"I am going to America tomorrow."
He had said in seriousness but also with disappointment.
"Is everything okay? What did Dr Khan say?"
"He wants me to return for a few days. For check-ups and tests."
"That's fine. I will go with you."
He looked away and then looked up at her again. She was smiling to assure him but he wasn't as strong as her.
"I will go alone, Rudaba."
"Wait, why? I can come, we will be back in a few days anyway."
"Exactly, its only a matter of few days so you don't have to come. Warna shadi ki tiyari kon karega?"
"Yeh abhi zaroori nai hai. I will be worried for you, please take me as well."
She looked straight in his eyes with tears forming. There was pain and there was worry that came with fear. He could never do well with her tears but this time he had to refuse to her. There was no other option. It was important that she stayed here and didn't come with him.
He took her hand in his and pulled her closer.
"Mein tumhe nahi le ke ja sakta, Rudaba. Mere mein itni himmat nai hai ke treatment karwate hue tumhe wahan deikhun. I can't see you concerned and that's all you will do there. I know, and I can't be this cruel."
"Shahroze..."
"Bharosa rakho. Mein hamesha rahunga tumhare sath. Be it America or here, mein hun."
He pulled her in and hugged her tight and that's when her sobs turned into cries. What was it that was making him and her so scared and worried. They didn't know. She wanted to stay in his arms forever. He didn't want to leave. He caressed her hair and kissed her forehead.
"Rudaba, please stop crying. I won't be able to leave like this. Please..."
"Darr lag raha hai." She said as she cried some more.
"Kyun darr lag raha hai? Don't you trust me?"
She didn't reply but kept on crying. Her tears were breaking his heart and he didn't know how to give rest to her pain. So, now he didn't say anything either. Just allowed her to continue to cry if she wanted to. He had no idea leaving for a few days would be so difficult for him. Leaving her for a few days would be so difficult. What was life playing at, he had no clue? But he wasn't ready. He wasn't willing either. All he wanted to do was stay with her and never leave her alone. But that too was slipping away from his grip.
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The next morning
It was seven in the morning and he was just finishing his last bit of packing when Rudaba knocked on his room door and walked in taking calculated steps.
"Good morning!"
He had greeted her with a smile on his face which was far from honest, he was covering up the pain and temptation he feels of leaving her behind.
"Packing hogai?"
"Haan hogai."
"Wapis kab aoge?"
"I will try to be as quick as I can. Baki tum dua karo ke mein jaldi ajaoun."
"Meine tu kal se hi dua shuru kardi thi."
He closed his eyes in regret and zipped his bag and turned to her. Without wasting any more time, he rushed closer to her and hugged her. But didn't say anything. After a good few moments, they pulled apart when Rudaba came close again and darted towards his lips. They looked pale. But nevertheless, she wanted to do it. So, she moved closer again. He had guessed it and tried to stop her by placing his hands on her waist, but all went in vain. The next moment she fused her lips with his. It was a gentle peck. It was fragile, and it was very delicate. The moment was fragile but held a great meaning. For them, it did.
"Mein tumse buhat muhabbat karta hun, Rudaba. Kuch bhi hojae, kabhi meri muhabbat per shaq na karna. Mujhe tumhare ilawa kisi ki parwah nahi hai. Na apni na kisi aur ki. Sirf tumhari parwah hai, sirf tumhari fikar hai."
His voice had vulnerability, pain and desperation. His eyes were moist, and she could tell he was crying. For her. For them.
"Look, I want you to be strong while I am not here. I want you to be the brave person that you have always been. The courageous Rudaba who always fights, and never gives up. You and your love is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want you to own our love, I want you to cherish it and I want you to be proud of it. And like I have always said, I am and I will always be with you. Nothing can change that. Always remember this."
"I love you."
She had mumbled softly while tears dropped down on her cheeks.
"Now, stop with these tears. I don't like them, remember?"
