Clarke was crumpled to the floor in a small room of the opposite side of the restaurant. "What the hell is she doing here?" She sobbed into Octavia's neck.
Seeing Lexa again had opened a floodgate and now Clarke's emotions we're just spilling out freely, her body just shaking uncontrollably and her lungs burned with every breath. Pain, anger and heartbreak were coursing through her, however and quite unexpectedly, so was a sense of longing. The weight of the waves pouring over her were just too much, she was drowning in them.
"What exactly was that?" Wells asked loudly as he entered the room, clearly embarrassed.
"That, would be Lexa," Lincoln answered sternly, then realizing that Wells might not know about Clarke and Lexa's history, he elaborated cautiously. "Um, all of us were very close in college, but then there was a, er...falling out."
"I can't do this, O. Last time..." Clarke sobbed quietly. "I barely got..."
Bellamy knelt down beside her and rubbed her back. "Easy," he said softly, "just breathe."
"Well, this is certainly not how I foresaw our night going," Wells said with an annoyingly arrogant tone as he crossed his arms.
"And you think that any of us did?" Octavia's eyes snapped up, burning with fury. "None of us have heard from Lexa since college and in case you can't tell from your hysterical fiancé here, it didn't end well! So, how about you just back off and give us some space?"
Wells dropped his arms to his side as his eyes shifted among the group. He looked completely insulted, but submitted with a scoff and quietly left the room.
A few minutes passed before Abby and Raven entered the room and Abby immediately scooped up Clarke.
"Mom..." Clarke cried as she wrapped her arms around her mother's neck. "I can't..."
"Shhh," Abby whispered as she patted her back for several minutes.
This wasn't right and it wasn't fair. Lexa said that she wasn't coming back. Why the hell was she here? And why did it have to be tonight? Of all nights!
"What the hell happened to your hand?" Octavia's voice suddenly broke the silence.
Pulling her head up from her mother's shoulder, Clarke let her eyes follow the path of Octavia's gaze until the landed on Raven's hand, which was wrapped in what appeared to be a napkin, a napkin that was already heavily stained with red.
"Oh... Um...it might have gotten a little up close and personal," Raven said shyly under Abby's gaze, "with Lexa's face."
"Raven!" Clarke exclaimed loudly, but Octavia smirked approvingly.
"I already heard it!" Raven said throwing up her hands and looking at Abby. "But, at least I didn't call her Alexandria," she added under her breath, earning her a hard side glare from Abby.
Clarke knew that she would be lying if she said that she didn't appreciated what Raven had done, because the truth was, on some level, she absolutely did appreciated it.
"She has no right to just show up here!" Clarke finally spat as she stepped away from her mother and walked over to a mirror, attempting to compose herself. "I'll be damned if I let her ..." she paused and shook her head.
"Clarke," Abby said as she walked up behind her. "Listen to me, this isn't about you. She didn't come here to hurt you."
"You don't know that," Clarke said shaking her head stubbornly.
It was true. How could she possibly know that? Like Octavia just said, no one had heard from Lexa since college.
"Actually, I do know it," Abby stated firmly, before pausing and clearing her throat. "You see, that um...dinner party across the hall," she jerked her head to the right.
Clarke glanced out the door and into the room across the hall. All that she could see were the backs of several people in what appeared to be dark suits. She nodded.
"Sweetheart, it's a repast dinner," Abby explained softly, "for Lexa's parents."
Clarke's jaw slacked a bit as a sudden twinge of emotion went off in her chest.
While Lexa's parents were completely awful and she absolutely hated them, they were still exactly that – her parents.
"It really is just a, fucked up fluke," Raven added, her tone holding a bit of awe. When everyone looked at her, she defended with a very Raven like chuckle. "What? Come on, admit it. On the grand scale of things, this is pretty fucked up."
Everyone chuckled a little bit at that, even Clarke, she couldn't help it. None of them could deny that yes, on the grand scale of things this was indeed, pretty fucked up.
