point is that Parker is embracing it, he's not scared of it anymore even with a broken heart and Collyn's proud of him for it.
"So, don't." Collyn states. "Give her a few days and try again. You weren't there--"
"Don't start that." Parker cuts him off.
"Listen, you weren't there yesterday, you've no clue what it was like. She's gotta get over that first."
"Was I wrong then?" Parker asks, guilt starting to creep over him once more.
"Nah," Collyn shakes his head. "Timing could have been better, but I don't think you were wrong to tell her."
A dry chuckle sounds from Parker. "You just telling me that to make me feel better?"
Collyn laughs but shakes his head. "No, it's the truth. I'd tell you if you fucked up."
"Thanks, Collyn." Parker says, the ache in his chest just barely lifting for the first time in hours.
"You're welcome. But, I'm gonna check on Elli, just wanted to check on you. Call if you need anything, ya?"
"Yeah, yeah, thanks." Parker agrees. "Um.....just when you think it's right..."
"I'll tell her to at least text you."
"Thank you." Parker thanks him.
"Course," Collyn sighs. "Get some sleep."
Parker agrees and the boys end their phone call, allowing Collyn to head back to the bathroom to check on Elli. Parker, on the other hand, he makes himself comfortable on the couch, too exhausted to bother with his room. While the weight on his chest isn't as heavy, he knows he needs to try and sleep now. Moving to his room will risk that weight coming back and weighing him down so much he won't be able to sleep and he's got work in the morning. He has plenty of vacation days but he remembers what Elli said when him and Jenny broke up. Sitting at home will only make it worse, it allows him to sulk in self-pity but getting out and proceeding as he would, that'll make it better even if only for a few hours. So, Parker finds it in himself to close his eyes and get some sleep.
Collyn helps Elli into the guest bedroom and she's asleep almost the second her head hits the pillow. And lucky for Collyn, she sleeps through the night and only wakes up when she can hear Collyn in the kitchen around ten in the morning. Her head pounds and there's a numbness through her chest and limbs as the night before floods back to her like a hurricane. Her chest immediately starts to ache just as it did the night before but she's so tired from it all, mentally and physically, that she just forces herself to get up. Get up. Keep moving.
"Morning." Collyn greets as Elli enters the kitchen, the sound of the crutches giving her away.
"Mmm." She hums, sitting on the barstools.
"Making breakfast."
"You can't even cook." Elli mutters before resting her head on the counter.
"I can cook eggs." Collyn retorts, looking over his shoulder.
"Mhm," She hums in response.
"How ya feeling?"
"Like I got stabbed in the chest and drank too much."
"Sounds about right." Collyn states, moving the scrambled eggs to two plates. He walks over to her and places a plate in front of her before grabbing the bottle of aspirin and putting that beside her with a glass of water.
"Thank you." Elli says, going for the pills first.
"Yep." He says, placing his plate on the counter and facing her to eat. "So,"
"It's early, are you gonna start this?" Elli groans before taking a drink of water.
"You need to talk to him."
"No." Elli says coldly, going to eat her food.
"What do you mean 'no'?" Collyn's eyes widen with annoyance.
"I said no. I don't want to." Elli eats some of the eggs, surprised they aren't horrible. Parker's are better but Parker has always been a better cook than either of them.
"He's your best friend."
"I know." Elli shrugs. "But I don't want to talk to him. You can't make me."
"Will you tell me why the fuck not?"
"No." Elli responds in the same cold tone.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Collyn drops his fork into his food.
"No, I'm not fucking kidding you. You don't know the whole story and I can't talk about it but he broke my heart and I don't want to talk to him. I can't talk to him, Collyn. I need to know I don't need him." Elli huffs before stuffing another forkful of eggs into her mouth.
"What do you mean? That you don't need him?" Collyn asks, trying to solbe the rubix cube that is Elli Summers.
"Nothing, I'm sorry." Elli says. "I just, okay? I can't. I can't talk to him right now. I can't see him. I just can't. If you want me to go, I will but I'll go to parents' house."
Collyn sighs and runs a hand through his hair, fighting the push and pull of his mind. He should make her talk to him. Tell Parker to come over after work and make them sit down and talk. But, it hasn't even been twenty-four hours so he just nods.
"No, you can stay. It's fine." Collyn says before going back to his own food.
