It was a bad idea, agreeing to drink everything Reese wanted him too, and it was how Lawson found himself laying on Kye's bed at nine thirty, staring at the ceiling blankly and thinking oh fuck. He could hear the three other boys moving around the room, doing something, and at one point Nathan said, "no, Reese, he needs a little time to recover," but Lawson didn't say anything, only made a vague moaning sound in agreement.
"Alright," Kye grumbled, and then he was tugging on Lawson arm. "Come on. You need to get up or moving or you're going to fall asleep".
"I'm... what's wrong with sleep?" Lawson asked, though he allowed his friend to help him off the bed, and then leaned heavily into him as he adjusted to standing.
"We still have to go to the party, Lawson," Reese reminded, coming up and standing before him. "Can you walk? You're going to need to be able to walk".
Lawson could walk, and he took a step away from Kye. "I'm fine. Just..." he trailed off and Nathan snorted.
"Lightweight".
"Nathan, shut up, he's fine. Lawson, are you ready to go?" Reese asked, reaching out and taking Lawson's hand. "We have to walk there".
"Maybe I should stay back with him for a while and let him sober up," Kye offered. "If anyone sees us outside, it's very clear what's wrong with him".
Lawson narrowed his eyes at Kye. "No," he declared, and the other boys eyebrows raised. "Sean's going to be at the party, so I'm going to be at the party". Reese laughed a little at this, and then tugged on Lawson's hand to get him moving.
"Well, he's got a point. Come on. Let's go. Don't want to keep your precious Sean waiting".
***
For about three minutes, Lawson wandered around on his own, talking to as many different people as he possibly could, but then Kye was there, grabbing his arm and pulling him through the crowd of people towards Reese and Nathan, who were standing in a corner. "You can't just go wander off like that," Kye scowled, and Lawson pouted, but the advice was probably for the best. When he drank, Lawson became overly friendly, and because of that he happened to drink whatever was handed to him by anyone, which wasn't a smart choice at a public party.
Kye was talking to Nathan about something that Lawson couldn't hear, so instead of trying, he moved to stand next to Reese, who smiled up at him. "How are you feeling?" Reese asked, and Lawson attempted to wink at him. "That good, huh?"
"What about you?"
"Well, I've been matching you shot for shot, but it is somehow affecting you a lot more than it's affecting me," Reese claimed, and Lawson hummed, pressing his lips together.
"But you're so much smaller than me," Lawson said, which was something sober Lawson couldn't have said to Reese without being punched in the gut, but apparently Reese was more lenient with drunks. Lawson was about to say something more, when Kye's voice interrupted him.
"That's Sean?" He asked, and Lawson turned to see Nathan and Kye both looking across the room. When Lawson looked in that direction, he didn't see much. "The one right there? With the dark hair and blue eyes?"
"Yep," Nathan confirmed, and the next thing he knew, Kye was grabbing his arm and pulling him across the room, away from Reese, who waved as he watched him go. Lawson willingly followed, but only because Kye had been talking about Sean.
Sure enough, four seconds later, Kye was coming to a stop in front of the boy in question, and Lawson beamed. "You're Sean?" Kye asked, seeming unsure, and Sean, who was looking at Lawson with raised eyebrows, nodded as Lawson explained:
"Yes it's Sean!" Loudly, and Kye shot him a look.
"Okay, well, can you manage to take care of him? Because I can't, and he keeps talking about you," Kye explained, and the girl Sean had been talking to, who Lawson just noticed, made a disappointed face and slipped away from them.
"He doesn't- I don't need someone to take care of me," Lawson assured, shaking Kye's hand off his arm. "See. I'm fine. Perfectly fine. I can jump up and down and everything". He did this a few times as proof while the two boys just looked at him like that was insane. "What? That's normal".
"Uh, Yeah, I can watch him," Sean said, momentarily ignoring Lawson to address Kye. "Thanks".
"No, thank you," Kye said, and then he turned to Lawson and cupped his face in his hands, forcing him to make eye contact with him. "Hey. Don't do anything stupid, okay? Please try to be safe. Don't go down any stairs because you'll fall down them. Just... don't die".
"I won't," Lawson assured, sincerely, and Kye huffed before turning away and making his way back towards Reese. "Thanks Dad!" Lawson laughed at the dirty look Kye threw over his shoulder at him, and then he looked at Sean. "Hi!"
