In the past days, I've considered quitting the team. The encounter with Rose left me with a bad taste. After I sulked my way with plenty of tea and the stroopwafels my mom sent me, I felt much better.
At work, I've been staring at the flowers on my desk often wondering who could be the sender. All my possible suspects at the office, the guys who flirt with me often, have been discarded. At one point or another, they have accused someone else or have asked me if I have a boyfriend.
Besides them, my contact with the male species is limited. Was it Rose? No, that can't be. She won't go through the effort just to piss me. In any case, making me disappear sounds more like the thing for her to do. She almost got away with it, but I'm stronger than her ill will.
I push open the doors to the club and wave at Cooper. He sits at one of the tables with a spread of papers.
"Morning. What've you got there?" I ask as I approach him.
"I got the game schedule, and we will need help. We always have some teens around wanting to earn a quick buck during the season. You know, serving drinks, cleaning afterwards. I'm making a contact list to check who is available."
"Nice and busy then. I'll go get changed."
Cooper looks behind me, and I turn around to find Rose.
"Rose, think Jacob wants to work here during the home games?"
"I will ask," she throws a scornful look at me and heads to the changing room.
Cooper answers a call, and I follow her. My hand stops the door right before it hits me in my face. Her behavior is plain childish. Once inside, the happy chatter of my teammates subsides.
"Keep talking. Nothing to see here," Rose barks at them.
The group resumes their talks, and she heads to sit next to Sage. I do the same on the opposite side of the room and find a place next to Willow.
"Sanne, how was your week?" she asks warmly.
I smile at her. You can't help it but like her for her sweet character.
"It was fine. Work kept me busy. What about you?"
"The same. Although I wish I didn't have clients at my job. The world would be better."
Her statement puzzles me. "What do you do for a job?"
"I'm a counselor at a shelter for abused women. First line help, so I see these women when they are at their worst. Some times we get men too, and it's heartbreaking. I wish things like these didn't happen to people."
"I can only imagine. They must feel glad they have you to help them."
"It isn't as easy. They feel guilty and ashamed, and when there are children involved, it gets worse. They rather go back to the abuser hoping the kids will live a normal life."
"How do you manage to stay so cheer-"
"Sorry to interrupt girlfriend time," Rose shouts. "We have to practice."
Willow sighs and stands up to follow Rose. I finish lacing my shoes and head outside where the team has gathered in a circle around Cooper.
"As some of you know already," Cooper winks at my direction. "The game schedule arrived. I will be emailing you with the details. I believe this will be our best season ever. Positions!"
I feel relieved when Rose is assigned to the other team. The practice game begins, and I'm glad I got the new shoes. My first save comes within the first minutes of the game.
"I NEED ONE OF YOU DOWN HERE! DON'T FUCKING MOVE SO FAR!" I yell at my defense.
"SHE HAS A WEAK LEFT! GET HER THERE!" Rose yells to her teammates.
And she's right. In the next minutes, two goals get in the net on my left side. She probably caught that up last week and now is using it against me.
"Are you going to spread that to the other teams? That I have a weak left?" I confront her during the water break.
"So what? It's the truth. Only a blind fool could have added you to the team. You are a liability."
"A liability? I'm not here to play on my own. Three people in the defense and you talk as if the whole game depends on me!"
"Ladies, calm down," Cooper gets in between us. "I need you to work together. Sanne, if you can come during the week, I can spend some time with you to strengthen that left side. London, I need you to work with the defense ladies. None should leave Sanne or Sage uncovered."
We return to the practice, and I pay better attention this time. The two goals of the first half are the only ones against my team and for the rest, we play decently.
"That wasn't so bad," Willow says as we walk to the showers.
"Maybe for you. How she dares to yell my weakness to the winds?"
"Rose gets a hot head when she's playing. She's quite nice most of the time."
"I find that difficult to believe," I chuckle.
After a warm shower to scrub the grime from my body, I dress in a cotton dress and move to the mirrors to comb my wet hair. I find Rose applying makeup. She watches me through the mirror reflection and throws her makeup bag in her purse before leaving.
I braid my hair with the hope of getting some kind of waves in the otherwise limp hair. Willow approaches me with a puppy look on her face.
"Are you available to have lunch with me? Everyone is busy. Alone is no fun."
"Sure. I can use good food."
We head towards her car, and I see Rose talking with a young guy. She caresses his face and kisses him on the cheek. He looks at the ground evidently embarrassed and then mounts a bike and leaves.
Willow brings me to the small café where we had tea the week before. We sit next to the window and a woman in a mix of gypsy and fairy clothes takes our order.
"Nothing like relaxing after a hard work out," Willow lazily stirs her cup of tea.
"Have you played long?"
"Only since college and always a midfielder. Not fast enough to be a forward and not aggressive enough to be a defense," she giggles.
"Then Rose is perfect for her position. Who was that kid?"
"Oh, you saw that. That's Jacob, her son. She doesn't talk much about him. Loves him dearly but apparently looks too much like his father."
A mom? Who would have thought it?
"Why does Cooper call her London?"
"That's where she comes from, but has lived here a long time. You are Dutch, right? How come you ended here?"
"I needed a change of scenery. The opportunity presented to work for an international marketing firm, and I took it."
"Is that it? Not running away from something or someone?"
Am I that transparent? I only smile and feel grateful when the hippy fairy brings us the food.
I busy myself eating and looking outside. Willow makes little-moaning noises as she eats her sandwich and I find it a bit embarrassing.
"Any weekend plans?" she cleans her mouth in a delicate way.
"Just rest and binge on Netflix."
"Sounds like a fab plan. I need to go to my mom's birthday and not looking forward to it. All the aunties come and harass me with questions about boyfriends."
"Do you have one?"
"Oh no, silly. I like women. That's the problem. They believe that if I get a boyfriend, I will suddenly stop being gay."
"Then good luck with the aunties," I laugh.
She gives me a hug when she leaves me before my apartment building, and I'm weirded out. Not about the fact that she's lesbian, but because I don't like physical affection in general.
As I throw my bag on the counter, my phone beeps with a message. Why doesn't everyone go fuck themselves? It's my weekend. I pick the phone and unlock it. The message is from a number I don't recognize, and it's only two words.
I'm sorry.
And this time I believe I know who it is. Someone I thought had left my life.