Arnav was sitting on his work desk, buried neck deep in his work. Scribbling on his design pad when a knock disturbed him.
“Arnie!!” Aron knocked the door sharply causing Arnav to groan in frustration.
“What!” Arnav opened the door, after being disturbed by his cousin for the nth time in the last fifteen minutes.
“Woah Arnie, What's with the temper?” Aron asked, flinching at his irritated self.
“I was busy, Aron.” Arnav sighed, rubbing his temple.
“In what?” Aron asked. Arnav shifted a little, giving Aron a clear view of his work table.
“I have a few designs to complete, for the freshers week and also for the internship portfolio.” Arnav said.
“Can you stop working for a while? I am aware you are busy, But family comes first Raizada, doesn't it?” Aron raised his brow at her, a small naughty smile stretched on his face.
“Aron I-”
Pragya called Arnav while walking into the two of their direction, “What happened?”
“Bua is calling you,” She told him “and she says that no excuses are going to work this time.” Pragya added just as Arnav was about to add something to escape the situation.
Arnav pouted, “What is wrong with Maa?!” He whined.
“We've come just today Arnie, You can work later.” Aron reasoned.
“You talk as if I have a choice for that matter!” Arnav shook his head “I'll come, after sorting this out”
Arnav gestured to his messed up room.
Pragya chuckled, “You and your stupid OCD” She hit his shoulder.
“Five minutes Poori” Arnav blinked.
Pragya nodded, “We are all at the poolside.”
“Alright, Poo”
“Arnie!?” Pragya exclaimed just as he had turned to re-enter his room causing Arnav to turn right back and raise his brow at her
“Arnie Special Hot Chocolate.” Pragya demanded Oh-So-Cutely.
“Foodie You!!” Arnav chuckled, ruffling her hair affectionately.
Pragya pouted. “I'll make hot chocolate for everyone.” Arnav smiled and blinked in assurance.
“Yaayyyyy” Pragya squealed in excitement, causing the boys to chuckle at her dramatics
“Now Go, I'll be there with your and everyone else's hot chocolate.” Arnav ushered her towards the stairs.
“Khushi.. Of course she was the breath of the house!! Just like her name, She was always spreading smiles wherever she went.” Payal smiled, reminiscing the days she'd spent with her baby sister.
The children, sitting with the family with their mugs of Hot Chocolate held between their palms smiled hearing that.
“She was the one who made the Khadoos Arnav Singh Raizada laugh for the first time, Remember?” Anjali exclaimed.
“How can we forget, I'd thought Bhai was possessed by some evil spirit when I saw him laughing on our Sangeet.” Akash said grinning.
“You'd really thought that?” Pragya asked her father, slightly too surprised.
“To be honest, I had my thoughts running along the same lines. I mean, I hadn't heard him laugh for over a decade by that time. Although I had seen him laugh, a little earlier than the Sangeet.” Anjali confessed almost sheepishly, her eyes shining with happiness on remembering the good-old-days.
"Before Sangeet?" Pragya exclaimed.
"Oh yes! Khushi had been making fritters, and being the Sanka-Devi that she was, smudged the whole of her face with the batter. It had made me laugh so bad, But that's when I had heard my chotte laugh for the first time in years!!" Anjali recollected with a smile.
“Khushi had become an integral part of Arnav Singh Raizada's life even before he realized it.” Aman interjected.
“She was a ray of sunshine in his life, full of the dark clouds of the past. I remember, Mumma always told us stories about angels, I almost felt like she was an angel Mumma had sent for her Chotte.” Anjali sighed. “An angel he couldn't treat the way she deserved”
“Mumma-?!” Arnav frowned, Having thought of ArShi as being the best couple, the words of his mother didn't quite sit right with him!
“Not that he didn't love Khushi, He did. But he was just too stubborn to acknowledge that.” Anjali shook her head sadly.
“Khushi was stronger than I'd imagined her to be though, The initial meetings, Be it in Sheesh Mahal in lucknow, or in the AR office in Delhi, ASR didn't quite appreciate her presence around himself and she knew that, and yet, despite all of Arnav's tries to push her away, They only grew closer with every passing meeting.” Aman smiled.
“I had never thought, Arnav will one day fall in Love though and that too so deeply, He didn't harbour a very high opinion about love, He was always a little too practical for love. But.. as they say, Love changes everything.” Lavanya said.