"Hey," Sean greeted, his eyes momentarily flirting down Lawson's body before settling on his face again. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm great," Lawson confirmed, and then he leaned forward to press his forehead into one of Sean's shoulders. "All good". Sean hummed, and Lawson could feel it through his entire body. He lifted his head. "Do you want a drink? I have a friend who has a bottle of vodka".
"Ah, I don't think that's such a good idea," Sean admitted. "I think at least one of us should stay sober".
"You're not drinking because of me? I ruined your entire night, haven't I? You're going to hate me and then I can't come to your apartment anymore-"
"Woah," Sean cut in, smiling a little bit. "I wasn't planning on drinking anyway, Lawson. Nothing has been ruined". Lawson nodded as if he understood, but he was still filled with dread, which must have shown on his face because Sean laughed and reached out to slide his hands down Lawson's arms. "You look good".
It felt like Lawson's stomach flipped, but not in the bad I'm going to be sick way, but in the holy shit, this boy makes me so happy way. "Thanks," Lawson said, smiling. "You look good too". Sean was wearing a dark shirt and dark pants, nothing special, but Lawson hadn't been lying with the compliment. Dark colors brought out his eyes. "I-"
"Lawson!" A voice called from behind him and he turned, putting his back to Sean as Reese came up to them. "Do you feel like dancing yet?"
That was a thing for Lawson, one of his many levels of drunk that he had was currently on the verge of, so he shook his head in response to Reese, who hummed and then stepped very close to him. "Head back, open your mouth". The first time Reese had said this to him, on the first weekend of school, Lawson had just looked at him with wide eyes until Kye explained what he was about to do. Now, after knowing Reese for a month, Lawson obeyed, only moving his mouth to ask:
"How long?"
"Three seconds," Reese demanded, and Lawson closed his eyes. He felt Sean shift behind him, and then hands gently came to rest on his hips.
He didn't have to wait much longer like that until the bitter taste of vodka splashed on his tongue, and he swallowed as fast as he could as he listened to Reese count "three, two, one". The taste of was far from pleasant, but he had learned to tolerate vodka straight over the last two years, so he thankfully didn't embarrass himself by spitting it out.
When he was finished, Lawson didn't raise his head, only shifted backwards on his heels a bit until his body was pressed into Sean, and he could rest his head on the other boy's shoulder. "Thank me later," Reese said, to which one of them, Lawson wasn't sure, but he didn't open his eyes to find out.
"You alright?" Sean asked right in his ear, and Lawson shivered, completely aware of the fact that the other boy could most definitely feel the reaction, and not giving a damn.
"I'm alright," Lawson confirmed, and then he swallowed. "Don't let me drink anymore though. I don't want to die".
"Okay".
Lawson hummed, lifted his head, and then took a step forward so he wasn't pressed against Sean. He turned to face him and smiled. "Thank you for coming".
"Of course I came. I was told you would be here, and that you would possibly make a fool of yourself, and those are two things I really wanted to see," Sean admitted and Lawson laughed.
"You wanted to see me?" He teased, and Sean rolled his eyes playfully. "Good. I wanted to see you too".
"Well," Sean looked down at himself, "here I am".
"Here you are". They just looked at one another then, small smiles on their face. It was a nice moment, one that Lawson wanted to continue for as long as possible, but it was interrupted when someone taped on his shoulder.
When he turned, taking a step back this time so he was standing next to Sean rather than in front of him, he cursed himself for not inviting Sean to do something more private, something that was just the two of them where they didn't need to worry about being interrupted.
"Hey, I didn't know that you'd be here tonight," Wesley said, smiling at him and Lawson had to squint a little to focus on his roommates face. "You could have mentioned it and we could have come together. You here with Kye?"
"He's somewhere," was Lawson response, and Wesley's eyebrows immediately shot up.
"Wow," he breathed, and he looked down at what he was wearing then and smiled smugly. "And you sure clean up nicely. Why haven't I seen this side of you before?"
"You have not proven yourself worthy of tight pants Lawson before," Lawson declared, and Wesley laughed sweetly, tilting his head back a little. His cheeks were pink. Lawson wondered if Delaney was in the crowd somewhere waiting for him.
"Yeah, well, if you need help getting out of those things later, you know where to find me," Wesley teased, dropping a wink. Lawson, who knew his roommate enough to identify one of his jokes, laughed, and then shot Sean a look when a tense arm immediately came up to wrap around his waist, pulling him tightly to his side, almost in a protective way. When Lawson looked back at his roommate, his eyebrows were raised at the move, but he looked incredibly pleased.
