50 ; aubrey
The rest of May and June flew by within what felt like two weeks.
Since I wasn't as awfully high risk anymore, I wasn't bedridden, but I had no motivation to get out of bed. I was back to the mindset that I had after my parents died. I was stuck in the constant loop of useless despair. All I wanted was to make the world a better place for Esme and her sister, but now?
There was nothing I could do.
Albus had forced Lily and James to move to a small cottage in Western Scotland, an entire day away from Sirius and I, so we never got to see them. He had tried to force us to move as well, but he had wanted us to go to the United States - and neither of us were willing to uproot our little lives to move to a completely different continent.
I wanted nothing more than I wanted to be in Lily and James position instead of my own.
While the Prophecy could be speaking of Alice and Frank's son, there were no other girls to be born in late July. There was only my daughter. My miracle.
I was unbelievably angry. I was furious that this was happening, that the universe hated me this much. That the universe wanted to destroy me this badly, to sign a death warrant for my daughter and my nephew.
By the second week of July, I was unable to really feel anything anymore. I was completely numb to any emotion other than anger and fear.
Sirius was trying, so hard, to keep his head above the lake of hopelessness that surrounded us, but it was difficult given that his wife wasn't exactly capable of speaking anymore, and his best friend was a country away and was forbidden from sending letters.
The joy of having our second daughter was gone; replaced by hesitant impatience. We wanted her in the real world, so we could protect her. So she could be protected by more than just me.
Dean was permanently here, rarely ever able to leave to visit his family. The only time that Dean got to go home was when Remus was visiting, which was not as often as we all would like. The fear of being followed or captured was too great amongst all of our friends. We stopped seeing Peter around the time that Albus sent Lily and James away from Godric's Hollow.
Remus came over every so often, admitting that he would spend a few days prior to the visit ensuring that he would not be followed. He didn't know why he needed to be so careful, but he still obliged.
We had not told him - and when he asked Sirius why I was in the state that I was, he simply said that everything was just too much for me at the moment.
Our friend accepted the excuse, and when Lily and James told him about the prophecy that foretold their son's involvement in the war, he likely pieced a bit together. My brother and sister decided that it was my decision whether Sirius and I would tell Remus, and we appreciated the privacy. The truth was too much for us, so we told Remus that we were simply overwhelmed and paranoid.
That was the truth, albeit an understatement.
Everything was too much.
On July 26th, I had a normal day - the new normal, anyway.
I woke up before the sun rose, made my way to the kitchen to eat breakfast and make something for Esme, before I woke her. I'd feed her, let her play in her room, and then return to my bed.
Sirius would wake up around noon, make himself something to eat, and then make Esme lunch. I'd read, and he'd offer me whatever he had cooked. I would eat it, slowly, while I read. I'd then thank him quietly, and he'd smile.
He'd then take the time to make sure that Esme was alright on her own before he returned to the bed as well, sitting beside me as I read in silence.
There was a sense of anticipation in the air, and a sense of carefulness in every movement any of us made. I was practically exploding, and I was expected to actually pop at any time.
By the time dinner came around, Esme had already crawled into our bed and listened as I quietly read her a story. She'd nap, and then wake up and excitedly go outside with Sirius. While they played, I'd continue to read my story. When Dean would check on me, he'd ask if I needed anything. I always said no, even if I really did.
On July 26th, I had to pee. But, I said no. I said no even though I was completely aware that it was more difficult to get out of bed on my own.
Once I knew he was upstairs, I crawled out of bed and wobbled to the bathroom.
It was a normal day. Completely normal - just like the day before, and the day before that.
The only difference, on July 26th, was that the baby stopped moving shortly after I got back in bed. She usually was kicking, practically constantly. Even more so whenever I'd read to Esme, but... she was still.
I began to get nervous when Sirius began dinner, as this was when I'd read another story to Esme. The baby didn't move at all.
"Sister?"
I frowned deeply at Esme, my stomach flipping. She always leaned against my belly, in order to feel her sister's movements as I read. Esme had begun to chose stories that the baby moved more to, even if they were stories that Esme didn't like, or had grown tired of.
"Go get your dad for me, alright? Quickly, Esme."
She nodded, crawling out of the bed before she quickly trotted into the kitchen. She forced Sirius to come to the bedroom, where his eyebrows immediately furrowed.
"She hasn't moved in hours, Sirius."
"Do you want to go to St. Mungo's?"
I nodded, my heart beginning to thud. Part of me was aware that I was potentially being over dramatic, but did I care about that? No. I cared about my daughter, and Genevieve had made me promise to come in the moment something seemed off. The Prophecy fell from my mind, replaced with images of losing another child. Images of all of the awful possibilities.
We rushed to St. Mungo's, where Genevieve had practically taken residence in wait for Lily, Alice and I to go into labor. She did not want to be at home - in Bulgaria - if one of us went into labor.
The moment we came through the doors, Sirius worriedly hovering beside me with Esme in his arms, Dean pushing the wheelchair I was forced to sit in, she was by my side asking what was wrong. I was not supposed to be first, Alice was. She was already a week overdue, so Genevieve had anticipated Alice's arrival before mine.
