THE STALKERS
I stay there for a few moments, just looking at them. The tourist seems happy and that makes my heart feel weird. Maybe they are meant to be together. Maybe I was just the proof he needed to realize that the hottie is the one for him.
“I’m sorry,” the model rests her head on my shoulder.
“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault,” I mumble.
“Are you sad?”
“I’m pissed,” I admit, “But I don’t care.”
“Maybe they are just talking,” she lies.
“They wouldn’t be holding hands if they were just talking,” I cut her off, “Don’t be stupid.”
“I freaking hate that male version of JLO right now,” she tries to make me laugh.
“JLO’s bum is not even close to look as fine as his,” I pout, “Look at him. He is perfect. Oh, and I lied, I am sad.”
“Don’t be sad,” she hugs me, “Let’s throw a rock at them.”
“What the hell?” I ask but she is already looking for a rock on the floor, “Hey, stop.”
“This will work,” she grabs a bottle of beer and throws it at their direction, “They had it coming.”
“Oh my God, Cara!” we both hide behind a car and I start laughing out of nowhere.
“Idiota!” a random Brazilian guy yell at us.
“Do you think they saw us?” she keeps laughing and I do too.
“Thank you for this,” I turn to her, “I should be crying but I’m laughing instead.”
“We could throw something else,” she inspects the floor around us to find something.
“No, I’m fine,” I laugh, “Let’s just wait for them to leave and then let’s go watch The Notebook. I could use a cry.”
“No,” she insists, “Throw something. You’ll feel better.”
“I’m not going to do that,” she handles me a can of coke, “I’m not going to-”
“Do it!” she cuts me off and then she spies from a side to see if they are still there, “Do it now!”
“You are being stupid,” I laugh at her but I stand up and throw the can at them.
“Hey!” the hottie yells.
“Oh my God, I got him,” I whisper, “You are right, I feel better. Let’s do it again.”
“No,” she stops me, “It’s enough.”
“Just a small rock,” I put up a puppy face, “Please?”
“No,” she sounds determined, “We are going to get caught.”
“I wouldn’t mind getting deported. I wanna go home.”
“But let’s get deported for something better,” she takes a joint out of her purse, “This is more fun. Do you have a light?”
“No, I don’t smoke,” I laugh at her and a random guy passes by.
“Hey,” she calls him, “Do you have a lighter?”
“Não falo Inglês,” he answers.
“A lighter,” she speaks really slowly, “For this?” she shows him the joint.
“Hey,” I warn her, “We are going to end up in jail.”
“Isqueiro?” the guy grabs a lighter from his pocket.
“Exactly,” she celebrates and grabs it, “Thank you.”
“Obrigado,” I thank him in Portuguese and he just laughs at us.
“This tastes good,” she says as she smokes, “Have some.”
“I’ve never tried it before,” I say as I take the first drag.
“Oh no!” she tries to stop me but it’s too late. I am already coughing like a maniac.
“What did you give me?” I yell at her.
“Whatever,” she takes another drag, “It will do you good.”
“Gimme more,” I force her, “Am I doing it right?”
“Yes, just hold it for a little longer,” she explains, “Like this.”
“You are such a bad influence,” I say as I take another long drag, “I think I’m starting to feel something.”
“Okay,” she puts the joint inside of her purse, “That’s enough for a weed virgin like you.”
“I wish I were a virgin,” I say and I have no idea where did that come from.
“What the fuck?” she starts laughing and I don’t know why but I start laughing my ass off as well, “You are so wasted,” she laughs even harder and I do too.
“What is happening to the world?” I feel something weird, “God, Cara! Look at your eyes, they are so big.”
“Do you think they are still there?” she stands up and peeks from behind the car, “They are still there.”
“What are they even doing?” I get pissed again, “Let’s beat them up.”
“Shut up,” she laughs, “They are talking.”
“I wouldn’t be talking if I were the hottie,” I laugh hard again, “Isn’t this the most pathetic scene ever?”
“It is,” she laughs at me, “But it’s kind of romantic too.”
“I’m so lame,” I laugh at myself, “He is back with his ex. How is that even possible?”
“He freaking punched you,” she laughs harder, “And now he is with him.”
“Hey!” I stop the laugh.
“Sorry,” she tries to stop it too, “I just can’t,” she laughs loudly again.
“Jerk,” I mumble and then I start laughing too.
“My eye still looks swollen,” I pout, “And for nothing because they are back together.”