There seemed to be something going on between Sean and Wesley, in which Sean looked annoyed, and Wesley looked amused, and sober Lawson probably would have been able to distinguish what exactly was going on, but all drunk Lawson could do was look between the two of them curiously. The tension was broken when Welsey laughed and said, "Well all right then. Lawson, have a great night. Do everything I would, Alright?"
It was only when he left that Sean's tense body relaxed. "You alright?" Lawson asked, and Sean turned his head to look down at him, their faces incredibly close.
"Yeah..." Sean assured, trailing off. His blue grey eyes flicked away, back towards where Wesley had been standing. "I think he was hitting on you".
The idea made Lawson laugh, but he didn't explain to Sean why, only said, "he was not," which confidence, before reaching out and grabbing Sean's arm and beginning to pull him toward the groups of people in the middle of the living room.
"Hey, where are we going?" Sean questioned, willingly following and Lawson smiled at him over his shoulder.
"To dance".
"I thought you weren't dance drunk yet," Sean responded, looking around when Lawson slowed them to a stop and turned to face him. "The vodka couldn't have hit yet".
"It didn't," Lawson confirmed, but then he smiled. "Almost though". Sean looked conflicted, but Lawson didn't acknowledge this, only closed his eyes and swayed back and forth for as long as it took for him to feel the music, and for the alcohol to make his body burn up. When he opened his eyes, Sean was just standing there, watching him. Lawson laughed, and then reached out to grab the front of the boy's shirt to pull his body closer. "Dance, Sean. Dance!"
The look on Sean's face could only be described as lost. "I... I don't know how to".
"So cute," Lawson praised under his breath, and Sean's eyes grew wide. Turning away from the other boy, Lawson easily guided Sean's hands to his hips, and then stepped back to press against Sean's chest. As he slowly began to move his hips back against the other boy, Lawson allowed his head to rest back against Sean's shoulder, grinning at the sound of Sean's breath catching next to his ear. "Just move".
"Um-" Sean shifted behind him and made a small noise in his ear which somehow conveyed his dilemma perfectly. Lawson laughed, and then slipped his hands over Sean's on his waist.
"If you worry, you're not going to have any fun," Lawson advised, and Sean hesitated for a moment longer before sighing and allowing his body to move against Lawson.
At first, Lawson was nervous that Sean's confidence would immediately fade and be replaced by embarrassment as his body responded to the slow rocking of Lawson's hips against his, but instead of pulling away the second Lawson pushed back and found him half hard, he pulled him closer and muffled a small groan in his neck.
They continued like this, lazily moving together and not caring about anything about each other until they were slick with sweat and the only noises that left them were sharp gasps and little groans. Lawson forced himself to pull away, but the second there was distance between them, he felt cold, so turned towards the other boy, throwing his arms around his neck and pulling them back together, face to face.
At first, there was a reasonable amount of distance between their lower halves, giving them both time to cool off. Sean tilted his head down, pressing his forehead again Lawson's, blue eyes cracking open to stare into dazed brown ones. A shaky breath left Lawson, and Sean's hands fastened on his hips, roughly pulling Lawson against him and pulling a sharp gasp from his lips that was accompanied with a name. "Sean".
The sound of Sean's breath catching brought Lawson's gaze to the other boy's mouth. It would be so easy to just lean forward and kiss him right then. He wanted to, god he wanted to, and the liquid courage in his veins was telling him to go for it.
Just as he had decided to duck his neck and do it, Sean's hands clamped tightly in Lawson's waist, and he shook his head a little. "No," Sean whispered, and Lawson dropped his eyes, trying to move back but Sean's hold on him was unrelenting. "Not always no, but not right now, okay? Not when you're like this... not when you're not completely yourself. I don't want... I don't want you to wake up tomorrow morning and regret it, or not remember it".
He wouldn't regret it, that was something Lawson was positive of, but remembering it in the morning wasn't an absolute given the amount of alcohol he had put in his body, and if there was one thing Lawson desperately wanted to remember, it would be their first kiss. Instead of attempting to pull away again, Lawson pressed his face into Sean's neck and wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. Without pause, Sean hugged him back, and like that they stood, clinging to one another in a crowd of dancers without a care in the world.
***
Sean insisted on walking him back to his dorm, which Lawson was definitely not going to complain about. They walked hand in hand, arms swinging, and Sean kept squeezing Lawson's fingers every time he said something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry," and "please don't judge me, I don't do this often".