"So, what now?" Bellamy finally asked.
"Now nothing," Clarke shrugged as she picked up her purse. "I'm going to take my ass into the ladies room and try to make myself look halfway presentable. I have a party to get back to."
Everyone nodded in agreement and the crowd dispersed. As Clarke made her way towards the ladies room though, she couldn't help but glance into the room where the repast was, but she did see Lexa, or Anya for that matter.
"She's not there," Raven said in her ear and she turned. "They left."
"Good," Clarke shrugged unconvincingly. "One less thing to worry about."
A few minutes later Clarke and Raven rejoined the party. As soon as Clarke's eyes fell on the scene she looked at Raven with almost pleading eyes. "All hands on deck, right?" She questioned nervously while her blue eyes appeared both hopeful and saddened.
"For you? Of course," Raven nodded affectionately and nudged her. "Come on. I'll get you a drink."
Clarke nodded, trying to reassure herself. She took a deep breath.
"All better then?" Wells asked as he appeared at her side.
"I'm fine," Clarke smiled as she wrapped her arms loosely around his waist.
"Good," he nodded and placed a quick kiss on her forehead.
The rest of the party went off without a hitch. Clarke moved through the night chatting and drinking with her friends, family and soon to be new family. Everyone was doing their best to keep her mind off what had happened in the bar earlier, but no one could really keep her mind of the fact that Lexa was now back and possibly for good.
"So, what was all of that about earlier?" Wells questioned as they entered their apartment sometime later.
"It was nothing," Clarke insisted as she slipped off her heels and tossed her purse onto the couch. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a drink.
"Will you really not tell me?" Wells asked from the doorway. "I know that you were upset."
Clarke sighed and took a sip of her drink. The last thing in the world that she wanted to do right now was discuss her former lover with her fiancé. "I just really don't want to talk about it."
Wells nodded as he pulled off his tie. "I take it you won't be coming to bed then?" He motioned to her drink.
As Clarke looked up at him, a sadness building in her heart. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "I'll be in after a while."
"Right," he said unbuttoning his shirt. "No problem." he kissed her cheek and then retired for the night.
An hour later, Clarke sat in her dark kitchen with a stiff drink in one hand and a picture of her and Lexa in the other. Her mind was floating dangerously on memories of the woman that she had long since come to believe she would never meet again. She remembered the night they had met and though she had been insanely drunk, it was a memory that still burned vividly in her mind. They were three weeks into another college year when an impromptu party crossed her and Lexa's paths and at the time she had no idea how much that night would change her.
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"Holy shit, there are a lot of people here!" Clarke yelled over the loud, obnoxious music that filled the house.
"A lot of yummy people," Raven grinned back. "It's like an eye candy buffet!"
"You're drooling, Raven!" Clarke laughed and shook her head.
Raven laughed and jokingly wiped her chin. "Come on, let's get a drink," she motioned toward a near by table, littered with bottles.
One hour or more, and several drinks later Clarke and Raven were dancing together in the living room when Clarke stumbled forward, causing her to spill her drink on a girl that was walking by. "Shit," she giggled foolishly. "Sorry."
The girl looked down at her shirt with a set jaw and gave the shortest of nods. Handing her drink to the boy that was with her, she began to undo the buttons on her shirt. Clarke watched her, strangely unable to look away. The girl was lean and fit with sun kissed skin and wavy brown hair. As she peeled the shirt off her shoulders, leaving her in only a dark tank, her eyes met Clarke's, but only for a moment. They were piercing and green, so green and almost, familiar. Clarke blinked just as the girl crumpled the shirt, took her drink back and walked away without a word.
"Making new friends already?" Octavia's voice interrupted. "Oh, but I wouldn't mind making friends with him," she added as she eyed the boy that was now walking away with the brunette.
