Word Count: 1800 ish
"Oh"
The room that was once full of laughter was now eerily silent, the game's music having been turned down. Something had changed inside Dan. Something big.
When he imagined speaking again, he thought it'd be like a switch he would turn back on by himself, he didn't think it could happen like that. He always stayed quiet because no one would care what he'd have to say, but judging by Phil's reaction, he cared. One person cared, and that's all he needed.
Maybe he wasn't going to talk to anyone again, but it would be nice to just talk to one person.
This particular person he had in mind, he had only known for a few hours, yet it felt like they were life long friends. It probably wasn't healthy to grow so attached to someone so soon, but it was nice.
"I... I guess I did."
He'd started now and he had no intention of stopping any time soon; that would destroy the purpose of speaking in the first place, as unintentional as it was. The initial shock that had overshadowed every other emotion on Phil's face grew to what could only be described as pure happiness, his lips stretched into a wide grin, cheeks rosy.
"This is great!" Phil exclaimed; the game on the screen was ignored now as they basked in each others elation. It just wasn't important anymore.
Phil stood up suddenly, holding his hand out, which Dan took without a second thought.
"Let's go to my room!" Phil smiled, "I want to get to know you properly."
If anyone else were to suggest something like this, he'd surely scoff in their face and walk away, but this was Phil. Somehow, he'd achieved the unachievable; get Dan Howell to talk.
Phil's room was just as plain as Dan's, probably even more so given that he'd only arrived that very day. These walls were painted a pale blue, the paintwork slightly scuffed from the previous owner. Dan wasn't quite sure where she went; she just disappeared one day. Maybe she got better.
There was a suitcase on the floor waiting to be unpacked but obviously, Phil hadn't got round to it yet.
"Maybe we can talk as I unpack?"
"Can I help?"
"Yeah sure," Phil laughed, "but stay away from the underwear."
After a little while of placing various items of clothing in the chest of drawers, they'd established a rhythm; Dan passing the clothes to Phil who would fold and put them away.
"So what are you here for?" Dan knew it was a personal question, but Phil had asked him the same thing earlier. Granted, he hadn't answered it, exactly, but the question had still been asked.
"Anxiety," he said almost nonchalantly, though Dan couldn't miss the unspoken emotion in his voice, "I can't leave the house it's that bad. I actually put up a huge fight when I had to leave. I don't know, I think it's the fear of something going wrong, like all the time and I'm sick of it holding me back."
Dan would never have guessed if they'd never had this conversation. That's the thing with mental illness; you can't always see it like you do physical illness.
"I'm sorry." That's the other thing about mental illness; you don't always know what to say in case it's the wrong thing.
"It's fine, I'm working on it." Dan knew as well as anyone else here that it wasn't always as easy as that. He'd been there a good couple of months more than expected because he'd made little to no progress.
"I'm here for severe depression," sometimes people just want to know they're not alone, "I tried to kill myself a few times and they sent me here."
"Oh."
A thoughtful silence fell over the boys as they carried on folding. Dan realised he'd never actually said those words out loud, never admitted why he was here. It felt good.
"Do you still want to?"
"What?"
"To kill yourself."
That was a difficult question. Right now, maybe not, because it was doing him the world of good to just talk. But maybe tomorrow, if given the opportunity, he wouldn't refuse. Most of the time, he felt existence was futile, that there was no point in being around if he was going to spend all his time being watched by everyone around him. Phil was probably the first person he liked who seemed to like him back.
"I don't know." He said finally. It was a vague answer, but it was as honest as he could be.
"Please don't." Dan looked up to see Phil staring right back at him, eyes a deep watery blue like they were holding back an ocean of tears. He stepped towards Dan ever so slightly, holding his hands out and Dan took them once more. Human contact wasn't something he was experienced at, but he knew this felt right.
"You matter," Phil's voice was fierce, "you are important. I care about you." With every word Phil said, his heart flipped. Never had he been told this. Never had someone told him they cared about him. It touched him in a way he'd never experienced and with these new feelings swimming through his mind, he could only do one thing: cry.
The tears were slow at first, trickling down his cheeks, but the intensity of Phil's hold made him cry even more. He didn't realize he was being pulled into a hug until it happened; his body was enveloped in warmth, Phil's face pushed against the side of his neck. He could've sworn he felt a kiss at his neck, but he was too caught up in his emotions to be sure.