"Thank you." Elli says, looking to her plate. "You do make good eggs." A smile, a very small smile, comes to Elli's face.
Collyn laughs as he holds his head up with pride. "Told you."
The conversation ended and Collyn and Elli spent their day together, Collyn just making sure Elli is okay and Elli distracting herself. Collyn checked in on Parker every chance he got with texts. Elli might be staying with him but he's not going to leave Parker high and dry either. He's both of their best friend and that's how it's going to stay. However, what Collyn didn't expect was how long this was going to last.
He truly believed that Elli would cave after two or three days and she'd at least call Parker. She hears his voice and they'd start talking and that'd be it. She'd be asking Collyn to take her back home and everything would either change for the better between Parker and Elli or it'd go back to how it was. But, that's not what happened.
The first three days passed and Elli didn't even text Parker, not once. She was avoiding him at every chance. Parker had a set to play as he usually does and Collyn found himself going alone and apologizing profusely to Parker afterward, seeing the heartbreak and devastation on his face for the first time. It was unbelievable that Elli wouldn't even go to his show, that she couldn't even text him a good luck. It was just nothing. And maybe that hurt Parker more than he was willing to admit. But, Collyn saw it on his face. He knows it's breaking Parker not to be talking to Elli. And it only got worse.
The first week went by and Collyn found himself getting more and more annoyed with her not talking to him. Parker is a disaster without her and if she'd just send him a message, it wouldn't be as bad. It wouldn't be and Collyn knows that. Elli is Parker's best friend and Parker is in love with her. It's bullshit that she doesn't have the decency to text him. But, Collyn kept his mouth shut for that week and as requested by Parker, Collyn would keep his mouth shut until Parker asked him to say something. Loyalty runs deep.
But, then the second week comes to a close and Elli and Parker haven't spoken. Instead, there's a knock on Collyn's door and to his surprise, Parker is standing there. He's got a bag with him and Collyn's heart drops to the pit of his stomach as he lets him in.
"Uh, is Elli here?" Parker asks.
Collyn hangs his head. "Nah, she had a doctor's appointment for her ankle."
"She okay?" Parker asks in a rush.
Collyn nods. "Yeah, just a follow-up to see if it's healed or she needs another week or two on crutches. She's fine." Collyn points to the bag in Parker's hand. "What's going on?"
Parker sucks in a nervous breath and shakes his head just once. "I'm gonna go home."
Collyn stares at back Parker in shock. "Like, to London?"
"Yeah, mum's been buggin' me to come back since we didn't see each other over the holidays and I've not gone since so...I've got vacation days so, I'm gonna go."
"Are you coming back?" Collyn asks, afraid of what Parker would say.
Parker nods quickly with furrowed brows. "Yeah, yeah. I'll be back. I just," He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I can't be there without her, mate. It's too quiet and big and it's empty. It's so fuckin' empty without her. I hate it. And I miss my family. I gotta go but I'll be back, no longer than a month."
Collyn can already feel the look Elli is going to be giving him when he breaks it to her. "You don't want to tell Elli?"
Parker scoffs. "Not talkin' to me anyway." Parker states. "But," He goes to his bag and pulls out an envelope. "Can you give this to her?"
Collyn nods, taking it from him. "Yeah, 'course. This why you came by?"
"Kind of." Parker huffs, pulling the strap of his bag over his shoulder.
"Hoping she'd be here and convince you to stay?"
"Maybe." Parker shrugs. "But, my flight leaves soon so I gotta get to Midway."
Collyn nods. "Yeah, alright. I'll give her this and tell her. Call when you're back, ya? Tell everyone said hi."
"I will." Parker gives Collyn a side smile before Parker lets himself out.
Collyn holds the envelope in his hands and wonders what it says, what it's even about that he didn't just text it to her. Parker doesn't usually write letters, or anything besides his music. So, this is a bit strange and the envelope is bigger than just the standard size which is throwing Collyn off more. But, then again, it's none of his business. So, he rests it on the counter and goes back to trying to sculpt with one hand as he waits for Elli to get back.
Elli returns an hour later, crutch-free and a smile dawning her face as she makes her way through Collyn's apartment door. She beams for the first time in two weeks, just happy to be able to walk again. And her mood doesn't fall as she makes her way into the living room, taking a seat on the couch before Collyn makes his way in from the back room.