“Love did change him alot Lavanya, The Arnav for whom his life revolved around his sister, Her wishes, Her comfort, Her wellbeing, That man..”
“I know.. I had never thought that I'll see him the way I did on Khushi's funeral, It was as if nothing mattered anymore, as if every other thing had suddenly ceased to exist. The way he stood there.. in front of her burning pyre, completely broken, I knew he was going through hell.. But he didn't cry. He didn't talk, He didn't.. He didn't respond. He was just.. just-”
“He was just there..” Akash whispered.
“The next two weeks, anyone of us hardly saw him. Office-Office-Office, It was all about office.” Anjali said
“He was just making things easier for you and Akash, He didn't want to leave AR in the middle. AR was his baby, His hard work.” Aman spoke.
“Thirteenth Day of Khushi's death was the last day any of us ever saw bhai.” Akash said sadly. “He left without letting anyone know where he was going.”
“Although, Somewhere deep down we all knew it was inevitable.” Anjali said “He had to leave, One day.”
"Also we did know where he could be." Payal said "I mean.. Ofcourse it was a guess.. that worked."
“Where?” Jane asked
“The farmhouse as the only place that gave peace to Arnav, He stayed there most of the days after Khushi's funeral. Two days later, We received a call from the Farmhouse caretaker saying that Arnav wasn't responding to his calls and wasn't opening the door to his room.”
“We were alarmed, quite obviously. I was fortunately, or unfortunately at RM when the call arrived. We all left for the farmhouse, Not at all expecting to encounter what we did. He was lying on the recliner lifeless and yet.. yet so peaceful. It was as if he was just sleeping and he'd wake up without a minute's notice, but he was gone. Gone. Forever.”
“He suicided?” Arnav asked wide eyed
“I wouldn't have been surprised if he had indeed done that, I knew there was no way in hell anything could fix him after what he had lost, But no he didn't suicide. He suffered a nervous breakdown, Second breakdown in two weeks and this time, we couldn't save him.” Anjali sighed, a lone tear trickled down her face.
Aman wiped her tear, Shaking his head sideways. Telling her not to cry.
“Mumma, Hush.” Arnav whispered to his mother.
Anjali sighed, Breathing deeply. “I am fine.” She assured Arnav who was still holding her in a side hug.
“Sure?” Arnav asked, Anjali nodded.
Khushi is safe now isn't she? Her soul is at peace, At rest, With her Devi-Maiyya. I was acting all normal.. non.. nonchalant about her death.. Of course I.. I wasn't. Of.. Of course I was.. dying a thousand deaths on seeing her pale and.. lifeless. Of course.. It was killing me! But.. you had said, She wouldn't want it. She wouldn't want me.. to cry like that.. break-down like that. I couldn't disappoint her now.. co.. could I? I've always disappointed her and.. couldn't do it now. She deserves to be.. happy in her death at-least.
Did you see how.. swollen her face was.. My Khushi was.. lying in front of me lifeless and.. I.. w.. I couldn't do anything. I don't.. write my own destiny & I've learnt that the hard way, She was right, When I understood.. that I am not the king of my own destiny but a mere puppet in the hands of a supreme power, She's not here.. woh nahi hai yahaan.. not even to hear me saying that.. that yes Khushi you were right!
Do you think she'll miss me up there? Do.. Do you think Mumma misses her chotte? Do you think, Anyone of them.. Koi bhi miss karta hoga mujhe? (Does Anyone of them miss me?)
Khushi.. must be.. so relieved, Yeah.. Absolutely relieved on not having to bear with ASR anymore. No more tantrums, No.. No hatred.. No.. sorry, No fake-hate. Because.. Let's be real.
How could I not fall in love with her? With her smile, With that mischievous twinkle in her eyes, With that beautifully innocent face, With her heart which beat in sync with mine, With everything that.. that she did or didn't do. With every said & unsaid gesture.
You remember, Our Heer-Ranjha act, She said.. that.. when she dies, it'll be the happiest.. happiest day.. of my life, She was wrong, Hell she was so wrong Di.. but could I blame her? I have always made her feel like an unwanted part of my life, while in reality.. It was her.. She was.. my.. my existence. She.. was my existence. Now.. now that.. she's gone, essentially.. I don't know how I'm going to live through my.. my life.. No.. this is.. This is not life. This.. is not.. Because it never can be without.. without her. It's a long suffering.. And.. and it's so strong, So.. powerful that it'll consume me. This.. pain.. unbound, unending, unendurable, it'll consume me & eventually.. eventually kill me.
