I am feeling raw and alive and completely exposed to the world but I am flying high from the adrenaline rush. It makes sense now why adventure seekers flock to places like this; to walk that vibrant and reckless fine line between life and death. I never want to do it again, but I am grateful for the opportunity to experience this place as it is meant and for this June night where I believe we can all agree we saw God.
"Skyler, my friend," Micah has Skyler in a headlock, "for the last three hours, I have been plotting your murder."
Skyler lets out a nervous laugh and doesn't fight back.
"But I got to tell you, man... thank you!" Micah releases him. "That is something I will never forget. Not even if I try."
"Dude, you said it would be a forty-five-minute drive up," Caleb approaches wanting answers.
"The drive up to the canyon entrance. Once inside you are looking at about another hour to get out."
"Try THREE!"
"Three? Were you driving like five miles an hour?"
"Yes. Yes, I was as a matter of fact. Note that we are obviously still alive," Caleb steps back, waving his hand at us as if producing exhibit A in his case, "No thanks to you."
Skyler anxiously scans the group of us who are staring back at him.
Eli breaks the silence with laughter and we all follow.
I witness a wave of relief wash over Skyler and he directs our attention to the orange glow rising up and out into the open desert just behind our tent.
A small barely beaten path leads us to a bonfire where an assortment of people have gathered and greet us with warm welcomes.
Two French brothers strike up a conversation with Kole and Eli while their wives talk to Caleb. I've noticed in my short time with them that older women seem to really love Caleb... and he doesn't seem to mind.
Micah sits next to a bag of marshmallows lying on a log.
"For everyone," one of the French men gestures in our direction as he speaks up in his best English.
Micah takes a puffy cloud from the bag and probes it with the stick. He holds the marshmallow over the flame until it catches fire, then, very slowly, almost seductively, he looks at me and blows it out.
He holds it up for me and I take a bite, the sticky melted bits adhere to my bottom lip and I quickly pull it into my mouth before he notices.
He places the other half in his mouth, puts the stick down, and leans back on the log lying behind us. When he turns to look at me a hundred gentle fires bloom beneath my skin.
Before he can speak, I tap the corner of my mouth, "You have marshmallow on your lip."
"Lick it off," he jokes... at least I think he's joking. Either way, the comment catches me off guard but not as much as his actions when he moves in closer. Is he serious?
Calling his bluff, I lean in and part my lips slightly, he edges nearer, turning the marshmallow-covered corner of his mouth closer to mine... I raise my right hand and with my thumb, I wipe it from his face.
Proud of myself for landing the tease without flaw, I rest my back against the log and look towards the fire.
Frozen in his position, he nods his head sucking his teeth, "That was mean."
I smirk, watching the flames perform my victory dance. I'm ready to play his game.
"Guys, you are never going to believe this!," Caleb appears in the distance and runs over, nearly sliding into position on the ground before us, his back closer to the fire than I am comfortable with.
"Those French women..." he pauses to catch his breath, "... they just asked me to go back to their tent... for a threesome," he says, equally shocked and flattered.
"Are you gonna?" I ask.
"No!" he giggles, his laugh is as contagious as his smile, "wait, should I?".
"What about their husbands?," Micah makes a good point, "Wouldn't that be like... like a five-some or something?"
"Interesting," Caleb throws his thoughts into the desert but they quickly boomerang back, "I don't want to fuck those dudes."
"I don't believe you do." Micah stands to his feet and wanders away.
Caleb takes the vacant spot next to me, "I shouldn't do it, right P?"
"No, you should not do it. You don't know those women... or their husbands. This could go terribly wrong."
I can see he's contemplating the idea so I try to pull him back down to earth, "Weren't you just telling me how much you really like that girl in LA?"
"Alyssa? Yeah, she's beautiful," he's back briefly before his mind wanders upward, along the Milky Way as he talks more about the girl he's only met once but feels he's known for years.
When he mentions he hopes her crazy schedule will allow them to see each other when we return to Los Angeles, I regretfully ask him what she does for a living.
"She's a bikini model," he says with a glint in his eyes.
Of course, she is. What am I thinking? These guys can have any girl they want. Micah can have any girl he wants. Why would he ever be interested in me?
The fire finally burns down, settling alongside Caleb's gushing and the guests retreat to their respective tents. We remain with the glowing embers whose crackling provides a soothing soundtrack as Caleb points out one constellation after another.
I don't have the heart to tell him I took Astronomy at HPU, instead, I rest my head on his shoulder as he philosophizes and I let him have his moment. His voice feels like a cliffhanger with a soft, soothing suspense that promises more to come.
"Are you sleeping?," he occasionally stops to ask and I never am, but my thoughts are more with Micah than the stars.
"No," I continue to reassure him, and he carries on with the lesson I've already learned.
Lingering in his bright light of truth beneath the singing skies I sense we have an effortless understanding of one another and I decide he is someone I want in my life forever... need in my life forever. His soul illuminates and throws off sparks to those around him, and like the scent of the campfire on my clothes, it lingers on my skin long after we part.
