Love is complicated, isn't it? Well, I didn't expect it to be easy, nobody does. I forced myself to date, to convince myself I was normal, that was a bad idea. I feel, wrong. Like, its a shadow looming over every relationship I have, not that they've been very successful. I want to help my partners, but it's hard to deal with when its all we do. She'll vent about her problems and we kiss. Repeat, repeat, repeat. That isn't what I want. I want to talk about your interests, talk about your happy moments and memories. I want to be there for you, but I am not just a punching bag you get to use and reward for standing strong. I am not strong anymore. Im just a crutch you lean on, but I am about to break.
you're different though, aren't you?
Always happy, keeping closed doors when you know it will be too much. I am a lot to handle, I know i've upset you, but I want to make it up to you. You mean so much to me, and you're complicated. A girl across the pond. A girl on the other side of the nation. A girl I can rely on. A girl I can trust, and a girl I have fallen for.
You mean so much, yet I know so little.
I want to wake up beside you, I want to make you breakfast in bed, look out our window over a group of trees. Drive down the street, top open in the heat, and cuddle next to a fire in the cold. Be with you until the inevitable end.
but i'm not the one you want, am i?