"See you're better?" Collyn asks, grabbing the envelope from the counter.
"Yep! Got the all-clear, thank fuck."
"Lucky you." Collyn mocks, gesturing the arm that's still stuck in a sling for another two to four weeks.
"Sorry." Elli chuckles.
"I've got news." Collyn's smile falls as he stands in front of her.
"Okay?" She raises a brow not liking how Collyn's tone has changed.
"Parker's dropped this off for you. He went to London today." Collyn hands her the envelope. "He told me to give that to you."
Elli's heart sinks as she looks at the envelope. Her name is written in Parker's excuse for handwriting and he almost brings a smile to her face. Her thumb brushes over the dried black ink, likely from his favorite pen by the looks of the ink. She didn't think he'd leave though. But, she can't be mad, not returning his texts or phone calls. She can't complain because she left first. So, she doesn't say anything, she just opens the envelope.
It's the picture he took of her when they were at the pier for the first time in the snow. It's one she didn't know he took. Her eyes are trained at the sky, open mouth smiled decorating her face. Pink gloves cover her hands as a matching beanie sits on her head and she looks so happy and in love with the snow it's almost insane. It's a side profile but it's Parker favorite picture and Elli has to admit she adores the picture but that begs the question: why didn't he show her before?
So, she flips the picture over to be met with more handwriting:
"I've always been in love with you."
Elli sighs and the weight of heartbreak comes rushing back like a tsunami.
"You okay?" Collyn asks.
"Yeah," Elli says, shaking her head and holding back the lump in her throat. "I, uh, I....I'm gonna take a nap." Elli stands up and starts to walk to the guest bedroom.
"Are you gonna call him?" Collyn asks bluntly.
Elli looks over her shoulder. "No." She states and makes her way to the bedroom, the door shutting quietly behind her and allowing her to sit by herself.
Now she just feels like she's made a huge mistake. She should have heard Parker out. She's terrified of getting hurt by him and there is so much more to her being afraid of him being in love with her but if it's been this long, it's not fair to him. She hurt him in the way he hurt her years ago and that's so unfair. She's scared and stubborn and now she just can't call. She can't call while he's with his family and she's not even sure what to do with his. Elli completely shut him down and now she has this. It's torture. But, then Elli reminds herself of one of the biggest reasons she's staying with Collyn. Parker broke her heart and Elli feels like she is too dependent on him. And that is not fair to either of them. So, she keeps the picture but puts it with her things and doesn't look back on it.
It's a month that goes by. Parker is back home and he's just talked to Collyn. Parker's talking about how it still hurts not having Elli around and there's something with the way Parker talks that sends Collyn into a fit of rage. If Elli wanted to be mad and upset for a week, fine, but over a month? It's Collyn's last straw.
Over this month, he's tried to talk to Elli, convince her to just reach out once and she has not once done so. He might be her friend but Parker was his friend first and Parker is the one hurt now. Not Elli. Parker coming back and while feeling a little better seeing family but still being upset over Elli, that doesn't fly anymore. So, Collyn hangs up with Parker and he barges into the living room.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Collyn yells, grabbing Elli's full attention as she faces him with a dropped jaw and wide eyes."He's fucking in love with you. He's your best friend. And it has been almost two fucking months. Grow the fuck up and talk to him, damn it!"
Collyn's outburst catches Elli completely off guard. Collyn doesn't yell at her, not usually but never like his. He never just storms in and rails into her about something but he is now and Elli has half a mind to walk out and not give him the time of day. But, she doesn't take this.
"You don't even know the half of it, Collyn!" Elli yells back. "I don't have to talk to him!"
"Then fucking tell me! I'm your friend, too but you sure as shit are not making it easy! I get that you're upset he had bad timing or whatever but for fuck's sake, Elli, the boy tells you he loves you and you leave him high and dry for almost two fucking months? And you call yourself his friend? You call yourself his roommate? Friends don't do this."
"Do you really want to know?" Elli spits, ready to just let it all out. This isn't going to stop. It's never going to stop until Collyn knows everything that happened that day. And Elli knows that. And she needs it to stop. "Fine."