Back at the tent, I learn Kole left to visit two girls with Skyler, and Eli and Micah have already claimed the king bed, which is only fair because they were stuck on the cots the night before.
"Caleb, you should sleep with them in the king, you have to drive tomorrow. You need a good night's sleep."
"You're right, that's why I'm taking the cot. Those two get handsy," he laughs and Micah throws his hands in the air and gestures like he is squeezing a pair of invisible boobs.
"They're all yours," Caleb insists, heading to the opposite side of the tent. "Keep your hands off her," he yells out as he climbs into bed.
Eli and Micah both look alarmingly mischievous.
"Don't listen to him, we will keep our hands to ourselves. At least for tonight," Eli jokes.
"Unless you don't want us to," Micah interjects then pushes the blankets down, making a spot for me to slide in between the two of them.
"Get in here little bird, we'll be good," he says sweetly and I mean... how can I resist?
The three of us lie awake talking and cracking up until Kole stumbles in, finding his way to the far side of the bed and sprawling his body across Eli's.
"Ew, man, get off me. You smell like sex," Eli pleads, but Kole doesn't budge.
"Can I sleep with you guys?"
"No room in the Inn," Micah says, "you're in the twin tonight."
"I don't think she was a twin," Kole laughs at his own joke, unable to catch his breath.
"He is his own biggest fan," Micah says, unamused.
I sink beneath the blankets as Kole starts to strip off his clothes.
"P, you in there?" he jumps on top of me.
"This is so inappropriate!," I yell and laugh simultaneously.
"No. You are poly. This is so appropriate. It's like we are your brother wives, it's legal here."
"Brother wives?" Micah pokes fun and Kole moves his weight to Micah.
Out of nowhere, Caleb appears from around the corner, "Guys, I'm not mad, but I do need to get some sleep," he turns to walk away but first, he yells, "KOLE!," he turns back to face us, "why are you always naked?" He doesn't wait for an answer, just heads back to bed.
Kole jumps up, "Guess I'll leave now so DAD can get some sleep."
We can hear him in the distance attempt to explain to Caleb that he is in fact not naked, but wearing underwear. Caleb doesn't entertain the response.
"Good night, guys. I can't stay awake one more minute," Eli rolls over but not before Micah leans over me and kisses him on the mouth like it is just something they do every night before bed... and I'm so confused.
Micah hovers over me.
Oh. My. God.
"You?" he asks.
YES! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... my mind screams, but what I say is, "Ummm, maybe."
He kisses me on the forehead and falls back to the mattress.
"We haven't even cuddled yet," he slides his left arm under me and pulls me into him.
I briefly consider chasing behind my heart that has now left my body, instead, I wrap my left arm over his stomach and rest my head on his chest. This is it. This is how I die.
As everyone drifts off to dreamland, I lie awake. It is so quiet I can hear the unusually fast rhythm of Micah's heart.
I'm startled when I feel Micah's hand reach up from behind me and sweep the hair from my neck, exposing my skin to the cool air. As it falls, he holds one piece and twirls it around his finger until we both fall asleep.
I awake in the middle of the night unaware of where I am. The tent is lit up with a moonstone hue from the decreasing full moon and everything feels unfamiliar.
I remember being in this exact position when I fell asleep, only now there is another arm thrown over my waist and a body pressed up against my back. Our six legs are so intertwined I don't know which is whose.
I don't want to leave the safety and comfort of this feeling to return to sleep. I want to lie here, in this bed, in the middle of the desert, and experience every single second of this night, seer it into my conscience like a brand I will carry for a lifetime... but before I know it, against my will, I fall asleep again.
We all sleep well past sunrise and are awakened by Caleb squealing, "Now that's a cuddle puddle!"
He jerks everyone from their slumber, squishing bodies as he crawls into the bed beside Eli.
Kole can't resist, he runs around the corner, "Not without me!" he yells diving in, positioning himself in the middle of the bed before he takes a selfie.
"Do not post that," Micah is mortified when he sees his hair is plastered to the side of his head.
"Ugh, look at my face," Eli slept so hard that the pillow left marks so deep they looked like scars.
"I look great! Post it!" Caleb teases, but it's true.
"I guess I'll just have to save this one for my scrapbook," Kole may be joking about the scrapbook, but something in me wants to believe he is serious.
We pack up our things and pile back into our SUV, saying our goodbyes to Skyler as we grab coffee for the road. He made a special request and had a tumbler full of hot tea waiting just for me.
Before we leave, he shows us a photo of the winding switchbacks we conquered in Canyon Lands and we all gasp.
I never thought I would be grateful we made that drive in the dark because somehow it is more terrifying in the daylight.
Our drive out of Moab is full of conversation about how we will never forget that place... or Skyler... especially Skyler. How maybe he was put there by the Universe to send us into that canyon and how maybe the Universe has our lives all mapped out for us and led us to our destinies despite our destination.
"That Skyler," Caleb says, "I do believe he's my spirit animal," Caleb declares as we head north out of Moab towards Highway 12, the route suggested by Skyler... so we know we are in for yet another adventure.