A/N: I'm so sleepy, my eyes are barely open 😲😵
Saint:
As soon as I closed the door behind me, my father was there and yapping in my ear.
"Where were you? Did you go see that boy? Saint, honestly, how many times do I need to tell you the same thing over and OVER - " I slammed the door to my room in his face for the second time that week and flipped the lock. I waited until I heard him leave before moving to my bed and collapsing on it with a groan. God, what had I done? Please tell me I had been dreaming? No...I could still feel my lips tingling and for some reason the smell that was unique to Julian was still in the air. Sweet and flowery...a little like how it smelled the morning after a thunderstorm. Urgh, I was so stupid. What if he'd freaked out and ....Thank God he hadn't freaked out. He'd been quiet though and I was scared maybe he wouldn't want to talk to me anymore, but he hadn't said anything about it at all.
"Nicky." There was a soft knock at the door and I stared up at my ceiling for a few sighs before I got up to open the door. Evelyn stood there with a smile on her face, holding a tray in her arms. "You didn't come down for supper." She said and held out the tray for me to take. I almost didn't, but I was hungry and if it meant I'd get to avoid talking to my dad on the way to look for food...
"Thanks." I mumbled and I was surprised when she followed me deeper into my room. My room was a place Evelyn usually avoided. I think she'd only ever even been in here twice before.
"It's been quiet in here lately." She said, looking around my room.
"Quiet?"
"Your father told me to bring ear muffs when I moved in." She chuckled and I slid the tray onto my desk. "You're always playing something or other in here, headphones on and worlds away. I haven't heard anything for the last few weeks though." She finished, hands reaching out to fix the covers on my messy bed. "Am I allowed to ask why?"
I knew exactly why. Ever since I'd met Julian, it had been hard to focus on music. Something felt strange about it now. There was a constant push and pull in my mind with myself. Some days I felt too sad. Sad that one day Julian wouldn't be able to hear any music and any other noise at all. There would just be silence and it made my chest ache so deeply I couldn't lift a finger. Some days it was the opposite. I was frantic to absorb as much music as I could, letting it seep into my brain so I would never forget it. I urged myself to appreciate the fact that I could hear at all right now. It was exhausting. So exhausting I'd been considering quitting the school band. It hurt. I didn't know what to do.
Evelyn sighed when I didn't answer her and gave up straightening my bed.
"Nicky. I know that...you hate me." She said with her eye a little shiny. "But please, try to be patient with your father? He really just wants the best for you. You know that, right?" She pursed her lips and started walking towards the door.
"I don't." I said belatedly, making her pause as her fingers closed around the handle. "I don't hate you." I explained with a shrug. "Hate is a strong word." Her pinched brow relaxed and her smile was wide.
"Have a good night, Nicky."
Saint: Do you know when you get back. 😑
Julian: I might have to stay overnight. I normally do. It's a lot of tests 😞
I sighed loudly and dropped my phone on my desk with a thud. I knew it was a lot of tests. Julian had gone through the list with me last night. Blood and urine tests, swabs for I had no idea what, dehydration tests, something called an ENG and an MRI... the list went on.
"You OK?" Veronica asked me. She was sitting in the seat next to mine again and playing with her hair, twisting it into a spiral that made it curl when she let it go.
"I'm good." I grunted and glared at my phone unhappily. Even though I knew Julian would be skipping school to go to the doctors, I hadn't expected it to last all the way into the night. Was that normal? Should I be worried? No, Julian had said it was normal himself. God, what was wrong with me?
"Where's Julian?" Veronica asked and I peered at her to see if she was joking. She didn't look like she was....
"He had a doctor's appointment today." I grumbled and she nodded.
"Makes sense."
"Huh?" I grabbed my phone again and tapped at it uselessly.
"Nothing." She smiled at me. I went back to ignoring her and focused on our boring class work so I didn't lose my mind.
By the time class let out, I was almost foaming at the mouth to get away from everyone. I stumbled to a stop by the school's notice board and pulled out a cigarette with my teeth. If Julian were here, he would wrinkle his nose slightly, like a rabbit and quickly fix his face before he thought I noticed. As soon as it was lit, I breathed in deep and I let the calm wash over me. God, I had a headache. How the hell did Julian deal with his migraines? At least after a quick coffee and a nap I'd feel better. Nothing helped with migraines at all.
I was turning to head to the school cafeteria for that cup of coffee when I saw the flyer advertising band practice flapping in the wind on the notice board. Crap. I'd forgotten about practice today. There was no way I'd be able to focus. And with how I'd been feeling lately, was it even worth going anymore?
The only sound at the table that night was the gentle clink of our cutlery sliding across the plates. Despite the coffee and a pretty satisfying nap this afternoon, I still felt like crap. How was Julian feeling? Tired? Hungry? Was he allowed to eat during the tests?
"Nicholas." I flinched at my father's voice and put down my fork and knife. I shared a glance with Evelyn and I could almost see her begging me with her eyes.
"Yeah?"
"I got a call from the Musical Department today. Something about you quitting band? I told them that was nonsense because I know how much you - "
"I did. I quit this afternoon."
"Excuse me?" His mouth fell open.
"I don't want to play anymore." I said softly and dipped my head over my plate.
"What?..." He scoffed incredulously and put down his own fork and knife. "What did you just say?"
"I said I don't want to play anymore."
"You don't WANT - "
"Thomas..." Evelyn tried to interrupt but my father carried on spluttering.
"Do you remember how much you begged me to speak to Mr Freidman for you? How much you WANTED - "
"Thomas! Leave the boy alone. Honestly. If he doesn't want to play, he doesn't want to play. Are you really going to force him to?"
"This isn't about forcing him to do anything. He made a commitment and he should know he can't change his mind on a whim every time he WANTS something different." His words stung because they'd been said to me a hundred times before about the particular topic that had started this mini civil war in the first place.
"I'm done. Can I be excused?" I asked.
"No." My father said at the same time Evelyn nodded.
"You can go, Nicky, darling." I stood up and I was out of that dining room as fast as my legs could carry me.
I went straight to the garden. It was cool and dark and I just needed a breather. I needed a second of silence and I needed...Julian.
Saint: You around?
There was no answer after 10 minutes and I sank into the damp grass with a sigh. Definitely time for a smoke. The first one went too quickly and I stubbed out the butt into the grass aggressively. The second one I savoured. I looked up into the night sky and wondered what made people think they could start owning shit like stars that might not even exist anymore. Their lights could only be reaching earth now when they'd burned out ages ago. Crazy.
I startled when I felt a blanket drop around my shoulders.
"It looked chilly. I didn't want you to catch a cold." Evelyn said.
"Thanks." I muttered and she looked at me like she wanted to say something else, but she just smiled and left.
My phone beeped in my pocket.
Julian: I was asleep.😔
Saint: Sorry 🙇
Julian: It's cool. Did you need something?
Saint: I just wanted to ask how the tests were going so far.
Julian: About the same as always.
Saint: Is that a good thing?
Julian: I guess? 😮
Saint: I'll go now. Go back to sleep.
Julian: You sure?
Saint: Night, Julian.
Julian: Goodnight, Saint. 😊