When it got to the point that these phrases took up the entirety of their conversation, Sean laughed and pulled Lawson to a stop. "Hey, look at me". Obeying was easy, since Lawson had been forcing himself to not look at Sean. How often he had caught himself staring was alarming. "I'm not judging you because you, like nearly everyone else, drink in college. I understand. This just means that you can't judge me the first time you see me drunk," Sean teased, and Lawson grinned at him, because drunk Sean sounded exciting.
"I really don't drink often. This would only be the second time this semester. I just... it helps with stress sometimes, and I was really worried about Nate last weekend, which was stressing me out, but I was taking care of him because he was drinking because he needed to have a good time, so I didn't get to drink and then I was nervous to see you because I... I guess I wasn't sure what to expect tonight so I let Reese make my drinks- never a good idea," Lawson rambled.
"You don't need to explain yourself to me, Lawson".
"I want to explain everything about myself to you, because I want you to explain everything about yourself to me. Not because I need to, but because I want to, and I want you to want to hear it, and I want you to want me to hear it," Lawson explained eagerly before frowning. "That didn't make much sense, did it?" Before Sean for respond, Lawson turned away and began walking again, pulling Sean along by their connected hands. "I think I'm gonna sleep well tonight, given I get off first".
Sean spluttered, and then began to laugh, the sound contagious. It made Lawson want to laugh as well. "You are so painfully honest sometimes, and it has nothing to do with alcohol".
"Ah, well, typically you laugh when I make jokes about my penis," he pointed out, and Sean made a short humming noise. They were approaching the entrance to Lawson's dorm, so he began to slow, thinking Sean would drop him off there, but he clearly had other ideas as he pulled Lawson into the building.
"It catches me off guard is all," Sean defended. "I don't actually think your dick is funny".
"What do you think about my dick?" Lawson teased, and the other boy threw a look at him over his shoulder before stopping at the bottom of the stair. "What? Is this as far as your gonna go?"
"Huh? No. I was just thinking..." Sean trailed off, blue eyes narrowed with thought. "Your friend... uh, Kye I think, told you to stay away from stairs-"
"Well, there's no elevator in this building, and I don't plan on sleeping here, so it can't be avoided".
"No, I know that, but I mean... do you need help?" Sean inquired, and Lawson narrowed his eyes in confusion before he realized what Sean was getting at.
"No way in hell am I letting you carry my fat ass up three flights of stairs". There was a moment of silence, and then Sean snorted.
"Have it your way. I'm just trying to make sure you don't die," Sean retorted, taking the first two steps and then looking over his shoulder at Lawson. "Well, keep up. I want to make sure I'm in the position to catch you if you happen to wipeout".
"I'm not going to-" Lawson began, stomping up the stairs when the tip of his shoe caught and he tipped forwards, catching himself on Sean's arms. The other boy looked smug.
"What was that?" Sean teased, and Lawson playfully scoffed, but the grinned and held out his hand for Sean to take. He did, and they set up the stairs once more.
While Lawson was more than ready for sleep, he didn't really want the night to end, because the night ending meant Sean leaving. It was sappy as shit really, and there was no way in hell he was going to admit that to the other boy, but he figured Sean kind of knew based on the tight hug Lawson pulled him into once they were outside of his room. "Thanks for coming," he said for the hundredth time against Sean's neck, and then for the millionth, "please don't judge me".
Sean laughed, and then stepped back. "Stop saying that, I don't mind. I got to see a whole different side of you".
Lawson raised his chin. "Did you like it?"
For a moment, Sean's gaze moved to the floor, as if he was thinking about the answer. This made Lawson shift nervously, but the doubt was gone the second Sean raised his head to reveal his soft expression. "I thought you would have realized by now that I like all sides of you".
It would have been easy to point out that there were still many sides Sean had yet to see, but something about how he spoke told Lawson that didn't matter. There was a confidence in his voice, one that told Lawson Sean was sure that no matter what Lawson managed to throw at him this point, he would like it. The only sound between the two of them was he catching of Lawson's breath. It made Sean smile, realizing he had said the right thing.
"Thank you for inviting me tonight. I had a great time," Sean whispered, breaking the silence between them. With a steady hand, Sean bushed Lawson's hair off his forehead, gaze tender. "Get some sleep, alright?"
As he nodded in agreement, Lawson thought about kissing Sean again. It was a nice thought, one that if he closed his eyes he could picture, but he instead forced himself to step back and turn away, fumbling with his keys. Slowly, Sean took them from his hand, unlocked the door, and handed them back to him. "Have a good night, Lawson".
He was already going down the stairs when Lawson said, "you too," with a smile, so soft that there was no way the other boy could hear him.