"O! There you are!" Clarke laughed, the thoughts of the previous moment disappeared from her mind as she wrapped her arms around Octavia's neck. "You're late."
"Octavia!" Raven laughed and wrapped her arms around the hugging friends.
"Alright bitches," Octavia smirked, "let's get our drink on."
A few hours later, Clarke was sitting on the steps with her feet propped on the railing and her eyes closed, just getting lost in the music floating up from the room below. It had been some time since she had given up on trying to find Octavia and Raven. For all she knew they were long gone at this point. Feeling a light thumping against her backside, Clarke opened her eyes and looked around. There on the lower portion of the steps her eyes again found that stunning pair of green eyes. It was the brunette from earlier, frozen in place because Clarke was blocking her path.
"Are you alright?" The girl asked with a look that almost read as annoyance.
"Yep," Clarke replied, emphasizing the P. "I couldn't find my friends."
"Do you need some help?" She questioned her again.
"Eh. They're probably passed out somewhere," Clarke shook her head lightly. "I'm just going to go."
"Do you need a cab?" She asked.
"Nah, it's not that far," Clarke grabbed onto the railing and pulled herself up. Looking down, the steps seemed to swirl a little, but she just grinned. "I got this," she assured her and stepped forward.
However that step had been seriously miscalculated and a second later, Clarke felt her body falling forward and as the ground rushed up to meet her, she braced herself for what she was sure would be a very painful impact, but it never came. Instead she found herself engulfed in a mass of wavy, chestnut colored softness as two strong arms caught her around her center.
"You're alright," the brunette assured her.
"I'm drunk. So drunk," Clarke breathed as she rested her forehead on the girls shoulder, "God, so drunk."
The brunette shook her head, but her eyes showed more humor than annoyance. "Come on," she said as together they made their way down the steps.
"Where're we going to go?" Clarke questioned senselessly.
"I'm going to walk you home," the girl told her.
"Really?" Clarke's blue eyes widened and sparkled as her mouth lifted into a goofy smile. "You're so sweet."
"You really are drunk," she smirked ever so lightly.
"Yep," Clarke agreed with a nod.
"So, where's home?" She questioned her.
"Kent," Clarke answered.
"Ok, come on," the girl said as she led her out through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water along the way, while Clarke gripped her bicep and leaned on her for support.
The night air was cool and refreshing as they slowly made their way down the sidewalk, Clarke with her eyes mostly closed and her feet dragging slightly.
"Here, drink some water," the brunette's voice broke into her hazy thoughts.
"Water is good. I like water," Clarke said tipping some into her mouth and gagging on it immediately. "Oh, that's cold. No. I don't like that," she said returning the bottle with a little too much force. It collided with the girls toned stomach, sending water shooting up and out, and again, onto the girl's shirt, causing her to gasp in shock.
Instantly Clarke's eyes went wide as she clapped her hands over her mouth trying, and failing to stifle a laugh.
"That's the second time you've spilled a drink on me in less than four hours," the girl glared at her lightly.
Slowly Clarke lowered her hands from her mouth, but her eyes were still dancing with laughter.
The brunette tilted her head ever so slightly as a sly grin appeared on her face and suddenly she jerked the bottle upward, sending icy water splashing onto Clarke's neck and chin and the front of her shirt.
"Hey!" Clarke shrieked in shock. "That was just mean!"
The girl's eyes narrowed as her mouth twitched. "Are you implying that you didn't deserve it?"
Clarke pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. "No," she answered with a pout.
"Uh huh," the brunette nodded. "I thought not."
They stumbled along for another fifteen minutes before their destination came into view. "There! There! That's me. Oh..." Clarke said excitedly as she pointed at a large brown building. "Who are you, anyway?" Clarke suddenly asked.
"I'm Lexa," the girl answered in short.
"Oh, Lexa. Hello Lexa," Clarke said as they stumbled towards the door. "I'm Clarke."