I told her that the baby had not moved at all in nearly four hours, and she immediately rushed us to a room with an ultrasound.
She groaned as she moved the wand around on my stomach, hearing a faint heartbeat but seeing worrying images.
"It seems like she's gotten the cord wrapped around her neck a few times, she cannot move and she's getting very little oxygen. Jemina, we need to get her out now."
"I can't have a cesarean."
"What?"
"Because of my autoimmune disease, I cannot have that large of a wound. It just won't heal. And I'm allergic to epidural."
"You are so difficult," Genny groaned as she gently checked my cervix. "You're not dilating, you cannot have a cesarean, and you are allergic to epidural."
"I'm sorry?"
"I have to induce you and hope your cervix dilates rapidly."
"Is there anyway to unwrap the cord?"
"Not technically, I mean... I can try use my hands to move her but it will not be comfortable for you. It's dangerous, Jemina, I could rupture your womb-"
"Do you think I care what's comfortable for me? I had my cervix prie-"
"Alright! I'll try."
And so she did.
She was not exaggerating when she said that it wouldn't be comfortable. Since the baby was in the position that she was, Genny had to push on my stomach very hard, but she was extremely careful to not push hard enough to harm my womb. She maneuvered the baby into a position where she was receiving more oxygen and could move a bit, but she immediately induced me anyway.
Neither of us wanted to risk her moving into a dangerous position like that again.
James and Lily almost didn't make it.
I sent them a Patronus as we left the house, and I knew that they'd leave right when they got it.
Esme fell asleep in the back seat on the ride to St. Mungo's as we were flying and it had always lulled her to sleep. As she slept, Sirius and I sat in silence. Every so often he'd ask if she moved, and I'd always shake my head.
We arrived within an hour. Lily and James didn't get there until early the next morning - as they lived much further away and did not have a flying car.
I had been induced nearly six hours before, and I was asleep when they came in.
Lily woke me when the doctors came in to check to see where I was, and as I groggily rolled over, she took my hand. I hated this part, as it did nothing but remind me of Fleamont. I was still quite sleepy, so when Genevieve gently shook my arm, I opened my eyes halfway.
"You're ready."
Within an hour, she was born, but she was blue.
The cord had tightly wrapped around her neck as I was pushing, and she was unable to take her first breath for an extra few moments.
Her cries were the most relieving sounds I had ever heard. Genevieve handed her tiny, swaddled, body to me as she began trying to repair whatever damage was done to me. Lily sat beside me, the entire time, and once Aubrey was in my arms, she quietly coo-ed at her.
At some point, Genevieve left and the boys were allowed in. I was just barely able to take in my surroundings. I was thoroughly grateful for the thick blanket on top of me, as I was freezing. It was a dark brown color, and matched the pillowcase that my head rested against.
"She's beautiful, Minnow," Lily said softly as she pushed hair out of my face. I watched as my daughter began to fall asleep - probably exhausted from the events that just unfolded. "Jem?"
"Hm?" I hummed quietly as my head lolled to the side. The last few months had been nothing more than a blur, seemingly leading nowhere. It had all felt like a puddle of grey mud that I was desperately wading through. I wanted to get here, to today, but the days that went by became duller and duller. I had been so ready for today, yet here I was, falling asleep. Lily gently touched my shoulder, and I tried to look at her, "I'm tired."
The team of doctors came back in, likely going to address me and let me know what all had happened.
"What's wrong?" Genevieve asked Lily as she noticed the redhead take Aubrey from my arms. I tried to protest, but I was unable to move my head. Part of me was taken back to when I actually died, and I began to panic. "Lily, what is wrong?"
"She can't keep her eyes open," Lily said softly, as she moved out of Genny's way. She moved over towards Sirius, gently giving our daughter to him before turning back to Genny, "I think she wants to go to sleep."
I tried to speak, to say that I was not trying to sleep, but nothing came out of my mouth. I managed to roll my head and force my eyes to open as much as I could. I noticed James first, and after a moment his eyes met mine. I tried to force that twin connection, to let him know that something was wrong. I didn't want to sleep, I wanted to hold my daughter.
His eyebrows furrowed just a little bit, before he moved to sit on the bed beside me. There was a tiny smile on his face, one that resembled the way that someone looks at an injured bird.
James gently lifted my hand, taking it in his own, as he sat on the bed. He used his free hand to steady himself so he didn't lean on me, and the smile fell immediately. His eyebrows were knitted, and as he grabbed the edge of the thick, dark blanket, and flipped it over to expose my lower legs and knees I quietly thanked him. He may not have gotten the twin message, but he did touch the bed.
I barely noticed my legs were mostly numb as I groaned at the slight rush of cold, but my groan was drowned out by James cursing as Genevieve loudly ordered a nurse to get Arlo. I lost consciousness when I heard the door open again, and heard the familiar voice swear.
