Nine ~ Secrets
"What's going on with you and Austin, then?" I asked Mia when we met up for an afternoon of sunbathing on the beach.
Austin lurked by Brent's chair, no doubt having heard that Mia would be here today. Almost as soon as she'd arrived, he'd ditched Brent and hurried over to greet her.
"We're very good friends—have been for years," she said. "He just jokes around like that because the others find it hard to believe we can be so close with nothing ever happening."
"And nothing ever has happened?" I shifted my gaze onto Austin.
When he noticed me looking, he blew a kiss. Brent glanced over his shoulder to see who'd captured Austin's attention, and I averted my eyes.
"No." She sighed. "I don't know if it will. I can't deny there's chemistry, but I'd be terrified of ruining our friendship. You don't make many friends out here, and if I lost him, I might lose the others, too."
"You're close with Brent, though, right?"
Mia shrugged and downed the rest of her water. "I'm close with all of them. Brent and I live the nearest, so we hang out a lot. Our group is so tight-knit that it'd cause ripples if anything happened between any of us. Plus, I can't imagine what Brooke would think of me."
"Who?"
"She didn't join us at the weekend, but she's made it clear that she'd never get with any of the boys because it'd be a cheap thing to do—getting with your friends."
I laughed, startling Mia whose brow furrowed at my reaction. "Sorry. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because my friendship group is the complete opposite. Everyone sleeps with everyone."
"And does that make it awkward?"
"No, but only because it's normal, I think."
The two of us sat in silence for a while, watching Brent and Austin. We acknowledged that our worlds bore few similarities, and yet it seemed irrelevant. I enjoyed hearing about how Mia's friendship group worked over here. It was refreshing for me, and she found my lifestyle fascinating, too.
"So, you'd never go there?" I asked, my eyes still on Austin as he flung his arm past his head in a movement that resembled throwing a ball. Brent nodded at whatever he was saying.
"Not sure." She reached into her bag and pulled out a bottle of sun cream. "There's a lot at risk, and he's a close friend. Why ruin a good thing?"
"I'm sorry for sticking my nose in," I said. "It's none of my business."
"It's fine," she said, squirting a small amount of lotion into her palm then lathering it into her legs. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it; I'm just so used to ignoring it I'm scared I'll end up realising things I'd rather not. It's easier this way."
Mia reclined on her towel, closing her eyes and shuffling her body until she found a comfortable position. Although we were becoming closer, I still hadn't known her that long, so I was hesitant to interfere too much in case she genuinely didn't want anything to happen between her and Austin. Breaking up with a boyfriend was bad enough, so losing your best friend on top of that would be horrendous.
I remained cross-legged on my towel, alternating my attention between the ocean's rhythmic waves, the rustling of the trees' leaves in the gentle breeze, and the two boys' distant chatter by the lifeguard chair. No cars, no sirens, no shouting... Only peacefulness.
"Now I'm thinking about things I don't want to think about," Mia said.
"Oh, yeah?"
She sighed but didn't elaborate until restlessness got the better of her. Sitting up, she pulled her legs beneath her.
"You know what? This doesn't change anything," she said. "I knew how I felt about Austin, and I tried to ignore it. You've brought it to the forefront of my mind and that's why it's bugging me, because nothing can ever happen. Once I get over it, everything will be fine, and we can go back to the harmless banter—"
"Flirting."
"—and carry on with our lives as normal."
"Sounds great," I said.
We returned to sitting in silence. Mia's situation with Austin made me think about Alastair again, though, and as if she were thinking along the same lines, she brought him up.
"You never talk about your boyfriend."
I shrugged. "There's not a lot to say."
I didn't feel like going into too much detail about my relationship with Alastair, but it turned out Mia only wanted the basics—and I could handle that.
"How did you meet? What does he look like?"
I unlocked my phone and flicked through to his Instagram profile. The most recent post with a clear shot of his face was the picnic one.