----- 3 years ago -----
To say Elli had a rough day would be an understatement. She was stuck working with a bunch of 13-year-old boys and their parents who all think they're going to be the next Jonathan Toews or Patrick Sharp. None of them would listen to her as she tried to get them to take even one decent group picture. Apparently, she was wasting their time and the boys should be practicing for the playoffs, not that that was Elli's fault she was hired to photograph them. And it only got worse as she was also hired to photograph the practice, parents making snide comments or demanding she move, even shoving her. Boys doing the exact same, seemingly whenever they got the chance while not on the ice, following in their parents' footsteps. It was a rough day.
So, it was no surprise that the first thing she did when she walked through her door was groan while kicking her shoes off before mumbling to herself on the way to her bed. She didn't even bother shutting the door as she entered her room and fell face first into her mattress. A dramatic sigh muffles against the fabric and every part of her just wants to go to bed and forget the day ever happened. But, Parker's home and he heard her come home, of course coming to check on her.
"You alright, darlin?" Parker asks, standing in her doorway. She starts talking into the matress, her words completely muffled and incoherent. Parker shakes his head and walks inside, taking a seat beside her. "What're you sayin'? Can't understand you with your face in the blankets."
Elli looks at him with tired eyes. "Teenage boys and their parents are the worst form of humanity." Parker laughs, head tilting back and he gains a glare from Elli. "It's not funny! It's true!"
Parker continues to laugh, looking down at her. "I was a teenage boy with sports parents."
"And you probably a little prick." Elli states and Parker nods quickly.
"Oh, absolutely." His smile is so bright that it seems to start to washing away Elli's sour mood. "But, am I prick now?"
Elli bites her lip to hide her smile. "Are you?" Parker narrows his eyes and Elli lets out her first laugh of the night as she rolls over. Parker pokes her stomach, elicting a booming laugh from her and it makes him laugh to himself, eyes soft as he watches her. "Yes, you are."
"Am not!" Parker says. "I'm a bit of dick but I wouldn't say I'm a prick." His nose scrunches with another burst of laughter and Elli just shakes her head, leaning into him.
"Yeah," She rolls her eyes, looking up to him. "You're alright, I guess."
Parker smiles softly, taing her hand in his and tangling their fingers together. "Feel better?"
"A little." Elli sighs, the smile falling just slightly.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Parker offers, fingers moving against hers.
"Nah," Elli shakes her. "I'm just tired of it, I'm too good for it."
Parker bites his lip, eyes flicking between her eyes and lips. "Yeah, you are."
Elli's cheeks flush a soft tint of red before she sits up and leans into Parker. Their fingers stop moving together as the air thickens between them. It feels like breathless minutes before Elli moves forward and captures his lips in a sweet kiss. Parker's eyes flutter closed, feeling himself get lost with the feeling of her lips against his and his hand trails from hers up to her neck, pulling her in and deepening the kiss.
Elli's heart pounds in her chest and every single time they kiss it's like magic. Not the fireworks that are always described but just, magic. It's not something anyone can see or even visualize, it's just a feeling in her stomach and her heart. It's the kind that keeps her breathing even when she completely forgets how. It's a rush and beautiful all in one and it's with every single and movement of Parker's Lips against hers.
And surges of electricity jolt through her body as his lips trail to her neck and he nips at the skin before latching down. He sucks a bright purple mark to her skin, a symbol that in this apartment, she's his and she loves it. She lives for it. And now she wants to live for it in a different way, in the way where when someone sees it, they don't even ask because they know it's from Parker. They know Parker is with her and she's with him, it's the two of them. And she trails her lips down to his neck, gaining a groan before she leaves her own mark on his skin, a mark that just screams her name and she hopes he feels the same way. Marks screaming each other's name and pleading for them not to be dirty little secrets.
Elli pushes Parker's shoulder, moving him flat on his back as she straddles him, their lips not disconnecting for a single second. Their breathing is already ragged and strangled but they're not focused on breathing. They're lost in the moment of lust, something they've been becoming very accustomed to.
Parker's hands slide under her shirt and his hands are so warm, fitting to her sides like a perfect puzzle piece sliding into place. And his hands trail up to her breasts, taking them in his hands and squeezing them over her bra until Elli finally disconnects their lips and sits up. She pulls her shirt over her head and Parker gains that usual smirk he always gets and it sends another rush of heat through Elli's body, head to toe. She matches his smirk with a wink before reaching behind her back and unclasping her bra.