He'd never been hugged quite like this, either. His mum would hug him, sure, but only as a thing she had to do. With Phil, it was like belonging. It was like he belonged right there in his arms and he never wanted to let go.
But he pulled away anyway, if only a little. Their faces were centimeters apart, both drenched in tears.
"I'm sorry I'm crying so much," Dan laughed quietly, "it's just no one's ever said that to me before."
Phil reached up with his right hand to dry Dan's tears, letting his hand rest on his cheek.
"Don't you dare apologize, you spoon."
Dan didn't know what he was doing before he leaned forward, brushing their lips together quickly and pulling away.
"I'm sorry, I should've asked-"
"I said stop apologizing." Phil said without missing a beat and kissed him gently. Other than the tears that were drying uncomfortably down his face, Dan couldn't have felt happier. Their lips moulded together like they belonged; it was perfect. It wasn't like Dan had any past experiences to compare this to, but he just knew how right this felt.
The kiss ended far too soon but the close proximity was enough to keep him satisfied.
"Where next?" Phil smiled, his forehead resting gently against Dan's.
"I haven't shown you the garden yet!" Dan remembered, grabbing Phil's hand and leading him out the back door.
"Wait, um..." Phil said suddenly before reaching the threshold.
"Oh."
How could he have been so stupid? Phil had confided his reasons for being here yet he disregard them.
"I know it's only a garden but..." Phil trailed off, eyeing the outside world with apprehension and longing.
"We don't have to-"
"No, I want to! Let's go!" Phil grabbed his hand again and practically dragged him out.
The garden's beauty would vary from season to season; it was dull and dead in colder weather but still managed to look pretty in autumn, when the leaves would turn beautiful shades of oranges and reds.
As they stepped out onto the stone patio, they breathed in the warm mid-spring air. The grass was a bright green and a little overgrown; the wind chimes hanging in the tree in the far corner made subtle tingling noises; rows of flowers were planted along the sides, their petals swaying slightly in the breeze.
"It's beautiful," Phil breathed, seeming to glide onto the grass and sit down amongst the daisies, "sit with me?"
Phil's previous anxieties seemed to have dissipated into nothing, which was surely preferable as Dan wanted nothing more than to have his company.
It was oddly pleasant to sit outside with the sun smiling down on them; Dan hardly ever went outside so this was a pleasant change of scenery.
He found his fingers absently picking daisies from the ground and weaving their stems together; he used to do this with his brother. He remembered summer afternoons spent in the nearby field as children, innocent to what the future would hold for the both of them.
That was way before he became suicidal; no one would even think that could happen to someone as happy as him.
He'd never made a daisy chain since.
But here he was with Phil doing the one thing he never thought he'd ever do again. Phil watched him with intrigue as he weaved each flower to the chain, now growing at a steady pace.
"You're really good at this." Phil remarked, a peaceful smile playing at his lips. The sunlight looked beautiful reflected in his eyes.
"I've had a lot of practice." Dan looked up for a second and almost got lost in Phil's gaze, seeming to pin him down with what could only be described as affection. It made his stomach flip at the thought of ever inflicting such an emotion on someone.
He wanted to talk about the kiss; it was the best thing to ever happen to him and he didn't want to just brush it aside like it was nothing. But what if it scared Phil off? He carried on weaving, the wind chimes oddly distracting though he was all too aware of the piercing blue eyes staring at him.
"That was my first kiss, you know." Dan said finally.
"Was it okay?" There was no trace of apprehension in Phil's voice; it was soft, almost carried away by the gentle breeze.
"It was more than okay."
The chain in his hands was slightly scruffy and a little clumsily made but he was still happy with it. He held each end carefully, leaning forwards and looping the chain around Phil's neck like a delicate scarf. He let his hands rest on Phil's shoulders, which seemed to relax under his touch.
"Can we do it again?"
Dan smiled, leaning closer to bring their faces together, though it was Phil who closed the distance, the kiss every bit as sweet and tender as the first.
After a while, they pulled away, smiling. Dan took in the man before him; maybe things wouldn't be so bad with him around.
A/N
Sorry there's no smut yet, I wanted their relationship to be built up a little more before that happened, so have some fluff instead!
Omg over 5k reads!! Thank you so much for taking an interest in my writing, you dirty bastards (jk I love you) (also this chapter wasn't that dirty)
Don't expect a continuation of this specific story next chapter because I'm currently working on a new oneshot but I hope you enjoy it all the same.
Again, thanks for reading!!