"You never lose by loving. You lose by holding back."
--Barbara de Angelis
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Chapter XIII
Tapping on my keyboard for hours got my hands feeling numb and cramped. Van and I were chatting about nonsense stuffs on Skype though we could in fact use the phone to talk – which would’ve made it much easier for us. She insisted on chatting because, I quote, “I don’t want my jerk of a brother to overhear. He’s an ass, you know?”.
Taylor wasn’t really that bad. He was nice to me. There was even a time when he helped carry the groceries and walked me home. And another when he joined me for lunch because her sister called in sick and I was a lone soul at the cafeteria. No one really dares to talk to me. I bet you know why.
CloDG: You must be kidding me. He did that?
VaneMe: *nods* Really.
CloDG: Oh my God! When? How come I don’t know about this?
VaneMe: Maybe you’re with Louis?
CloDG: *pouts* You could at least have told me!
VaneMe: What? To entertain you? No Clo. No.
CloDG: It was a chance for you Van! You should’ve grabbed it.
VaneMe: No. You’ve had a lot of chances. But look, you’re still single.
Really. On my face? Telling me I’m single? Wow! That’s really what best friends are for – to spit cruel things on your face without feeling a pinch of guilt. What can I do? I’ve rejected each and every guy who turned to me and confess. I actually haven’t given that much thought, the ‘no’ just came out naturally. Perhaps, there really wasn’t one of them for me.
CloDG: Thanks for the reminder.
VaneMe: Sure. Pleasure’s mine. ;)
The door in my room flew open which made my me halt. Peeping on my door was Lou grinning like an idiot, “Hi Angelica.”
I rolled my eyes. As far as I can remember, Angelica wasn’t on my birth certificate, and neither was on my baptismal, “You’ve got the wrong girl Rey.”
His nose wrinkled. He had always hated being called Rey. One was because the name sounded too old for him and second, I quote, “It makes me look uncool.”
Talk about cool dudes. As if Louis was such a cool name – it wasn’t either.
He straightened up and walked towards me. He stood behind me leaning over my shoulder to see what I was doing, “Who’re you chatting with?”
“Van. As usual.”
A little taken aback, a shiver ran through me when I felt his hands around me. Well, not really around me, it was on my both sides, his hands on the keyboard. My eyes widened when I saw what he was typing.
CloDG: I’m in love with the twins.
After smacking him straight on his cheek, he took a step back. Probably startled by my sudden sadistic way of making him move. He was so out of his mind to say that! I haven’t even told Van about him having a twin! My hands were on the keyboard to start typing before Van could rep – …
Shit!
VaneMe: Twins? Who? At last you’re in love and not just one. But two! <3
I turned my head to glare on Lou who was whistling at my back, acting like nothing happened. “Stupid!”
A grin started to spread across his thin red lips. He rotated the swivel chair so that I was now facing him, he squatted, on a sitting height, “Who are you calling stupid, Angelica?”
Glowering at him, I said, “I.AM.NOT.AN.GE.LI.CA!” I shoved him hard but before he fell down, he got a grip of my arm and together we stumbled on the floor.
“Ouch!” Placing a hand over my forehead, I gently rubbed it. How can a big guy like him be such an accident prone freak? Geez.
Seconds later, I felt something warm blown near my ear. When I looked down, Lou was grinning at me – well, more like smirking at me. Then I realized the position we were in. Crap!
As quickly as I could, I shuffled to my feet just to be dragged down again by Louis. I fell hard on top of him, my face burried on his chest. I winced at the sudden impact. But though my head hurts like crazy, I still managed to take a sniff of his scent. He smells good.
“Stop sniffing my scent off.”
I gasped as heat started to rush through my cheeks. For the second time, I tried to pull myself from him. This time, it was a success. The moment I got up, I made an abrupt turn and slipped on the swivel chair and turned it to face the computer.
“I am not.”
“Sure.”
“I really am not!”
“Yeah. I get it. Why so defensive?”
Plopping my elbow over the desk, I leaned my head on my hand, “I am not.”
“Can’t you say anything else other than ‘I am not?’”
I glanced over my shoulder and frowned at him, “Of course I can.”
“Then why do you keep on saying “I am not?”
“I am not!”
My eyes widened. Damn! Why won't he stop? I turned my attention back to the computer just to see Van flooding my skype window. A low roar of laughter escaped my lips. Seriously. She did that? I felt Lou hovering me looking at the monitor.
“Can she be anymore stupid?” he commented.
“Hey! You don’t call my bestfriend stupid.”
He deadpanned, “Right. Like you can call yours stupid.”
I grimaced. What did he mean by that? “Whatever.”
He glanced back on the monitor and tsked, “Seriously. Who types *BUZZ* on skype?”
“She does.” I responded quickly with a chuckle.
Lou rolled his eyes and plopped on my bed, “She’s just stupid.”
“I said don’t call her stupid.” I snapped.
Since my bed was sitting right next to my computer desk, Lou put down and elbow to his side to face me. He furrowed his brows, “Say that again.”
“Don’t call my best friend stupid!”
What does he want anyway? Making me repeat the same thing over and over and over. Tssss.
While I was skyping with Van, Lou comfortably lie on my bed. He wasn’t saying anything which was kind of weird. Most of the time, he just won’t stop talking. “Hey.” I called.
“Mmm?”
“Having some quiet time?”
“Yeah. It’s nice sometimes you know.”
“And it’s one of those times?”
“Yeah.”
I got on my feet and lie down on the bed beside him, staring at the ceiling. “So what are you thinking about?”
He turned his head to the side and frowned at me, “Does being quiet require that I think of something?”
I shrugged, “Not really. But most of the time, it does.”
“Well this isn’t most of the time.” he responded casually.
Rolling over to my side, I nudged him a bit, "Hey."