Parker follows her lead and sits up, taking his shirt off and before Elli can go back to her position, Parker's arm is wrapping around her and flipping them back over so he's on top. Elli laughs and Parker matches the melody, his head dipping into her neck before his eyes meet hers.
The laughing subsides and this feeling washes over him. Elli? She is wow. She's everything Parker loves and cares about. The best moment of his life is the day she kissed him for the time but there's something with the way her eyes meet his in the low light of her bedroom, the only light coming from her fairy lights. There's a new feeling here, one Parker hasn't felt before, one he wasn't even sure actually existed. And it scares him so he breaks eye contact and connects his lips back to hers before sliding a hand between the two of them and sliding his hand into her sweatpants.
Elli moans as his fingers slide her underwear aside and start sliding through her folds, collecting her wetness. Her eyes shut while her hand reaches for the nape his neck, tugging him closer to her. She moves her lips from his, kissing his cheek before she gets to his ear.
"Condom." She whispers, voice completely drenched in lust and Parker moves in seconds, reaching to her nightstand for a condom while she strips the rest of her clothes.
Parker follows her lead and slides the condom on once his clothes have been tossed to the floor. He lines himself up with her core and he watches himself slowly disappear into her heat. He groans into her chest once he bottoms out, Elli's jaw hanging slightly ajar with the full feeling.
She runs a hand through his hair and Parker picks his head up, eyes meeting hers and he's scared at the flutter his heart does. He's terrified of the way he gets goosebumps and the way he wants to kiss her like he's never done before. For the first time, he's scared of her but he doesn't let it show. He just stares back at her with heavy breaths and Elli pushes loose strands of curls back because she's scared, too but in a different way.
She isn't paralyzed with fear, it's all right there. She's in love with him and she knows now. Something clicked tonight and maybe it was just him talking to her. It's just Parker. It's always been Parker and it's always going to be Parker. And she is happy that's it's him. Parker makes her happy. Elli is happy on her own but he makes her the happiest she's ever been. And she's so in love with him.
"Parker," Elli gasps as Parker thrusts into her and he pauses for a second, brows furrowing and Elli's breath just hitches before she continues. "I love you." She says and Parker stares at her.
All he does is stare. This is Elli. She is the fucking dream. She's his dream. She is everything that he could ever need and want and she is his best friend. She makes him so much better but she's his best friend and Parker swears up and down that he is not her person because he doesn't deserve her.
Elli is too good for him and she just told him she loves him and he can't say a damn word back. He can't say he loves her because while the feeling in his whole body is screaming that four letter word, Parker still isn't' positive he believes in it.
And he should, there is this deep and dark place in his mind that's trying to pull itself to light, trying to scream at Parker that this is it. This is love. This is what it is. It's Elli but that part of him is weak. It's fragile and scared and not loud enough. It's not even a throbbing in his mind. So, he stares at her before he starts thrusting into her again, forehead going to her collarbones.
Elli feels the burning behind her eyes as Parker keeps moving without a word. Her nails dig into his back and maybe the right thing to do would be to stop but she doesn't exactly want to. She doesn't want to stop because sex? That's easy and Parker is great and Elli knows that in a record time, Parker can get her reaching a euphoria that will make her forget this, even momentarily.
It'll relieve the lump in her throat and the stabbing and burning of her heart. Tears won't threaten to spill and her voice won't shake with heartbreak. It'd just be moans of desire. So, she doesn't say another word as she lets herself get lost in the sex, allowing herself to use this and Parker does the same before pulling his head from her neck to look at her.
Guilt. He's already feeling guilty and he should say literally anything other than what comes out of his mouth. "Do you wanna stop?" He pauses as Elli just stares back at him, brows furrowed together. "We can, if you want." He says, not moving or budging in the slightest and he wants for Elli to tell him yes, use their safe word, but she doesn't.
"No, keep going." She says, her voice uneven but her lips are on Parker's in seconds, hand on his neck to pull him to her.
"Are you sure?" Parker mutters against her lips, just needing to be sure.
"Just fuck me." Elli pulls away and looks back at him, ready to wash the remains of the eight letters from her skin.