"He's handsome," Mia said when I showed her the photo. She took my phone and began to scroll through his photos. "Who's the girl?"
"Daisy."
"Oh. You don't talk about her much, either."
"No." The less said about her, the better.
Noting my tone, Mia glanced across at me. She paused for a few moments, debating whether to say something, before handing the phone back to me. I tossed it into my bag and stretched my legs, gazing out into the ocean.
"My parents are in business with Alastair's, and they're well-respected in and around London," I said, wondering if I should elaborate. She'd invited me into her friendship group; I owed her the same intimacy. "Their businesses are thriving, largely because of Alastair's family's investment."
"Shit," Mia said, drawing it out. "I guess that'd be awkward if you broke up."
"Not just awkward. It'd hurt my parents. Everyone expects us to get married, and if we break up, it'll disgrace Alastair's family. It'd be embarrassing for their well-to-do son to become single after a serious relationship. They'd likely decide to distance themselves from us, which would crush my family."
"By pulling out of the business?"
"Exactly. But even if they didn't pull out, a public rift between the owners would make shareholders nervous. Stock prices would fall."
"Oh my God."
"I know... That's why it pisses me off when people assume I've got this perfect life. I haven't. I don't get half as much freedom as they'd expect. Money gives you limits, not freedom. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what I have. When I'm in London, I'm happy and I'm ruling the roost and I've got Alastair by my side..."
"Are you scared you'll have lost all that when you go back?"
I shrugged. "I'm scared I'll miss the freedom I have here. When I first arrived, I felt trapped. I was powerless, thousands of miles from London, and I couldn't do a single thing about it. All that's worrying me now is that I'll go back, and everything will have changed."
"You'll be going to university, though," she said. "Another fresh start, right?"
Swatting away an insect, I shot a wry smile at Mia. "People just expect more from you. Huge uni parties, reunions during the holidays... There's no pressure on me here, but it's not real. And Brent knows it's not real. He knows the real me."
"Don't talk like that." Mia's voice was firm but quiet. "Brent doesn't know anything about you, and if he did, he'd like you as much as I do. He just has a chip on his shoulder, and he's very proud. You rubbed him up the wrong way and you also represent everything he lacks in his own life."
"I get that. It's more that he shoots me down whenever I try to make amends with him, or be civil, or make conversation."
"It's difficult to get under his skin," she said. "We've known each other for years and even today he still finds it tough to open up to me."
"Well, has he said anything?" I asked her, taking the direct approach. "Is there anything I can do to change his opinion of me?"
The corner of Mia's mouth lifted into a sad, sympathetic smile. A pity smile. Although she probably meant it in a comforting way, it upset me further. I didn't care so much about Brent. I cared that I'd driven someone to resenting me to the extent that they didn't even want to get to know me.
"I'm just fed up of people taking me at face value," I said, keeping my voice barely above a murmur. "I've gone through that my whole life and, as much as I hated being here at the beginning, I'm starting to see it as a blank slate where people don't know me. I guess I'll never be able to escape my London world no matter how far I go."
My eyes burned with tears of frustration, but I refused to let them fall. Mia placed her hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles.
I shot her a grateful smile and reached for a hug, unsure whether to be embarrassed at revealing so much or relieved at having someone to confide in. She squeezed me, burying her face in my hair.
"Thank you for opening up to me," Mia said. "I promise you can talk to me about anything and I won't judge."
I wiped my eyes before any treacherous tears could escape. Austin glanced towards us, but he must have picked up on the vibe since no comment about girl-on-girl action was uttered.
With Mia up to date on my real life, and me up to date on her complicated friendship with Austin, we both felt able to lie back and sunbathe peacefully. As per usual, the thoughts of Carringham niggled away at me, but a weight had been lifted through the knowledge that Mia knew all about me, and still liked me.
As the sun shone down, it dawned on me that the freedom wasn't what I'd miss most about here; it was Mia.
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Thank you for reading :) xx
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