I know.. now. I know why Mumma didn't stop to think of us, This feeling.. This emptiness, it's unexplainable, It's like drowning and.. not being able to.. able to come up despite a thousand tries, Every single second, It increases. It increases thousands of times.
I know I have a family, I have you all, but Di.. I have nothing to hold on to. Nothing!! Today.. I don't even the strength to stand strong, My strength has left me.. completely, and it has left me so tired, so.. tired.
I know.. It'll hurt you to.. see me this way.. All broken and.. I also know that you would never.. never want me to be a coward.. I would never want to resort to cowardice.. I.. I.. know myself.. I know.. that one of these days.. I'll just succumb to the peace.. that death has to offer.. When that happens.. hours, days, weeks later.. I hope you forgive me.. for doing this to you. I.. I hope that you understand that.. I've.. finally reached my limit. That I can't.. fight.
I'm sorry.. that I'm giving up.. I'm sorry but I'm exhausted. I don't want to fight anymore, I've already lost everything that I held dear. First it was Maa, and now.. even Khushi.. My Khushi left me and I'm back to square one, back to the night of Maa's death, I feel like the 14 year old Arnav all over again, Helpless, Weak, Lonely, Vulnerable, Emotionally drained. Then, Arnav Mallik turned into Arnav Singh Raizada for his sister, But now.. I.. just don't want to do it all over. It's.. just too much of hardwork & I'm.. just too... I..
I just want one night of peaceful slumber. Just.. one.
Anjali wiped her tears, tucking the tape inside the farthest corner of her almirah.
"Again Anji?" She heard a familiar voice,
"I was.. looking for a file." Anjali whispered. A pair of arms sneaked around her waist inviting her to seek Solace in the warmth that they promised, Slowly she turned still standing in the confines of those arms and kept her head on the broad chest.
"It's Okay Anji.. It's perfectly okay. You don't have to lie to me at least, You know I'll understand." He whispered soothingly
"I miss him." Anjali confessed. “I miss him so much”
"I.. miss him too Anji, Shhh.. Don't cry." He spoke dropping a tender kiss on her forehead.
Anjali buried her face in her husband's chest. Aman caressed her hair, gently.
“It's hard to hold myself back sometimes.” Anjali sighed.
Aman broke the hug, cupping her face “I know Anji. It's Okay, I'm right here.” He assured.
“I.. just wanted to hear his voice.” She confessed.
Aman nodded, “Come on, Let's sleep. It's late.” He said softly, and led her to the bed. Making her lie down, He covered Anjali with a duvet and dropped a kiss on her forehead.
"Is everything Okay Papa?" Arnav asked Aman, as the latter walked out of his room somewhat distracted.
Aman sighed, "Arnav had given Anjali a recording, His very last communication with a family member, before he left. They were his parting words, to her. She.. was listening to that."
“Is Maa Okay?” Arnav asked, concern clearly visible in his eyes.
Aman nodded, “She's fine.” He kept his hand on Arnav's head in a way of assurance.
Arnav nodded, not really convinced.
“Don't you worry Arnav, Your mother stronger than you think.” Aman smiled. "Sometimes, Its just impossible not to want to hear his voice."
“She is.. I know that.” Arnav whispered.
“Good Night Arnie.” Aman patted his shoulder “Don't stay up all night working.”
Arnav nodded. “Good Night Papa.”
So... This is what happened to ASR. Not much of the siblings though coz ASR took up most of the space. No Khushi either, She'll come shortly as well.
I know many of you are thinking why didn't Jane recognise Khushi, But guys.. If that happens, The story will conclude so easily, So quickly. And lets not forget that this story is a joint effort of TWO crack-heads.
Guess what we're upto. And no worries, Whatever Gadbad we're doing, We will undo the Gadbad as and when suitable, In a very dramatic way.
Lets get to know what you think of this chapter.
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PS!! Happy Birthday Daddy.. [I know he'll probably never read this.. but anyway.]
Another update might be coming too... Dad's birthday and I'm giving update parties.