He nods and pushes the guilt away, lips hot on hers again as his thrusts pick back up. They both use the sex to move on from the words and the guilt, pretend it slipped and by the time Elli's nails dig into his skin and Parker's teeth bite down on her neck, both using each other their orgasms hitting hard. They're lost in pleasure and lust, no other thoughts in mind until they come down.
They're on their backs and it hits Parker like a freight train, weight on his chest dragging him to the bottom of the ocean. Why didn't he just say it back? Say anything at all? Panic starts to seep in and his head turns to Elli who's eyes are trained on the ceiling but before Parker manages a single word, Elli is getting up and gathering her clothes from the floor.
"Elli." Parker calls, voice fragile and guilt-ridden.
"I'll be back." She mutters before biting her lip to keep herself together.
"Wait, Elli, come back." Parker calls back, leaning forward but Elli looks back to him with eyes turning red and they're glossed over and Parker swears that's the moment things changed.
"I'll be back, Parker." Elli says with the shrug of her shoulders before she exits the room and Parker hopes she will be but the hope evaporates as he hears her in the kitchen a minute later and the front door opening and closing. He just broke his best friend.
----- current time -----
Collyn stares at her and Elli shrugs. "So, that's what happened. You know the rest. I called you, you calmed me. I went back inside, went to sleep, and we pretended it never happened."
Collyn already knew but he'll play dumb for the time being. Especially because he didn't know details of the event. He had no idea it affected her that way. He knew it hurt her but to hear it come from her mouth, that's something totally different. And he gets it, he understands but he also doesn't think this justifies her actions.
"Look, I'm sorry it happened and so is Parker. You and I both know that." Collyn starts. "Did you ever ask what he wanted when he called after you?"
Elli shakes her head. "No, I just forgot about it."
"Why?" Collyn says, and he's trying to be the voice of reason. Collyn knows why, Parker would have tried to stop her to make it better. He may not have confessed his feelings for her then but Parker did try to ask her out not long after so it's fair to think maybe he would have said something had Elli let him talk.
"I..." Elli hangs her head. "Because."
Collyn sighs and he runs a hand through his hair. "Do you forgive him for it? Do you really think he'd hurt you?"
"Yeah, I forgive and no......not really." Elli admits. "It's just, it hurt so bad the first time that, what if it does happen again?"
"Then it happens and you pick yourself up like you did before. You did it then and you can do it again. But, this," Collyn motions his finger between them. "What's going on with you and Parker, now, that's not about what happened three years ago. Hell, it's not even about what happened two months ago. There's more to this. Your friendship is falling apart, Elli."
"I know." Elli says with sad eyes. "I know."
"What's wrong with your foundation then?"
"What?" Elli's entire face scrunches at the seemingly random question.
"You and Parker build this house, it's falling, why?" Collyn starts, very clearly onto something.
"What the hell--"
"What keeps a house up? Keeps it standing?"
"A foundation?"
"Right. Every relationship and friendship is built on one. Some hold up cottages or small flats, others hold up castles and mansions but you and Parker? You've built a house so what's wrong with the foundation that's making it fall? I feel as though we've built something nice, a nice flat if you will, but when you told me you didn't like me or when I asked you on a date, our foundation was stronger. It's like we've been able to pack up these little holes, crevices neither of ever noticed until then and we've been friends for years, years longer than you and Parker. So, what's wrong with your foundation that's making that house fall?"
"I don't know." Elli shrugs, finally catching onto what Collyn is saying.
"Yes, you do. You do know so what is it?"
Elli stares back at him and she does know. It's not about getting hurt again. It's bigger than that because she does know that if it didn't work out, they could fix it. It's what they do. They always fix whatever problems they have between each other. Elli and Parker work so well together it is mind blowing so Collyn is right for calling her bluff. It's not about getting hurt. It'snot even about Parker's timing, not fully. There's more to this, more than goes down to the very core of their friendship and Elli just needed a push to address it.
"I need to talk to him, huh?"
"Yes!" Collyn yells, dramatic as ever even leaning forward with the word.
"Will I have a bed here if it doesn't work?"
"If you pay rent." Collyn chuckles with a nod.
"Yeah," Elli scoffs. "How much money do you even make? I can't afford half the rent here."
"Talent." Collyn quips with a cocky grin.
"Shut up." Elli rolls her eyes and makes her way to the guest bedroom to grab her things, prepping to go home and finally talk to Parker.