"Well Clarke," Lexa said as she caught her from stumbling once again. "I think it's safe to say that you're going to be in pretty rough shape tomorrow."
Clarke shrugged. "You'll take care of me," she responded matter-of-factly.
Lexa chuckled lightly and shook her head. "You won't even remember me," she told her.
Clarke leaned into Lexa's side again and then in a quick motion, slipped her hand and into Lexa's back pocket and snatched her phone away.
"Clarke," Lexa said sternly as she took a step forward. "Give me my phone."
"Relax. It's fine," Clarke assured her, taking a step back as she tried, and failed, to open Lexa's phone. She frowned and looked up. "Passcode, please?"
"Why in the world would I give you my passcode?" Lexa asked, her eyes narrowing in annoyance.
"Because, in case you can't tell," Clarke said as she pointed to herself. "I'm pretty wasted."
"Yes, I'd say that's quite obvious," Lexa nodded.
Clarke grinned stupidly. "Well, I want to text myself so that tomorrow, I'll be sure to remember you," she explained. "Now, can I have your passcode, please?"
Lexa stared at her for a moment before releasing the tiniest of sighs. "4673," she finally answered.
"Your passcode, Lexa." Clarke shook her head with a giggle. "Not mine."
"That is my passcode." Lexa insisted as she stuffed her hands into her pockets.
Clarke's eyes snapped up and met Lexa's, again there was that odd familiarity in them. "Hope," she barely whispered.
Lexa's eyes showed slight surprise as she shifted uncomfortably and finally nodded. "Everybody needs a little," she said quietly and shrugged.
"Yes, they do." Clarke agreed with a warm smile as she unlocked Lexa's phone, fired off a quick text and handed it back to her.
They made their way up the walk and as they approached the door, Lexa glanced at her. "Where are your keys, Clarke?"
"Somewhere." Clarke answered before looking around foolishly.
Lexa took a deep breath and waited as she began to hunt through her pockets. "Oh! I got it." Clarke finally said, trying to appear in complete control as she attempted to force the key into the lock, but it didn't fit. Why didn't it fit?
Lexa shook her head as she took the key from her and turned it right side up. It slipped it into the lock with ease and Lexa smirked. "Come on," she said pulling Clarke through the door.
The apartment was dark and cluttered as they stumbled their way through trying not to wake the sleeping brunette on the couch.
"There," Clarke whispered, pointing at a door.
The next thing Clarke knew her eyes were opening to the blinding light of the sun and a nauseating, pounding in her head. "Oh god..." she said rolling over and closing her eyes. A flash of green crossed her memory and she remembered.
Quickly she rolled back over, pulled out her phone and sent a series of texts.
Clarke: I need you.
Clarke: Oh god. I think I'm dying.
Clarke: It hurts.
Lexa: You're dehydrated, not dying.
Lexa: Drink some water. You'll be fine.
Clarke: Can't. Too far.
Clarke: Goodbye cruel world!
Lexa: Look on your nightstand.
Clarke looked up and saw two bottles of water and a bottle of aspirin. She smiled.
Clarke: My savior!
Lexa: Drink the water. You'll feel better.
Clarke: Don't suppose you hid some food in here somewhere?
Lexa: I didn't, but if you'd like, I could bring you some.
Clarke: That would be amazing.
Lexa: Okay. I'll drop some off.
Thirty minutes later, Lexa was at her door with pancakes, eggs, bacon and coffee. "Coffee?" Clarke smiled, her tried blue eyes suddenly sparkling. "A true savior, indeed."
"Enjoy," Lexa told her, motioning to the food.
She looked different in the sober light. No less stunning, but still, different. "Why did you bring so much?" Clarke asked as she glanced down at all of the containers.
"I knew that you weren't alone" Lexa pointed over her shoulder. "I assumed that your friends would most likely be in the same shape as you."