"What?"
"Grumpy much?"
As Louis rolled to his side, I gasped back hard. Why did my bed have to be a single one again? His face was inches from mine, his breath was felt with each one he took. Before I could even roll off the bed, his hand wrapped around my waist, keeping me in place. "Leaving me alone are you not? Angelica."
My face flushed a deep crimson. Though I hated being called Angelica, the fact that he's the only one who calls me that made my insides flutter, just like when he called me Gel, "I am not."
He rolled his eyes, "Sure. I want a conversation Angelica. And one that's not answered by "i am not".
I adverted my gaze, not able to withstand the stare he was intently giving me, "S-sure. But may I.. uhm. Get up?"
One side of his lips slowly curved up, "Why? Are you not comfortable, Angelica?"
He was teasing me. I definitely knew he was. But his question bothered me. Why was I not comfortable? We were always like this, we always did this. We cuddle, we hug, we tease. But right now, it just didn't feel the same. Like a different Lou was in front of me, holding me.
"N-no." I replied as soon as I found my voice, "I mean, I'm comfortable but I think it's better when we're sitting down."
He nodded, but I was certain that he wasn't fully convinced that I was comfortable that way. What was wrong with me anyway? It's not like that was the first time that happened. It was weird.
"So." he started as soon as his butt touched the swivel chair. He was going round and round with it sliding on the floor, "Miss Uncomfortable."
I scowled at him, "Miss Uncomfortable?"
"Ahuh." He stopped gliding on the swivel when he was a good 3 meters away from me, "So why are you now uncomfortable with me?"
"Hey! I said I am not."
"And I said I want a conversation not answered by I am not" He said in a matter of factly tone.
Ducking my head in embarassment, I could hear him stifling a laugh, "Fine. What do you want to talk about?"
"I already asked you. Why aren't you comfortable with me? You weren't like this before."
Like I didn't know that. Of course I knew! And the sad part about me knowing about it was that, I actually didn't know why.
Looking out the window, I murmured, "I don't know."
"Why don't you know? For sure you've got at least a thought or one about it."
Why was he making this hard for me? If I knew the answer, I would've told him. Or maybe not. I didn't know. But right now, I really have not clue, not a bit.
Shaking my head, I faced him. Just to be struck to find out that he was no more 3 meters away, but three inches! Dodging him, I fell back on the bed. It was the only thing I thought of, the best thing I could think of.
"Don't scare me like that!" I said, frowning at him.
He chuckled a bit then a smirk slowly spreaded across his lips, "Did I?" He let out a hand to help me get up, "C'mon. Get up."
Taking his hand, I returned back into sitting position. An awkward silence settled between us for a while before I decided to break it. Clearing my throat, I said in a muffled voice, "I really don't know."
He cocked his head to the side, looking lost. "What?"
"I said I really don't know. I don't know why I'm not... I'm not that comfortable anymore with you being... near." With the lack of proper explanation, I settled with that.
Instead of being offended, he smirked at me, "I'm wondering why that is so. Are you thinking of somebody else?"
I twisted my head fast enough that a little bit faster would result to a whiplash. I was thankful it didn't, "What? Who would I be thinking about?"
Shrugging, he stood up and walked towards me. Suddenly, my heart raced up a notch. My hand flew unconsciously over my chest. What was happening? He stopped when he was contented with the proximity between us. Leaning over my shoulder, he whispered, "Maybe someone who looks exactly like me?"
My eyes widened. What? Wait. Lance? Did he mean because of Lance? But....
"Why would I think about him when I'm with you?" I asked, confused by his words.
"I don't know. Maybe something happened? Or was it because of my body?" He said teasingly. A lopsided smile on his lips.
I flushed. How could he say that so casually! I barely saw his.. body. It was only for a second -- I think? But no. Why would it be because of that? I've seen him like that countless times. And another weird thing was, it affected me this last time.
"Of course not! I've seen you topless before." I said defensively.
"Right." He sat down next to me and leaned on his elbows, "But not after you've met Lance."
I narrowed my at him. "Where are you going with this Rey Louis?"
He shrugged, "Nowhere. I just wanted to know how you're getting along with my brother. You know. I can't afford you hating him."
Rolling my eyes at him, I plopped on the bed, "Whatever. It's not like I could just like him because he took be on a ferris wheel."
"He took you where?"
I raised an eyebrow, "I did say ferris wheel. Right?"
He nodded, "Yeah. But he rode that thing?"
"I did say too that he took me there. Right?"
"Wow."
"Wow what?" I asked, confused. What's with the ferris wheel anyway? It's not like it's such a scary ride.
"Nevermind. I never thought..."
"Thought what?"
"Nothing."
"Louis."
"It's really nothing."
"There's something! Spit it out."
"No. There isn't! Stop being so accusing."
My eyes widened, "Accusing?" Now I was the accusing one! Here he was telling me something stupid about me thinking of his brother. He was insane!
"Yeah. Just.. Drop it."
"No can't do."
He rolled his eyes, "Whatever."
"Just tell me."
"Why do you want to know?"
Why do I want to know? That's right. Why? It's not like it would change anything if I knew. Lance would still be the asshole who bullied me and did mean things to me. Though he was just asked to do it, it was really irritating.
"Fine. Let's drop it." I said, crossing my arms over my chest. He wouldn't tell me anyway. And I'm not that desperate to know it.
"Sulking over it, Angelica?"
"Of course not. Why would I?" Though I tried to keep the irritation off my voice, it was no use.
He laughed then wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "Lance is afraid of heights."
"I said it's..., wait. what?"
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I'm losing myself!! Help me retrieve it! It was really hard to do an update. My internet was cut off at the office and the hours at home isn't entirely enough for me. I don't know what's gonna happen to my stories.. Ahhhh!