Apparently, I had not stopped bleeding when Genevieve thought I did. Similarly to how it happened with Esme, once they'd gotten Aubrey out they moved away from me. Robin had arrived by now, and took the time to ensure that my cervix was responding to the end of labor.
Because of Aubrey's state - oxygen deprived and smaller than anticipated - Robin was quickly drawn away from me. Once my daughter began to cry, and they were sure she was alright, the team of Healers left the room - Robin included. She, nor Genevieve, thought to check me again. I had been fine when Robin left me.
But I began to hemorrhage.
Once Arlo was brought in, everyone - including Sirius - was forced to vacate the room as they struggled to find what was wrong. I was completely unconscious the entire time.
As relayed by the Healers, once they - Arlo, Robin, and Genevieve - were able to actually get a general idea of what was happening, they had to figure out what was causing it. It was clear that I was hemorrhaging - the why was unclear.
It actually dawned on Lily first - she had been in the waiting room trying to calm Sirius. He was pacing, frantically insisting that they should have just done a cesarean. She reminded him that my blood didn't clot like it should - and then she ran into the room.
I had a mixture of uterine atony - my uterus did not fully contract after Aubrey was out - and a lack of blood clotting. They had found the atony first and were alerted to my blood clotting when Lily burst through the door, "Her blood doesn't know how to be blood! It isn't clotting!"
They treated these and immediately transfused large amounts of blood as quickly as they could, forcing clotting agents into my body.
Of course they knew my blood didn't clot properly, but it had never been as uncooperative before. When I had Esme, I didn't need any clotting agents to force my blood to clot. It took a long time, but it did it.
I woke up a full day later, groggy and confused.
Arlo then explained the difference between the retained placenta I had with Esme and the uterine atony mixed with the blood clotting problem. He explained what happened, why, and how there would be a very high likelihood that if I ever had another child, I'd have the same problem.
I sarcastically mentioned how much the universe despised me.
Alice came in to have her son - whom she named Neville - on the 30th, and shortly after he was born, I began to bleed again. The stress from my continued problems caused Lily to go into labor. I was awake during this, as they had gotten the bleeding under control once more and was thoroughly amused that James was as frantic as he was.
They had managed to get me into a double room shortly after Aubrey was born, specifically in case Lily went into labor before I was allowed to move around.
They moved me close to her as she began to push, and she took my hand as I reminded her to breath.
James was a panicked deer in headlights, while Sirius was sympathetically comforting him. He knew that feeling; and while he'd been calmer this time around, he clearly remembered Esme's birth.
Harry was born in the early morning on July 31st.
Genevieve quietly told us she never wanted to see any of us, ever again, as she'd never had so many babies born at once in her entire career.
She thanked Lily for having a relatively calm birth - especially compared to mine.
I cursed her for getting an epidural, as she was in much less pain than I had been, and was. My cervix was responding slowly, so it was sort of like labor in reverse. It was less painful, but it took longer. I was over it by the first of August, and was ready to be sent home.
They said there was no way I was going home with a cervix dilated at 5 cm, and I protested, reminding them about Fleamont. Genevieve quietly told me that they only needed to open my cervix about 4 cm in order to get him out, to which I huffed as I gently bounced Aubrey on my chest.
I adored when Sirius held Aubrey for the first time, softly calling her Rey, as he gently bounced her. Nothing prepared me for the way that Esme interacted with her sister.
We brought her in to meet Aubrey on the 3rd of August, when they were quite sure that my body was done trying to vampirise itself. She shyly wobbled into the room, grinning widely when she saw me. Lily was sitting in the chair beside my bed, holding Harry, while I was holding Aubrey.
"Sister?" She had softly asked as she moved closer to the bed. I nodded softly as she approached the bed, turning to look at James and Sirius - who were leaning against the wall across from Lily and I - when she reached me and couldn't climb onto the bed. Sirius moved quickly, lifting her into the air, and gently setting her in front of me. Her legs were crossed under her, mimicking my own. Her blue eyes watched me carefully as I gently leaned forward with Aubrey in my arms. She watched her baby sister's face with a small smile, "What call?"
"Her name is Aubrey," I whispered as I allowed Esme to gently touch her sister's face. "You can call her Rey."
"Rey," Esme muttered under her breath as she watched Aubrey gently open her eyes and look at Esme. My daughter looked at her sister, and smiled, softly cooing, "Hi Rey. I'm Esme, your sister."
I looked at Sirius as Esme gently offered her tiny hand to Aubrey, and I knew we both felt the same complete happiness. Aubrey lifted her even tinier hand to Esme, gently grabbing onto her hand as she watched Aubrey with curiosity.
"I still think that it is strange how quickly wizard children seem to advance," Lily said quietly as she gently moved a little bit of unruly hair out of Harry's face. His eyes were on her, and at the moment they appeared a bluish hazel. She looked at me, and I at her, "What color are her eyes?"
"Brown," I said as I looked at the wide-eyed Aubrey. I looked back at Lily, "Same color as mine."
"Lucky," Lily smiled softly, playfully. "I bet Harry's eyes are going to be just like James'."
"Maybe, maybe not."