"You're pretty awesome, you know that?" Clarke said as stuffed some eggs in her mouth and pushed out the chair next to her. "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," she smiled. "Now, come eat with me."
The corner of Lexa's mouth twitched slightly as nodded and she took a seat.
A few minutes later, a thumping sound reverberated through the apartment.
"Ugh! O! Get off me!" A voice came from the living room. "Go make coffee."
"No," another voice mumbled. "I hurt."
Soon after, the two girls stumbled into the kitchen. "Who the hell are you?" The taller girl demanded and then braced herself against the doorframe and grabbed her forehead. "Ugh. No. My head."
"Too loud," the shorter girl whispered.
"This is Lexa," Clarke answered happily. "Lexa is awesome."
"And exactly what is it that makes Lexa so awesome?" The taller girl asked, still holding her forehead.
"Lexa brought breakfast," Clarke said with a smile, but didn't look up.
Both girls instantly perked up. "Lexa's awesome!" They agreed in unison and sat down.
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Several days had passed since Clarke's encounter with Lexa and still, she was all that Clarke could think about. Her brain was being flooded with memories, flooded with things that Clarke thought had been long forgotten or buried. Things that she didn't really want to remember, but she just couldn't help herself. They just found their way into her consciousness and into her dreams. It wasn't only the old memories that ate at her, but the new ones as well. The way she had behaved. She had spit in her face. Spit. In Lexa's face. How was it even possible that she could behave in such a way? No matter what had happened between them – that was just unacceptable behavior.
"Hey," Raven said over her menu. "Where the fuck are you?"
"I'm right here," Clarke replied as she pretended to look at her menu.
"No, you're not, " Octavia said shaking her head.
Clarke sighed. "I spit in her face," she finally said.
"It was amazing," Raven grinned proudly, her eyes showing nothing but admiration.
"No," Clarke shook her head. "There was nothing amazing about that. I mean, who acts like that?" No one should act like that.
"My badass buddy?" Raven offered playfully.
Clarke shook her head again and rubbed her eyes. "I think I'm just going to go. I don't feel so well," She felt weak and suddenly nauseous.
"Want us to come with?" Octavia questioned, clearly concerned as she moved to stand up.
"No, no," Clarke told them. "I think I'm just going to go home a lie down."
"We should come with you," Raven said standing up.
"Guys, please, I'm fine," Clarke assured them quickly. Though she knew she wasn't even remotely close to fine, her voice was incredibly steady. "Really."
"Okay," Octavia said and kissed her cheek. "Text us later."
"I will," Clarke said as she squeezed Raven's shoulder and walked away.
As Clarke walked back to her apartment, her mind again filled with thoughts of Lexa and how easily their friendship had formed. It had literally taken hardly any effort at all. They quickly found themselves exchanging texts, grabbing coffee and even studying together. Though the two of them were so insanely different, they somehow found themselves being oddly comfortable around one another. It was just so damn easy. Shortly after they met, Clarke had invited her to a party and Lexa agreed, also bringing along Anya and Lincoln. The three of them had all molded so seamlessly into the group that it almost seemed like they'd always been a part it.
Clarke shook her head as she crossed the street and turned up another block. Suddenly remembering the day that she found out just how different her and Lexa's worlds actually were.
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They were studying on the couch when a sudden realization had dawned on Clarke. "Why don't we ever go to your place?" She questioned curiously.
"I don't know," Lexa mumbled without looking up, clearly she was trying to concentrate on her paper. "We can, if you want. It's over on Bristol," she added.
Clarke's mouth hung open a bit at this information. Bristol Boulevard was a high end part of the city – like, extremely high end. There was no way Lexa lived there. She just couldn't.
"Bullshit," she finally breathed with a grin.
"Sorry?" Lexa eyes snapped up, looking at her with utter confusion.
"You, live on Bristol Boulevard?" Clarke scoffed.
Lexa nodded simply.
"You're so full of shit," Clarke chuckled. There was no way.