"Take care of yourself and come back real soon."
"I will do."
Giving her a hug one more time, he left the room and she followed him. The families wished him well and allowed him to depart. His mother wanted to go with him, but he didn't want anyone who was dear to him, with him, to see what he goes through because he wasn't aware himself. Shahroze and Rudaba's father drove to the airport with Shahroze.
Rudaba saw the car zooming off and she couldn't help but resist her tears. Seeing her breakdown so badly, Nudrat and Fatima, both tried to comfort her, but it wasn't helping.
"Woh buhat jald wapis ayega. Aise himmat nahi haro, Rudaba. Deikho, mein maa hun uski, socho mujhe kitni fikar hogi magar mein uske sath nai ja saki. Uske liye dua karo ke woh sahi salamat wapis aye."
Nudrat consoled her and Fatima did too. After their all efforts, Rudaba finally found some rest and stopped crying and said a prayer for Shahroze's safety and well-being.
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The flight was long and exhausting but as soon as he landed, he found Zain waiting for him at the arrivals. He greeted him with a smile, but he looked somewhat shocked to see him. Did he look that weak?
"How are you feeling?"
"Alright I guess. The coughing and chest pain won't spare me. It's becoming exhausting and painful both."
"Doctor per ja rahe hain na, lets see. By the way, Rudaba has called a few times to check if you had landed. Give her a call."
"Oh haan. I will call her now because if I call her after doctor I don't know what I will be telling her and I don't have the strength."
"Kuch nahi hoga, bhai. Tension kyun leta hai?"
"These don't seem like normal symptoms though. I am somewhat scared, but I tried not showing it to everyone there otherwise they would get so worried. But I can with you."
"Everything will be alright. Just don't stress. You are getting married in less than two weeks dude!!"
Shahroze just smiled a bit and then switched on his phone to update Rudaba. As soon as his phone connected to internet, it was buzzing with constant notifications and missed calls from Rudaba. It was just a sign of how worried and impatient she was to hear if he was okay.
"Assalam o Alaikum."
"Walaikum Asalam, how are you? Did you reach safely? The journey was not too tiring, right? you weren't sick while travelling were you? Did you see the doctor? What did he..."
She asked multiple questions all in one go without giving him a chance to respond. His phone was on speaker and Zain could sense the impatience and concern in her voice too. The same desperation was there when he had spoken to her previously.
"Rudaba, Rudaba. Give me a chance, yaar. Itne sare sawal ikhate puch liye hain."
"Firstly, I am fine. The journey was okay too and no I was not sick, thankfully. And me and Zain are going to the doctor now. He told me you had called so I thought I will call and let you know that I am fine. Now relax and calm down."
"Shukar hai."
"How's everyone at home?"
"They are fine, preparing for the functions but also worrying for you."
"Oh yes, wedding. My wife-to-be should look fresh as ever without any worry and without any nervousness. So, make sure, you are all ready when I come."
"I am and will always be ready for you. Just come back soon."
"Listen love birds, keep this romance for later okay? Why am I always unintentionally and indirectly third wheeling?"
Rudaba laughed while Shahroze sighed in relief hearing her laugh and then shot Zain a deadly look basically instructing him to shut up.
"I will call you later, Rudaba. Take care of yourself."
"You too, Allah Hafiz."
"Yeh tumne speaker zarur kholna hota hai when you know I am with you. Privacy naam ki cheez ka matlab jante hu?"
"Hogaya? Ab gaari chalane per focus kar!"
Zain just rolled his eyes and focused back on his driving.
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They reached the health centre and walked towards Dr Khan's surgery. Shahroze was first asked to give some blood samples and then he had to go through a CT scan and was asked to wait for a couple of hours before he could see the doctor. The main reason for the tests was that so Dr Khan can simply tell him what was going wrong. They didn't have time to waste as he had to return to Pakistan too, so Dr Khan's team was acting ahead of time and plans. After the two hours wait, Zain waited outside but allowed Shahroze to go in alone. He was taking calculated steps towards Dr Khan's room and was confused, concerned and scared at the same time.