She stands up to check on them again, “They are moving,” she tells me, “Let’s stalk the hell out of them.”
“No, we are not going to follow them,” I try to sound determined.
“Yes, we are,” she insists, “Get up!”
“Wow,” I realize how dizzy I feel once I’m on my feet, “The world is spinning faster. Isn’t it?”
“No, you are just high,” she laughs again, “Why are you so tall? They’ll see us.”
“If they turn around, we’ll just hit the ground really fast,” I explain, “They won’t see us. Where do you think they are going?”
“I don’t know,” she whispers, “Maybe to a bar or something.”
“Why are you whispering? They are far from us.”
“I don’t know,” she shrugs, “It makes everything more exciting.”
“This is not exciting,” I dismiss her, “Look at the lights!” I point at a store, “What is this place?”
“A store,” she laughs, “This is so awesome.”
“I think they sell lamps here,” I stupidly comment, “Look at the red one. It’s so beautiful.”
“I know,” she sighs, “Do you think we are that beautiful?”
“I think we are more beautiful,” I get lost on the lights, “Isn’t this the most cliché thing ever?”
“The lamps?”
“No,” I sigh, “Me finally liking a guy who’s not into me at all.”
“You don’t know that yet,” she turns to me, “Give him a chance to explain.”
“Whatever,” I keep my focus on the lamps, “Why can’t I just like you instead?”
“I’m out of your league, Harold,” she laughs, “I’m more into blonde guys. Like the hottie.”
“Another one that picks him over me,” I sigh, “I get it, the bitch is a good looking douche.”
“I have an idea! It is so awesome that it makes me wanna die” she gets excited, “Let’s kidnap him. Then I’ll rape him while you take pictures. We send them to the tourist so he will break up with him and then, BAM! You show up looking all dimpled up and hot. And then you’ll get married and have little babies and I’ll teach them how to smoke weed.”
“I’ll never let my kids be alone with you,” I laugh, “Just saying.”
“Is my idea good or not?”
“You scare me sometimes,” I give her an accusing look, “I don’t know when you are joking or not.”
“Oh, I was joking,” she coughs, “Kind of.”
I laugh out loud again and then a familiar voice catches my attention. Shit!
“Harry? Is that you?” the tourist calls me and I just pretend I didn’t hear anything.
“Is that him?” the model whispers.
“Yeah,” I mumble, “Let’s just pretend we are invisible.”
“I like that,” she laughs.
“Hey,” he insists, “Harry?”
“Is not him,” the obnoxious Irish accent comments, “Let’s just go.”
“It is me,” I turn around to look at them.
“I knew it,” the tourist looks ashamed, “What are you doing here?”
“Sorry,” the hottie laughs, “I didn’t recognize you standing up. Last time I saw you, you were on the floor.”
“Niall,” his boyfriend tries to make him quit, “Not now.”
“Harry, let’s just go,” Cara tells me, “Don’t do anything that you will regret,” she whispers at my ears.
“You got a girlfriend, sissy?”
“Why don’t you just shut up?” I give him a warning glare.
“Why don’t you make me?”
“You won, okay?” I get closer to him, “He picked you. Just be happy and leave me alone.”
“Harry, let’s go,” the model grabs me by the arm.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I answer, not breaking the eye contact with the tourist, “Have fun, you two.”
“But Harry,” he calls me again but I ignore him.
“Are you okay?” she asks me with a worried look on her face.
“I’m fine,” I mumble with a few tears forming behind my eyes, “Why am I always about to cry lately?”
“You are doing fine,” she squeezes my hand and I realize that she’s been holding it since he showed up, “I’m proud of you.”
“You know what?” I let her hand go and turn around to walk to the tourist, “I’ve never been a quitter.”
“Harry, don’t!” she tries to stop me but I walk too fast.
“Louis!” they are already walking away from us but they turn around when they hear my voice.
I hesitate for a second but then I don’t anymore. I walk really fast and I grab Louis by the waist, “Come here,” I tell him.
“Hey,” the Irish douche freaks out, “What are you doing?”
“Showing him what’s he is going to miss,” I look straight into the tourist’s beautiful eyes, “Hi there,” I tell him as I push him closer to me.
Before Niall tries to stop me, I kiss the hell out of my man. Oops.
And just like Katy Perry used to say. Well, kind of.
I kissed a gay and I liked it. Oh yes, I did.
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