"I can show you," Lexa offered as she sat up straighter and pointed to the door.
Clarke only nodded.
A little while later they were walking through the front doors of an expensive looking building on Bristol Boulevard.
"Good Evening, Ms. Woods," the man behind the desk said as he stood up.
Clarke just stared at him. He was insanely tall and slightly intimidating.
Lexa gave the man a nod and pushed the call button for the elevator. When the doors opened she stepped inside and motioned to Clarke. "Are you coming?"
Clarke nodded stupidly and stepped into the elevator. As the doors closed, Clarke found her voice. "You're rich?"
"My parents are rich," Lexa corrected her with a pointed expression.
When they entered Lexa's apartment and Clarke's jaw just hit the floor. The rooms were very large with long, crystal clear windows, excessively high ceilings and dark hardwood flooring. No one in their right mind would have believed that it was the apartment of a college kid. It was so clean, too clean and just lacking, life. It felt wrong, like it had been cut from a catalog and put together just for show.
She glanced around the living room and saw two black sofas and a glass coffee table. A book lay over the arm of one of the sofas. Clarke guessed it was whatever Lexa was currently into. Off of the living room was another large room and n the middle was a very expensive looking piano. Finally, a sign of life.
"You play?" She asked, motioning to the piano.
"I do," Lexa nodded. "Piano, violin and guitar."
"Wow," Clarke said shaking her head in awe, but she still couldn't help feeling so completely confused. "I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think it was relevant," Lexa answered simply.
"Not relevant?" Clarke asked with a slight chuckle.
"It's just where I live," Lexa shrugged lightly. "My parents bought it for me. They didn't want me in a dorm."
"Why?" Clarke questioned as her brow furrowed. "What's wrong with the dorms?"
"They just didn't feel that I belonged there," Lexa sat down at the piano and absentmindedly started to play.
"I feel like I'm missing something here," Clarke said as she leaned against the side of the piano.
Lexa sighed. "Listen, my parents never really wanted a kid," she started to explain. "So, when I was little I had a caretaker, until I was old enough for boarding school and then after boarding school, I moved in here."
"They didn't want you?" Clarke's heart broke for her. "But then, why even bother?" Though she was so completely surprised the Lexa had just willingly offered this information, she couldn't deny that she wanted to know more.
"I was just a publicity stunt. Not something they really wanted to put any real effort into," Lexa answered as though it should have been obvious. "Perhaps if I had been a boy it might have gone differently, but alas."
"That's awful," Clarke whispered sadly, feeling her heart breaking even further.
"It's fine," Lexa assured her as she continued to play. "Believe me, my parents might be absent most of the time, but they're also extremely present. They're exceptionally powerful, strict and emotionally void, but they pay for my schooling and make sure that I have everything that I need and then some."
"But, do they love you?" The words escaped Clarke's mouth before she could stop herself.
Lexa stopped playing and turned to face her. "They're my parents," she shrugged after a moment. "I'm sure they must, in their own way."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," Clarke said softly. "That was a really beautiful song, by the way."
"Thank you," Lexa smiled appreciatively.
"Do you see them often?" Clarke questioned her again, as she too sat down on the bench.
"Often enough," Lexa replied. "I go home whenever they call and tell me to, and I've spent every summer interning with my father since I was sixteen. Not the most enjoyable experience, but I get through it," she started to play again.
"Is home far?" Clarke asked curiously as she watched Lexa's fingers dancing across the keys.
"About four hours," Lexa nodded. "Listen Clarke, my parents and I, we just don't have that kind of relationship or any, really – we never have," she paused for a second and turned slightly. "If anything, I'd say what we have is actually more like a business relationship than anything else and I know how that sounds, but trust me, it's fine."
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But, it wasn't fine.
Clarke walked into her apartment and tossed her keys on the table before dropping down into a chair and shaking her head.
It was never fine. Not really.