"Come in, Shahroze. How are you feeling today?"
"I am fine right now. Did you get the reports?"
"I did."
"And... is everything okay?"
"Shahroze, as a doctor this is as difficult as it would be for you to hear as a patient, but I have to tell you. You need to face the reality, so we can move forward from here."
"What's the matter? I am listening. Is everything..."
"I am sorry to inform you but you have lung cancer, Shahroze."
Lung cancer.
Lung cancer.
Two words and his world stopped. His eyes were wide open, and a sudden flash of her face appeared in front of him and vanished even before he could get a proper glimpse of her himself. Life had turned on him and in the worst possible way. He had no other question than this.
"Will I survive?"
"I can't say what stage it is yet, we will need to perform your MRI which we will also do today, but the report will come in the next 24 hours as that takes longer. But I am hopeful that we can provide treatment. Don't lose hope, InshAllah everything will work out. Though you might have to postpone your wedding."
"I want to know if I will survive or I not. We will decide on the wedding afterwards."
His reply was cutting but it was not for the doctor but for himself and for his fate.
"Don't lose faith. 90% of the patients survive and win the battle simply with the will that they want to live. So, I will say the same to you. Don't lose hope and believe that you want to live, and you will. Is anyone from your family or friends here?"
He was unresponsive.
"Shahroze?"
"Yes, my cousin is outside."
"Make sure you tell him everything."
"When can we have the MRI?"
"I have completed the arrangements. Let's go."
They walked out and found Zain who was curious to know what happened. Shahroze gestured him to wait meanwhile he went for the MRI.
Just as they walked away, Shahroze's phone rang again. But, Zain had the phone. Rudaba
"Hi, Rudaba. What's up?"
"Zain, Shahroze kaisa hai? What did the doctor say? What's happening?"
"He is fine, Rudaba. He fell asleep when we got back from hospital. Doctor has only done some tests. We will find the reports soon. You don't worry. Will keep you updated."
"Okay. Let me know what happens. Take care of Shahroze, please."
"I will, he is like my brother. don't worry at all."
"Thank you."
Zain ended the call and closed his eyes in regret. He had to lie to Rudaba because of Shahroze's strict instruction. He didn't want her to know of anything yet and he didn't know anything himself yet, so he didn't want to speak on Shahroze's behalf. Saying a prayer for his brother and friend, he closed his eyes and leaned against the chair he was sitting on in the waiting room.
Shahroze walked out after an hour and looked really tired. So, Zain didn't ask him anything. Instead just supported him and drove him to his own apartment. He didn't want to leave Shahroze alone in this time. He still didn't know what the doctor had said but Shahroze was too tired to speak so he didn't push.
"I will go and rest. Thodi deir baad sari baat karte hain."
"Sure."
Zain said with a smile.
"Sun, Rudaba ki call ayi?"
"She did call but I said what you had asked me to. Don't worry, she was fine."
Shahroze nodded and walked in the room and dropped himself on the bed. He closed his eyes and saw her face again. The lit up, excited and happy face. The warm smile he fell in love with. She seemed so far from him now and it was killing him quicker than the disease he was just diagnosed with.
A lone tear rolled down his cheek as he tried to catch her in his imagination, so she is close to him in one form or the other.
"Rudaba..."
He had mumbled in deep pain.
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Sooo, I hope this was not too heavy. Do give your precious feedback and votes if you enjoyed the chapter.
Spoiler:
'Mein us se shadi nai karsakta."
"Kia bakwas kar rae hu Shahroze. Tum theek hojaoge."
"Mein theek nai hosakta. Ho sakta hota tu aisa na kehta."
"Shahroze..."
"Meri ek baat manoge, Zain?"
"Bol?"
"Rudaba se shadi kar lo."